What should be the correct relationship between people?

What is human relations

The interaction of people, limited within the framework of a community or society as a whole, is called human relations (HR). In psychology, this terminology is defined as the relationship that individuals enter into in the process of forming small groups and their association.

For your information! From a psychological point of view, an attitude is the relative arrangement of objects, taking into account their properties, and is considered as a result of the individual’s connection with the environment.

Psychologists are interested in the conditions under which an individual forms his relationships, which form part of his individuality. Sociologists pay special attention to how such established relationships function in the social sphere. They call this social behavior and relate social connections to various structures and situations in society.

Human relations

Relationships between people: sources of happiness and causes of suffering, psychology of good relationships

4 49633 December 17, 2011 at 01:54 Author of the publication: Lidia Goldobina, philosophy teacher, candidate of philosophical sciences

Relationships are the world we live in. From the very moment I open my eyes in the morning until the last moment when a thought leaves my consciousness and sleep sets in, I understand... no... I feel a constant connection with people. This connection - I-and-Other - pulsates in me with a thought, is torn from my heart by love, compressed by suffering or fear, addressed by a word, a look, a touch... They are loved ones, family and friends, distant and unfamiliar - in my thoughts, desires and actions . I am in this relationship from my first to my last breath. My existence is possible only in interaction with the Other.

The feeling of a neighbor - an Other... But who is he, this neighbor who... here he is, nearby, but for some reason so far from me? And who am I to him? What does he want from me? What does he think about me? What is his intention towards me?

We look at life, at other people and do not understand either them or ourselves... We read books and magazines on psychology, immerse ourselves in religions and esotericism... Suddenly, at some point, we begin to think that finally, after the twenty-first bookcase of books read and two years of wandering through coaches, we have unraveled the mystery of the human soul, well, or, at least, we are somewhere very close... And so until the next unsuccessful experience, followed by further disappointments, melancholy, hysterics, depression, suffering - and not a single psychologist we are unable to help.

Relationships in a couple, family, group, society... Is it possible to comprehend everything that is needed for ideal interaction with all the people we meet on the path of life? Psychology of friendships, psychology of work relationships, psychology of teenage relationships, psychology of virtual relationships, finally! We set them up, create them, hold them, are tormented by them and endure them, suffer, want to break them, suffer or enjoy them. And all because we want to rejoice and enjoy life. It's all very simple! Do I need too much? Just be happy and see other people happy! I want there to be meaning in life, I want to know why and what for, to understand the purpose and intent... Is this possible?!

The key is self-knowledge, understanding yourself, and therefore other people. How to build harmonious relationships with yourself, in a couple, family, group, society? How to unravel the wisdom of the psychology of emotional relationships? It’s simple - you need to understand and see a person, his desires, thoughts, intentions that lead to actions. It seems to us that all people are the same. Hence the misunderstanding, disappointed expectations, broken lives...

We are different: the collective and the individual - a vector of interaction

We are different in our sameness: system-vector psychology provides the only scientific system of measures in its obviousness and observability, which reveals the psyche of each person. Eight measures - eight vectors - eight characters. In mixtures they form a complete personality. Each character is determined by a group of desires that guide a person’s behavior in various situations.

In system-vector psychology this is possible - awareness of oneself and understanding of the Other. And this is the basis of mutual understanding and harmonious relationships. Systems thinking allows us to interact with people in the most complementary way, that is, understanding our own and their characteristics. System-vector psychology trainings are thinking trainings, when a person first begins to realize what he is thinking, and to see what thoughts and intentions control the behavior of another person...

The main source of pleasure and suffering is the Other. More precisely, it is the relationships we create with people and groups that, in turn, create us. Through trial and error, we learn to interact with people, gain communication experience - positive or negative. It is the experience of relationships that hangs anchors on us, leaves unhealed traces-wounds, deep traumas or, as we say, “complexes.” They grow in us through family dramas, the misfortune of our children, difficult experiences, negative life scenarios...

On the other hand, it is the experience of relationships, interaction with other people that helps us develop, be filled with a sense of the joy of life, and see the beauty of every moment in a range of thousands of colors and shades! It is in relationships that we realize ourselves, reveal our potential and find a state of life filled with meaning. We can say that the human in a person is formed in relationships: in separation and unity with the Other - near and far.

"I!"

The process of human development took place gradually, each of the vectors made its contribution to the development of humanity. The last stage was overcome by the sound measure. The sound man 6 thousand years ago first said: “I!” And this was a decisive step in the development from animal to human.

Then for the first time we felt our “I” and the “I” of another, separate from mine, opposed to me and limiting me. My neighbor... The first feeling of his neighbor is hostility. With this feeling we go out to meet the Other, fencing ourselves off from him.

And only over time, the visual vector - the visual measure that created culture and art - built emotions and feelings over animal desires and their fulfillment, “taught” all other vectors love and compassion...

And this is another revelation for the training participants - an understanding of the nature of love, its essence and roots. Philosophers, psychologists and even physiologists have ruffled many feathers and broken many hearts trying to unravel this phenomenon. With little success... System-vector psychology gives us a clear idea of ​​this.

Only one of the vectors is capable of experiencing love and giving this feeling to the fullest - this is the visual vector. The paradoxical connection between love and fear is revealed in a surprisingly clear and obvious way during the training. Fears and phobias are what torment visual people. During the training, they naturally leave, their place is taken by compassion, love, euphoria, as evidenced by numerous reviews.

At the same time, demanding love, for example, from an anal or skin person in its pure form is simply meaningless. Each of the vectors has its own set of values, which you need to know before “starting” a relationship. Thanks to system-vector psychology, you will immediately see that, for example, this person will love beautifully, he will be a good family man and father, and Vasya, what can you do, is capable of treason, and Petya... Petya is capable of sadism and violence.

And friendship!.. We mistakenly assume that everyone can be friends, just like love. And then we are surprised by betrayals, infidelity, and for this reason we become disappointed in people... Representatives of the anal vector are capable of creating friendship as a special, “brotherly” bond. For them, friendship is the highest value.

If we could immediately understand and clearly see the person with whom we communicate, we would be able to accurately determine whether we can be friends with him, whether we can expect love from him, or whether he is by nature destined for someone else. Such knowledge is provided by system-vector psychology.

We and society

Man is a collective being, and the psychology of interpersonal relationships in a team is a fundamental topic. A person finds his own purpose, his own meaning precisely in the society of his own kind: “Who am I? Why am I? If I am for myself, then why am I?” Our whole life is walking in groups...

The group as an entity is united by a certain common task. In a team, each person, from the time of the primitive pack to the present day, strives to fulfill his own role, unique in terms of tasks and requirements. The inability to fulfill it, to realize oneself, causes a person enormous suffering. The reason for this is, first of all, a lack of understanding of oneself and one’s purpose.

System-vector psychology gives an accurate idea of ​​what tasks a person is capable of performing in a group, in what profession or position he will be successful, in what he will bring the greatest benefit and success to his team. To the extent that a person realizes his talents and abilities in a team, he is internally balanced, calm, and therefore finds personal understanding with group members.

One of the most important factors in successful, prosperous group interaction is communication. If we could correctly understand another person, his desires, intentions, see his personal characteristics, capabilities and abilities, then we would not expect the impossible from him, as often happens, we would not demand from him what he is not capable of. . This means that we would experience less disappointment, suffer less from misunderstandings, and conflicts would disappear.

Each of the vectors has its own set of values, its own desires and lacks. The training “System-vector psychology” forms in a person a special “linguistic” sensitivity, which is based on what you can see through the speech of a person’s psyche and communicate in his language, based on his value system, his needs. This is how you learn to talk to people - you understand them, they understand you.

Also, adaptation in a group and in society as a whole depends on the development of human vectors - the more developed they are, the greater the opportunities for implementation. A realized person is the happiest, his abilities and properties work, and this means that his desires are filled to the maximum, he receives satisfaction from life, sees himself in his place, feels full of meaning in life.

The psychology of relationships is very simple! It is built on self-awareness and understanding of the Other, a sense of the psychic eight-dimensional whole. Then - through systemic thinking - harmony and beauty of relationships, love and mutual understanding are possible. Just imagine groups and societies where people understand each other, where everyone perceives themselves and everyone according to their own and their real inner nature. There are no prejudices, stereotypes, false expectations and misconceptions!

If only we could know... now

…

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

Author of the publication: Lidia Goldobina, teacher of philosophy, candidate of philosophical sciences
The article was written based on materials from the training “System-vector psychology”

The basis of interpersonal relationships and their importance

Methods for resolving conflicts - what options exist, ways to prevent them

The name of such connections speaks for itself; they are based on relationships between people. They occur as a result of verbal (speech and writing) and nonverbal (visual) contacts.

Proven! The percentage of human communication in society using language is 20, 80% of contact occurs at the non-verbal level.

Arguments for communication may include the following points:

• desire to cooperate for the common good;
• craving for a feeling of security and avoidance of loneliness;
• exchange of useful information.

Ukrainian practicing psychologist Natalya Kucherenko notes in her lectures that perception (understanding of other people) also promotes and encourages communication.

Books about relationships with your loved one

Actively Searching, Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg

The joint work of the famous comedian Aziz Ansari and sociologist Eric Klinenberg on the topic of the search for happiness resulted in this study. The result is a non-boring instruction for those who are looking for love and want to learn more about relationships in the modern world.

The Paradox of Passion, Dean Delis, Cassandra Phillips

A classic book on relationship psychology that will help bring back romance and former passion. The authors, a clinical psychologist and writer, explain why disharmony occurs, how it interferes with partners, and what to do to create a union of equal and loving people.

Buy a book

"Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson

Sue Johnson is a professor of clinical psychology and a specialist in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). From the book you will learn about the basic principles of this technique, which will help develop communication skills within a couple.

Seven dialogues detail the critical moments those who build relationships experience and the lessons to be learned from crises.

Buy a book

"Forget about love!", Michael Bennett, Sarah Bennett

Chartered psychologist Michael Bennett and screenwriter Sarah Bennett invite us to stop searching for love and passion. Instead, try to find a person who will help develop your best qualities. And this is where all the tricks of professional headhunting come in handy.

The book presents working methods, as well as interesting examples from practice.

Buy a book

Classification of relationships between people

How to manipulate people - can this be learned, methods of influence

There are the following types of classification of interpersonal relationships (IR):

• by purpose;
• the nature.

Selectivity is a characteristic feature of this division when choosing a partner for MO.

By purpose

There are two types of relationships between people according to purpose:

• primary - when they arise by themselves, without the desire of the individual, caused by necessity;
• secondary - based on some conscious action of one person for another.

For example, primary interaction can include the communication of people in a queue, when one person “takes” the queue, and the other “gives” the queue to him.

Another example is when residents of a house in a fire call the fire brigade to put out the fire. Firefighters, upon arrival, evacuate the victims and extinguish the fire. These are secondary relationships, they all share one goal.

Relationships linked by purpose

The nature

Formal and informal are the two types of relationships classified in this segment.

Formal relations are characterized by the following points:

• lack of emotional coloring and manifestations of feelings;
• restrictions on rules and norms of behavior;
• inability to choose partners for communication.

An example of such relationships is business professional relationships at work, between colleagues, superiors and subordinates during the working day.

Attention! In formal communication, people adhere to certain conventions, without showing personal feelings.

In addition, MOs are also classified according to the degree of involvement in these relationships.

Classification of MOs by depth of involvement

Social relations: structure of interactions

The system of social relations has its own parameters that characterize society.

These include:

• openness;
• hierarchy;
• self-regulation;
• self-organization;
• informational.

The main feature of social relations is the formation of mutual connections between members of society (society), helping them achieve their goals, improve their status, and fulfill social roles.

The structure of social relations is very complex; it necessarily includes the interaction of at least two people as a result of their joint activities.

Sociologists identify the following types of social relations that occur most often.

Conflict

Such relationships occur in all spheres of social interaction. How the conflict is resolved is influenced by the emotionality, temperament, character of the people involved in it, as well as their level of education and the presence of moral values. Social conflicts can end locally, for example, in a fight, or they can develop into global events, which include wars and genocide.

Conflict can be resolved either positively or negatively. The negative consequences of conflict situations include a catastrophe, when people do not want to give in to mutual confrontation and this leads to the violent destruction of each other. And also confrontation, in which both sides oppose each other for a long time, are in a tough confrontation and do not make concessions. As a result, the relationship either ends completely, gets frozen, or leads to disaster.

A positive resolution of a conflict comes down to either reaching consensus, that is, developing a common opinion, or to a compromise, when the conflicting parties make concessions, take steps towards each other, while maintaining their specificity and originality.

Addiction

This type of relationship represents the subordination of one of the parties participating in social interaction and the dominance of the other. Such relationships include the interaction between student and teacher, boss and subordinate.

Cooperation

In such social relationships, the main role is played by the achievement of a common goal. Participants take into account not only their interests and desires, but also the needs of their companions and partners. This is necessary for normal operation and achievement of a common goal.

Rivalry

This type of relationship is based on strong feelings, both negative and positive. Without them, market development is impossible. In competition, a person or group of people tries to defeat their competitors in the struggle for material wealth, resources, and power.

Social relations are a stable system that is limited by certain norms, official and unofficial.

It contains:

• objects;
• subjects;
• interests;
• needs;
• values.

The stability of society depends on the choice of model of social relations. Where the desire for subjugation, domination and dominance comes first by instilling fear in more vulnerable people, the level of tension quickly increases, leading to armed conflicts. A democratic society is characterized by legal relationships between people based on equality and cooperation.

Types of relationships in teams and business connections

When considering what kind of connections exist between people, it is impossible to miss the collective relationships associated with professional and business activities.

Friendship between a man and a woman - how it differs from female friendship

A work collective is a group of people whose association is based on professional work within one organization or structural unit.

Applicable to a structural unit and a company as a whole, three types of relationships are considered:

• labor;
• public;
• relationships of life.

The labor type, also known as professional, consists of the following interactions between employees:

• subordination relationships (vertical) - from manager to junior employee;
• coordination relationships (horizontal) - between workers of equal rank connected by a common work process.

Social communication actions of employees are related to the activities of trade unions or other public organizations in whose work employees are involved.

The life activity of the team and the relationships manifested in this area include friendly communication during the lunch break (in the dining room, change house, smoking room).

Important! The two components of workers' MO are business and personal relationships. At the same time, a trend is visible: in a more developed team in the Moscow Region, the business qualities of a colleague are valued, in a less developed team, personal characteristics are valued.

Classification of MO in the workforce

Exercise regularly

Start working out and playing sports together. As a result, you will become one team. You will find it easier to communicate and interact, and this will help you feel close as a couple. In addition, you will be able to improve your sex life.

A study conducted by the University of Arkansas found that exercise improves the sex lives of people who engage in it regularly. So, if you exercise frequently, it will help you increase your feelings of attraction towards your partner. Plus, your physical stamina in the bedroom will improve. As a result, your partner's attraction to you will become stronger. You'll make love more often, and you'll both enjoy sex more.

Types of interactions between people of either gender

Relationships between people of different sexes can be considered using the example of a school institution. Studying at school and the class, as a working team, are examples of coordination communication between students. Sharing notes during a break, helping each other in class - all this is interpersonal communication.

A number of relationships between people without regard to gender may be as follows:

• related - within close and distant blood ties;
• comradely - in a circle outlined by common activity;
• friendships - formed after meeting;
• friendly - arise from friendly ones, with closer rapprochement;
• professional - within the framework of a common cause.

It is noticed that only the mutual desire of the participants to maintain any relationship from these categories makes them stable.

Gemini and Capricorn can become an enviable couple

Windy Geminis don't want to live by the rules. They dream of an extravaganza, which Capricorns do not like. Hardworking representatives of the Earth element will try to calm Gemini down.

The future depends on the priorities of each partner. If they put relationships first, they will be able to create almost perfect relationships. Gemini will add color to the boring life of Capricorn, and he, on the contrary, will teach dreamers order.

Types of relationships between a man and a woman

The clash of opposite sexes in society always gives rise to communication. A simple question: “Does friendship exist between a man and a woman?” always worried the public. What causes two sexes to spend time together if there is no love or sexual connection between them? By assigning what type of relationship is the process of describing such friendship regulated?

Experts are of the opinion that one of the “friends” experiences hidden sympathy, which the other has no idea about or does not show that he has guessed. By the type of relationship between people, you can determine how close they are.

Between husband and wife

One of the types of relationships is marital relationships, which arise between people of different sexes. They are distinguished by the following characteristics:

• relatively long relationships based on love and spiritual intimacy;
• there is a physical need for each other;
• the presence of common interests related to the birth of children and their upbringing.

Such MOs are one whole, consisting of two halves: “male rational” and “female intuitive”.

Marital MO

How to understand what is right and what is wrong

Photo by BARBARA RIBEIRO: Pexels
In psychology, the concept of “norm” as such does not exist. It is impossible to determine what is right and what is wrong. Especially when it comes to relationships.

Because what is good for one person will be perceived as unacceptable by others. And it is impossible to know which of them is right.

Because everyone’s statement will be true, but only in relation to his own life. Therefore, when it comes to relationships, the right thing will be what suits both partners.

That is, in a relationship, both feel safe, experience psychological comfort and want to continue communication because it brings them happiness. This does not in any way affect the number of quarrels, the level of passion or the presence of common interests. A couple can have a volcanic type of relationship, but if this suits both, such a relationship will be right for them. They do not lose trust in each other.

Whereas for another couple, just one conflict is a reason for separation, at least in the opinion of at least one of the partners.

Basic forms of political relations

Social science defines the points underlying their organization as follows:

• political inter-party competition;
• social support for parties by voters;
• cooperation with citizens (trade unions and party organizations);
• connection between the state and the citizen, responsibility to each other;
• interstate unions;
• conflicts, both domestic and interstate.

All political relations are determined by the distribution of power, powers and rights in society.

Taurus and Gemini live at different poles

This union surprises many. Both are trying with great strength to occupy an important place in their partner’s life, despite complete incompatibility. Taurus puts his principles at the forefront:

• stability;
• confidence;
• planning.

Geminis find it boring to live in such conditions. They are accustomed to chaos, they can spontaneously go somewhere and rearrange plans on the fly. This frightens Taurus and attracts them. However, they are in no hurry to admit the latter.

What is meant by the development and problem of IR

The problem of interpersonal communication, both personal and social, consists of three vectors of development:

• material;
• social;
• psychological.

Proven! To increase labor productivity, material incentives (wages), social conditions (social package) and a comfortable psychological environment in the team must be established at the proper level.

In family relationships, the slogan “Paradise in the hut with the darling” stimulates the development of relationships and love relationships until the first serious everyday difficulties. On the other hand, without love in the connection between two people, the palace may seem like a “gilded cage.”

Books about relationships with others

"On the Same Wavelength", Amy Banks, Lee Hirschman

Neuroscience is our key to perfect relationships and achieving your full potential. The authors of the best-selling book, psychiatrist Amy Banks and writer Lee Hirschman, are convinced of this.

They talk about four important neural pathways that directly influence our relationships with other people. The practical recommendations given in the book will help you gain peace of mind and self-confidence.

“It’s okay to manage your boss,” Bruce Tulgan

Bruce Tulgan, an award-winning leadership and management expert, provides a step-by-step plan for improving your relationship with your boss. After all, a leader can and even needs to be managed for effective teamwork.

The book will help solve many typical problems that arise in organizations of any level.

"The Habit of Working Together" by Twyla Tharp

World-famous American choreographer Twyla Tharp shares her own experience of successful communication with people. Using many examples from various fields of activity, he shows how to build relationships and work in different conditions. The author also reveals the secrets of successful interaction with toxic partners.

“Don't growl at the dog! A book about training people, animals and yourself by Karen Pryor

How can you get your kids to do their homework on their own, teach your husband to put his socks in the basket, and get a bonus at work every quarter? Karen Pryor, a scientist and training specialist, has the answers.

The book presents original exercises with which everyone can change their relationships with others. Other advantages of the bestseller include easy language and clear examples.

Buy a book

“The science of communication. How to Read Emotions, Understand Intentions, and Connect with People by Vanessa van Edwards

Vanessa van Edwards writes books, conducts trainings and studies people's actions. She knows exactly what principles of our behavior help or hinder us from feeling confident with others.

The author gives effective advice for every day: how to start a conversation at a party, how to find a common language with colleagues, how to communicate with bosses and loved ones.

Buy a book

“Say no first. Secrets of Professional Negotiators by Jim Camp

Jim Camp created his own system of effective negotiations, which is now successfully used by thousands of people around the world. He knows exactly how to say “no” correctly so that others do what you want them to do.

The author will also tell you how to negotiate in order to achieve your goals and resist the manipulations of your interlocutors.

Buy a book

Is it possible to manage relationships?

Answer: “You can!” In companies, this is done by the HR manager, who monitors the general psychological situation, identifying and eliminating reasons for outbursts of alienation and hostility between employees. Conducted trainings and constant tests among staff can show how united the team is. Material incentives for each employee, individual approach and collective events are the main tools for managing mutual relations.

People can manage interpersonal relationships if they listen to each other and make joint compromises. It’s worth emphasizing your partner’s strengths, putting up with your partner’s shortcomings, and allowing him to have his own vision of the situation.

Books about unhealthy relationships

“Assertiveness. Have your say. Say no. Set boundaries. "Get Control" by Patrick King

Patrick King, author of books and business coach, teaches how to competently defend your interests and protect your boundaries. And this is a real practical guide for those who suffer from chronic forms of their own helpfulness.

The author also offers readers a unique 27-day plan for emergency strengthening of their own borders.

Buy a book

"It's Complicated" by Harriet Lerner

Resentment, despair, anger - these emotions poison the life of a couple. Doctor of Philosophy and psychotherapist Harriet Lerner explains how to regain happiness and enjoy communication. Her advice will help you gain wisdom and self-confidence.

With the help of the author, you will also understand why it is so important to be able to hear and listen and what our loved ones really want from us.

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Communicate more often

Effective communication can help you share thoughts and feelings that will bring back happy memories. Additionally, good communication can help you discuss differences to avoid feelings of hurt and disappointment. As a result, you will be able to build a successful relationship so that you can continue to experience warm and tender feelings for your loved one. So learn to communicate effectively to strengthen your love for your partner.

FIRST AND Lagging

When one has passed the stage of symbiosis and the other has not, trouble is inevitable.

In a symbiotic-differentiating couple, one of the partners has already taken the next step, but the other is not yet ready for it. In this situation, the symbiotic partner perceives the desire for freedom as criticism of himself and a threat to the relationship. And therefore he tries to return the situation to its usual course through manipulation: “Yes, as it turns out, there are differences between us, but if you eliminate them, then everything will be fine again.” An increase in personal space by one partner is perceived by the other as the first steps towards breaking up the relationship. And such a negative expectation further increases his dependence on his partner. The problem here is that one does not want to suppress the desire for growth in himself in order to maintain the relationship, and the second cannot understand this desire in his partner.

Sometimes a situation arises of a symbiotic-learning couple , in which one of the partners - usually a man - leaves the symbiosis directly to the learning stage. On the one hand, because men are often afraid of the emotionality of the second stage and try to avoid it. On the other hand, very often the situation itself pushes towards this. For example, when the husband has an interesting job in which he can find himself, and the wife is raising a child.

Since there was no differentiation and the spouses do not really know how to solve family problems, one transfers all the energy outside, and the second feels betrayed and abandoned. The learning partner becomes more and more independent, and the relationship that previously brought pleasure to both of them is now perceived as unbearably demanding. Attempts to maintain closeness are fiercely rejected for fear of slipping back into symbiosis and losing the individualization that has just begun.

At the same time, very often the learning partner is not too interested in the development of the other. After all, this way he has a huge advantage: he can enjoy the freedom that has opened up, but at the same time feel security and support from a symbiotic partner.

When, at the learning stage, one of the partners already feels that he has achieved his goals, and the second is still actively exploring the world, a pair of learning - establishing relationships .

It will be difficult for an established partner to support his half, while he himself already wants more intimacy. The second one is afraid that he will have to sacrifice personal values ​​and development and remain only the spouse of so-and-so. If this partner has recently entered the learning stage, he may regard an attempt to get closer again as an encroachment on his freedom.

Now you know what to fear, the main thing is to remember: there are no problems that true love and a bit of common sense cannot cope with.

(1) Symbiosis is the desire of one or, more rarely, both partners to establish a single emotional and semantic space in the relationship.

Continue to build trust and integrity

When you trust your partner, you are more willing to open up to meeting his or her needs and desires. And this in turn helps maintain love. On the other hand, when you are trustworthy, your man/woman will find it easier to show affection towards you and this will help you build a successful love relationship. So, try to always tell the truth, be a frank and open person.