Nothing is happening in my life. Why is this and can it be changed?

What is interest?

To understand how to regain interest in life and why to do it, as the psychologist says, you must first understand what interest is. “Interest is getting some benefit. Where are all our desires directed? Of course, to states when we always want to experience something, to experience something. Our whole interest is in getting some kind of result, impressions,” says Tatyana Balashova. But sometimes a person loses this interest.

Society insists on finding the meaning of life, on being more effective, insists on quick gratification, quick solutions. From every corner you can hear: “Act, Achieve, Don’t waste time.”

“The constant noise in my head and constant fatigue accumulate every day. A person lives from Friday to Friday, counting the hours until the weekend. But the weekend passes, and the fatigue remains as it was. Loss of strength leads to loss of ability to work. Dissatisfaction with yourself and your results appears. Unachieved goals, constant disruption of plans - this has become especially relevant at the present time. There is a desire to hide from negative emotions, thereby a person seems to forbid himself to feel. The eternal bustle in the race for achievements and the attempt to force oneself to work even more leads to the fact that a person ultimately does not understand why he is doing it, and loses the meaning,” says Tatyana Balashova.

Now very often people come to psychotherapists with suppressed feelings and needs, the specialist notes.

Zero emotions and strange interests. Doctor about signs of mental disorders Read more

Tips for finding yourself

Will psychology help if you are not living your life and don’t know what to do? Undoubtedly! Psychologists and personal growth specialists know very well what to do in such situations.

Below are 15 powerful ways to get in touch with your inner self.

1. Don't give up and don't go with the flow. Be active and active. The famous physicist Einstein believed that life is like riding a bicycle: to maintain balance, you need to constantly move.
2. Don't neglect 8 hours of sleep. The habit of always getting enough sleep helps maintain health, good spirits, fresh skin and productivity.
3. Don't be afraid to say no. Of course, the movie “Always Say Yes” is very positive and inspiring, but you still shouldn’t take its message as a literal recommendation. You have the right to say no if you are asked to do something you don't want to do. Even if the request comes from a friend or relative.
4. Stick to positive thinking. Believe that everything will be fine and that you deserve it.
5. Don’t give in to stereotypes, don’t think in stereotypes, this will only prevent you from moving forward.
6. Don't stop on your way to your goal, no matter what happens. Remember that a black stripe is always followed by a white one.
7. Don't stay in circumstances you don't like: change them or leave if you can't change them. You don’t need to endure a job you don’t like because it gives you stability, or stay in a hateful relationship so as not to be alone. This is a sure path to neuroses, the feeling that you are not living your life, and panicky thoughts of “what to do?”
8. Rest.

Life in the Flow. How to understand that you are in the Flow, a simple test!

9. Gain new knowledge, improve your skills. Take courses, watch webinars, read articles. May each day enrich your mind.
10. Do any kind of creativity that you like. This will help develop creative thinking skills and relieve stress.
11. Don't miss the opportunity to pamper yourself and show yourself love. This is simply necessary, because if you don’t love yourself, the people around you won’t do it either.
12. Don't be afraid to try new things, even if it means making mistakes. It is from mistakes that you can learn how to do things right and ultimately achieve your goal.
13. Don't let everything take its course, but plan. Always make a step-by-step plan for how you will complete an important task.
14. Make new connections and acquaintances. Improve your communication skills, it will always be useful in life.
15. Don't look back at the past, don't reproach yourself for past mistakes, live in the present.

Another important recommendation from psychologists is to get inspiration and motivation from all the sources that suit you. If you do this regularly and use this inspiration to change your life, anxious thoughts will stop visiting you.

Why does apathy begin?

“The frequent request “I don’t want anything” suggests that “I don’t want to experience feelings.” It all starts from childhood. Who among us in childhood did not hear: “You did it wrong,” “Behave well, you’re a girl,” “Don’t cry, you’re a boy,” “You never know what you want,” and so on?” - says Tatyana Balashova.

The psychologist gives one example: a child climbs a high slide, and then his mother shouts to him: “Come on, get off immediately, you’re going to fall.” Why does she draw this conclusion? From my own experience and experiences. Yes, perhaps he will fall, but this will be his life experience. There is a standard phrase: “The parent knows best!” But that's not true! Of course, a child can be warned about the consequences, but not prohibited.

“People who find it extremely difficult to describe how they feel are quite common today. Their resistance may increase when it is necessary to voice that negative emotions are directed at parents who successfully did not allow the person to do this before. Any attempts to object to my mother, for example, or to express myself were suppressed and condemned in every possible way. As a result, a fear of expressing emotions may develop, which, with long, systematic repetition, turns into a ban and a negative attitude. Parents themselves cut off their children’s wings, forbidding them to express themselves and want. First, interests are imposed by parents, later by school, then by work, etc.,” says Tatyana Balashova.

As a result, a person reaches a stage when he notes that he doesn’t want anything and is not interested in anything. At the same time, the person himself does not know whether this is normal and what to do about it. “It’s like a snowball, and people fall into it regardless of age. At risk of falling into this group are perfectionists and excellent students, as well as people with low self-esteem. It's normal if you sometimes have a bad mood, it appears from time to time and to some extent it is even useful. Blues and boredom can last for several days; they do not pose a danger to a person’s mental health. You can wait out a bad mood, collect your thoughts and move on with your life. But if this condition drags on for weeks, months, years, this is an alarming sign. Such a protracted condition can lead to apathy and clinical depression,” says Tatyana Balashova.

Apathy is a symptom expressed in complete indifference, indifference, and a detached attitude towards what is happening around. Just don’t confuse a bad mood with true psycho-emotional apathy. The difficulty is that at this stage the person is not interested in getting out of this state; he has a noticeable complete lack of motivation. But at the same time, apathy is a temporary state that tells a person that he needs to listen to himself, and not to the information noise. It is difficult to get out of such a situation, since the person does not understand where to move.

Our hearts demand change. Why is it necessary to leave your comfort zone? More details

Requests for help Write your story Hello. I can’t do this anymore... It’s very painful... For many years (about 6) something has been happening to me... I feel an almost constant heaviness in my soul, pain. Constantly in a bad mood and a terribly boring life. I can't accept myself and my life. Hence the low self-esteem. I'm just suffering. There are a lot of attempts to change something behind us. But already 2 years ago I realized that I couldn’t help myself, no matter what anyone thought. It got to the point where I became lonely. Communication with my friends stopped as soon as we left for school after graduation. They seemed to have forgotten me, and I was unable to take the initiative in time. Now they're having fun without me. And it pains me to learn about this. I sat at home for a whole month. This is a blow to my inner state. I have nothing in my life, including relationships, I can’t start them. Nobody lives like me. Everyone has friends, has fun, and in extreme cases, goes on vacation. The only advantages of my position are relatively good studies at the university and at least some communication with my university friends, that’s all. My parents never understood my condition. They always accuse me of wanting to live this way. I can no longer talk to them and remain silent. They draw the wrong conclusions and express many things to me. Their words only make it worse, but there was never any support. I can’t understand why nothing happens in life at all, or only bad things happen. I am terribly ashamed of my life, especially in front of those with whom I once communicated. They probably see how I live. I don’t know what to do... there’s absolutely nothing good in the future... I’ll have to live in uncomfortable conditions (and there’s no opportunity to change), lead a monotonous existence, get overwhelmed with studies and watch how interesting others live. Yes, I was thinking about a hobby, I had ideas, but it didn’t work out. Again, it’s my fault for lack of initiative. It’s like I live in a cocoon, and only from the outside I see the normal life of other people. This just makes me burst with pain. I feel inferiority, hopelessness, despair, despondency, it is very difficult for me to make decisions and I consider myself worse than everyone else (character, appearance, life). I have long understood that this could be a disease, that I needed to see a psychotherapist, I was one step away from this, but my parents do not approve and even ridicule this. And the treatment is long-term, but my saved money is not enough for much, and again, I’m ashamed of what I’ve sunk to... There’s no way out. I feel so bad, but from the outside I can’t understand. Sometimes there are bright spots, it lets me go, it seems that maybe everything is fine, but this is just the calm before the storm. I’m tired of everything, of this constant comparison of other people’s lives with my own, but I can’t stop it. In order to feel at least something, I go into a fantasy world, only there can something interesting and fun happen. I'm tired of looking for motivation to live, looking for something good, forcing myself to continue existing. My entire social sphere failed: girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, acquaintances... Yes, over so many years there were many nuances, it’s impossible to describe everything. Honestly, I don’t know how else to help myself...

Nat, age: 08/21/2016

Responses:

Hello. You just need to slowly separate from your parents and become independent, independent. Then work, household chores, personal space, plus study will appear, you will forget what boredom is in principle. And don’t rush into relationships, your other half will definitely not pass you by. Do not compare yourself with others, each person is individual, and even if it seems to you that everything is wonderful and interesting with your classmates, they probably also have enough problems and difficulties. I wish you success!

Irina, age: 28/08/21/2016

You definitely need to turn to a good psychologist and talk ALL THIS out, pour out your soul as if in spirit, this is the first step towards a cure for melancholy and despair. You need to share your mental pain with a person who is “harnessed” to psychology. We need to satisfy this need to receive sympathy, to share our pain with someone. You simply don’t have support from the people in your life, from your parents, who in theory should give it, I understand you VERY well. In essence, you live in constant psycho-emotional isolation, your personal cup of adrenaline is constantly overflowing, you don’t “drain” it on time, because there is no one, everything accumulates inside, leading to constant breakdowns and moral exhaustion, devastation, and emotions. burnout. It’s possible to overcome all this, but you can’t cope on your own, without help, you need a competent psychotherapist, it would be nice if he prescribes you to take antidepressants, but this is only from his prescription. And also, it’s good to have at least some physical activity... they relieve stress, and acupuncture calms you down, aromatherapy.

Kurara, age: 26/08/21/2016

Hello! First of all, you don’t need to scold yourself so much. You are not to blame for anything, you have not done anything bad to anyone. After all, when most kids finish school, they stop communicating with each other. No one is to blame here, it’s just that everyone begins a new life, as many become students. New friends and girlfriends appear, already from university. So the point here is not at all about You and not the lack of initiative on Your part. On the contrary, you also study, you don’t sit at home doing nothing. This is very good. You have your own life and the fact that it is not similar to their lives is not scary at all. You are an individual and should not copy anyone. And the fact that you don’t get support from your parents is not your fault. It’s just that sometimes there is misunderstanding in the family and you don’t need to blame yourself for it. Still, the initiative should come from someone who is older, wiser, more experienced. It's a shame they don't show it. Don't be sad about it and be positive. Get out of the house more often, it’s good for your health and mood. Try to come up with some reason. Be sure to visit the university and chat with your friends there. You have a common topic - study, which means there is always something to chat about. Although, maybe there will be some other common interests, that will be great. In addition, if possible, meet guys from other groups and streams. The more acquaintances you have, the merrier and better. Don’t rush to draw conclusions about your hobbies either. You're not even twenty years old, it's time to try something new. This needs to be done constantly. If you don't like one thing, then try something else. This, by the way, will inevitably lead to new acquaintances. If you feel that thoughts about death are appearing again, try to switch to some useful, exciting activity as quickly as possible. Remember, the best motivation for You is to wait for the moment when you feel that you are truly happy. Have no doubt, such a moment will come very soon. The main thing is don’t make an irreparable mistake now. Good luck!

Mikhail, age: 28/08/24/2016

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