April 05, 2022
“The most precious thing a person has is life. It is given to him once, and he must live it in such a way that it does not cause excruciating pain for the years spent aimlessly.”
Nikolai Ostrovsky, author of the novel “How the Steel Was Tempered”
A person without a goal floats with the flow like plankton. He strives for nothing, is in no hurry, lives his days, weeks, years senselessly...
From a religious point of view, such a person is depressed. Nothing makes a person happy, and this is considered a terrible condition. Dissatisfaction and devastation, which consist in weakening the strength of the soul and unwillingness to work, can ultimately lead to suicide.
Science has proven that people who live aimlessly get sick more often and die earlier than those who are purposeful. They are prone to alcoholism, drug addiction and other addictions.
Reasons for lack of purpose in life
Achieving goals is inherent in man by nature, since he is a social being. Lack of desire for something is a deviation from the norm. This pathology has its own reasons:
- Disorganization. There is no order or planning in human life. Chaotic movement along the road of life is unlikely to lead to the goal.
- Low self-esteem. Fear of failure and self-doubt cause many people to give up without a fight. A person living with a feeling of worthlessness is unlikely to be able to set serious goals.
- Fear of other people's opinions. Criticism from ill-wishers, or even worse, from loved ones, is probably familiar to everyone from childhood. A disapproving attitude towards any endeavors paralyzes creativity.
- Depression. In a state of depression and indifference, a person does not have the slightest desire to do anything. The question of setting a goal disappears by itself.
Reasons for losing interest in life
It is important to recognize changes in an older person's usual behavior as serious changes in health and mental state. Be observant and think about what may be causing your loss of interest in life.
Health status
Sometimes the explanation for why older people give up their favorite activities is quite simple. This can happen due to age-related physical changes and health problems. For example, a grandmother who always loved to tinker in the garden is now unable to work bending over or stand for a long time. Or an elderly dad who was an avid cook has now lost his sense of smell or taste and can't cook like he used to.
Loss of a loved one
The death of a spouse often causes older people to lose interest in life. This goes a long way to explaining why many of them experience serious deterioration in their health after a tragic event.
The risk of death for an elderly person during the first three months after the funeral of a spouse increases significantly. The most common cause of death is that for some, the loss of a loved one leads to stress cardiomyopathy, often called “broken heart syndrome.”
Proper emotional and physical care for a surviving spouse is an integral part of an older person's health.
Loneliness
Loneliness is a common cause of loss of interest in life among older people. Lack of mobility, retirement and other factors gradually lead to social isolation. This increases feelings of apathy and worthlessness.
Social isolation significantly reduces life expectancy, creating both mental and physical health problems.
Retirement
Some people adapt very well to life in retirement. Others perceive it painfully. If an older person has no hobbies outside of work, they may feel unwanted and lose interest in life.
Depression
Losing interest in life may not only be the only symptom, but also part of another disorder, such as depression. Health problems, loneliness, fears or recent losses often contribute to its occurrence.
How to deal with it is described in the publication “Depression in the Elderly: Alarming Symptoms and Ways to Solve the Problem.”
Serious illnesses
As people get older, they begin to experience noticeable changes in their ability to remember or perform more than one task at a time. It is important not to confuse the natural processes of aging with progressive neurodegenerative diseases.
In particular, with Alzheimer's disease, the most common type of senile dementia. This disease causes the death of nerve cells and tissue throughout the brain, affecting almost all of its functions. As a result, memory loss, personality changes, depression, aggressive behavior, apathy, mood swings and more occur.
Signs of a lack of determination:
- Waste of time. Frequent and prolonged “hanging out” in front of the TV and on social networks is a clear sign of idleness.
- Habit of complaining. Focusing on the negative aspects of life takes a lot of energy. For people who are unable to thank and notice the good, usually “the cart is still there.” People who are used to complaining don’t even try to change anything. The essence of this problem is clearly described in the parable about a dog whining on a nail, which never even tried to get up from it.
- Communication with people who “pull you down”. Do you spend a significant part of your time with people who take away your energy and time and give nothing in return? The essence of this problem can be explained with the help of a wise saying: “If you don’t have your own goal in life, then you will work for someone who does.”
- Buying unnecessary things is a sign that people don't know what they want.
- Dissatisfaction with one's own life. If you are not familiar with the feelings of success and satisfaction, then most likely you did not really want to achieve them.
Does life really need meaning?
A total misunderstanding of why you live can poison your existence.
Maria Eril
Psychologist, psychotherapist, head of the “Psychology of Communication” department at Business Speech.
Working in therapy, I often encounter people in crisis. They say they don't understand why they don't feel joy and meaning in life when they have a good job and a prosperous family. They are still missing something.
Without meaning, a person does not feel the fullness of life. Let's remember Maslow's pyramid, the top of which is self-realization. Self-realization and the meaning of life are close concepts. We all ask ourselves questions: “Why am I living? What will be left after me? How do I change this world?
The answer to them and the meaning of a particular life, according to Eril, can only be the result of a person’s personal search. Your choice is unlikely to suit your neighbor. Moreover, its purpose may conflict with yours.
But there is no point in artificially constructing meaning. Much depends on whether you suffer from its absence and why you decided that you have no purpose in the first place.
Gleb Bagryantsev
Psychotherapist.
Is it worth searching for the meaning of life? To do this, you need to honestly answer the question: do you consider yourself a happy person or not? When there is a lack of happiness in life, you need to analyze whether what you are doing matches your values.
If the current one seems meaningless, you need to understand that you always have room for change. If you analyze your daily activities, you can identify what can be changed.
The task of each of us is not to find the absolute truth or a universal answer. The main thing is to hear yourself, realize your values and, based on them, create your own meaning.
How to gain determination?
- Set a goal! Think about what you would like very much? Make it a goal and achieve it. Important! The goal must be desirable, so that your knees tremble and your hands itch.
- Every evening, make a plan for tomorrow that is as interesting as possible and always in writing. This way you will organize your life and see what you have achieved.
- Complete unfinished business . Put things in order around you: throw away everything unnecessary, solve all the “protracted matters” and fulfill all your promises. They take a lot of energy and make you feel despondent.
- Play sports. It will help you become more active and gain self-confidence. Physical activity stimulates the production of endorphins, which can make a person happy.
- Limit communication with critical and dissatisfied people . Learn to walk away from those from whom you have nothing to learn and with whom you have nothing left in common.
- Before the New Year, make a global plan for the year and periodically check in: are you moving there and are you moving at all?
- Start stepping out of your comfort zone and do what you're afraid of. Try to live differently: go to work a different way, go to an unfamiliar cafe, buy new cosmetics, cook dinner according to a new recipe.
- Don’t forget to take a break, from the Internet and people as well. Sometimes it is useful for a person to be alone and gain strength.
- Connect with passionate people. The saying “whoever you mess with, you’ll get rich from” has a deep meaning. Reach out to active people and absorb as much positivity as possible.
- Read motivational literature and watch inspiring films. If you spend time in front of the TV, then spend it usefully.
- Think about how much of your life is wasted. Get angry at your irresponsibility. Anger is a very powerful energy that can move you into action. Your task is to direct it in the right direction.
If something resonated with you while reading the text and it seems to you that the situation and symptoms described in the article are similar to your case, and you would like to solve this problem, you can call me first at + 7 (926) 169-36 -63 to talk about your problem that you want to solve.
The duration of the telephone consultation is 20 minutes (free of charge) , during which time I must decide whether I can help you within the framework of psychoanalytic counseling. If it’s easier for you to write a letter, you can do this by clicking on the link and sign up for a consultation. I ask you to describe your situation in as much detail as possible - the size of the letter is unlimited, I will definitely read your letter and respond.
I am always near.
Life without a goal. Where to go next?
In the stream of loud statements about goals in every person’s life as an obligatory necessity, constant achievements and personal development, modest questions about what a person should do when there is no goal in life are barely audible in a thin voice. It's as simple as that: no goal. Neither global about conquering the world, nor very modest. There is no. Is this really what happens?
Yes, sometimes. And that's quite normal.
For example, a baby has a certain biological development program: at three months he learned to hold his head up, at six months he learned to sit, at nine months he learned to crawl, and by one year he learned to walk...
When physical development ends (at about age 25), nature trusts a person to independently manage his own development. And here a person’s program can be implemented in two main ways. The first way is that a person has an active life position. Such people are always exploring something new, making discoveries, conquering unknown lands. The second way is to replicate known behaviors and behaviors suggested by others. Historically, these were models of behavior accepted in society and dictated by religion.
Thus, there have always been leaders who realize their high ambitions, who know how to set goals and take responsibility, and followers who are ready to follow the leaders and fulfill other people’s goals according to other people’s rules and algorithms.
Today, an active life position, the right to choose and equal opportunities for self-realization are proclaimed as a value, but there are still people who are ready to move the Earth, and people who are driven. And that's okay!
In the global understanding, everything is simple and clear, but how can a specific person figure out what to do and how to live further if there is no goal?
Easy to understand. If a particular person is happy and his life expectations coincide with reality, then his life model is good. And here you can finish reading this text.
Another case is if there is some kind of worm inside that reminds you of inner unhappiness, and doubts creep in about the correctness of the chosen model of behavior. Here, indeed, there is reason to think about what to do if there is no goal.
Let's start with something simple. With life's expectations. Our life expectations are the precursors to our life goals. They are simple and understandable to every person. Even when there are no dreams and global plans to conquer the neighboring galaxy, there are life expectations.
Let's look at the example of a physical state. Ask yourself honestly, how do you expect or want to see yourself, your body (physical form) in twenty years, ten, five?
I am sure that the vast majority want to see themselves in good physical shape: slim and fit, healthy.
Tell me, does your body now meet your expectations?
If you are young, then most likely yes. Because when we are young, life often rewards us with good health.
And with your current lifestyle, will your body in 20 years meet your expectations?
If your physical condition is important to you, then here is your first goal for the next twenty years: meet your birthday (your current age plus twenty) in good physical shape.
Don't you think so globally? But when working with goals, you cannot do without a strategic vision.
Now the next important area is relationships. What are the expectations from life here? What do you want in twenty, ten and five years? What do you have now? Do you have a reason to work? If you want your expectations and reality to coincide, set goals.
Every person has a need to realize himself in something. Hence the often painful search for one’s purpose.
Ask yourself a question, what do you want to succeed in, what business? How to conquer the world?
If you have no ideas, the question may be more modest: in what craft do you want to achieve excellence? What are you ready to do with maximum effort, time and other resources?
Surely, there is such an activity, the results of which bring so much joy and inspiration that you never have to regret the time spent.
If so, what professional heights would you like to achieve?
It's time to set goals again.
And the last area is financial independence.
How many sources of income do you have? If any one of them runs out, will the quality of life change? How much money is needed for your financial condition to remain consistently stable no matter the changes in your life circumstances? How to achieve such a state?
All the questions asked now concerned only the necessary minimum, which will allow you to choose freedom of action, and not think every minute “about your daily bread.”
If sound calculations and reality do not coincide, if there is an abyss between what is desired and reality, there is again a reason to set goals.
In general, in the most general understanding, there are four important areas for every person: physical condition, relationships, self-realization, financial independence. They are like table legs, providing stability to the table and giving a person a feeling of life harmony and happiness.
Want more? A few more questions to ask yourself, and new goals.
Algorithm to help you
Compare your expectations of life in the future with reality and set your life goals. I am sure that now you will have them.
Elena Vetshtein,
SELFORGANIZATION.RU
We are drowning in whining, trifles and someone else's principles
Why do you care so much about someone’s behavior, what difference does it make what people think about us, how competently someone you don’t know and don’t want to know writes.
What percentage of your time and energy is filled with unnecessary reactions to all sorts of crap? Following rules invented by someone?? 90? 100? Do the math.
We drown in our own whining and self-pity. For what?? If you're tired of your job, stop going to it every day and whining - quit that job to hell. If your joints hurt, stop eating salt, change your diet, and take care of your health. If you were abandoned and you poor thing is depressed - look in the mirror, maybe there was a reason for that and it’s time to kick your fat ass and go to the gym, don’t crawl out of it until your form is perfect?
Send your depression to hell, get carried away with yourself and your life, cry not from grief, but from the beauty of the world and muscle pain after physical exertion..
Any whining is a reluctance to act.
Introduce good habits
We are not born with good habits, we acquire them. And somehow it turns out that successful people have approximately the same habits, while whiners and losers have approximately the same habits.
It would be foolish not to use this fact!
We take our habits of losers (whining, alcohol, etc.) and replace them with the habits of successful people:
- Take care of your health: running, nutrition, various sports and activities.
- Don’t worry about the opinions of other people, especially strangers and even close people, when you know for sure that you are doing something useful.
- Appreciate time - it’s not days that pass, but your LIFE that passes. Down the drain. There is no need to waste precious time on all sorts of crap, but spend it only on the things we need! Be able to brush aside and say No to unnecessary things.
- Saying “Yes.” Take it and do it! Don't be stupid. - We can think for a long time, weigh, find excuses - this is the habit of a loser. We replace it with the habit of Taking and Doing. And we will think later, in the process.
Where the goal begins is desire. What are you burning with?
Just setting goals is fraught with the fact that you will not go to them, because they are not yours. A goal starts with an idea. With obsession and strong desire.
You simply cannot help but do what you are passionate about.
Don’t write yourself a list of other people’s goals, first find inside what you’re passionate about. You don’t need to look for it, it’s in plain sight most often.
What I'm passionate about, what inspires me - photography, blogging and travel, sports. For example.
I know that physical fitness, sports and various activities give me not only health, but also enormous creative energy, which I release for other purposes - writing texts and taking cooler photographs. If my physical health declines, then my energy drops and I begin to feel less passionate about everything else.
And even if you have completely lost your desires, then kick yourself out of the house to run, yoga, etc. Replace rolls with apples and beer with freshly squeezed juice - this is your health in the end. The goals will return to your cleared head and body, and you will begin to return to them.
Constant growth and development
Never stop. Constantly break through your own ceilings with your head, raise the bar, increase the distances. This upward movement should always be there. Be afraid of stops.
No matter what age you started to wake up, growth is possible and should always be. After 50, my mother actively began to grow rapidly in yoga, which she practiced for half her life. Now she is 71 and she is an actively working yoga therapist, giving a good kick to hundreds of people who think they are sick, inflexible and no longer capable of anything, takes them through the Himalayas, puts those who cannot walk on their feet, raises the bar for the healthy... I try to come to I practice it every year for a month and make significant progress in yoga during this time.
Motivation by people
If I started to talk about the topic of motivation and break everything down into points, then this is point number one!
I often meet cool people, communication with whom energizes me and gives me new ideas. I owe a lot of my achievements to some of them! I try to meet and communicate more with motivating people, I value them very much.
Such people will push you upward, while whiners and dreamers will suck you into the swamp. Choose.
There is a very interesting fact: Motivating people are not always noticeable, you need to learn to see them!
The person thanks to whom I began to do very cool things in life that have greatly advanced me is not such a noticeable person. He came into my life sometimes and unobtrusively mentioned something in a quiet voice and disappeared again for a long time. And I clung to this idea, this thought settled in me and began to work and change my life! I think many people around him would change for the better if they listened. And they started doing it.
I know a girl whose travels blow my mind. Without money, she manages to make the coolest trip around the world, but her group does not have hundreds of thousands of subscribers, because reality is not interesting to the masses, the masses like dreams.
I know one of the most popular models in the world - her photographs can be seen in any country on billboards, they are everywhere on the Internet and on the streets, you have seen her many times. But no one knows her name and her Instagram is a hundred subscribers-friends. She and her husband take cool photos together and travel all over the world together all the time. These two modest guys form the visual taste of the entire planet and are an important link in this meaningless chain of humanity. Who are you with your hundred likes on your selfie post?
Most of the people who motivate me the most are invisible on the outside, keep to themselves, don't give a damn about what others think of them, but do unrealistic things for their lives and ours.
Mutual motivation and people passionate about development should be in our social circle. There shouldn't be any other people. Either your friends motivate you immensely, or you motivate your friends immensely.
The rest are thrown into the firebox. At the same time, learn to exclude and reject unnecessary people from communication, this is also useful for development.
Walk into fear
What are you afraid of? My favorite exercise is to do something every day that is scary or scary to do. Ask for food in a line with homeless people, climb another tower illegally, go surfing (I love surfing, but I’m still wildly afraid of the waves), meet someone on the street, take a helicopter pilot course, etc.
Every day, overcoming fear a little bit helps in important moments - when you need to do something really cool and very scary.
Important: what we fear most is most often what we really need!
Motivation with a kick. Go and do
For a result, if there is an idea, there is a goal, you only need one thing - to act. If there is no action, then nothing will happen for us. Let's just sit, plan and watch how others move forward and achieve our goals at this time.
Start realizing your fantasies and plans right now. Let them be small first. Or immediately big ones. Sexual fantasies are also considered, even required on the list. Get up right now and go do what you've been dreaming of for a long time. If you want to run, run out of the house right now. If there is slush and rain outside, run through the mud, fall on the slippery slush, get up and run. If you dream of starting a business, go and do it! Without reading a mountain of literature in advance, just go and get started. Let this first business fail - this will be your beginning and invaluable experience that will help you move on.
If you want to start traveling, buy a ticket and go. Unfamiliar country and language? Unknown roads and scary? Backpack on your back, head up and forward. Be afraid, but go - there are a lot of interesting things waiting for you. And in general, read the simplest instructions on my blog and start traveling with it in your bookmarks.
Lost the meaning of life - get up and move forward without meaning! You will find meaning along the way..
