Envious people: how to deal with them?

What is meant by the term “envy”

Envy usually means several things. Firstly, it is the desire to have what another person has. Secondly, wishing evil for another person, and thirdly, “dog in the manger” behavior (I don’t have it, so no one else will).

Why do people feel jealous? There are reasons for this such as:

More beautiful, from the point of view of the envious person, appearance (for example, tall height). It is clear that there is absolutely nothing that can be done about this, except to begin to perceive appearance differently.
Beautiful and expensive things.
Best position.
Having a family or a wonderful love relationship.
Good relationship with parents.
Other reasons.

Why do people envy

An envious person experiences a feeling of deprivation - he probably has moral injuries due to lack of communication with parents and peers. People may be jealous because they cannot realize themselves. In this case, the person does not change anything in life, but at the same time envyes more successful colleagues, friends or neighbors.

A person may incorrectly evaluate himself - envious people believe that they are the smartest and have more talents than others. They often do not understand why people do not notice their abilities, and they believe that they deserve the best benefits.

Destructive feeling

Psychologists around the world are beginning to agree that even the most unpleasant human emotions serve for his benefit. Thus, fear is intended to provide a person with the safety and security of his life. This is the main job of the brain - to do everything possible to ensure a comfortable existence. In this case, comfort is understood as a certain way of behavior. What positive side does such a destructive feeling as envy have? Other people's successes act as a kick to achieve your own. But in the usual sense, this is still the same defense mechanism. Man is a social being, and he likes to think that he is not alone in his grief. At the same time, other people's trophies inflate the envious person's failures to incredible proportions.

Everyone come out of the darkness

The methods that envious people most often use make it quite easy to identify them in a group.

Lack of help in a difficult situation

An envious person may fear that by helping, he is making it easier for you to achieve a goal that is meaningful to him. If your functionality is almost the same, and only one person is eligible for promotion, take a closer look at those who refuse to help you.

Wrong advice, deliberately false information

This is a more open manifestation of a jealous attitude. Of course, you shouldn’t suspect everyone who gives erroneous advice has evil plans, but envious people will be happy if you make a mistake. If the management becomes aware of your mistake from “third parties” who seem to be not involved in the matter, rest assured that the matter is dirty.

Unmotivated aggression

A colleague may be rude to you, try to prick you more painfully with a caustic joke. If at the same time you cope well with your professional responsibilities, then it is possible that he is jealous of your career, salary or something else.

Information boycott

Not only one person can be jealous, but also most of the team.
If at a recent meeting the management praised you, hinting at an upcoming promotion, and now there is a feeling that you are “excluded” from the information life of the company, perhaps you have “caught” not the best feelings in your colleagues. Envy in the work team is often confused with hostile attitudes, misunderstandings and conflicts dictated by other motives.

The Roots of Envy

Why are people envious? This destructive feeling appears in early childhood. And, as often happens, adults themselves are to blame for this. Of course, moms and dads only want the best. Every adult, when he was a child, could hear something similar: “Look, Olya is so good at drawing, and what about you?” How does the little person feel? Probably the answer would be something like this: “I hate this Olya! Why do my parents love her more? A child's perception is different from an adult's. Kids have only two categories: “They love me” and “They don’t love me.” By comparing children with each other, adults not only spoil relationships, but also instill in the child feelings of self-doubt, fear, and mistrust. In adulthood, such a child will be afraid to change anything, feeling deprived, offended by the world, and incapable of anything.

You feel embarrassed in front of other people because of a friend

If your best friend regularly makes you look bad in front of other people, you might want to think about it. There may be no ulterior motive for this behavior, but it could also be that your friend just wants to deliberately upset and humiliate you. He does everything to discredit you, and therefore makes you look like a fool in front of others.

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How to recognize envy

Let's move on to the question of how to recognize envious people. There are several signs that will give them away:

Hatred without objective reasons. If you are faced with hatred, but have not done anything to deserve such a reaction, you can assume that they are simply jealous of you. In this case, nothing can be done. The best option is not to enter into conflict and let go of the created situation in peace.
Gossip. Another feature of how envious people behave. If you have become a source of gossip, then this is a sure sign that you are envied. Getting involved in a conflict means spreading it further. Most often, envious people tend to talk behind their backs. They do not have the courage to go into direct conflict. The weapon against this is direct conversation with gossipers.
The joy of failure. The envious person will simply fly on wings, no worse than from first love, when he witnesses the defeat of the one for whom he feels this feeling. Do not worry. No one is immune from mistakes. Skills and concentration can return previous results, and the envious person will remain where he was. The very experience of a negative feeling gives them a certain pleasure. The same low self-esteem prevents them from moving forward. Don't give in to a negative attitude and move forward boldly. Maybe your small failure will turn into your biggest victory over time.
Envious people are your closest competitors. They always and everywhere try to get on the same level as you, although you are simply doing your own thing, without regard to others. Enjoy life without turning to those who stare at you from behind. The best weapons are confidence and a sense of humor.
Copying an image, thinking, style. Maintain your composure. Talk to someone who is jealous of you, explain the importance of being yourself, and not a copy of another person. Maybe this will be the beginning of a great friendship and you will be the one who starts big changes and good fortune for the other.
Exaggeration of one's merits. Author Bly puts it this way: “In any environment there are people who are filled with negativity about themselves and their environment, about imagined weaknesses. As a rule, this is associated with financial well-being and the desire to live better than it seems at the moment.” What can be done? Admire the success of the envious person. This will give him more confidence.
Downplaying success. No matter what you do, the envious person will try to convince you and those around you that this is just a coincidence and you are lucky. It’s unpleasant, of course, but perhaps he treats it with understanding.
False joy. How to recognize an envious person? Very simple. He will congratulate you, praise you and shower you with compliments until you leave the room.

How to react if you are envied

Envy is a natural human feeling. Only in some people it is more pronounced. People always compare themselves with others. Some, seeing a comparison that is not in their favor, try to become better and achieve success. Others, on the contrary, withdraw into themselves and are angry at the whole world, and especially at those who are superior to them.

One can only sympathize with the victims of envy. A wave of negative energy emanates from envious people; they begin to weave intrigues behind their backs, try to set them up at work, gossip, and spread unflattering rumors.

People who have become victims of envy are often left alone, because it is impossible to resist the avalanche of rumors alone. Many become upset and develop psychosomatic illnesses. But you shouldn't do this.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Quite a popular and true phrase. Let those who envy you turn away from you. These people simply did not want to change. As you continue your successful path, you will find new friends who will accept your success and rejoice with you.

Patience and politeness

It became clear why people are envious, but what to do about it? Ideally, just stop communicating. If this cannot be done, be patient. As it became clear, envy is often a consequence of self-doubt. How to behave with envious people if you have to see each other every day as part of a work team? Encourage the one who envies you, praise him, celebrate his successes, be polite. Remember, in any situation you choose whether it owns you or vice versa. Look at what is happening from the outside, as if you were playing an exciting game. This technique will free you from emotions and give you a greater viewing angle. A simple example: when you watch a football match, you can see the entire field, all the players. And the attention of football players is limited to the figure of the ball and its location. By showing respect and politeness to a person who has not the best feelings for you, you yourself will not get dirty in negativity, and you can build a friendly or at least tolerant relationship for yourself.

There is a rivalry between you

Experts have found that people tend to behave more tensely and aggressively around those they envy. If your friend behaves like your rival, you may think it's just an unfortunate character trait, but for him it will be extremely serious. Such a friend will be ready to do anything to get around you, even if it seriously hurts you. Watching you fail is the main achievement for such a person.

Rules of communication

How to communicate with envious people with minimal damage to your own emotions? A few simple recommendations:

Limit communication time to the minimum possible.
Envious people are like this because of a lack of information about how success is achieved. Try talking to the person about how much effort they put into having everything they have. At least the interlocutor will be convinced that nothing just falls out of the sky and that work needs to be done. Maybe the envious person, having heard what success costs, will simply say: “I feel good as it is” and leave you behind.
Many have heard the saying that you need to be happy quietly. Don’t tell everyone around about your successes or your good relationship with your spouse or girlfriend. Protect your own world, and let your happiness be yours alone.
Don't complain about failures. This will be used against you.
Do not react to the barbs of envious people. They are just waiting for this. More self-confidence.

How to deal with envious people?

Don't make excuses

If you hear “fantastic” stories about yourself that clearly differ from reality, do not fly into rage or, conversely, tears, and do not turn away from the conflict. Firmly and briefly tell the envious person that what he/she is now saying is not true.

You should not indulge in arguments about why this is not true, how things really are, and so on.

Remember, any justification you make will be regarded by your opponent as his personal victory. And you don't need it at all. Firmly stop the gossiper and return to your business as if nothing had happened.

Try to improve your relationship

In some cases, an envious person may be a good person, but very unhappy and angry with life. And it's not your fault. You can establish good business contacts or even make friends with such a person. How to do it? It is necessary to increase the self-esteem of the interlocutor.

Stages of increasing the self-esteem of the interlocutor:

In a conversation, find out what values this person has. Talk about these values, you will probably agree on something. Be sure to say that you support such and such.
When communicating, find out what this person does better than you. For example, he bakes pancakes, glues wallpaper, and does good math in his head.
As if in passing, mention that pancakes, unfortunately, are not your thing, you’ve never hung wallpaper, and you can’t imagine your life without a calculator. It is important not to invent anything or exaggerate. Your inability must be real, otherwise your interlocutor will sense a catch. If you can’t find several inabilities in yourself, discuss one thing. The main thing is to be sincere. When your opponent believes that you are inferior to him in at least some way, he will calm down.
Ask your opponent to teach you something. Ask how to properly prepare pancake dough, what type of pan should be used, ask to be taught some mental counting methods. Even if you're not particularly interested in something like this, it's worth doing for two reasons. The first is that you will let your interlocutor know that he is not an empty place in society, that he is valuable and needed, and the second reason is that extra knowledge never hurts.
Thank you sincerely for the advice. Agree, it is difficult to envy a person who is sincerely grateful to you for your help and participation.

All this concerns communication with one envious person. If you are surrounded by a whole “flock” of envious people, and establishing contacts is vital, start working with the leader.

Often, if a person is envied, he simply remains lonely. What to do? The most important thing is not to panic and not to hold anyone back. The following status is now popular online: “Thank you to those people who came into my life and made it wonderful. And thanks to those people who came out of it and made it even better..."

You should not be offended or upset that as a result of your success, long-time friends and acquaintances have turned away from you.

What to do if you yourself experience envy?

How to treat envious people is now clear, but what to do if you yourself are one of them? The answer is simple - love yourself. Every person in the world is unique in their own way. And everyone has their own gift: some write poetry, some draw pictures, while others are great cooks. What are you best at, what is unique within your universe? When the answers are found, envy will go away on its own. Because the understanding will come that there are neither better nor worse, there are simply those who are out of place, and the Universe is trying to reach a person through a streak of some failures.

Even if you were compared to a friend or older brother, let it go. The events are already in the past. It is not necessary to listen to the opinions of those around you, parents, relatives. Find and develop the best that is in you, and those around you will certainly notice and appreciate it.

Your friend is unsupportive

You may be able to tell that your friend is secretly jealous of you if you never get support. When a person ignores you, winces when listening to your new ideas, and expresses obvious doubts and shows no interest in anything, it is probably a matter of envy. No matter what you do, you never get any support, such a friend simply does not want to believe in you. Why? Because deep down, such a person expects that such an attitude will make you lose faith in yourself and lead to failure.

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Magic and amulets

Of course, you can find an amulet against envy and pin it with a pin, but does it work? If you believe it will make you feel better, you can wear it. If you are not so suspicious and this is alien to you, you should not rape your world. Any amulet only works if the owner sincerely believes in its power. But better than any amulet is a simple, kind attitude towards a person who experiences destructive emotions towards you. Of course, it is very difficult to be in space with such people for a long time, but think: it is difficult for you to be with an envious person for a certain amount of time, but he is with himself all his life and is forced to endure pain.

You can hear false praise from an envious person

It is not immediately possible to identify an envious person. In addition, they can even give compliments to a person (most often insincere ones, in which one can hear passive aggression and sarcasm). Although in the presence of a person who has achieved success, the envious person will praise him. But as soon as he leaves the threshold, the envious person stops admiring him.

If you ask them a question directly, they will say that they are not envious and have not even thought of envying. How to be? They need to be praised and congratulated for their achievements. Then the envious person will understand that in front of him is a sincere and honest person. It is quite possible that the envious person will moderate his envy at least a little.

Does envy affect your health?

Can envy somehow affect your physical condition? Of course, there will be no direct and visible consequences. But at the energy level, a person may experience the following symptoms:

Loss of vitality.
Lack of joy and positive emotions after a conversation with someone who envies you.
Stress.
Problems at work.
A series of minor troubles.
Other signs of what is commonly referred to simply as the "evil eye".

Why is this happening? Envious people are not able to give positive energy into space. After all, they themselves are filled with negative emotions. Therefore, they take away something good from those around them, their joys and successes, but not in physical form, but in energetic form. This is why there is often a feeling of emptiness after even short contact with an angry and envious person. I want to sleep, I have no strength and I don’t feel the joy of communication. If you yourself feel that you can no longer tolerate this attitude towards yourself and do not want to give your successes to someone, it is better to stop communicating, even if it is your best friend or childhood friend. Look for real friends who can sincerely rejoice for you.

An envious person will do anything

Pushkin said: “Envy is the sister of competition.” This is true?

Yuri Buziashvili: Yes, that's true. But this idea can be developed. After all, you can compete fairly, or you can trip up your opponent or even kill him, of which there are many examples in history. An envious person will do anything and stop at nothing. And fair competition - well, it is useful and necessary. Otherwise there will be no progress. But if you spend enormous energy only on harming someone, you will inevitably lose. Just as rust eats up iron, so envious people eat up their own character.

In some cases, envy probably overcomes laziness. Is envy a whip with which a person spurs himself?

Yuri Buziashvili: Yes, this is a serious motivation. But, I repeat once again, envy needs to be translated into a competitive channel. There must be red lines that you do not allow yourself to cross. Because black envy destroys the soul. The psyche controls a person’s physical health - that’s a fact. By envying, we give rise to mental disorders that lead to apathy, destroying our health. Depression, irritation, hatred, anger are the results of envy.

Does envy awaken ambition?

Yuri Buziashvili: I don’t think so. Rather, ambition awakens envy. Being self-sufficient is a great advantage of a person in life. It can be rooted in yourself. After all, envy can be fuel for your own achievements.

Compassion is grief over someone else's misfortune, and envy is grief over someone else's happiness.

Envy often gives rise to villainy. Iago is jealous of Othello. This is the envy of mediocrity towards a bright personality.

Yuri Buziashvili: What is the difference between a bright personality and mediocrity? Mediocrity has few red lines, and it does not hesitate to do everything to achieve its goals. But the individual lives with great limitations and does not consider all means to achieve the goal acceptable.

Is envy destructive?

Yuri Buziashvili: Definitely. She destroys the soul.

And for the one to whom envy is directed, is it destructive?

Yuri Buziashvili: It depends on how passionately a person envies someone and how far he can go in his envy. Mozart and Salieri are classic examples of this.

Probably, white envy is “I want to have what you have.” And the black one is “I don’t want you to have what you have” or “I want you not to exist at all.”

Yuri Buziashvili: Tell me, how many shades of love are there? It's the same with envy. There is no point in dividing it into “white” and “black”; it is diverse. There is envy towards a colleague. There is envy of the opponent in the fight for a woman's heart. There is envy of the poor towards the rich, the sick towards the healthy, the defeated towards the winner. Or, let’s say, the envy of one great commander towards another - Suvorov said about Napoleon, when he was winning victories in Africa: “The guy is walking widely, we need to calm him down.” Why calm down? He seems to be far away, leave him alone. But no, there must be only one great commander, and that is me. It is also very important how free a person holding a high position is from envy. An envious person should not be a leader. Because he will never surround himself with bright people. He will always give preference to mediocrity.

Your relationship with the world

A person receives negative emotions from others and unpleasant situations only when he himself creates something not very pleasant within himself. This is how the world responds to radiation into space. You should take this as a signal to improve, and not as something insurmountable. And then it may happen that you yourself will understand: not all people are evil and envious, there are those who sincerely rejoice, are inspired by the successes of other people and draw joy from it. Be kind to the world, and it will respond in kind, because you are part of it.

You constantly hear hurtful things

Sometimes people say something unpleasant completely by accident, it happens. With an envious friend, everything is different; he will constantly say rude things to you and insult you. Be sure to pay attention to what is happening if communicating with your best friend is emotionally draining. It is likely that he uses hurtful words specifically to hurt you. When you demonstrate that you are hurt, that you are offended, the person simply tries to hush everything up as a bad joke. Often such people also accuse their interlocutor of being overly sensitive.

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