So, you end up sadly acknowledging the fact that your prince charming is not so handsome after all. You are constantly trying to understand how to change a person, asking him to adjust something in his behavior and attitude, but your requests are ignored. No matter how much you nag, curse, beg, or even cry, nothing can make him change—hence, you need to arm yourself with other tactics to get the results you want.
Give advice instead of nagging.
Let's say you want your partner to take his job more seriously and move further up the career ladder. Instead of pressuring him and calling him a failure, send him articles (literature) about career, growth and development to inspire him to become more successful.
Why do you need to change your man?
It often happens in life that the other half, despite its merits, can irritate and frustrate with its behavior. While the period of courtship and meetings lasts, it is impossible to learn about a man, how he behaves at home, his habits and lifestyle. And when passion silences the mind, who will think about whether a partner is suitable or not for life together?
But as soon as the relationship moves to a higher level, and the lovers decide to live together, gradually time, fatigue, difficulties, and everyday life force us to increasingly pay attention to what the chosen one is doing
When a representative of the fair sex works, studies, thinks about the future, attending various courses, creates comfort, providing a comfortable existence for her loved one, her strength sooner or later runs out. And after a few months of living together, scandals arise every now and then. The woman asks the man to help her, not to create unnecessary problems and to appreciate her work, he vows to do everything, but the next day the dirty socks are again lying in the corner of the room, and the tube of toothpaste is not tightened. And while a rested man can remain silent, a tired woman is unable to contain her anger. Any little thing can provoke a real scandal. To prevent this from happening, it is necessary to maintain an optimal sleep and rest schedule, and be sure to distribute responsibilities around the house, taking the extra burden off your fragile shoulders.
Create boundaries and stick to them.
You cannot constantly bang your head against the wall and think about how to change a person if your partner does not hear you at all and does not respond to your requests. Creating boundaries means it's time to define what you want, what is acceptable to you, and what you will never put up with. Moreover, you need to voice your boundaries, and as clearly as possible.
How can a girl change for the better?
When a crisis breaks out in a relationship or a girl walks around for a week with a silent and dissatisfied face, and the relationship becomes cooler, guys begin to look for ways to change for the better. The first thing to understand is to prefer action, and the sooner the better, rather than conducting serious scientific research on this problem.
A common mistake guys make when making changes is that they completely focus their attention on the girl’s interests, trying to please or even predict her desires. Such tactics can help significantly. If you haven’t paid any attention to it before, most often it doesn’t bring results. In order for a girl to become more comfortable and interesting with you, she needs to upgrade her own life and abilities. So, instead of constantly annoying your companion, engage in self-development - read a book from a new area for you, sign up for courses, play sports, discover a new hobby. A person who does not stand still, develops, knows what he wants, attracts attention. By expanding the range of your own interests, it will be easier for you to understand the girl, more topics for conversation and reasons for spending time together. Self-development is a labor-intensive and time-consuming way to improve yourself in the eyes of a girl, but it is more reliable than a gift of a bouquet.
Watch not only the development of your inner world, but also your appearance. Take care of clean and tidy clothing, regular hygiene procedures, pay special attention to your health (adjust your regime, diet, pastime), engage in different activities (beautiful muscles, of course, delight, but dexterity, the ability to handle different types of transport, accuracy will force look at the girl with admiring eyes).
How can a girl change for the better? Look for the positive in everything and tune in to this wave. A good mood, the ability to cheer up, and get out of an unpleasant situation with humor are qualities that women really value in men. And of course, do not forget to take into account the wishes of your companion, because if she voiced a request to be late less often, then the first thing you should work on is your own punctuality. Girls usually make it clear what they want from guys, do not neglect her words, because before expressing criticism out loud, she has already remained somewhat silent, justified, endured and did everything possible in her fantasy so as not to make claims against you.
Love him no matter what.
Ultimately, you need to show your partner that you are willing to work through problems together. Instead of working alone on how to change a person. We all have flaws, and he probably knows his weaknesses well. Demonstrate that you unconditionally support him in everything. And your partner will be more willing to change and improve.
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How can you change your character for the better?
Character consists of many habits, developed reactions and ways of responding, so it is not possible to completely change it. Trying to simultaneously get rid of all the qualities that you consider negative and all the habits that somehow interfere with your life is simply an impossible task. Having shouldered such a load, you can hold out for a week, and then fall back to your previous state, if not in an aggravated form. Break the global task into components, and work on one or more qualities at the same time, gradually incorporating the rest when you have mastered the first.
How can a person change for the better if he has no starting point for action, i.e. understanding who he is and his inner spiritual world. The solution to any problem begins with study; in the event of a change in character, the need to immerse yourself in the world of your own experiences becomes categorical. The first question along the way of this research will be about the reasons for the need to change. Analyze what events are pushing you towards this. Changes made out of a sense of love and self-care will bring beneficial consequences (reducing the tendency to irritation will protect you from heart problems, developing the ability to refuse will give you more time for yourself and communication with loved ones, training perseverance will help you complete a project). At the same time, if you decided to reshape your character for the convenience of others, then this situation will not make you feel better, and the feeling of violence against your own psyche will remain and may return to you in the form of psychosomatics (becoming compliant at the request of others, you will be overwhelmed with their requests , increasing rigidity in order to prove something to someone can turn your friends away from you, and outwardly good-natured communication with those who betrayed you is fraught with the development of hypertension and peptic ulcers).
Listen carefully to why you are changing and look at the results, for whom it will be easier and more joyful.
To change for the better in character, you need to maintain a constant, fairly high level of happiness and interest in your own life. Review your prohibitive beliefs and throw out half of them (staying up because you have to cook a meal, not picking up the last piece of candy, giving up going to the movies to clean the house - these are all examples of things that can bring you pieces of happiness and feeling good, but you will only lose false beliefs that this is impossible). Look every day for what will bring you joy, make sure that your life is filled with activities, hobbies, and entertainment that you enjoy and are not popular or approved by your friends. Good character does not imply complete adjustment to the world around us, but it does include understanding one’s needs, since this is the only way to understand and accept the differences of others.
How to force yourself to change for the better? Don’t put off achieving what’s important to you, justifying it as others’ priority now or laziness, work on your perseverance. Don't work on changing yourself, but change your life in your direction. You will not be able to become a convenient copy that fits into the given standards. There will always be those who don’t love you and you are free to compete with them, fight, not communicate, or look for common ground. There will always be places where you are out of touch, and you are free to whine and stay there, leave to look for others or create your own. The world is plastic, and self-acceptance helps to find organic ways to fulfill needs, in addition to reshaping one’s own personality.
Re-education through self-control
It is important to be able to control your emotions
A person can change his character and learn to control himself. What needs to be done for this?
- Be able to switch attention. As soon as temptation appears, you must immediately start thinking about something else.
- There is no need to act on a whim, to act spontaneously. All decisions must be balanced and thoughtful.
- It is important to train a general model of behavior. A person must find out in which areas he will have to work on himself. You must understand that you can influence your character traits, but you cannot change what depends on the interaction of two or more people. For example, becoming an excellent husband will not be possible without the participation of the woman you love.
- It is important to be able to conduct introspection, determine your needs and desires, and goals in life. After conducting introspection, think about what kind of people are around. If in one of them you see traits that you yourself would like to possess, be in the company of these people more often.
- You also need to work on your complexes and fears, learn to make independent decisions.
Algorithm of actions
- There must be an understanding of what traits need to be developed.
- Engage in replacement. It will be difficult for a person to get rid of something right away. First you need to try to minimize the manifestation of bad traits.
- Find something to emulate.
- A person who seeks to change must have some kind of motive, and a fairly strong one. For example, when a family collapses due to a man’s rude behavior.
Study psychology
Psychology is the key to understanding other people's thinking. By default, people are neither bad nor good. All their qualities and actions have an inner meaning that rarely lies on the surface. Accordingly, if you are annoyed by some quality in the people around you, it makes sense to try to understand its nature. To do this, it is not necessary to read smart books and attend lectures by outstanding psychoanalysts; it is enough to take up acting. By trying on the strong character of another person, the actor learns to understand him. The more roles and characters, the more life experience and the better the ability to understand people.
Do what you love
Character noticeably deteriorates from unfulfillment, when a person dreams of one thing, but life forces him to do something completely different.
This state of affairs is not surprising to anyone. Many people get along well with it all their lives, but for some it has a dangerous destructive effect, destroying the very structure of their personality. If this is your case, consider ways to realize your aspirations through a hobby that does not interfere with your main occupation and way of life. Or change everything from the ground up, without looking back at the past: sometimes mental health and harmony with yourself are more important than any material wealth. Sign up for a trial lesson
Strive for awareness
No normal person wants to do bad things or behave inappropriately on purpose. The reason for such behavior is always unawareness. Even a person who says to himself “I want to get rid of excessive suspicion” cannot do this at a critical moment, because the feeling that arises seems natural to him. Therefore, in addition to understanding the problem as a whole, it is important to learn to recognize its symptoms at the moment they appear.
This is where you will need the help of your loved ones. Set a code word, such as "attic". Every time you start to go too far, a loved one says the word “attic” - you get a signal that it’s time to slow down.
