Fifty shades of envy. How to stop being jealous?

Remember, as a child, in response to your phrase that the neighbor boy has a cool bike, and the girl from the next door was given a huge doll, your parents said: envy is bad!

- Why bad? - you tried to find out

- It’s bad and that’s all. Good children don't envy!

Years have passed. You have grown up. But sometimes, looking at someone’s success in business or a happy relationship, a nagging feeling of envy rises in the chest.

Let's figure out whether envy is so bad and why envy is not the best choice.

If you are dissatisfied with life, and some situations completely knock you out of the saddle; If your relationship is falling apart, you have given up and only look with longing and envy at the happiness of others, use a proven remedy.

This cheat sheet for attracting true love and happiness into your life will definitely help you.

Well, what about envy? And how to stop envying others?

I would like to share with you a dialogue that recently took place with my student. We discussed assignments on the course and touched on the topic: how important it is to enjoy the success and well-being of other people

. Why is it necessary to be inspired by other people's success stories, to be sincerely happy for others and to motivate yourself to succeed by observing the successes of others.

During the discussion, my student shared his thoughts with me:

I am not at all motivated by videos where someone is doing well, someone else has succeeded. They rather demotivate me. Especially if it's someone younger than me.
Just imagining that I succeeded—I like it and am pleased, but watching how it happens for others only evokes negative emotions and seems to indicate that, unlike them, nothing worked out for me.

What is the reason for this reaction? Why do you think happiness in others is absolutely annoying and demotivating?

How to stop envying others and become happy yourself?

You guessed it right. My student’s dissatisfaction is connected precisely with envy. This is a very negative emotion that can block the realization of our desires.

If we watch with envy and negativity how others realize what we ourselves want to achieve, we seem to be saying to the world, the Universe: “No, what others have is disgusting to me, I don’t need it.” And the world will not give you what you want, even if deep down in your soul and in your heart you dream of achieving the same success and happiness that you envy.

What is envy, does white envy exist?

Envy is an unpleasant feeling, isn't it?

It’s bittersweet to realize that someone has made your dream come true, someone lives much richer and constantly travels, while you work at your third job and don’t even dream of rest. You admit with horror that the last time you took a vacation was three years ago...

Or how can you rejoice when you are smart and beautiful, but in love there is a lot of trouble: either loneliness, or your beloved turned out to be real despots and over and over again the relationship ended according to the same scenario. You were left alone with great pain and emptiness in your soul.

And at this very time, you observe how your unattractive friend has a handsome husband who carries her in his arms and gives her expensive gifts every Saturday.

I understand that the impression of absolute injustice is created, that same unpleasant feeling arises, and you begin to envy.

And you sincerely believe that such behavior is justified! You ask: why do they have everything, but nothing for me?!

Envy is a negative feeling that arises towards someone who has what the envious person wants to have.

First, let's figure out what envy is.

Vladimir Dal defines envy as:

“Annoyance at someone else’s good or benefit”

, and to envy is
“to regret that one does not have what another has.”
According to Ushakov's Dictionary, envy is

«Desire to have what someone else has

».

And here a logical question arises: does white envy exist? Is it possible to envy with goodness?

I am convinced that there are no shades of envy. There is no white, no black, no gray-brown-crimson envy.

To be envious
is to experience a negative feeling.
And period.

Understand that when you envy, a subconscious process occurs - you reject from yourself what you envy. Envy, by definition, cannot be “good”

or
"white".
The feeling that is called “white envy” is similar to comparing oneself with others and belittling oneself from the achievements of others.

There is a false belief that there is a fine line between joy for other people's successes and white envy.

How often have you heard:

“I envy you
with white envy ”?
Usually these words are spoken in order to convey:

“I’m so happy for you that I wish the same for myself.”

There are notes of annoyance here, as if there was a hidden continuation:

“.. and I’m annoyed that this doesn’t happen to me.”

As you can see, white envy cannot be positive joy for a person, envy cannot be good. Envy is an initially negative activity, a negative emotion that brings feelings of competition and grief.

Admit it, how often do you feel envy?

In this article, we will discuss why envy is harmful and consider the question: how to stop being envious?

Causes of envy

Are you constantly jealous of others? This behavior is not the norm. Envy is preceded by the following reasons:

Diffidence. An insecure person does not have enough resources to achieve achievements. He sees how easily this is given to others, so he has a feeling of envy.
Increased demands on yourself. If a person cannot do something, the question arises: “Why can’t I, but others succeed?” This thought develops into envy and prevents a person from being in harmony with himself.
Lack of money and other material resources is an excellent breeding ground for the development of feelings of envy.
Negative attitudes from childhood that were instilled by parents. Some mothers and fathers believe that a child must earn love. As a result, the baby begins to envy other children who are given love for nothing.
Excessive focus on other people's opinions. When a person is constantly guided by the opinions of others, he devalues personal achievements and his life. This practice also provokes feelings of self-hatred.

Why is envy harmful?

As we said earlier, envy is a “no” signal to the Universe and the world. By directing this feeling into the world, you seem to show that you are disgusted by what the person has. And you distance such success from yourself, even if you dream about it with all your heart.

I would like to draw your attention to what Joseph Murphy writes in the book “How to Attract Money”:

I think you have more than once heard people say about their acquaintances: “He is a shameless swindler, he makes money off of others” or “Yes, this guy never had anything in his soul, but now just look how much money he has.
Such wealth cannot be acquired except through extortion, theft and deception.” If you take a closer look at a person who talks like this, you will most likely notice that his life has not worked out for him.

On the subject: 10 “golden” rules for attracting money from Joseph Murphy

In other words, indeed, people who tend to speak negatively about the successes of other people have nothing behind them; they are overcome by real, malicious envy.

By blaming others, they find many excuses for themselves. After all, if success was achieved by someone else, then this someone is clearly a fraudster and swindler. But the envious person does not have this success, because he is a decent and law-abiding citizen.

Do you want to attract money into your life and become rich? Stop being jealous and use this >>

It’s the same in love, many girls sometimes find excuses for themselves:

“Because I am a strong personality and men are afraid of me, not like this gray mouse, around whom there are many gentlemen, of course, she is simpler and more homely”

Or:

“Did she bewitch them all? Obviously the matter is unclean, that’s why she was lucky in love.”

That is, people begin not just to envy, but to sincerely find excuses for themselves and look for “reasons” for others’ success:

Lucky
Initially richer
Was in the right place at the right time
Fate

The list can go on forever...

Joseph Murphy writes:

That is why this person is tormented by envy and irritation. Such destructive emotions become the cause of all failures and unfulfilled hopes.

On the subject: Joseph Murphy: scientific prayers that grant wishes

This means that a person feels as if his desires, which he so dreams of, are eluding him and going to others. That is why a person is so judgmental about what he asks for.

For example: “I dream of being rich, I dream of abundance” and at the same time, he sends a contradiction to the Universe:

“How annoying it is that my neighbor is much richer than me.”

The result is complete confusion and contradictions. In one moment a person approves of wealth (but in himself) and condemns wealth (in others).

How to protect yourself from envy

There is no magic advice that will tell you what to do so that people stop envying you. Some people try to pretend that everything in their life is much worse than it actually is. In their opinion, this way they will protect themselves from the evil eye. Others do not pay attention to ill-wishers, continuing to live their lives. There are many examples on YouTube videos of how to behave in such situations.

There is a list of rules by adhering to which you can avoid the effects of negative outbursts addressed to you and always be on a wave of positivity.

Don't show your superiority over others. An intelligent person knows about his intelligence without boasting, a rich person knows about his wealth, etc. By deliberately demonstrating your intellectual abilities or position in society, you can quickly attract envious glances. Remember the Buddhist wisdom: “Do not overestimate what you have received and do not envy others. He who envyes does not find peace.”
Maintain a sense of tact when communicating with people: the less negativity and witticism you make towards your interlocutor, the friendlier the relationship will be.
Never make excuses for what you have, because you lower yourself in the eyes of others. Envious people often tell non-existent stories in order to attract interest and see the reaction of the “victim”. Don't let them feel triumphant, just change the topic of conversation, cutting off the unpleasant conversation in the bud.
Be friendly, be considerate, and give compliments. This is not about flattery or overacting. Try to find positive traits in every person you know and focus on them.

To be jealous or not. Two stories from life

I want to clearly show you how destructive envy is. To do this, I’ll tell you a few true stories.

At the institute, I had a classmate who was terribly jealous of her friend. And everything about Marina was better: her clothes, thick hair, and good skin. She often tried to copy Marina, but everything got out of control. Everyone either openly noticed this and laughed at her, or made fun of her behind her back.

She herself began to have skin problems and constant rashes. She became embittered and offended, which attracted even more unpleasant situations; she began to get sick often and had huge problems with her studies due to absences.

As you can see, envy is a destructive feeling that attracts many problems and troubles, even with health.

My student Elena shared her story with me. She hated the couples that popped up everywhere out of nowhere in the spring, all those flowers, declarations of love, kisses in public places! Romance, it was all just annoying...

Later it turned out that this hatred is pure envy, a hidden desire for love and to have a romantic, happy relationship.

What is most surprising is that when she was embittered by “ostentatious love,” she herself had no luck with gentlemen. She was absolutely lonely and unhappy. As soon as she learned to be happy for the love in other people's couples, she herself met a person who made her happy.

If you are wondering:

How to overcome envy?
How to kill this feeling?
How to stop being jealous of others?
What to do if people are jealous?

Be sure to read this article to the end.

Intelligence and talent

How to stop envying a smart, talented person with high intelligence? There is nothing easier - to do your own! People are not born stupid and untalented, they become so from idleness and laziness. In the modern world there are so many sources of information that it would be a sin not to use them. Having dug well into yourself, you can always find your own talent, which simply yearns to be revealed and developed.

Summarizing all of the above, we conclude: envy is a swamp that pulls you to the bottom, displacing a person’s inner world, his individuality, devastating and depriving him of the breath of life.

And yet, how to stop envying and live your own life? Having realized your personal merits, begin to realize your desires, which will take a lot of time and will not give any opportunity for envy to enter your life!

How to stop being jealous?

In order to avoid getting into trouble and become a magnet for your desires, you need to eradicate the feeling of envy and stop being envious.

But how to do that? - you ask.

Let's turn to the classics.

Joseph Murphy writes:

Learn to bless those around you with a pure heart, sincerely wishing them prosperity and success in all matters, only then can you become happy and feel the blessing of the Lord.

In other words, in order to achieve the desired success, you need to sincerely rejoice in the successes of others. This way you will show the world what exactly you approve of and that you are truly, sincerely happy for those around you and that you wish the same benefits for yourself.

Remember that a person increases what he blesses and invariably loses what he condemns.

Indeed, to increase your success, bless others with success, rejoice in the achievements of others as if they were your own.

On the subject: Positive thinking: how and why does it need to be learned?

What is this feeling

Envy is manifested by dissatisfaction, which arises against the background of other people's successes, which are unattainable for a given individual. This feeling is not pleasant. A person is forced to experience anger directed at other people and at himself. And this interferes with normal life activities.

Often, feelings of envy arise in people who have been deprived by life. It is difficult to judge such persons, because they have adequate reasons for this. A person who has been deprived of something simply wants to get what he did not have. However, he makes no effort to achieve his goals. He explains this by constant failures.

You need to understand that this feeling slows you down on the path to achieving your goal; with it you will never achieve success. In addition, one must realize that envy does not harm other people, it destroys the one who experiences it. An envious person can throw mud at those she envies. But it won't change her life in any way. Therefore, it is so important to realize your mistakes, reconsider your priorities and understand that you need to take care of your life, make adjustments to it, set goals and achieve them. A person who is busy with work and has a hobby simply does not have time to envy someone.

Some people are sure that the emergence of envy allows them to engage in their own development, thus, the individual challenges himself. Indeed, this feeling allows you to make a big leap and achieve success. But it slows down other people; they are consumed by negative emotions.

Another important point...

To make it easier to rejoice in someone else’s wealth, someone else’s great mutual love, someone else’s benefits, you need to realize one simple thing:

Useful materials for those who want to get rid of envy forever

Here comes the turn of several courses from Wikium on personal self-development. Several of my readers have already completed training in each of the programs described below. I didn’t receive any negative feedback; everyone was happy.

Brain fitness

Description. In this course you will develop in two directions. First, clear your mind of all kinds of negativity, namely: thoughts about the past, envy, fear, irritability, melancholy. Everything that makes you a pessimistic person.

Self-development will come next. You will learn how to develop thinking abilities, learn how to communicate correctly with people, control your feelings and emotions, and so on.

The course is very expensive (this is the only such program on Wikium, the rest are all cheap), because you pay for a special device - a neural interface. This is a serious development, unique in nature, which is why it is so expensive.

The neural interface analyzes the functioning of the human brain, reading the waves that emanate from it. The recorded information is then uploaded to the Wikium website in your personal account, analyzed there, and the site generates recommendations for you for each specific case. If you can't calm down because of fear - the recommendations will be the same if you envy your friends to such an extent that you can't sleep, thinking about their success and considering yourself a failure? – the advice will be different.

The neurointerface will help you understand yourself and remove from your head absolutely everything that interferes with your life and makes you unhappy. If you want, you can purchase it separately, without Brain Fitness, the price will be 1,000 rubles lower.

Authors: developers of the Vikium project.

Cost: 12,990 rub.

Find out more and sign up for training

Brain Detoxification

Description. The “Brain Detoxification” course is aimed, of course, not only at getting rid of envy, but this feeling is given a lot of attention here. Training in this program will help you get rid of a variety of types of negativity that interfere with your life.

Regardless of what negative emotion you experience, the state of your brain is always approximately the same - a “dialogue” starts, which still cannot be stopped. You chew the “mental cud” and cannot “spit it out.”

The techniques that are described in the ten lessons of this program will help you stop poisoning your own life. There is nothing complicated - you will get acquainted with the theoretical material, and then move on to practice - work out on several unique simulators, do the exercises. If you have any questions, ask them to the teacher.

Authors: developers of the Vikium project.

Cost: 1,490 rub.

Find out more and sign up for training

For now, these are all the courses I can recommend to you. If I find something aimed only at envy, I will add to the material.

If you know of good training courses on getting rid of envy or maybe you have read good books on this topic, please recommend them in the comments.

Characteristic manifestations

A single woman may be jealous of her daughter's happiness and do everything to harm her.

An envious person is betrayed by the fact that he behaves hypocritically and begins to give compliments to people who are envied. However, if you look closely, it will become noticeable that this behavior is feigned and completely insincere.
Such a person will definitely belittle the successes of other people. They will start talking about how they were just lucky or that it happened by chance.
He will try with all his might to demonstrate his worth and flaunt his own successes.
Will try to imitate a person who is more successful and worthy. The manner of speaking, the style of behavior of the object of envy will be copied on an unconscious level.
A person can spread gossip in order to harm someone he envies. After all, that person is too ideal, this needs to be changed, everything must be done so that the object of envy loses its significance in the eyes of others, and is shown in a bad way.

How to stop comparing yourself

You need to stop thinking about what is happening in someone else's life. It is important to concentrate on yours. You need to realize that what seems ideal to you is not always so. Very often people make the mistake of looking at their neighbors and thinking that everything is fine with them, they have an ideal family, but in fact, behind the wall everything is not as good as it seems.
Learn to celebrate your own victories. There is no need to be overly self-critical; praise yourself even for the slightest successes.
Set goals for yourself and achieve them. Don't think about material wealth. Remember that there are values such as generosity, love, support, empathy. Develop these feelings in yourself.
You realize that you have the power to achieve great success if you engage in self-development and stop criticizing yourself for mistakes and failures.

There is no need to compare yourself with someone, you need to evaluate yourself today with how you were before and do everything to ensure that positive changes appear in your life.