Psychological distance is an expression of our attitude towards other people, how much we accept or do not accept them. It is important not to confuse psychological distance with personal space zones, because this is largely an external, real distance between you and other people.
In this article:
What is the complexity of the concept Factors of psychological distance Functions of psychological distance Dynamic component of psychological distance Psychological distance in a relationship with a man How to change psychological distance
What is the complexity of the concept
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Psychological distance differs from social distance, which is expressed in differences in social status and status. Psychological distance is your personal attitude towards this or that person. No matter what the differences in your income, status, profession, no matter how far or how close this person is from you.
Psychological distance is unique in that for you a person on the other side of the world can be closer than a person sitting in the next room.
Why do they do this?
The most important thing to understand is that such behavior does not always have to do with you personally. People often express their complexes and traumas, as well as a lack of empathy. However, it happens that a banal lack of upbringing is to blame. Sometimes “white coats” are driven by a desire to praise themselves and stroke their ego. Another reason is cognitive bias. It seems to them that you yourself are to blame for your mistakes, and that theirs is solely due to universal injustice.
Factors of psychological distance
Psychological distance depends on parameters such as:
- your openness or closedness to the world;
- your general perception of others, both threatening and benevolent;
- the degree of your trust in others;
- personal attitude towards a specific person, which can be expressed in his respect or disrespect, sympathy or antipathy.
How to properly maintain distance in communication?
Functions of psychological distance
Psychological distance should not be perceived as detachment, isolation, or closedness from the world.
Psychological distance:
- gives the opportunity to be free;
- determines the degree of awareness of one’s self;
- is a condition for personal growth;
- helps to realize needs and achieve goals;
- is a defense mechanism.
Psychological distance is the space in which you allow yourself to be free. To experience the feelings that you experience, to feel safe, to be freed from guilt and shame.
If you have a well-built psychological distance, you can separate your real self from the social one, you do not lose yourself, maintain your values and have a stable, formed worldview. You have an area for self-development, autonomy, independence, initiative and the ability to be alone with yourself.
Psychological distance helps to realize certain needs. So, for example, reducing psychological distance gives you love, trust, acceptance. Thanks to psychological distance, you solve certain problems, for example, increasing this distance between you and your parents will help you in the process of separation from them, and getting closer will provide support.
In our work, we often reduce the psychological distance from people from whom we need help, with whom we need to solve a number of serious problems together. Moreover, when these problems are solved, the distance can either increase or remain close.
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Psychological distance is the most important factor, which is a powerful defense. If you know how to psychologically distance yourself, then it is easier for you to maintain personal boundaries, that is:
- do not allow others to influence your lifestyle;
- your self-esteem does not depend on the opinions of everyone around you, but on your personal opinion and the opinions of people who really matter to you;
- you do not allow other people to influence your decisions, you are not prone to conformism;
- you know how to resist emotional blackmail.
Eye contact
During a conversation, you can strengthen the meaning of words by turning your head and looking at them.
Thus, a skilled speaker always turns his eyes to the audience to emphasize the importance of what was said or to mark logical breaks in the speech. At the end of the monologue, as if conveying the word, he turns his head to the one who will speak after him
These habits are extremely useful. By making eye contact with the speaker, each person perceives what is said with much greater interest. In addition, interested listeners are happy to insert a few words during the action, and by turning your eyes to the audience, you can always predict such a desire and avoid the overlap that an impatient remark can cause.
When in company, people often prefer to look at those who are most interesting to them. Using this rule, it is easy to assess your success or interest in your person in society. By the way visual contact occurs, you can also determine what really worries the interlocutor: with genuine interest, a person’s eyes involuntarily become rounded and the pupils dilate.
Based on the intensity of eye contact between a married couple, one can quite accurately assess the level of their intimacy and satisfaction with their life together. The physical distance between spouses and the nature of their touching each other can tell a lot.
When meeting a stranger, it is considered indecent to look at him for more than 1-2 seconds. In such a situation, a person usually feels uncomfortable, especially if he is being “studied” at close range. Staring for a long time can be seen as an invasion of privacy, which will invariably cause feelings of hostility and threat. A person may feel like an object of obscene desire. Therefore, you should not keep your gaze on the newcomer - by looking away after 1-2 seconds, you will show your respect for the person. If the stranger interests you and you decide to look at him more closely or longer than usual, smile at him. Often this is enough to completely dispel the feeling of aggression, challenge or hostility that might arise.
During a conversation, people spend almost half of the conversation looking at each other with a break of a few seconds. If you spend less than half the time making eye contact with your partner, your partner will most likely not have the best memories of you. You may be perceived as cold, indifferent, shy, nervous, and unsure of yourself, and may even be questioned about your honesty. Having direct visual contact with you for 3/4 of the dialogue time, the interlocutor will most likely remain impressed by your friendliness and will be convinced of your sincere desire to understand him. Isn’t it worth thinking about this if you are used to looking at your shoelaces during a conversation or counting the planes flying over you...
Dynamic component of psychological distance
Psychological distance is not some rigid boundaries that you draw around yourself once and for all. This phenomenon is constantly changing and transforming. A small child has practically no psychological distance from his mother, so he does not separate himself from her for a long time, being confident that he and his mother are one.
As you grow older, the skill of psychological distancing develops. In adolescence, distancing from parents can reach an extreme degree, at the same time, the psychological distance with peers decreases, and a sense of cohesion and imitation appears.
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As an adult, you have many social connections, your psychological distance with some people is greater, with others less. It can change in relation to specific people, just as your opinion about them changes.
Sometimes the distance increases with everyone at once - so your psyche requires solitude, isolation, a break from psychological contacts.
Psychological distance in a relationship with a man
Reducing psychological distance involves getting closer to a man, openness, sincerity, increasing trust, receiving emotional support, and the emergence of a new social role.
One could say that the smaller the psychological distance with a man, the stronger and more open the relationship with him will be. But it is not so. The fact is that each of us has our own limit of psychological rapprochement. An attempt to overcome this limit is fraught with cooling of relations, distancing and, as a result, separation.
This happens when one of the partners wants greater psychological rapprochement, wants to spend all the time together, have common friends, hobbies, and relax together, while the second one just needs more space for personal growth, self-identification, psychological and emotional release.
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And the more the partner tries to reduce the psychological space of the other, the more this very other begins to move away in an attempt to maintain his integrity.
In relationships where there is no place for freedom and distance, emotional dependence, jealousy and resentment appear. At the same time, too much distance deprives the relationship of intimacy, acceptance, feelings, leaving only parallel “comfortable” coexistence with each other.
Avoiding the “personal friend” syndrome. We differentiate between personal and work
Sometimes managers attach great importance to the personal loyalty of an employee. At the same time, they admit that building business relationships with old friends or relatives who are directly subordinate to them is the most difficult. Such employees often impose their moods on the manager and address him on a first-name basis in the presence of others. They can enter the office without knocking and are against the general rules. It is difficult for a subordinate friend to make comments if he is late for work, or to punish him when he does not fulfill his obligations. The employee perceives the boss’s condemnation as a betrayal, so there is a danger of permanently ruining friendly or family relationships.
Therefore, surround yourself with people who do not cross the boundaries of accepted business communication in the company. If an employee is incorrigible, it is better to part with him, and if this is impossible, develop a system of protection against him. For example, invite people to meetings through a secretary and ask them to put their proposals in writing.
How to change psychological distance
Since psychological distance is dynamic, it can be increased or decreased, depending on your needs and goals.
Changing psychological distance is possible through:
- active listening;
- empathy;
- identifying oneself with another;
- manifestations of your individuality;
- ability to spend time separately;
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- the ability to accept responsibility for another and refuse this type of responsibility;
- the ability to be frank and the ability to trust others;
- the ability to talk about your feelings;
- the ability to say that you need to be alone;
- the ability to be alone with yourself.
Correctly built psychological distance affects the degree of satisfaction with relationships, the ability to constructively resolve conflicts, the depth of personal communication, the unity of values and views, empathy for each other, the ability to listen to each other and accept.
