Many people find it much easier to say whatever they think without worrying about the feelings of others than to try to be gentle. Unfortunately, such behavior makes a person not very kind and pushes loved ones away from him. However, you can easily cope with the problem. Consider these tips if kindness is your goal. You will understand how to be calmer and more respectful towards others, how to behave in such a way as not to offend or offend anyone.
Stop making being right a priority.
While it's certainly nice to feel like you're always right, there's a good chance you're not. If you want to be a kinder person, try to prioritize being kind rather than being right. This can be difficult, but you will quickly learn that not every conversation requires you to be the leader. This will help you behave completely differently in the future.
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Do charity work
One way to show kindness is to donate unwanted personal items to a charity or help those in financial need. Clothes, books, household items - someone will definitely need something that someone else has long ceased to need. Feel free to give things to those who need them more.
Every person wants to live in a good world, surrounded by good people. To achieve this, it is enough to start with yourself and try to give the world and others more positive emotions, care, compassion, acceptance and gratitude. The world will certainly respond in kind.
Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/self-realization/1586792-kak-stat-dobree-spokoynee/
Don't discuss the appearance of others
Want to become a less repulsive person without any effort? Stop commenting on other people's appearance. You may think you're giving a compliment, but some people feel uncomfortable when their appearance is judged. Perhaps the friend you praise for her slimmer figure is very ill, but the person you ask about her tired appearance feels quite energetic. In such cases, your comments will be inappropriate and you will definitely not be able to seem like a kind, respectful person.
Be friendly
Candidate of Psychological Sciences I. G. Doroshina writes that kind people are friendly. They sincerely expect good things from others and know how to win people over. For this it is important:
- To be polite. Politeness is not a sign of kindness, but sincerely expressing this character trait demonstrates respect for the person you are communicating with. This is a great way to grab a person's attention and be heard.
- Monitor your style and manner of communication. Analyze how you behave in certain situations, remember those people with whom you enjoy communicating. Try to become the same easy and pleasant person to communicate with.
- Behave with dignity. Do not be familiar with new acquaintances, but do not ingratiate yourself either.
- Give sincere compliments.
- Smile more and don’t be shy to share positive emotions with the world.
A shy person will have to completely change and become an extrovert, but such simple rules will significantly improve the quality of communication and help you become not only kinder, but also more confident.
Initiate the conversation yourself
It can be difficult to take the first step if you want to make friends, but it can help you appear more approachable. Don't wait for people to approach you, initiate the conversation yourself. You will immediately seem nicer, and others will be more favorable to you.
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Be grateful
A kind person easily expresses gratitude and always does so. He takes nothing for granted and is grateful for any help. It is important to say thank you from the bottom of your heart, write thank you cards, and not feel embarrassed about the help you receive.
Cultivate gratitude. You can, for example, keep a gratitude diary or every evening remember three things for which you are ready to say thank you on this day to people and life in general.
Attention to acts of kindness addressed to oneself stimulates readiness to reciprocate acts of kindness. Knowing and understanding how a kind attitude feels, you will want to give this feeling to others.
Think positive first
Instead of criticizing someone during a tense moment, try to find something positive. By the time you say something nice, your desire to say rude things will decrease. You'll seem like a much nicer person, and you'll also benefit from a positive outlook on life.
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How to become kinder. 10 effective tips from a psychologist
Nowadays you can buy almost everything. It’s a pity that such a quality as kindness cannot be found on the shelves. But it can be developed. Psychologist, radio host and manager Anetta Orlova tells how to do this on your own.
1. Develop your empathy skills. Learn to read other people's emotions and express your sympathy in simple words: “I understand you,” “I understand your feelings.” Even if you do it mechanically at first, you will gradually begin to feel that you really understand the other person.
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2. When you want to say something unpleasant in response to a harsh statement from another person, take his place for a second. Try to understand his condition. Look at the situation from the outside, like in a movie. This will help reduce the degree of irritation and respond more kindly.
3. Pump up your “kindness muscle.” Develop the best part of yourself, show care and attention every day. Sometimes this can be expressed in not noticing something, in remaining silent somewhere. Don't prove yourself right at every step! Be careful with the genre of advice, with wishes to get married faster, with empathy for a bad husband. Keep lamentations like “how do you live with him, I wouldn’t live” to yourself. After communicating with you, the person should feel at ease, and not vice versa.
4. Every day in the evening, write 3 thanks to those people who helped you in some way today: with a smile, a word of support, or just a piece of candy. If you say that there is no one to write to, then you have negative selective attention, you notice only the bad and ignore the good. Simply put, ungrateful.
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5. Give communication gifts to other people. Give compliments, and you will see the whole palette of human experiences: from proud acceptance to shy justification and even refusal to accept your kind words. But even in such a situation, do not stop practicing.
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6. Be kind to your loved ones. We all know people who are charming to the outside circle, but real monsters to those at home. The temptation to be kind in the eyes of others is very great, since in this case the “dividends” are higher and there is more gratitude. It is more difficult to show similar feelings towards those with whom you encounter every day in the same kitchen and solve common problems. Still, try: provide support if necessary. Stay silent instead of giving advice if the situation has already passed and nothing can be changed. Close your eyes to any shortcomings. Don’t get irritated and don’t take it out on your family, even if it’s not an easy day.
7. From negative to positive. Negative beliefs and attitudes rob us of our sense of strength and opportunity, and only a strong person can show kindness. It is very important to get rid of the devaluing and angry inner critic who constantly tells you: “where are you going,” “what else do you need,” “I’m a loser,” “time has passed,” “I still can’t do it,” “wait for help.” out of nowhere”, “there are enemies around”, “such a man is not for you”, etc.
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For each such phrase, you need to come up with a positive alternative belief and write it down on paper. If you wish, you can even set this list as a screensaver on your phone.
8. Remember the times in your life when you felt that you were treated kindly and caringly. Make a list of such moments in chronology from now to childhood. Next, you can do the following exercise: sit down, relax your whole body (starting with the muscles of the face and ending with the muscles of the hands and fingers). Visualize those situations, enter that state. Watch your breathing. It should be smooth and deep. Every day, live 2-3 situations for 3-5 minutes.
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9. Do kind things to yourself. Every day. Don’t even allow yourself to be treated cruelly in your thoughts.
10. Surround yourself with kind (benevolent) people. If there are those around you who always blame, show aggression, humiliate and devalue you, there will simply be no resource left to be kind. When a person is constantly in a state of emotional pressure, all his strength will be spent on overcoming, and anger and resentment will become habitual feelings.
Listen to other people's feelings
It is likely that in most cases you are simply waiting for your turn in a conversation rather than listening to the other person. This means that you are not very kind. Instead of just waiting for your moment, try to really listen to what your friends are telling you. Give advice only when asked, and be careful. This will transform the way you communicate with others.
Make kindness a habit
Popular blogger Leo Babauta claims that kindness, like any other habit, can be developed by every person. To do this, you need to focus on it every day for a month.
Directed concentration can change your life for the better. This will help you become kinder not only to others, but also to yourself:
- Every morning, think of a good deed and carry it out throughout the day.
- When communicating, be friendly and compassionate, even if the other person is angry, nervous, or irritating.
- Try meditation, use loving-kindness meditation (metta).
In the evening, analyze the past day, celebrate your successes and think about how else you can let goodness into life.
Don't confuse honesty and rudeness
Many people who tend to be rude like to say that they simply prefer honesty. Honesty is really important, but that doesn't mean you should directly comment on someone's outfit if you think it's bad, comment on the pounds you've gained, or share your opinion about someone's partner. With such directness, you are guaranteed to hurt other people's feelings.
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You need to give compliments more often
Learning to say nice things is an important step towards developing a more personality. There is no need to look for a reason for a compliment.
Let's say a consultant in a hardware store spoke in detail about a product of interest. You can simply say “thank you,” or you can note his competence.
Note: a compliment must certainly indicate real merit; flattery is not flattering, so you should avoid it.
Openness to opinions
Intolerance towards others is a common occurrence. Often people perceive their opinion as the only correct one and worthy of attention. Other points of view are met with hostility and are not accepted.
This approach is counterproductive. You should consider the situation from different angles, look at it through someone else's eyes. You must always be open to new things without closing the door to positivity.
Accepting other people's points of view is often hindered by an excessive sense of one's own superiority. Self-esteem should be “healthy”.
A few words about revenge
Throughout your life you have to deal with negativity from society:
- the boss swears for no reason, taking out aggression on his subordinates;
- the colleague made another caustic remark, realizing that it could hurt.
There is a desire to answer rudely, to repay in the same coin. How to act correctly in this situation? First of all, you should never respond to rudeness with rudeness. This approach only gives rise to new aggression.
As a rule, only the unfortunate are constantly rude and take it out on others. You should take a deep breath, calm down, and answer the complaint directly and clearly, without aggression. This way you can, while maintaining your dignity, put the aggressor in his place.
Sports activities
Sports activities have a beneficial effect on physical health and emotional well-being. A physically active person is calm, willing to communicate, he is in good shape - always ready to act, to achieve what he wants.
On the contrary, the physically weak and inactive are much less likely to be in a good mood; they are constantly worried about pressing problems and illnesses caused by a sedentary lifestyle.
A complete absence of sports promises:
- the appearance of excess fat deposits:
- back and neck pain caused by sitting;
- vein problems;
- and many other problems.
It is not at all necessary to visit the gym every day, spending hours on weight machines and on the treadmill. It is enough to do twenty minutes of exercise every morning, which can give you a boost of energy for the whole day.
PS. Although the hall is of course better, so if you have time, go ahead!)
Cute girl character
- To become sweet, you must first love the life around you, people and yourself. We must learn to be happy, find reasons for joy every day, and find inner harmony. Learn to be open to the world and happy with your life.
- A sweet girl is always friendly and benevolent towards all people, regardless of whether the person is familiar to her or not. She treats people with respect, does not gossip about them, does not try to pretend to be someone just to please them. A sweet girl knows how to carry on a conversation, is sincerely interested in people, and knows how to give beautiful compliments. She is always sincere. Of course, it is impossible to become like this in one day; you need to slowly change yourself and strive for these positive qualities.
- To be nice, you need to learn to be positive and smiling, but in moderation. No one will like a gloomy beech, but a constantly enthusiastic fool will not arouse sympathy either. We need to find a middle ground. Optimism and a sincere light smile should be present, but if the mood is really bad, there is no need to try to hide it by force - it will feel false, and it pushes people away. Just be calm in such moments, if necessary, be alone.
- Sweet girl is not afraid to laugh and be funny. Laughter is a powerful weapon; it helps to win people over, brings them closer together, and evokes sympathy. Laugh sincerely more often, don’t be afraid to make others laugh.
- Modesty is another important quality of a nice girl. A sweet girl will never walk around with an arrogant look, brag and do everything just to demonstrate that she is better than everyone else, while others are far from her. If a nice girl is smart and knows a lot, she will demonstrate this in the appropriate situation, but she will do it naturally and without the desire to show how cool she is. The opportunity to praise her sweet girl will be left to others. The modesty of a nice girl is also manifested in her manners of behavior and dress, we’ll talk about this a little later.
Benefits of being patient
On the other hand, being patient has the opposite effect than being impatient as discussed above.
Improving relationships at home
When you practice patience, you will have much better relationships with your friends and family. If you're patient, you won't lose your temper over small mistakes or get angry because the device didn't work fast enough, which in itself means your family won't have to worry about you get irritated, upset and angry. The same applies to your friends, who will be more inclined to invite you to dinner or spend a Sunday evening with you.
Improving relationships at work
Likewise, you will have better relationships at work when you learn to be patient. Your colleagues won't have to worry about your personality, and your bosses will know that you can be counted on to remain calm in difficult situations. Ultimately, this means you'll have a better chance of advancement in your company and in your career. The above is proven by another study done by Debra R. Comer and Leslie E. Sekerka in 2014.
Reducing stress in your life
Another benefit of practicing patience is it reduces stress in your life. Research shows that impatience leads to elevated cortisol levels, which means the more impatient you are, the more stress you experience. When you're patient, your cortisol levels are usually in the normal range, so stress doesn't occur, which can cause other health problems.
Higher chances of achieving goals
Patience can also help you achieve your goals with greater success. According to a study conducted by Professor Sarah A. Schnitker in 2012, people who are patient reported that they put more effort into achieving their goals than other people. By now, you probably know that achieving goals is not always an easy task and many people give up halfway because they become impatient. This is especially true for goals you set at the beginning of each year and then fail to achieve. Luckily, becoming more patient can be the solution when it comes to choosing and achieving goals.
Improved overall health
Finally, becoming a more patient person will lead to better overall physical and mental health. Another study conducted by Schnitker and Emmons in 2007 shows that patient people are less likely to suffer from health problems such as headaches, acne flare-ups, ulcers, diarrhea and pneumonia.
Now that we've discussed the disadvantages of impatience and the benefits that patience gives you, you may be wondering if you need to learn to be more patient. The first step is to admit that you are too impatient. Read on to learn the signs of impatience and what causes it.
Developing Empathy
Genuine compassion. If someone really needs help, then if possible, they should be given it.
Situations often occur when some people rush to help others to the detriment of themselves, forgetting to think about health and well-being. You shouldn’t do this; you need to maintain a balance between caring for yourself and others.
A good example is the instructions on an airplane that describe how to put on oxygen masks in emergency situations. First, the parent must put the mask on himself, and only then on the child.
Help yourself first and only then others.
