Envy is a feeling that corrodes a person from the inside and does not allow him to develop himself. Someone who is envious constantly thinks not about how to improve their life, but wants to get what someone else has. We must fight envy, as it hinders our own development.
Every person has encountered envy in their life. Someone is jealous of a new car they bought from a friend or someone else’s beautiful and smart wife. I want everything to be good along the way, just as I dreamed of. This feeling can hinder personal development, but it can also motivate.
What is envy
There will always be those who envy others. This feeling can be disguised as other conditions for a long time. Envy is a set of unpleasant emotions that arise at the sight of someone else's success and material wealth. The envious person also wants to take possession of them. Their absence leads to:
- irritation,
- bitterness,
- annoyance,
- despondency,
- helplessness,
- feeling of injustice.
Envy is grief over someone else's joy and joy over someone else's sorrow.
Archimandrite Rafail Karelin
In simple words, we can say that this is a feeling of annoyance caused by someone’s primacy, success, wealth, luck. There is a desire to possess what someone else has.
It's normal to want something that other people have. This feeling gives a powerful impetus to development. It is considered pathological if instead of motivation there is an abyss of negative feelings and destruction of oneself from the inside.
The main danger of envy lies in self-destruction. Annoyance, bitterness and resentment only cause harm. The consequence of negative emotions can be the release of large amounts of cortisol (stress hormone). It negatively affects the entire body, and health problems may arise.
Psychologist's advice
Learning to overcome feelings of envy is a very difficult task for many. Our desires change over time, and many dreams and plans do not come true at all.
First of all, try to perceive the world around you as it is, along with its flaws and imperfections.
You should also learn to accept and love yourself, and enjoy your successes. And although this sounds very simple, for many it is precisely this that becomes most difficult to achieve.
Don’t dwell on the bad, learn to enjoy your own and others’ successes, learn new things, and develop. Often a person begins to look at other people's lives and envy simply out of boredom and monotony.
A good therapy for the tendency to envy is meditation. You can start with simple techniques, such as focusing on your breathing. Over time, you will increasingly be able to achieve a state of peace and tranquility. Much of what worried you will no longer irritate you and will fade into the background.
If you feel that you are often envious and suffer from it, do not sit still, get rid of this negative feeling.
Types of envy: “black”, “gray” and “white”
The hater compares himself, his life, etc. with another person and not in his favor. He wants to have what his rival or competitor has. Envy can be of several types. The most common varieties are white, black and gray.
White envy forces a person to achieve the good that he sees in another, using the most correct method. He strives for progress, learning and achieves his goals. This is the right behavior, it motivates people to improve.
White envy pushes one to achieve, stimulates active actions and the pursuit of goals. An envious person adequately accepts the successes of others, analyzes his own mistakes, acts in conditions of normal competition, and improves his personality. Such a healthy feeling is inherent only to a self-sufficient person. It can be described as follows: it is a fleeting sensation that makes you admire and stimulates action.
Gray envy is intermediate, but very dangerous and hidden. It is very widespread. It can be described as follows: a person hates all those who, in his opinion, are above him in various indicators and tries to pull them down, to fit them into the general level.
To envy in a gray way is to show the lowest, most base traits of human character, forgetting about self-respect and significance. The envious person has a feeling of uselessness, eating himself from the inside due to his own complexes and low self-esteem. It is used by people who are insecure, very touchy, and neurotic.
You can read: What to do with low self-esteem
The most negative emotion is black envy. At first it is quiet, silent gloating and inaction. It occurs in the family, at work between colleagues or in any group. Such ill-wishers are primitive and failed individuals. When misfortune happens to the object of anger, the soul of the envious person is filled with joy. It destroys the person himself from the inside.
The more successful you are, the more vulnerable you become! You will be overtaken by uninvited envy. They will find a flaw, and you will be judged by human rumor, cruel and insidious
Gulchehra Sharipova
Think critically
By starting a destructive chain of thoughts about whose grass is greener, we seriously deceive ourselves and go far from rationality. Morningstar behavioral economist Sarah Newcomb conducted 669 in-depth interviews to find out how comparison with others affects our lives.
“You have to realize that when you immerse yourself in someone else's sweet life, you compare it with your boring life,” Newcomb says. “You see the best staged shots, but you think about your dullest everyday life.” Stop and think rationally."
Comparing the brightest episodes of someone else's life with the saddest ones of your own is, at the very least, dishonest and puts you in a defeatist position in advance. Keep this in mind the next time you're lamenting a boring day at the office while looking at the vacation photos of a former colleague who sits at work just as much as you.
Signs
Black envy simply paralyzes a person and does not allow him to exist normally. Signs:
- aggression;
- inferiority complex;
- gloating;
- injured pride;
- vanity;
- exaggerated desire for justice;
- greed;
- hatred;
- hostility;
A person with such feelings considers the successes of others to be the reason for his own failures. Tries to harm the object, to humiliate him.
White envy is an adequate feeling. An envious person perceives the success of another as the result of his efforts. There may be a desire to elevate yourself. Signs of this condition:
- empathy;
- goodwill;
- Delight.
It is difficult to recognize unconscious gray envy in yourself. Its signs:
- Bad mood;
- dissatisfaction with life;
- irritability;
- despondency.
Such a person is bored listening to the target talk about his successes, and is irritated by his boasting and lack of restraint. For some reason I often feel sad and sorry for myself.
Why do we begin to envy "in black"
An embittered envious person cannot imagine that anyone is better than him. The opponent simply stole the success. He begins to gloat. This behavior is usually characteristic of people with low self-esteem. Other people's troubles become an inspiration for him. Black envy is like a poisonous snake that has made its way into the brain of its owner, feeding on his life energy.
People delve into the shortcomings of those they envy, find them and rejoice. Then everything develops into slander and imitation. Such a person tries to slander and harm the object of envy. At the physiological level, it can lead to problems with the heart, blood pressure, and the development of peptic ulcers.
Unfortunately, envy can appear in a person from early childhood. You can often see how some children get hysterical if others get something more than them. There are a lot of envious people, even among smart people. This is a nasty character trait. The most common objects of envy are: appearance, success, popularity in society and personal life.
Humble yourself
We are accustomed to thinking that we are in complete control of our consciousness and actions, and only weakness of will prevents us from giving up the bad habit of comparing ourselves with others.
Not certainly in that way. American business school professors Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer argue that comparing ourselves to others is an innate need by which we measure our personal level of happiness. They cite the example of Frans de Waal's experiment with capuchin monkeys: one monkey was given cucumbers as a reward, while the other was given grapes. When the first monkey noticed the difference, he refused the cucumber and began demanding grapes. We all, in one way or another, look at others - this allows us to dress appropriately for a party, follow the rules of etiquette in an unfamiliar country, or make a good impression in a new company. But socialization reinforces the habit of comparing oneself with others much more strongly than is necessary for a comfortable stay in society. Since childhood, the ghost of “mother’s friend’s son” has been hovering over us, who studied much better, cleaned his room and communicated with his elders. Over time, the number of such “standards” is only growing - from former classmates who have already bought an apartment, to Instagram stars who go on vacation 10 times a year (almost everyone has encountered the depressing FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) syndrome). And now, it seems, this natural tendency begins to bring you quite serious suffering and deprives you of sleep.
Can envy be useful?
Envy can be turned into soil for personal growth. It helps you realize your own desires. Sometimes it is worth learning from the person who causes this feeling. Ask him for a recipe, advice. The state itself does not bring you closer to the goal, but active steps and taking responsibility for self-realization lead to personal victory. Nothing cures envy like success.
Envy is a complex social emotion. Sometimes it can be a powerful boost to your career. Driven by this feeling, people can do things they never thought about. Often an envious person strives to get what the object of his envy has. This forces him to step out of his comfort zone, which is especially difficult for people who are not very communicative. To get the desired result, it is important to find like-minded people or people who will help you achieve your goal. New acquaintances appear that move you forward.
Sometimes envy gives courage and even recklessness, which is so lacking in the normal state. A person feels an influx of strength and confidence in the correctness of his actions. In such an elevated emotional state, even failure does not upset you. As a result, it strengthens and helps to move forward. Some employees deliberately compete with others, this helps keep their spirits in good shape and work hard.
Your friend has become your boss
Danger level: 3 out of 5
On the one hand, this is great: the one whom you literally saved with aspirin after the New Year’s party will not dare to scold you for a tiny missed deadline. On the other hand, now you play on different teams. This means that you will now have to discuss idiotic orders from managers, low salaries and plans to go on sick leave with someone else.
What to do: In fact, the success of your neighbor is even to your advantage. You know your friend like no one else, which means you have every chance of making a career. At least if you carefully and without prohibited tricks carry out your promotion. But as for personal relationships, here, alas, everything is not so simple. Whether you can come to terms with the fact that “the way it was before” will no longer be (and this is a fact), depends on the flexibility of your psyche, ambitions, self-esteem, in the end. A painless trial run in a new relationship format is rare, so if you feel that the situation is seriously making you nervous and it’s a pity to lose your friendship, you should think about looking for another job.
Consequences: how it poisons our lives
This is a dangerous feeling accompanied by anxiety. It needs to be taken seriously. The human body, like poison, is saturated with negativity. It corrodes the nervous system from the inside. What an envious character can lead to:
- Development of chronic depression. Anxiety is accompanied by frustration, despondency, and a decrease in emotional background. Prolonged stay in this state leads to changes in the biochemical structure of the brain. An important hormone, serotonin, is not produced. Without it, there is no motivation, there is a loss of strength, and important processes in the body slow down. A deficiency of this hormone leads to depression.
- The person falls into apathy. There is absolutely no energy to implement plans and goals. Inside there is nothing but devastation. There is no desire to do what you love and enjoy life.
- Communication with people is deteriorating. Such people are avoided. It reveals their arrogant attitude towards others and their sarcasticness.
- Conflict situations arise.
- Low self-esteem is reinforced. Attention shifts to other people's achievements, and the chance of one's own success decreases.
- An imaginary sense of justice develops. Constant disappointments.
Envy, like rust, corrodes and destroys souls. If you feed it with negativity and resentment, then it is impossible to overcome it. In contrast, it is worth putting strong, bright feelings. There are many ways to deal with this emotion. The most important thing is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and take steps towards success. It is important to focus on your own development. Become friendly, wish people well, praise them, give sincere compliments.
How to prevent outbursts of envy
Everyone tends to compare themselves with others. If you feel that you are beginning to desire what others have, then you are tormented by envy. You can prevent outbursts of destructive feelings in the following ways:
Compare yourself not with someone who lives better than you, but with someone who is several times worse off. Comparison will always be in your favor. And you will quickly understand what a happy person you are, how many advantages you have.
If you want to get what another person has, think about what to do. Perhaps very soon you will be able to become the owner of what seemed unattainable and haunted you.
Confident people are less prone to outbursts of envy. Look at yourself from the other side, list all your good qualities, be able to see your achievements. As a rule, there are many more of them than you think.
Learn not to envy, but to be happy for the person who is more fortunate in life than you. It has been noticed that being happy for others helps you to be focused on success. And it will definitely come if you make some effort and don’t sit idly by.
By working on yourself every day, you can get rid of outbursts of envy. If you cannot do this yourself, you need to seek help from a professional.
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What to do if they envy you
Every person is surrounded by several envious people. They can be recognized by certain signs.
Signs
1. The world-famous writer Oscar Wilde drew attention to the fact that:
Imitation is a sincere form of flattery
The very first thing that immediately catches your eye is imitation. An envious person, without realizing it, begins to copy your behavior, your style of clothing. Everything that makes him envious, he tries to repeat.
2. Insincere compliments just pour out of the mouth of someone who secretly envies you. However, false words of flattery immediately turn into condemnation as soon as you turn your back. Behind his back, such a person says completely different words, usually not the most pleasant and kind.
3. Envious people spread gossip to downplay your achievements. It becomes easier for them when they talk about you the way they want, at least to hurt you behind your back.
4. Even the smallest mistake or the most harmless mistake causes schadenfreude. Often an envious person does not hide the fact that he is happy about your failures. You recognize his malicious laugh immediately by looking at the smile that he cannot hide.
5. It’s easy to see your envious people when you achieve a certain success. The better it is for you, the worse it will be for those who are not happy with your success. Such people try to distance themselves so as not to be tormented and tormented.
6. For an envious person, everyone else is rivals who must be defeated. They are engaged in an invisible competition.
7. If they try to accuse you of something that you have nothing to do with, know that this is what envious people do. They like to accuse without reason, so that they can then play on the guilt of others.
8. Those envious people are terrible who not only weave intrigues behind your back, but destroy your friendly ties. They are trying to slander you behind your back so that your friends, colleagues and acquaintances will turn away from you. Then it will be easier to fight you.
9. “Friendly” advice from such people will not lead to anything good. By the way, the envious person has “advice” prepared for all occasions.
10. Envious people love to show even small success and multiply it. When you see those who talk a lot about how successful they are, know that you need to stay away from such a person.
How to protect yourself
There is no need to boast about personal achievements, husband or wife, children. Only those closest to you will be happy for you. The rest will be annoyed by your happiness and will not allow them to live in peace.
Don't talk about plans until they come true. Envious people have an “evil” eye, in other words, bad energy that can interfere with the implementation of your plans.
For people who strongly believe in signs: if you notice that people are looking at you enviously, sending negativity, you can carry out a “self-cleaning” procedure at home. The easiest way is water and salt. A pack of regular salt is added to the bath. Then you need to take a salt bath for 10 minutes, you can just lie in it. It is not recommended to stay in the bath for more than the specified time. After this, the salt water is washed off, and with it all the negativity received from the envious person goes away.
Orthodox people advise to forgive envious people from the bottom of their hearts. Then, on a spiritual level, they will receive what they deserve, and you will protect yourself from the consequences of their envy.
You can wear amulets. Today they are not paid attention to, although previously they were given special importance. The following can act as a talisman:
- a pectoral cross consecrated in the church;
- pin;
- any mirror decoration that will reflect envy and return it to the one who sent it;
- a metal object that absorbs a negative message.
Do not neglect simple but effective advice. They will create a defense that no envious person can destroy.
