Personality disorder and changes

“A person doesn’t change!” You can often hear this phrase. But is this really so? We need to figure it out, but the question, in general, is not as simple as it might seem at first. What is “change” in the context of character?

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“Change” is a transition from one situation to another. That's what Google says. Trust him this time. This means you expect new reactions from the person to the same events. Sometimes you expect it so much that you use blackmail, threats, and daily quarrels. All this can lead to negative consequences for your relationship, sometimes irreversible.

What people want most is for their partner to change, this is not news. Women, when getting married, “sin” with the thought that they can change a man. They put on the crown “I can do anything” and plunge headlong into the changes of another person. But is this possible?

Can a person change another, because it’s not a piece of cake when you roll up your sleeves, two swats, three swats and you’re done. The question is, of course, rhetorical. But you can try to answer it.

In this article:

Without long preludes Classification of circumstances About scattered socks and more Adjustment for age What is needed for a person to begin to change

Level of personality development

(according to N. McWilliams) can be neurotic, borderline or psychotic.

Neurotic level of personality development

characterized by the presence of an “internal observer” (a person can evaluate himself, as if looking from the outside), mature internal identity, continuity of “I” over time. People with a neurotic level are in full contact with reality and can well describe themselves, their beliefs, character, values, habits. Their main intrapersonal conflict is between desires and the obstacles that they create for themselves.

Borderline level of personality development

The “I” of people with a borderline level is contradictory and torn; they cannot create an objective, consistent story about themselves. Their values and attitudes largely negate each other. People with a borderline level are prone to polar assessments of reality (“it’s either good or not at all”, “I don’t tolerate mediocrity, I must always win”, “if I can’t live normally, I’d rather die”, etc.), they use primitive mental defenses: denial (“no, it didn’t happen”), projective identification (“what, I don’t see what kind of person this is? - he hasn’t opened his mouth yet, but I immediately understood everything about him”), splitting ( “If I’m not God, I’m nobody”). Their main intrapersonal conflict is between the fear of absorption and the fear of abandonment.

Psychotic level of personality development

These people are very poor at testing reality and are often unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy. They are in constant anxiety and fear of being swallowed up or destroyed by this reality. Their main task is to ensure their own safety. The main conflict is between the desire to live and the fear of being “crushed” by this world.

Can a person change for the sake of a loved one?

Yes, sure. Usually in the first year of a relationship, after a period of falling in love, the grinding-in stage begins. On it you pay attention to shortcomings, your first quarrels occur. Conflicts are mostly not serious, because lovers, if this is a truly adult and conscious relationship, try to please their other half. This happens unobtrusively - everyday habits, preferences for food or music change.

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The second stage of change coincides with the period when the couple begins to live together. This is a time when communication becomes almost constant, so disagreements may occur more often. Usually the changes here are more conscious—compromises. If lovers go through this period successfully, we can talk about budding love.

In an already married couple, problems due to bad character or habits are much less common. But they change them with the help of a heart-to-heart conversation, as well as through gentle gradual influence.

The main problem of those women who believe that their lover has not changed is that very early, almost immediately after meeting, they begin to demand, not wanting to adapt to him on their own. But real grinding is based on mutual compromises.

The second problem is that people get along too quickly and start living together. Sometimes it's premature.

Types of Disorders and Personality Changes

Personality disorders and changes are described, on the one hand, by a set of specific traits, values and attitudes inherent in a particular character; on the other hand, according to the level of personality development.

Personality disorders

In this regard, they are divided into several types:

paranoid (excessive sensitivity to failures, constant dissatisfaction with what is happening around, vindictiveness, refusal to forgive insults, a tendency to accept neutral actions of people as hostile, conspiratorial interpretation of many events)

schizoid (emotional coldness, weak interest in social contacts, inability to show any feelings towards other people, preference for solitary activities, preoccupation with fantasies, theories or one’s own inner world, insensitivity to social norms, lack of close friends and desire to have close contacts)

dissocial (heartlessness, indifference to other people's feelings, disregard for social norms, one's rights and responsibilities; inability to maintain relationships, despite the fact that they are established well; intolerance of refusal, ease of aggression up to violence and causing injury, inability to learn lessons from life experience, inability to feel guilty, tendency to blame others for everything, completely justifying oneself)

emotionally unstable (emotional instability, difficulty in self-control, frequent outbursts of aggression, intolerance of refusal (frustration), impulsivity)

hysterical (exaggerated expression of emotions, theatricality, suggestibility, susceptibility to the influence of the opinions of others or circumstances, superficiality and instability of emotions, constant desire for strong emotions, desire to be the center of attention, constant desire for recognition from others, excessive preoccupation with physical attractiveness, excessive desire to seduce , seduce others, touchiness, egocentrism, constant manipulation of others)

anancaste (excessive caution, a tendency to constantly doubt, excessive concern with rules, schedules, schedules, details; perfectionism, the desire for perfection, which prevents the completion of tasks; inadequate concern for productivity and implementation of the plan to the detriment of pleasure and maintaining social connections; pedantry, weak variability of behavior , stubbornness)

anxious (avoidant, avoidant) (constant heavy apprehension, anxiety, self-image as unattractive, unworthy, inferior to others; preoccupation with criticism or social rejection; increased sensitivity to rejection and criticism; reluctance to enter into relationships no guarantee of being liked; reluctance to engage in work that involves the possibility of being rejected or criticized)

dependent (the desire to shift the solution of important issues in one’s life to others, the subordination of one’s needs to the needs of the one on whom one depends; reluctance to make even reasonable demands on those on whom one depends; a feeling of helplessness in loneliness due to the inability to live independently; constant fear of being abandoned by a person dependent; reduced ability to make decisions in everyday life without outside advice and encouragement)

other personality disorders: expansive, passive-aggressive, narcissistic, unrestrained, disinhibited, eccentric, and others

Personality changes

after experiencing a disaster (hostile or distrustful attitude towards the world, emptiness, a feeling of hopelessness, social isolation, constant feeling of threat, “existence on the brink of a disaster” for at least 2 years after the disaster)

after suffering a mental disorder (excessive dependence on others and placing excessive demands on them; persistent belief in one’s own change, “wrongness” due to the illness, which makes it difficult to establish relationships and connections; passivity, decreased interests and passion for what was of interest before; constant complaints illness, hypochondriasis; sad-angry (dysphoria) or mood swings; significant decline in social and work functioning)

Among other things, there is a whole class of mature personality disorders that currently cannot be fully explained by either hereditary or environmental factors.

Making adjustments to your life: how to change a person

To change someone, you first need to improve yourself. We list three qualities that are worth working on and correcting:

Dependence on other people's opinions. Often this is expressed in the abstract “What will people say”, in other cases in the need for advice, guidance, guidance. This trait is brought up in childhood by parents who do not allow the child to decide anything on his own, doing everything for him. This leads to low self-esteem, immaturity and inability to cope with problems and make serious decisions.
Fear of failure. Many people don’t start a new business, don’t leave work for another place, don’t leave bad husbands because they’re afraid. This feeling hinders any self-development and forces you to stand still. We need to take steps forward, not fearing for the consequences, but predicting them.
Depressive thoughts. When a person looks at everything negatively in advance, he does not notice the joy of life. Yes, there are problems, but they will seem less significant to you if you meet them with a smile and confidence in the future and in yourself.

Therapy for personality disorders

Depending on the type of disorder, the degree of suffering of the person who has these changes, the ability or inability to control the impulses generated by this disorder, as well as the level of personality, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and sexologists treat this pathology. In the mildest cases, psychologists work with such people. Therapy for personality disorders requires long-term and painstaking psychological work. Progress in drug treatment for personality disorders is inconsistent and often questionable. If we set the task of working with personality traits and reactions that burden the patient, then psychological work, in general, can achieve more impressive results than drug assistance.

Telephone for consultations:

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All materials on the site are presented for informational purposes only, approved by certified physician Mikhail Vasiliev, diploma series 064834, in accordance with license No. LO-77-005297 dated September 17, 2012, by a certified specialist in the field of psychiatry, certificate number 0177241425770.

Is it possible to change a person for the better or is it impossible?

This will work for those people who themselves have these good traits. Let's give an unsuccessful example: a girl claims that her boyfriend is selfish and does not give her gifts, but she herself behaves in the same selfish and narcissistic way. In the opposite situation, the beloved does not make demands, but gives all of herself to the relationship. This behavior leads to the fact that the young man himself strives to surround such a girl with care.

You cannot ask your spouse to stop drinking beer in the evenings if you yourself do not lead a healthy lifestyle. You need to set a good example - that's the only thing that works.

Do people change: psychology

A person tends to change every day. After all, it is influenced by the social environment and surroundings. An individual who communicates with a certain group of people tends to adopt their habits and traditions. Accordingly, after long-term communication, people can finish each other’s phrases, or think the same way. These factors are considered external, but are directly related to the internal characteristics of a person.

Do people change, psychology:

Almost all people are suggestible and prone to imitation. In order to get close to a certain person or group of people, you need to accept their habits, gestures, and try to copy them. This happens on a subconscious level.
Of course, internal factors and nature most actively affect human behavior. All individuals are different, differing in temperament, as well as mental characteristics. If a person's social environment is favorable, it contributes to the development of a person's potential, as well as the nature of the individual.
Within a person lies the need for self-realization, self-determination, and is a kind of engine of change. It is the desire to become better, to self-actualize, that drives a person, contributing to the emergence of various kinds of changes.

Wisdom

Why people don't change: psychology

There are several reasons why a person is resistant to change.

Why people don't change, psychology:

His reluctance. An individual is absolutely comfortable living in such a situation and promoting a certain lifestyle.
The person feels very weak. He does not have enough strength to carry out some changes, since they are associated with a certain job.
The environment and surroundings hold a person back, preventing him from changing. In fact, this reason is not so important, since changes occur due to the desire of the person himself, and not the environment. But the environment can affect some features of human behavior. For example, a woman wants to lose weight, but spends time in the company of relatives and friends whose remote control beeps. They are used to eating unhealthy food. Accordingly, in such an environment it is very difficult to go on a diet or join a gym. Because everything around us is different. It is necessary to gradually change the environment and do what is convenient for you. Of course, under no circumstances should you break off relations with your relatives and friends. However, try to reduce your interactions with them. Communicate with them only when there is no risk of you breaking down. Over time, when you lose weight, you find like-minded people, perhaps some of your relatives will be inspired by your example, and they will also want to change.
The main reason for fear of change is the fear of what others will think when you start to change. People who are self-confident, even somewhat selfish, always change much faster and more effectively than people with weak character.
Weak willpower. Very often, after several failures, a person gives up his idea. Although it is necessary to develop your willpower and character, try to achieve your dream an unlimited number of times.
No severe pain. After a certain shock, a person is able to change. In comfortable conditions, the desire for change may not arise.
Not knowing where to start. The hardest thing to start a transformation is to set your goals. Therefore, at the initial stage of change, it is necessary to clearly build an action plan and understand what you want from yourself. It is very difficult to change if there is no understanding of how to do it, for what reason.

Argument

Results

Do people change for or after something? Yes, but more often after something. Namely, after life becomes unbearable, when circumstances push you against the wall, when it becomes hard to breathe, when a person becomes disgusted with himself, when he is left alone - there are a lot of options for unfavorable scenarios.

The second important condition for change is a strong type of nervous system and a strong character. Personality change will take years. To do this, you will need motivation at the beginning of the journey and its maintenance throughout the work on yourself, a lot of energy, and strong will. Strong people can change not only after something, but also for something. They have the courage.

Is it possible to correct, change another person? No. But you can help someone who wants to change and work on themselves, and is ready to accept help.

Well, if you are not satisfied with someone from your environment, then there are three options: change yourself, accept him, break up. By the way, in some cases, the risk of separation can turn into internal motivation for change.

What can you change in a person?

Household habits are the worst to adjust. They take years to develop and are often harmless. The person himself may not perceive them from a negative side, so he completely refuses to put the toothbrush in another place (put down the toilet seat, cover food with a lid in the microwave). It’s better to put up with such little things or wait for time.

But behavior and character are well adjusted. But only on condition that the owner of the qualities himself wants it. Help him, support him so that the changes go as smoothly and unnoticeably as possible, without stress. The best results are those that are achieved gradually.

Why do you need an inner voice?

A person begins to talk to himself at an early age. At first, as a child, he mutters something under his breath during various games. Gradually he begins to pronounce words and phrases to himself. This is how internal dialogue is formed.

Psychologists have repeatedly conducted various studies to understand how a person’s self-talk affects life. The results showed that the inner voice plays an important role in critical thinking, problem solving, and self-regulation of behavior.

Give advice instead of nagging.

Let's say you want your partner to take his job more seriously and move further up the career ladder. Instead of pressuring him and calling him a failure, send him articles (literature) about career, growth and development to inspire him to become more successful.

Possible reasons for change

Having suffered a serious illness, as well as a serious illness of a loved one, can greatly affect changes in personality

Psychology considers a number of factors that can influence a person, changing his usual way of life, his character, type of worldview, and personal attitudes. The most common reasons include:

Severe mental shock. It can be both negative and positive. For example, the death of a loved one or the birth of a child.
Having spiritual growth. A person gradually improves, daily learns about the world around him, and develops his consciousness. People who are nearby may not notice the changes that occur. As for acquaintances with whom there has been no contact for a long period, when they meet a changed person, they will immediately notice the changes that have occurred. This includes the accumulated experience that changes a person, distinguishes what he was like 10 years ago and now. After all, mistakes made and acquired wisdom allow you to look at the world around you in a new way. However, not everyone changes with age. This is due to the presence or absence of the ability to evaluate the path traveled.
The impact of life circumstances. For example, an individual who has served time in prison can change, both for the worse and for the better. Changing jobs, moving to a new city, all this can affect a person. Finding himself in the company of self-sufficient individuals, the individual begins to change unnoticed by himself, improving his qualities. However, some people, even in the presence of such factors, adapt to environmental changes, remaining unchanged.
Finance is a driver of change, both negative and positive. So, for example, a person with a closed soul, having received a large amount of money, can spend it left and right, allocate considerable sums to charity, and not regret anything. And the previously good-natured, open personality withdraws from the world around him.
The age crisis can leave its mark. Between thirty and forty years, there is often a lack of perfect plans that were previously outlined. A person reconsiders his views, sometimes he can change his way of existence, some qualities can strengthen and become stronger, while others can weaken. Liberation from illusions occurs. Crisis of old age (age over 70 years) - a person analyzes his past, reevaluates himself, notes positive and negative moments in his life. If everything suits him, he understands that he has the right character traits. If he becomes aware of the lack of some qualities, he tries to change himself. At this age, changes are often caused by the loss of loved ones or loneliness.
The presence of a protracted illness forces you to change your usual lifestyle for a long period of time. And a disease that threatens death forces you to reconsider your entire life path. Often a person changes under the influence of his approaching death, even if he managed to avoid it.