Every reasonable person understands how important it is to be able to control oneself. This skill always comes in handy, be it a critical situation in the family or an unbalanced manager at work.
A state of increased nervousness appears before an important meeting, during a responsible task, when life problems arise, in a quarrel with loved ones, or in any other unusual situations.
This condition is characterized by rapid heartbeat, hand tremors, slurred speech, and reddening of the skin. In conflict situations, a person may raise his voice and even cry.
Why do people lose control of themselves?
Serious problems, and sometimes even the most insignificant difficulties, can drive a person crazy and cause a real attack of anger and rage. In most cases, such emotionality is an innate feature of temperament. Character is a stubborn thing, and therefore learning self-control is quite difficult. However, there are a number of other reasons why a person may be overwhelmed by an attack of aggression:
- Dissatisfaction with one's own life is often expressed through aggression towards others. Problems in the family, at work, unfulfilled desires... As a result, the slightest irritant can cause a strong attack of anger. There is no point in resorting to the advice of psychologists until you change something in your life or your attitude towards current events.
- Temper and lack of restraint can sometimes be caused by health problems. Feeling pain or any other discomfort, a person cannot adequately respond to what is happening.
- Often the cause of an emotional outburst is a biased attitude towards the interlocutor. In order to control yourself, it is enough to decide to have a frank conversation, which will help eliminate all contradictions, disagreements and mutual claims.
- If a person has low self-esteem, then open confrontation is one way to increase it. We can say that this is a kind of method of self-realization.
If incontinence and hot temper are preventing you from living, working and establishing relationships with others normally, it’s time to ask yourself how to control yourself. Advice from professional psychologists will help you with this.
Use your imagination
During a quarrel, you may feel the urge to raise your voice or even hit your opponent. The main reason for such negative manifestations is the accumulation of emotions within oneself. Play with your imagination. Imagine all the things you would like to say and do with your interlocutor in your head.
For example, if you are a woman and are very offended by your spouse, it is not at all necessary to be angry all day and be ready to attack your husband with complaints as soon as he crosses the threshold. Play out the whole movie in your imagination. What would you say to him, what would you hear in response? Imagine how you throw a crystal vase at him, it flies two centimeters away from him and dodges.
Think through all the smallest details
. This way you can kill two birds with one stone. Firstly, mentally you will already throw out all your negativity on your spouse, and he will not suffer from this. Most likely, after this you will not want to quarrel with him “the second time” when he comes home. And secondly, imagining such an absurd situation in your head, perhaps you will simply feel funny and the negativity that torments you will disappear.
Did you know?
A person feels this or that emotion for a period of time from a fraction of a second to several minutes.
Unfortunately, negative emotions can last much longer. Another way to work with imagination is to imagine that you are surrounded by an impenetrable fence, a wall. And all the negativity that is directed in your direction breaks when it hits this barrier.
It doesn’t matter what this wall will look like or what material it will be made of.
Perhaps it will be transparent and airy. The main thing is that behind this wall you feel completely calm and safe. You can also imagine that you have a lightning rod, with the help of which you, like thunderstorms, ward off any negative actions from yourself.
Anger is your main enemy
How to control yourself? First of all, learn not to give in to anger. By allowing this state to take over you, you will completely lose control of the situation and completely find yourself at the mercy of your opponent or the difficult situation that unsettled you. Sometimes the interlocutor may deliberately engage in provocation.
In order not to be led by emotions, you must clearly understand that anger will only harm you. By succumbing to this emotion, you can make a mess, putting yourself in a bad light. At the moment when feelings begin to overwhelm you, stop any contact with the irritant (whether it is a person or an object of work). It is better to take out accumulated aggression through physical activity.
How to deal with stubborn emotions
Emotions that cannot be controlled can be thrown out, for example, by breaking cheap dishes.
A person can get rid of an excess of violent emotions using the following actions.
- Breaking dishes helps some people. To do this, you need to buy cheap plates or cans and beat them, for example, on the street. It's good if you have a private house. But don't forget to clean up after yourself.
- Playing darts and bowling allows you to cope well with emotions.
- Dancing will add positive emotions to you and allow you to throw out accumulated negativity.
- Scream. Sometimes a person needs to shout out to get rid of an excess of emotions.
- Sport. Allows you to improve your health and psychological state; during physical activity, endorphins are released, which are the hormones of happiness.
- Long walks down the street. It will be nice to watch the autumn leaves falling from the trees, green crowns, and snow-covered branches.
- A change of scenery. Sometimes the only thing that helps is avoiding familiar events.
You need to be able to get distracted
Focusing on a work problem or dispute for a long time is not at all conducive to finding the right solution. On the contrary, you stop looking at the situation objectively. How to control yourself in such a situation? Of course, distract yourself and redirect your attention.
If we are talking about any work task that is beyond your control, leave it unattended for a while. Admire the view outside the window, take a coffee break, or walk down the street. It is quite possible that by looking at the situation with fresh eyes, you will find a solution much faster.
If your dialogue with your interlocutor gradually begins to shift to elevated tones, stop for a second and abruptly change the topic. Draw your opponent's attention to an unusual flower on the window, the weather, or any other things that are completely unrelated to the subject of your conversation. This is a kind of element of surprise that will help relieve tension and, after a while, continue a constructive dialogue.
Scoliosis support
If there are curvatures of the spine, regardless of the stage (1,2,3) of the disease, it is more difficult to maintain correct posture throughout the day. But this is just as necessary as for any healthy person. The reason for this pathology is often hidden in the constant incorrect position of the body and the deficiency of nutrients and minerals in the body. Contributing factors are also a sedentary lifestyle and prolonged exposure to an incorrect posture at a computer desk. You can get a straight back when diagnosing scoliosis by doing simple exercises:
- You need to squat down and walk around the house, imitating duck walking. 5-10 minutes is enough to improve stretching and strengthen the muscle frame.
- You need to clasp your hands and throw them back as far as possible. Then squat down and place your hands between your knees. Do 10-15 approaches.
- Get on all fours and arch your back as much as possible. The hands should be located strictly under the shoulders. This exercise will make your back much more elastic and stronger.
- Lie on the floor and raise your legs up. Place your hands behind the back of your head and begin to imitate riding a bicycle.
In addition to posture, you also need to control your breathing. The axis of the hip joint and the diaphragm should be parallel. This enriches the body and muscle tissue with oxygen.
Constant training and self-control will allow you to develop a habit
Control your thoughts
If you don't know how to better control yourself, learn to control your thoughts. They largely determine your internal state and behavior. As soon as you feel that negative thoughts are taking over you, focus and try to direct them in an optimistic direction.
Most often, negativity takes possession of a person before starting a new business or an important conversation. The most negative scenarios for the development of events loom in my head. Don't let such thoughts get the better of you. Tune in to a positive outcome, imagine yourself as a winner. Then no external influences will be able to make you angry.
Are emotions manageable?
Before you start working on yourself, you need to get rid of the prevailing stereotype that emotions are something easy, insignificant, something that must quickly submit to the mind.
People often tell others: “Calm down! Now stop being nervous! Can’t you pull yourself together?”, but when it’s their turn to worry, they simply don’t know what to do with themselves.
Emotions control people and people get very angry with themselves when they fail to control their emotions, because they underestimate their power and significance.
Why you shouldn’t be angry with yourself when emotions control and direct can be understood by learning what emotions are in general. We recommend that you read the article https://ourmind.ru/chelovecheskie-emocii-i-chuvstva-v-psixologii to learn more about the nature and functional significance of emotions.
Emotions are not just some kind of mental processes and states, they are a complex psychophysiological mechanism of internal regulation of mental activity and behavior, aimed at satisfying the actual needs of a person. Roughly speaking, emotions help a person survive. Both bad and good emotions are vital for people; they regulate behavior, directing a person towards achieving and maintaining well-being and away from troubles.
Managing emotions is a social necessity. Although this is difficult, it is possible and often simply necessary for a cultured, civilized person.
Look at your behavior from the outside
Probably everyone has had to become an involuntary witness to quarrels or other unpleasant scenes. Although many people are inattentive to such situations, they can teach us a lot. How? A person who will carry out a mental analysis will learn to control himself: who is right, who is wrong, how he should behave in the place of the disputants.
If you feel that the confrontation with your opponent is moving into a destructive phase, imagine that there are many people around you. Become one of these spectators for a second and look at yourself. Is your behavior worthy? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? By answering these questions, you will be able to adjust your dispute tactics and get out of a conflict situation with dignity.
Posture correctors and corsets
Poor posture occurs in a person when he is weakened
and
does not function properly
.
Posture correctors and reclinators
– special orthopedic products that help accustom the spine to a physiologically correct position, as well as correct existing deformations and curvatures.
Operating principle (how the corrector works)
The posture corrector straightens your back, pulls your shoulders back and brings your shoulder blades together. Thus, correct posture is formed or restored; the corrector helps to develop it. The load on the spine is reduced, and back pain is reduced.
You feel your posture straighten out and the feeling of stooping disappears. This muscle memory
remains even after removing the corset. In the future, you will want to remain in a position with a straight back even without a corrector. This pose persists and becomes familiar.
Attention!
The question “Do I need a posture corrector, and which one should I choose?” — address to an orthopedist or vertebrologist. You can't do it on your own
make such decisions. Wearing concealer without good reason can backfire and cause harm to yourself. The back will get used to the support, the muscle “corset” will weaken, the muscles will stop working as expected and will begin to atrophy. In the future, you simply will not be able to do without a corrector; you will suffer from chronic back pain.
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Don't rush to answer
Conflict situations do not always arise by themselves. Sometimes your opponent may deliberately provoke your outburst of anger in order to achieve his personal goals. If you often encounter such situations, you just need to know how to control yourself.
The main rule is not to rush to respond to provocation. The best decision is to cut off the conversation with a short phrase (of course, without stooping to rudeness or insults) or to remain silent altogether. Even if you really want to say some kind of barb in response, do not allow yourself to do so. Within a couple of minutes you will realize that you did absolutely the right thing.
Respect your interlocutor
Unfortunately, many people lose control of themselves only because they consider their opinion to be the only correct one. However, your opponent has the same right to his point of view. Someone else's opinion should not be a reason for irritation, but for re-thinking the current situation. Remember that if you tend to lose your temper at the slightest deviation from your planned plan, this does not mean at all that the people around you are not like that. Learn to respect your interlocutor and seek compromises, because an ordinary dispute can develop into a serious conflict.
Look in the mirror
Negative emotions significantly distort a person’s appearance, and therefore the question of how to control oneself is even more pressing. Expert recommendations are to look at yourself in the mirror whenever you are overcome by negative emotions. Of course, it would be stupid to do this on the street, but at home or in the office it is quite possible. Be sure that when you see your own face, distorted by an angry grimace, you will immediately want to calm down and return to your previous appearance.
Breathe deeply
Breathing exercises help in diagnosing various diseases, but in psychology it is also practiced for another purpose: letting go of emotions, relaxation, getting additional time to analyze the problem that has thrown you out of balance, and finding more acceptable options for solving it.
When faced with a situation that causes anger or irritation, the initial uncontrollable reaction is to scream or try to escape from something that causes an emotional outburst. To avoid this, you need to slowly and deeply draw in air and exhale. Just 10 seconds of time spent on this simple manipulation will help you “slow down” and give a more tactful response to the offender.
By the way, Catherine the Great, known, among other things, for her hot temper, did the same. Only instead of deep breathing, the empress took water into her mouth.
Enter a punishment system
Each child was punished for misconduct, disobedience and pranks. Of course, no one will dare to put an adult in a corner, and therefore it is worth introducing a system of penalties for yourself. If, succumbing to emotions, you got into an argument with someone, shouted at your interlocutor, burst into tears after a remark from your boss, be sure to punish yourself by giving up some kind of pleasure. This could be giving up your favorite treat, watching a TV series, going shopping, and the like. This will give you an incentive to exercise self-control.
How to control yourself: advice from a psychologist
The ability to control your actions and thoughts is priceless, because self-control is one of the main weapons in achieving goals. If you want to be a successful person, learn how to control yourself. A psychologist's advice will guide you along the right path. Please note the following points:
- Don't try to suppress your emotions. This negatively affects both mental and physical well-being. Self-control is an art that needs to be learned gradually.
- Learn self-control from others. If a person is calm and balanced, this does not mean that he does not have problems and troubles. Try to observe him and learn how he reacts to stressful situations.
- Don’t be ashamed of your emotionality, because every person is endowed with a certain temperament from birth. Treat it as a characteristic that can be corrected.
- Look at life and the problems that accompany it more simply. Sometimes it’s worth putting on “rose-colored glasses” to help you isolate yourself from stress.
What are emotions
In psychology, there is reference to a complex internal state, which includes subjective experience, physiological and behavioral reactions. These are human emotions. In their pure form they practically do not appear, but depending on the situation they are expressed stronger or weaker.
Physiologically, the expression of emotions is conveyed by an increased heartbeat, contraction of the stomach muscles, or a sudden release of sweat in the palms. This can be explained by the fact that control is exercised by the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for involuntary movements.
A behavioral reaction allows you to find out what an emotion looks like externally (a smile of joy, eyes wide open in surprise, frowning eyebrows). The more people study this aspect, the better they understand others. At the same time, it is much easier to monitor your own manifestations.
How to control yourself: gaining skills
Self-control is a trait of strong and successful people who easily overcome obstacles on the way to their goals. However, not everyone knows how to control themselves. Skills are developed over a long period of time. To do this, you must follow these recommendations:
- Analyze your behavior. Every evening, describe your emotions and behavior in certain situations. This way you can look at your mistakes from the outside in order to avoid them in the future.
- Be prepared for stressful situations. Before an event or meeting, anticipate possible difficulties. Try to work out a scenario for how to react to them.
- Learn to awaken positive emotions in yourself. As soon as you start to be overwhelmed by negativity, start thinking about something pleasant and beautiful.
- If your nerves are tense, try to surround yourself with positivity. Don't watch sad movies, don't watch bad news, don't read books with heavy plots.
What determines the expression of emotions
The first thing you should understand is that all people are different, and their actions and worldviews are different from yours. Anyone interested in how to manage emotions and feelings should understand that there are several basic aspects that need to be taken into account:
- Age. Kids show emotions freely: if they feel good, they laugh, if they feel hurt or hurt, they cry. The older a person gets, the more restrained the expression of his feelings is.
- Character or temperament often explains specific behaviors.
- Education and culture. In eastern countries, for example, it is not customary to show your fear or disgust if an important person is in front of you. People may react ambiguously when they see a passerby who speaks loudly and desperately gestures with his hands.
conclusions
Inability to control oneself, excessive temper and touchiness is a serious problem that interferes with living, working and enjoying the world around us. If every little thing in a conversation or deviation from the intended plan of action makes you furious, then it’s time to think about seeking help from a psychologist. He will certainly give you valuable advice on self-control, and also recommend sedatives that will make you less susceptible to external irritants.
Distribute responsibilities
Overwork is a common problem, which in itself causes discomfort, and with the accompanying pressure it is quite capable of triggering rage. A sensible approach to distributing your workload or family responsibilities will help you avoid this.
Remember: trying to solve common problems on your own is rarely beneficial. More often than not, instead of rewards, you receive new responsibilities. As they say, “if you did it once, well done, but more than twice, you’re obligated.”
It would be wiser to distribute new responsibilities among team members so that the workload is equal. This will relieve both overwork and justified indignation caused by the lack of bonuses.
