“And I made myself respected.” How to win the favor of your superiors

It is a necessary condition for a successful career. But not everyone succeeds in building such relationships: many employees complain about insufficient respect from management and do not always think about the fact that such respect must be earned.

Lack of respect from management is a fairly common problem. The reasons for such disrespect may be different, but the result is always the same: the employee develops self-doubt, self-esteem decreases, and mood deteriorates. To earn the favor of their superiors, employees are forced to make a lot of effort, but they are not always able to achieve what they want. Following a few rules will help with this.

Related article: Don’t annoy your boss. Phrases you shouldn't say to your boss

Rule one. Increase self-esteem

With insufficient self-esteem and low self-esteem, it is almost impossible to earn the respect of other people. If you want to be appreciated by your manager, you need to start by increasing your own self-esteem. To do this, remind yourself of your education and work experience, remember your professional successes and career achievements, and formulate for yourself all your advantages and strengths of your character, as well as all those qualities that help you achieve success in life. Write it all down on a piece of paper and re-read your notes from time to time - in this case, you will know exactly why you respect yourself. This approach will help increase self-esteem and understand that you are truly worthy of respect from other people.

How to gain respect from bosses and colleagues

We all want to be valued and considered indispensable at work. But respect is not a given—it must be earned. No matter how long (or recently) you've been working under your manager, what can you do to make them value your contributions to the job? What is the best way to earn his or her trust? And how can you gain respect if you feel like you don’t have enough of it?

What the experts say

A recent HBR study of nearly 20,000 employees worldwide found that the most important thing employees want from managers is respect. “If you don't feel respected, you won't put your heart into your work,” says Linda Hill, a Harvard Business School professor and co-author of It's Hard to Be the Boss. Models of successful leadership." According to Michael Watkins, chairman of Genesis Advisers and professor at IMD, managerial respect comes in many forms. It starts with being seen as “the person to keep on your team.” You are then thought of as an employee who deserves "interesting and challenging assignments" and, finally, as a subordinate whom the manager "wants to promote and develop because he is confident of his bright future." Wanting respect is one thing, but getting it is another. Here are some possible strategies.

Be clear about your responsibilities

The first step in “scoring points” with your boss is, of course, to do your job and do it well. To achieve this, you must have a "clear understanding of what your most important" tasks are and "how they fit into your boss's agenda," Watkins says. In the first days and weeks of a new job, he suggests asking your manager, “What do I need to learn and how can I do it the fastest?” Then you need to do everything in your power “to show that you're gaining momentum quickly,” he says. “Being perceived as easy to train can be a big boost to your credibility.” Even if you've been in your role for a long time, you should regularly clarify your role and key responsibilities, says Hill. “Your goal is to stay on the same page with your boss so you know where to focus your time and attention,” she states.

Adapt

To become a valued and trusted employee, you need to “figure out what the best way to communicate with your manager is,” says Watkins. “It’s your responsibility to adapt your style to his.” Ask your manager what type of communication he prefers. Which is better: email, text messages or face-to-face meetings? How often does he want to communicate with you? Once a week? Once a day? Only as needed? Ask how much he wants to go into detail. Does he want you to be driven primarily by analytics or intuition? If you and your boss don't have the same style (you check your inbox every hour, but she doesn't open it for days), you should initiate "an open conversation in which each party explains their behavior," Hill says. “Help your manager understand your point of view and the challenges of changing your style” as it relates to your ability to be productive. “Discuss the situation and make a joint decision about what you will do about it,” she says.

Be observant and empathic

To earn your boss's respect, "you need to understand what's important to him," Hill explains. She recommends paying serious attention to "your boss's priorities and concerns." And make them your priorities not out of servility, but by showing empathy. It's also important to remember that "your manager is looking for evidence that you can be trusted—that they can rely on you," says Hill. Try to figure out how to earn his trust “and set the stage for your success” by making careful observations. Develop your understanding of your organization's "priorities, constraints, and internal politics" by figuring out who the boss trusts, who he listens to, and where tensions arise. Your goal is not to get involved in behind-the-scenes games, but to “understand political issues.”

Build relationships with other people

Recognition from your boss is inseparable from the respect of your colleagues. “Your manager evaluates you both through direct observation and through other people through feedback,” Watkins says. Your boss is looking closely at how you “fit in with the team” and how well you “build relationships with other people.” Watkins advises “reaching out” to other people, offering them your support. “The most useful question you can ask is, “How can I help?” By doing this, you "create a virtuous cycle," he says. It's also worth asking coworkers for tips on how to best improve your relationship with your boss, Hill said. “Find out what works and what doesn’t,” she recommends.

Express disagreement (politely and one-on-one)

“Avoiding conflict with your manager won't earn you respect,” Hill says. “The boss must be sure that you are behind him,” but at the same time he needs to know when “the king is naked.” For example, if you are convinced that your team will not complete a project within the time frame proposed by your boss, tell him about it - in a personal conversation and politely. Don't blast the manager with this news in front of everyone - it may look like disloyalty. Hill advises viewing your relationship as a partnership. “If you and I are partners, you will keep me from making a mistake.” After all, “you have access to different information than the boss,” which makes your opinion and perspective quite valuable. “You need to be brave enough to voice your disagreement to your manager.”

Ask for feedback

No matter how great your results are, you cannot force your boss to recognize your achievements. According to Watkins, some managers are simply not inclined to do this. “The recognition you receive will be an exact product of the quality of your work and your boss's propensity to recognize accomplishments,” he says. Still, even if your manager tends to be more reserved in his evaluations, there is a difference between “publicly recognizing your accomplishments” and “giving honest and candid feedback about how productive you are.” You have a responsibility to ask your boss, “How am I doing? What should I do more and what should I do less? Watkins argues that new employees in particular “often receive less feedback initially because there is some reluctance” to criticize someone who is just “getting their feet on the ground.” “As a result, people can easily end up on the wrong path.”

Think about it

“It’s not very nice when people don’t respect you,” Hill says. “If you feel like your rights are being violated and your manager doesn’t respect you as a person,” this is a problem that needs to be brought to the attention of the HR department. But don't jump to conclusions, she advises. It is possible that your boss is arguing with you and doubting you not out of a lack of respect, but “because he does not fully understand what you are facing.” In this case, she says, it is your responsibility to “educate your boss” and “show him all the cards” about the specifics of your job and the challenges associated with it. “Your boss can’t read minds. You're both responsible for making your relationship work, Watkins concludes. “You shouldn’t let the situation get to the point where you’re banging your fist on the table and demanding respect.” But if you don't feel valued, he advises asking yourself why. “Ask yourself: Am I doing a good enough job? Maybe I'm being obsequious? Have I set the necessary boundaries? It all starts with you."

Principles to Remember

What to do:

• Adapt your work and communication style to that of your manager.
• Give a helping hand to your colleagues. The most useful question you can ask is “How can I help?”
• Build a partnership with your boss. You have a shared responsibility for making the relationship work.

What not to do:

• Don't be discouraged if your boss doesn't give you public recognition. Instead, ask for feedback by asking, “What should I do more or less of?”
• Don't neglect your organization's internal policies and culture; Find out who the boss trusts, who he listens to, and where the main tensions occur.
• Don't avoid conflict with your manager. If you disagree, say so—privately and politely.

Case No. 1. Understand your boss’s priorities and adapt to his communication style

When Whitney McCarthy started working as a communications manager for Rizepoint, a compliance software company based in Salt Lake City, she was determined to work hard and earn the respect of her boss, whom we'll call Lucy.

Whitney's first priority was to be clear about what her responsibilities were. On her first day of work, Lucy gave Whitney a long list that explained the six main points of her job and the actions she needed to take immediately. “This note has been my guiding light, and every month I update it with Lucy’s help—in the same six-point format,” Whitney says.

Lucy also held a meeting with Whitney and the rest of the team. “The goal was to discuss what area each of us was responsible for, to avoid confusion about the budget and expected results,” she says.

Whitney's second priority was to quickly gain momentum in her priority areas—which included public relations, an area in which she had very little experience. Whitney had a lot to learn, and she wanted to show how quickly she grasped information. She subscribed to an online public relations magazine, downloaded government regulations on the topic, and pored over the PR strategies of other software companies.

“My goal was to not ask Lucy a lot of questions,” she says. “I demonstrated my new knowledge by creating a press release within a few weeks of joining and presenting a completed public relations plan to the CEO within my first month.”

Another part of Whitney's plan was to figure out how best to work with Lucy. She asked Lucy about her preferred communication style and what information she wanted to know about Whitney's work. Whitney then tried to fit in with her boss. “Those details that Lucy didn’t want to get into, like social media posts, I made sure to include in my weekly productivity report so she had an overview of how I was doing,” she says.

To find out what style of communication with Lucy is preferable, Whitney asked colleagues who had worked with her boss for a long time. “They gave me some useful advice - for example, this: if you come to her to discuss a problem, it is better to already have a proposal in hand for solving it.”

Whitney is confident that she has earned Lucy's respect. Three times the boss noted in the letter how pleasant she was to work together; Whitney always receives the maximum bonus (depending on Lucy's decision) and also won the title of "Most Valuable Player" in her first quarter with the company.

Case No. 2. Show your manager that he can rely on you and be open to feedback

Karen Schneider, a project manager in the alcohol industry, says she always earns her boss's respect by finding as many ways as possible to be helpful. “My job is to make my boss’s life easier, primarily by doing a good job, of course, but also by relieving stress where possible.”

At Karen's last job, Susan's boss had weekly one-on-one meetings with her employees. Karen always knew when Susan had some problems that Karen could help solve, that is, the manager was sure that she could always count on her. Very often the boss's answer was "yes." “And even if there were no assignments, I know that my desire to help was highly appreciated,” she says. “Susan knew she could count on me, that I was eager to learn a lot.”

Karen also actively sought feedback from Susan. “For the first two or three weeks at the new place, I asked for this at the end of each week, and as time went on we started meeting once a month,” she explains. “My success is in my hands, and I felt that Susan liked my enthusiasm and that she respected me even more for it.”

One day, Susan gave Karen constructive criticism about how she was organizing a project. “It was done in a kind way that allowed me to see the potential for doing a better job in the future,” she says.

Karen was grateful to Susan and tried to take her opinion into account in the next project. “It's important to accept criticism with the same openness as praise, and that's what I think earned me Susan's recognition.”

Karen says that Susan often personally thanked her for her work on specific projects, and once even gave her a gift for especially good work. “It’s not like I was being talked about throughout the organization, but being recognized for my accomplishments meant a lot to me,” she says.

Rebecca Knight

HBR

Rule two. Showcase your business skills

To earn your boss's respect, you need to show that you have business acumen. These include not only professional knowledge and work experience, but also labor discipline. Make it a rule to not be late for work, to be conscientious in your professional responsibilities, to submit all reports on time, to maintain normal business relationships with all colleagues, to respect yourself and others, and to do things that give you self-respect. You must learn to realistically assess your capabilities and only take on work that you can handle. This will avoid the manager's dissatisfaction if the task is not completed on time.

The boss is a tyrant. How to avoid becoming a victim of the arbitrariness of managers Read more

Change intonation

Often employees do not want to obey and show respect only because it seems to them that the boss wants to rise by issuing orders. Of course, in most cases this is not the case, and the purpose of the order, in fact, is its execution (and not the self-affirmation of the boss). But it is extremely difficult to prove this to subordinates. And therefore, the leader should give orders in a non-aggressive, calm form. At the same time, there should be confidence in your voice.

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Rule three. Don't be overzealous

Each employee has a clear range of job responsibilities, so it is important to understand what is included in your immediate responsibilities and what is not included in them. If you do something beyond your responsibilities, you need to understand why you are doing it. To earn the respect of their manager, some employees begin to come to work on their own initiative before the start of the working day and stay late after work. This is wrong: the boss may perceive excessive zeal as an inability to complete the assigned work within the allotted time. You need to clearly know and observe all the boundaries of your professional duties and the boundaries of your personal responsibility. If there is a need to do something additional to your immediate work, this must be discussed with management and done only after approval from above. Remember: if you go beyond your responsibilities, you will violate the boundaries of other people's job responsibilities and, instead of respect, you will most likely feel dissatisfaction from both your superiors and your colleagues.

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Make orders specific

One of the most common reasons why subordinates do not want to follow the orders of their boss is the lack of specificity in his orders. It often happens that managers behave according to the principle “Go there - I don’t know where...”. What happens in the end? They also get the appropriate output result. Sometimes it happens that the boss himself confuses a specific order (“write a report”) with a call (“you should work more efficiently”). The main function of the first type of orders is administrative, and the second one is motivational.

Rule five. Don't flatter your boss

To win the favor of the boss, some employees begin to flatter or fawn, forgetting about their own dignity and self-respect. But such obsequious behavior causes a completely opposite reaction and leads to disrespect or even contempt from management and hostility from colleagues.

Conversation with the boss. What shouldn't you say to your boss? More details

Don't be afraid to show toughness

It is possible that using the methods described you will be able to cope well with the rebellion. However, in some cases, even such a painstaking approach is not enough. Perhaps a reluctant colleague disobeys orders because he considers himself more worthy of being a leader? In this case, you also need to have an educational conversation. If he does not give up his destructive intentions, he will have to say goodbye. Such a decision will immediately demonstrate that you are a boss who cares about the high productivity and efficiency of your department (or company). You will be able to prove that sometimes you are able to make even decisions that are unpleasant for yourself (and effective for the company).

How is your relationship with your boss or subordinates?

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Rule six. When communicating with your manager, strictly control your behavior

Remember that you can only criticize your boss in a one-on-one conversation, and you should praise or thank management only for specific things. In this case, criticism will be perceived as a business discussion, and gratitude will not be taken as flattery. If you want to convey your proposals or your position to your superiors, they need to be clearly justified and supported by facts. You can argue with the boss only at the stage of discussing the project, and when the manager has already made a decision and given an order to his subordinates, it is necessary to carry it out without any objections.

Understand the reasons for sabotage

Sometimes it happens that understanding orders is not the main thing. It is clear to the employee what the manager requires of him. However, even in this case, he does not want to follow orders, simply pretending to “not understand.” The reasons for this behavior can be very different. But most often this is a personal antipathy of the subordinate. He does not want to carry out the order, because he internally does not accept its content.

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1. Understand your existing influence
2. Be principled and persistent
3. Be sincere and open
4. Take responsibility
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5. Look for solutions to problems
6. Be proactive
7. Put yourself in the position of others
8. Appreciate others and don't hide it

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Content

• My job
• Appearance
• Meet deadlines
• Respect others
• Not me"
• Friendship is not the main thing
• Help
• Ask for help
• Small signs of attention
• Have your say

Hello, dear readers! How to position yourself in a team? How to make people respect you? This desire is part of a person’s basic needs; it helps to establish close connections with other employees; if you are a boss at work or one of the employees, they will in any case help improve the quality of work. And in college, a lot depends on respect. Fortunately, the rules will be approximately the same.

These are the ones we will talk about today. Let's quickly move on to their analysis, shall we? There is a lot of information and each point can be extremely useful. Just one wrong step and you're already down.

Some are just waiting for a new manager or young employee to make a mistake before starting to weave intrigues. How to avoid such troubles?

Automatic reactions

First of all, it is worth reconsidering several common beliefs about conflict that make the clash unbearable and endless.

• “Professional conflicts are a necessary evil.” Oops! Let's lower the temperature. It's better to look at it differently. Professional conflicts are part of the work process. Absolutely natural. The conflict simply exists. It’s not at all necessary to enjoy it or achieve it, but you shouldn’t dramatize it either.

The problem is not in the conflicts themselves, but in how we know how or not how to resolve them.

• “We have to defend our point of view!” Therefore... Stop! Firstly, even if you do not express your point of view, conflicts cannot be avoided. Secondly, it’s not worth defending your point of view at all. She herself will change. The ability to consciously change your point of view is exactly the way to resolve conflicts.
• “If you lose control of yourself in a conflict, you have lost everything.” We smile and spread our hands. If you notice that you have lost control of yourself, then it is at this moment that you have already regained it! Everything is fine, let's move on.

In a conflict situation there is usually a choice.

The problem with most people is that they forget this and become a follower of one particular way of responding. They react automatically! Sometimes this helps, but after a while the reaction becomes so predictable that potential attackers can turn you into a victim with little or no effort.

See if you can identify how you typically respond to conflict with co-workers. Are you screaming? Are you keeping silent? Are you slamming the door? Are you complaining to your manager? Think back to the last conflict you were involved in and analyze how you dealt with it.

Now let's see what other ways to resolve the conflict exist. First, the three easiest and most understandable ones.

Friendship can interfere with work

You shouldn't place too much importance on personal relationships at work. It is difficult to be friends with a colleague with whom you directly interact professionally. This can create unnecessary tension and competition between you. In addition, disagreement on work issues will affect your personal relationships. Too close communication will lead to the fact that you will not be able to be friends or collaborate professionally.

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Read on topic: 6 ways to please new colleagues

Slander and rumors

I joined a new team and tried to do my job well. The boss began to praise often. With verbal encouragement, he gave rise to gossip. At one point, rumors spread that I was sleeping with him. — Alice, marketer

In such a situation, you should not run to your boss for help. The situation could get heated.

Try to find the main instigator. Find out what prompted him to such conclusions. Invite them for a cup of coffee and tell them that sometimes it’s difficult for you too. Ask for help with a task. In general, do everything to melt the intriguer’s heart.

Never speak badly about your boss - this will not improve the situation.

Elena Mine 08/20/2019, 20:13

Piscis primum a capite foetat

• Answer

Vanya Lukoshkov 01/24/2022, 14:20

As agreed, I am sending you information for the World of Books website

• Answer

XX 08/20/2019, 21:57

Congratulations! You're cool. Let's remember ancient traditions - A man caught a goldfish. The goldfish says: “Ask for what you want, but know that your neighbor will receive 2 times more.” The man thought and thought: “If you ask for a house, the neighbor will have 2 of them, if you ask for a lot of money, the neighbor will be twice as rich, it’s not the same...” Suddenly it dawned on the man and he decided: “Goldfish, gouge out one of my eyes.” Thieves don't come to an empty house. Why were you showing off - look, the boss is a toad or a crocodile - are they beautiful and happy? Everyone has grief and misfortune - the world is bad, children are parasites, and your photos on the seas and their faces glow. Why didn’t you come to the corporate party to drink and didn’t applaud the bad striptease of drunken women? We went to the theater. Now look carefully, listen and decide for yourself whether you want to become like this - a whining and envious mold, willing to work for the mold. Or, well, those... Keep in mind. There will be revenge.

• Answer

Elena Chaika 03/04/2020, 10:16

Super) to the point)

• Answer

Mikhail Rikhtar 08.20.2019, 22:21

Everything is correct, the outcasts are the leaders. The heart of gold “quiet water - rowing in the ditch.”

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Oleg Ivanchenko 08/20/2019, 22:37

One of the listed “symptoms” is enough to leave without looking back. And this, by the way, is the only correct decision, as for me.

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Yana Petrenko 08/21/2019, 09:33

I support

• Answer

Elena Chaika 03/04/2020, 10:18

And, moreover, go to a higher salary, to a top position! Let them envy)))

• Answer

Lyudmila Nakonechnaya 08.20.2019, 23:40

if you're tired of sending me job vacancies, that's your right.

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Alexey Bosyuk 08/21/2019, 08:32

Pha, who cares what idiots think? Did they hire you? No. And they are not the ones paying you. The only option to pay attention to this is if you are directly harmed. Then either the director will give them [obscene language seen by the Work.ua moderator], or they will quit. And so let them cackle.

• Answer

Victor Plynov 08/21/2019, 09:55

“You absolutely love your job...” Have you tried unloading the cars manually? Should I raise the barrier manually at the entrance?

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Victor Plynov 08/21/2019, 10:00

I suggest that office workers remember what they looked like before the New Year’s corporate party and what they looked like after. “They like it, they don’t like it...” They also talk about “competition” afterwards. If only everyone loved everyone, heaven would come.

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Igor Gavrylyshyn 08/21/2019, 10:39

Actually, because of such bestiality and bullying, especially in the USA, where such bestiality is highly developed at work and in schools, shooters arise who kill everyone indiscriminately with small arms. So let your colleagues mock and put pressure on you, but always remember that The steepness of the target does not affect the trajectory of the bullet.

• Answer

Ekaterina Yurkova 08.21.2019, 13:39

Do I need 100 dollars for everyone to love me? I don't go to work for love. The main thing is that loved ones and family love, and everyone else... This...

• Answer

Svetlana Tishchenko 08/21/2019, 19:03

If it is not possible to find another job, you need to look for a way out of the current situation. Look at yourself from the outside, maybe you are doing something wrong. After all, everyone can’t dislike you for no reason. Let it be not love, but respect that can always be won. The main thing is to understand the reason why you became an outcast. Basically, everything depends on you and your desire to work in this organization. It’s not a fact that the other one will be better.

• Answer

Anna Tsira 08/21/2019, 20:29

The theory of what you can think of... The article is provocative for humanity. The benefits of rebirth or is there really a stink? No one is forced to give a fuck, everything is quite casual. And why are the rights and freedom prescribed to us, which allow us to have a different field of activity? The situation described is similar to corruption. Are there any chances of rehabilitation? Nobody protects informal meetings, but you can regulate them so that it doesn’t matter to you.

• Answer

Victor Plynov 08/22/2019, 08:39

Why does a person get hired? For the sake of earnings and career? Is the employer interested in employees competing with each other? Or are people hired to “establish personal relationships”? Different people will answer these questions differently. How will you, as an employee, feel about yesterday’s comrade who received a promotion and became your boss? It is impossible to fit the motives of a person’s actions into a certain pattern. Also, do not forget about certain historical, cultural and other aspects when discussing this topic. In another country, legal proceedings may be initiated against you for looking at a female colleague with excessive interest, for example.

• Answer

Victor Plynov 08/22/2019, 08:45

Some people love Stalin. They say he was a soul man. And a fair leader.

• Answer

Short tips

Don't judge others for their mistakes, and you will be judged less.

Change yourself to see these changes in your environment and throughout the world.

One person can influence thousands of others through his transformation.

Be happy and make others happy so that life can be wonderful for those around you.

Try to be cheerful and humorous.

People love someone who can make them laugh heartily. However, depending on the situation, sometimes you can do without humor, for example, when a person needs consolation.

If someone is crying, find out why, find out what happened, and how you could help them improve the situation.

Don't suck up to people if they give you hints to stay away from them.

There are many other people who will readily appreciate your jokes.

Don't yell at people, and stop telling them that they are stupid, and also humiliating them if they don't understand something right away.

Be patient with everyone.

Don't put yourself first all the time.

Think about others too, see how you can be helpful in their situations.

Treat others the way you want them to treat you.

Please be honest.

Try to stop using lies in your communication with others.

Maintain inner calm all the time, trying to avoid provocation and extinguish conflicts without leading to a fight.

It directly depends on your internal state.

Work through all your internal conflicts and fears, and you will see how you will be treated completely differently.

Always respect yourself.

Even if you are currently a good, friendly and tactful person, do not let people get on your neck.

Respect the freedom and space of others.

There are people who value their personal space, leave them alone if they move away from you as soon as you approach them.

Some people just don't like anyone.

Don't let them influence your mood, even if these people still don't like you. There are still many good people who can become your friends.

Stop being a sufferer.

If you are ready to love and respect yourself, then, of course, adequate people, not all, will love you and make you a happier person.

If you want to join the team, look for an ally

To stop feeling lonely, it is enough to establish a friendly relationship with only one person. You don't need to be liked by everyone to become more confident. If you still want to fully join the team, first find an approach to one of your colleagues. Understand which of the people who feel confident in your office are the most willing to communicate. Over time, this person will help you become more visible in the team: he will invite you to lunch with other employees, involve you in discussing work and informal topics, and invite you to have a drink with others after work. In a new company, especially if these are your colleagues, it is difficult to maintain the line between unsociability and ingratiation. Be friendly, but don't be a yes-man and don't become an errand girl.