Is it possible to fall in love by correspondence? 4 tips from psychologists, consultations

How to start flirting in correspondence?

Virtual freedom is conducive to romance. Let's figure out how to flirt with a guy by correspondence:

Extraordinary. Dilute the cliché with fresh notes and turn his head:
“Dreams do come true: guys like you really exist.”
Feminine. Be sweet and gentle. This is exactly what is expected of you:
“You are so strong in this photo. I want to be held in my arms.”
Boldly. Take him out of his comfort zone. Ask unexpected and provocative questions:
“Would you like to live this day differently? With me, for example?

That's what Jackie said

“Some may disagree with me, but I am only answering the question that was asked to me. How can two people love each other if they have never touched each other? And I’m not talking about sex now - just about ordinary human touches. And the smell? How about that warmth of closeness and being able to enjoy the scent of your loved one? To bury your nose in her neck, to smell her skin and hair. You can't experience it over FaceTime.

How can you love a person whose lips you have never touched? Isn't a kiss a kind of magic that sometimes allows you to make sure that your feelings are real? By the way, sometimes a kiss works exactly the opposite - you understand that you have no love for this person. And in general, how can you say that you love a person if you have never taken his hand in yours or felt his breath?

Falling in love means spending a certain period of time with this person. FaceTime is different. All those scheduled dates where you look your best and are in a good mood are not the same.

Loving means allowing him or her to see you in your vulnerable moments. When your hair is disheveled or you have a terrible cold. Or when you lost your job or found out about the illness of a loved one.

Despite the fact that FaceTime conversations can be very meaningful and confidential, they are too planned and orderly. True love only lives when you are not ready for anything at all - when you have a seizure or an attack of uncontrollable crying.

Think about it. When someone sends you a message, you have the opportunity to think about your response and respond when it's convenient for you. There is no spontaneity. What about Facetime? You can set the light, choose the best background and do everything to look your best. If you are self-conscious about your body, you may hide your imperfections. Hair problems, baldness? A baseball cap comes to the rescue. Does she have a scar? It can be hidden. This won't work live.

On a real date, you take advantage of the luxurious opportunity to look at absolutely everything. Hands, toes (if she's wearing open shoes), legs, arms, hair, smile, teeth and - most importantly to me - eyes.

How can you fall in love with someone without ever looking into their eyes? I think this is impossible.

Plus, real life dates help give you a glimpse into what kind of life that person is living. What does his apartment smell like? Is his bed made? There are a million little things that make us fall in love with a person. It is impossible to feel them while communicating online.

I want to say that there is nothing wrong with communicating online - it's a good start for a relationship. But it is absolutely impossible to fall in love until you spend some time in person with this person. I'll tell you something else. You may look back and realize that you were in love before you met in person, but honestly, you will never truly know if you really were.

Building relationships and dating is scary. Many people are much more comfortable hiding, using modern technology as a shield. They help us cope with our most important fear. What are we most afraid of on dates? Feelings of one's own vulnerability. It's such a shame. Anyone who has ever been in a good relationship will say this: “If one day you have the courage to face a person as yourself, and he accepts all your shortcomings and loves you, you have experienced the best feeling in the world.”

This doesn’t work on the Internet.”

How to understand that a guy is already hooked?

A “just acquaintance”, when moving to the status of a “fan,” begins to behave differently towards you. Let's note the sure signs that a pen pal likes you:

Activity. Our friend visits your page more and more often. Shows concern if you are away from the Internet for a long time. He himself looks for reasons for a virtual meeting and is the first to start communicating. It's obvious that he likes you.
Interest. Thoughts about you visit him more and more often. He really cares how you did on the exam you mentioned earlier. Several times a day he will ask about your well-being when you are unwell. He will definitely clarify how you got home late at night if he is familiar with your schedule. He will ask you to send him a fresh selfie to cheer himself up.
Brevity. The level of mutual understanding eliminates the excess of words. There will be more and more replies from his side, and their volume will gradually decrease. He writes little about many things, which means everything is going according to plan. You already speak the same language.
Quotes. Pay attention to how often in correspondence he refers to your words. “Remember, you said”, “To the point”, “You said the right thing”, “You were right about...” - in this complex world, your gentleman has found a foothold. It's you.

Is it possible to fall in love on the Internet?

You correspond with a person every day, receive compliments and sweet speeches , it seems that you have a lot of common topics, the same views, the interlocutor is sweet and charming.

A feeling is born . This is not love, but rather sympathy, infatuation. You are drawn to a fictitious image rather than to a real person about whom little is actually known.

The ideal picture is a figment of the imagination. After meeting in the real world, fantasies may dissipate, the person will turn out to be less attractive, and the feelings will go away.

In the event of a more favorable development of events, if there is confirmation of pleasant impressions, communication will continue. And in this case, the birth of love is possible.

If you or your interlocutor refuse to transfer acquaintance from the virtual world to the real one, preferring to enjoy illusions, perhaps not everything is going smoothly in your life at the moment, there is a feeling of dissatisfaction.

Dating via the Internet. How to understand the seriousness of a relationship? Expert opinion:

Prerequisites for the development of feelings

What were the preconditions for the feeling to arise? Perhaps it:

Disappointment . Online affairs are a common consequence of disappointment in real relationships. After a breakup, a person is not ready for a new serious relationship for some time. The soul is not yet sick, the past has not been forgotten. Correspondence allows you to cheer up, feel needed, and at the same time gives a feeling of protected personal space where you don’t have to let your interlocutor in. When there is discord in family life, virtual flirting helps to get the emotions missing in life, add bright colors to life, while some manage to save the family.
Personal characteristics . Lack of self-confidence, complexes about appearance, physical disabilities, fear of being ridiculed and rejected interfere with dating in the real world. There are people who are closed by nature. The Internet provides an opportunity to meet shy people, homebodies and introverts who do not know how to start live communication, who do not like and do not know how to meet people in real life. In online love, it all starts with conversations, expressing thoughts, finding out common interests and similar worldviews. Appearance and social status are relegated to the background.
The desire to gain recognition . To be liked, to hear approval addressed to you, to receive a positive assessment of your activities is pleasant. If these steps come from a stranger and are repeated many times, it fascinates and excites. New acquaintances attract because they give a new portion of admiration. They get carried away by a person, wanting to receive even more attention and interest in their personality, and then they are not far from falling in love.

Relationships or the illusion of relationships? The main problems in online relationships:

A few words about errors

If you want a man to continue communicating and subsequently fall in love with you, then do not make some mistakes. They lead the guys to a dead end and cast doubt on their future meeting:

Incomprehensible content. A message with many typos, grammatical errors, omissions, meaningless sentences and dangling phrases will not convey the necessary information to a man. Re-read your text and make sure that it is understandable to the other person.
Incomprehensible tone. Don't overdo it with emoticons and exclamation marks. It is clear what a sad or smiling face means. But it’s difficult to understand what opinion a guy will have if he sees a mixture of 5-6 different emoticons located next to each other.
Silence. You shouldn't cut off contact for a few weeks without warning if you've already fallen in love with a person. He may feel that he is not interested in you. If it is not possible to talk in the near future, be sure to warn the man.

Avoid these mistakes and then the conversation with a man will flow easily and calmly.

Virtual communication has both positive and negative aspects. In any case, you shouldn’t discount this type of dating, but you don’t need to plunge headlong into the Internet either. Learn to combine the real and virtual world, then you will be socialized, happy and developed.

How to avoid falling under the influence of scammers

Scammers take advantage of the gullibility of some users for selfish purposes. Men often look for dubious entertainment. Fleeting, fleeting romances come down to drinking alcohol together and physical intimacy. Resourceful representatives of the fairer sex cleverly provoke virtual interlocutors to top up the balance of a mobile phone or bank card, justifying the requests with temporary financial difficulties.

In order to avoid getting into an unpleasant situation, before a real meeting it is better to find out comprehensive information about the interlocutor, talk in person by phone or video call (Skype, WhatsApp). In this way, you can eliminate doubts about the appearance and personality of a new acquaintance. Psychologists do not advise unconditionally trusting strangers who ask for financial help. It is better to trust your intuition and common sense.

Virtual love is a form of relationship that can develop into a happy marriage or disappoint. Internet communication equalizes the chances of people with different types of appearance, social status and income level, but rarely develops into deep affection and long-term relationships.

Cons of Online Relationships

Disadvantages of online relationships:

You have very little information about your interlocutor . Everything that is available is taken from his words. The relationship is based on faith in what he says and how he describes himself. On the Internet, everyone shows only what they want. A correspondence lover will not show his negative qualities and character traits. And during face-to-face communication, all this will definitely appear. Your hero may not want a serious relationship, but openly lie, asserting himself at your expense. But in relationships on the Internet, everything is built on unconditional trust.
In correspondence, people often offer fictitious information about themselves , embellish, endow themselves with non-existent advantages, and invent unrealistic details of their lives.
This is especially true for interlocutors with low self-esteem: on the Internet you can be strong, beautiful, successful, without considering yourself such in reality. Sometimes in reality the partner may be of a different age, and even gender. On the Internet it is easy to be someone you are not. No one will notice the change.
You independently invent the character traits of your interlocutor , attribute non-existent qualities to him and create an unrealistic image. By idealizing your hero, making your chosen one the very best, in a real meeting you can be very disappointed.
Vast distances may separate you. And if you suddenly decide to transfer your love to the real plane, it will be difficult to do.
Psychological dependence may occur . You are constantly drawn to the computer, there is no time left for walks, hobbies, or live communication. If at a certain moment the interlocutor does not get in touch, it is difficult for you to cope with his absence.
Correspondence relationships are illusory ; in real life, partners remain lonely, or live not with the objects of their ardent feelings, but with completely different people.
Virtual love can be dangerous. There are mentally unstable and anxious people online.
If you do agree on a first date with a guy on the Internet, be sure to arrange it in a public place.

Social network addiction, virtual love, internet addiction, psychotherapy:

What can you do to fuel a long-distance relationship?

Try to diversify your communication: not only talk about your news, but also share interesting finds, films, music.
You can start reading one book together and discuss its characters while reading. Also try calling and watching a movie together. Of course, there will be no hugs in the last row of the cinema, but you will be able to comment on the events in the film, joke and laugh together. But don't get carried away by the charm of the image behind which another person may stand, don't lose touch with your real friends. Take steps to get closer and try to take communication offline to get to know the person better. If you can eventually be there, then try to bring this moment as soon as possible.

Final thoughts

Admit that such letters could greatly decorate and enrich your life. So what’s stopping you from writing a love letter to a loved one, even if you’ve lived with him for 45 years and just this morning you were drinking tea together in the kitchen and complaining to each other about insomnia and pain?

Love has many languages, many ways of expression, including such a unique way - verbal. Through the written word, without physical contact, without touching or kissing.

Now is the time to master this language perfectly so as not to put your loved one in danger. And let your love letters touch the heart of your loved one! The soul will understand, tremble and reciprocate!

Litmus test of inner wealth

Written speech in its structure is the most detailed and syntactically correct. It is addressed not to listeners, but to readers who are unable to grasp its meaning through intonation and other non-verbal channels of perception.

In order to influence the addressee, written speech requires the most complete disclosure of all significant connections of the thoughts, emotions and feelings it expresses. Therefore, to some extent, written communication requires a person to have greater internal culture, greater concentration on the addressee, and more work. Not to mention basic literacy.

Letters are a litmus test of a person’s internal content and cultural baggage. If in ordinary communication the lack of depth, culture and education can be softened or compensated for by charm and special intonations, then in a novel in letters you do not have this advantage - a piece of paper “speaks” for you.

And he can tell either a deep and piercing story of life and its understanding, suffering and hope to find a way out of it, whisper about tenderness and true love, or become a set of insignificant phrases with spelling errors.

Rule #6: Simple Conventions

There are moments that fuel a man’s interest in corresponding with you. First of all, it’s attention to his life and the ability to present your own.

Learn to ask open-ended questions in correspondence, those that cannot be answered “Yes-No”. This way you will get food for thought.

Along with the answer, you will receive a question addressed to you and a chance to tell something exciting.

It is not at all necessary that the man be online when you write. You can make your good morning wishes traditional. A simple example: “Good morning! Have a good day! (smile).”

This is where you get creative: figure out how to wish him a good day in a more interesting way and see the man’s reaction if you write him something new every morning.

In the evening you can ask the opposite: “How was your day?” This question does not require a detailed report and the man will definitely answer something.

A separate issue is the duration of the correspondence. Don't stay online too long, especially at night. Lack of sleep does not make a woman happy and means that she has nothing to do in the evening.

It’s better to tell your man about how productively you spent your day, what interesting things happened in your life, what you read, watch and what you’re interested in - briefly and emotionally. And don't forget to give compliments.

And forget about the question “What are you doing?” every two hours. For the most part, it is annoying and distracting.

Rule No. 4: Competent does not mean normal

Many women, when drawing conclusions about a man, miss one very important thing - literacy.

Firstly, it is a direct indicator of intellectual level. Secondly, what to focus on is not always correct.

Remember one thing: very literate does not mean normal, and normal does not mean exceptionally literate.

A decent man saves his time on things like SMS. He can ignore capital letters and sometimes punctuation marks, so it is better to draw conclusions not by commas, but by actions.

And the main indicator that a man is ready to take the relationship to the level of reality is a meeting.

And you, too, don’t play the philological maiden if you are far from her in life.

As with everything, moderation is important here. There is no point in putting up with "ashipki". A decent man most likely has an equally decent job.

When instead of “date” he writes “dating” - think about what kind of work they will tolerate such an illiterate employee.

But if he made only a couple of mistakes during the entire period of your communication, and you have already written him off, one thing I can say for sure is that it will be difficult for you to find a normal man.

Try to write correctly and avoid typos, but don’t get hung up on it. Believe me, literacy is not the most important quality in a man.

Rule No. 2: Adequate initiative

Give the guy the first like?! Yes, this is the first step on the girl’s part. And no, he won’t think that you are intrusive, asking for help, etc. To be the first to write: “Hello...” is not a crime.

If we transfer the same picture into reality: you would show initiative when you smiled, looked into the eyes, or something like that.

While you sit and think about how he will take the initiative, someone else will take it. And then write or don’t write, the chance will be missed.

You don’t have to believe that fate will bring you together one way or another. When you wait a long time, you get the best of the leftovers - I’ve said this more than once.

Yes, go first. Like and write.

But remember, in the first message it is best to either give a compliment or ask a question that will be impossible not to answer.

And this question is not “How are you?” And there is no need to unload on a man a history of his kind, a story about 72 hobbies and proudly tweet about his “top 10 advantages”.

Every person wants to be interested in him. This is a cyclical reaction: you show interest - they correct you in return.

The “take-and-give” balance is important even on the first date, because the relationship begins already in the first SMS conversation.

Act like a woman: carefully and unobtrusively. Put off the desire to show off your sharp mind until better times. Start with a simple “Hi. A stunning photo of the sunset in Barcelona, tell us which cities you have visited before?

This will be enough for him to understand that you are educated, not trivial and interested. On top of everything, a beautiful photo and the first step has been taken.

If he answers, he’s interested. Keep your communication level. If not, that's the answer.

Rule #5: Problem Girl

Even the most confidential dialogue can be ruined once or twice, and then complain “how well it all started!”

Body language doesn’t work in correspondence, so even the interlocutor won’t be able to easily recognize irony if you don’t put a smiley face at the end.

At the correspondence stage, problems can only have one character: “Listen, don’t you know a good restaurant in

The same goes for your shortcomings. There is a category of women who really like to focus attention on them in the spirit of: “Yes, that’s who I am!”

Rule No. 1: Form and content

Do you think that you only need to check your profile on a dating site? No. Beer, bare breasts, bouquets of roses or selfies from the gym. Any of these photographs can tell you much more about you than you can imagine.

A basic image search and Google will give you away to a man. It’s the same story in Viber and WhatsApp: agree that when we see only status and photos, we judge only by these points.

Vanilla statuses like “I am hard to find and easy to lose” do not speak about your value, but about primitive thinking and excess free time.

Therefore, before you create a profile or meet someone online, go through the published photos and check whether all of them correspond to your request for a worthy man.

If you would already be ashamed to show your profile to your future husband, consider that you have failed face control.

Benefits of online dating

A sweet, gentle and touchingly courteous person on the Internet can turn out to be a real dictator in life. Not to mention more severe cases (we won’t consider maniacs with chainsaws).
The information that is available about a person on the Internet is not always true. It is quite possible that his place of residence is fictitious, the photograph was downloaded from the Internet, instead of a name there is a pseudonym, instead of a blank page in the passport there is a stamp from the registry office, and several children, whom he, naturally, did not intend to leave for you.
To please yourself with the illusion that “appearance is not the main thing” is a mistake in advance. Even if in reality a person really turns out to be a gentle romantic with great income, his appearance, voice and manner of communication can terrify you already at the first meeting.
Often “virtual love” ends in very real quarrels, as a result of which “secret personal correspondence,” photographs, as well as intimate and life details become public knowledge.

As you communicate with virtual “love,” the lines between reality and the Internet gradually blur—a chronic fear of breaking this thread, the connection with the person, appears. But real feelings cannot last indefinitely within the Network - sooner or later they will have to be interrupted or move into the phase of real communication. And here the question arises - is this necessary? Will the meeting be the beginning of the end?

Prospects

Having fallen in love by correspondence, people want to meet in reality and live a long and happy life together. This is where disappointment overtakes many.

Sometimes a talkative, sociable interlocutor disappears after an offer to meet .
He is busy all the time, there are many important things to do, there is a rush at work, family circumstances urgently require him to move to another city. Most likely, your hero has reasons to leave the relationship purely virtual, so as not to turn from an ideal into a completely less than ideal person. Or he already has a very real relationship with someone other than you. In any case, the persistent reluctance to meet and excuses should be alarming.
Once the meeting has taken place, sometimes not everything goes smoothly. A person can be the complete opposite of the created image. You will have nothing to talk about. The relationship ends, you are overwhelmed with a feeling of resentment and injustice.

Most close correspondence relationships end overnight after the first real meeting. Sobering up is a common outcome of the first dates of virtual lovers.

Cases when online correspondence develops into true love, ending in a wedding and the creation of a happy family , happen less frequently. They are possible if you know how to behave correctly and how to communicate if you want to continue the relationship.

Myths and tragedies of virtual love:

Is it possible to feel a person from a distance? Find out about this from our article.

Rules for correspondence with a man - TOP 5

1) Don't write too long messages

If your interlocutor writes you 2 words in SMS, and you write 100 words to him, then this is unattractive. I once talked to a girl who immediately started writing very large messages, in response I wrote a few words, and she continued to write me a poem (a screenshot of this dialogue is below). Such a girl immediately upsets the balance of values and one gets the feeling that she needs this communication much more than I do. After a couple of giant messages, my interest in communicating with her instantly disappeared.

To avoid getting into such situations, just use the following rule: write a message approximately the same in length as your interlocutor. If a man writes you a few words, then it is also wise to answer him succinctly. If a man writes a long story, then in this case you can also write him a detailed message.

Use the principle of reciprocity!

2) Do not write more than 2 messages in a row

There are many girls who write one SMS, then a second, a third, and so on. And the man still didn’t have time to answer the first one. Ideally, write 1 message, and then wait for a response from the interlocutor. If your dialogue is filled with messages from your side, then you risk losing interest on the part of the man.

The same goes for questions. Don't ask more than one question at a time. As you saw in the screenshot above, the girl not only wrote huge messages, but also asked a bunch of questions at once. Remember the rule: 1 message = 1 question (maximum 2 questions, but no more).

3) No complaints

If you complain in correspondence about your hard life, fate, failure, then you begin to demonstrate to a man your low value. A normal man will immediately be put off by a girl who dumps her problems on him at the very start of communication. Problematic women may only appeal to abusers or strange individuals who are unlikely to attract you.

Remember that other people's problems are of no interest to anyone, this is the truth of life. Everyone wants to communicate with cheerful, positive and successful people.

4) Emotions

We already know that great flirting is possible thanks to emotions. Your communication should be rich in them. There is no need to communicate with a man in a dry and boring way. Use emoticons (but don't overdo it), joke around, have fun. Feel like a child while texting. Men feel well the emotional state of a girl not only during a live meeting, but also during correspondence. So be positive and in a playful mood.

Even the banal question “What do you do?” you can answer in an interesting way, evoking emotions in the interlocutor (example in the screenshot below)

Currently I work in marketing. Therefore, the definition “I am in the business of taking money from people” is perfect. And it doesn’t matter what your profession is. Whether you are a cashier or a doctor, it doesn't matter. You can come up with an interesting and funny description for any activity.

Well, you see, if I answered: “I’m a marketer,” it would be boring. But the phrase “I take money from people” gives rise to a bunch of questions and slight surprise in the girl’s head. In this simple way I evoke emotions in my interlocutor and he remembers me.

5) You are a buyer

This is one of the main rules when communicating with the opposite sex. Remember that you are the buyer. What does it mean? It is you who chooses, not you. Many girls (and men too) try with all their might to please their interlocutor and are afraid of losing his affection. But this desire to try to please is fundamentally wrong. Because it puts you in a position where they choose you, not you. But it is beneficial for you that you choose men, and not vice versa.

Every time you communicate with the opposite sex, always evaluate the interlocutor and filter him (if you don’t like him). In order for you to be in the position of a buyer, you need to clearly decide what kind of man you want to see next to you. After all, if you go to choose a laptop in a store, don’t buy the first one you come across. Certain characteristics will be important to you. The same applies to men. Understand what qualities are important to you in the opposite sex and start choosing among the most worthy ones.

Believe me, men immediately begin to feel when they are being appreciated. And they immediately have a desire to please!

Key takeaways from the article:

Flirting is about emotions. Evoke emotions in your interlocutor
Create intrigue in your correspondence
Be sincerely interested in the other person and their life (put them first)
Don't invest more in communication than a man
Remember - you choose, not you!