In this article we will tell you:
- 5 recommendations for a girl to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship
- Mistakes girls make at the beginning of a relationship
- Advice from psychologists for men on behavior at the beginning of a relationship
- 4 mistakes men make at the beginning of a relationship
- Ways to avoid problems at the beginning of a relationship
How to behave at the beginning of a relationship is a question that many caring people ask, because the moment of the birth of a connection is the most important in the life of lovers. There are butterflies in your stomach from the fact that you just look into each other’s eyes, pleasant words, gifts and a sea of tenderness. The most important thing is not to do anything stupid and be adequate during this period.
In this article you will find certain rules that will help girls and guys preserve their feelings for a long time and not scare off their chosen one. If you follow these recommendations, you can turn a short candy-bouquet period into a long and strong relationship.
Mistakes girls make at the beginning of a relationship
When a woman is interested in a man and seeks to take the relationship to a serious stage, she begins to fear losing this connection. Therefore, she experiences panic and begins to make mistakes that only provoke a breakup.
Mistake #1: Pretentiousness. It was said above that a woman, not knowing how to behave at the beginning of a relationship with a man, begins to reforge her “I” to fit the imaginary ideals and lifestyle of her partner. She changes her manners, behavior and even appearance. The trouble is that pretense does not go unnoticed, it catches the eye and causes bewilderment, and sometimes disappointment, of the chosen one.
Mistake #2 : Inventing a future together. Before she even started dating a guy, the girl had already decided when the wedding would be, what the wedding dress would be, how many children she would have, what names they would have, etc. Moreover, the chosen one is not even aware of such far-reaching plans. Yes, he likes the girl, but he does not expect to spend the rest of his life with her, and is only interested in a non-binding relationship.
What men love
1. They love attention, courtesy, care, but not excessive.
2. They love it when their talents are respected and appreciated.
3. They will like it if the initiative is in their hands, and decisions will not be made by you. Discuss together how best to proceed, find a common compromise, again proposed by your partner. This is the only way you can establish long-lasting, strong relationships.
4. When the dating period has already dragged on and you see that your partner has more than just a sporting interest in you, remember the old truth and feed him a delicious dinner. After all, most men love to eat.
Advice from psychologists for men on behavior at the beginning of a relationship
How to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship? This question also torments the stronger half. There are five indicators that women pay attention to when choosing a partner.
- Appearance. The fact that a woman loves with her ears is only partly true. Every lady wants to see next to her a well-groomed companion in good physical shape, neatly dressed and without mourning tape under his nails.
- Intelligence. To confirm mental abilities, it is not necessary to have a couple of higher educations. But being able to speak not only using interjections, clearly expressing your point of view, and simply being able to maintain a conversation on various topics is important for the vast majority of women.
- Upbringing. Although we live in an era of feminism, any girl will be pleased if her boyfriend opens the door for her or gives her his hand when getting out of the car. This is not just gallantry, this is elementary education, once again emphasizing the intelligence of a man.
- Character traits. The main character traits that give a woman a feeling of confidence in her partner are determination, the ability to show care, kindness, honesty, the ability to set and achieve goals, and to be a leader.
- Feeling of reliability. It is important for women to feel like they are behind a stone wall with a man and look into the future with confidence. If a partner does not have goals, does not consider it necessary to share everyday difficulties with his chosen one, or is ready to live at the expense of his beloved, then most likely the woman will not be interested in him.
Obsessivenessi
Men are freedom-loving creatures. For them, relationships are a real test. They want to remain single, but also to have someone nearby.
Therefore, you cannot immediately attack your partner. Many people believe that once something starts to work out, they can become obsessive. Constantly write, demand calls, get offended if something goes wrong. This can scare a man.
The fact is that this is repulsive on a psychological level; he does not understand why the girl is offended. It seems that they put a collar on your neck and turn you into a faithful dog. Nobody wants to constantly hear the command “Get to your feet!”
Mistake 16: Monitoring on Social Media
You shouldn't like or comment on every Instagram post or tweet of the person you're dating. This can be very annoying. The same goes for constantly following him on social networks or liking his old photos. Of course, everyone makes these mistakes, but remember that it is stressful.
You need to give your partner space online, otherwise you will find yourself in complete insecurity. Don't tag your new relationship in messages or update your status as “in a relationship” without warning.
Mistake 13: You have stereotypes about people
When we first meet someone, we usually notice things we wouldn't otherwise notice. This is why it is especially easy to make stereotypical judgments. For example: does he live with his mother and father? So he's a loser. Have a cheap car? So he doesn't make enough money.
It’s best not to jump to hasty conclusions until we get to know this person better. Stereotypes are sometimes seriously misleading and limit your chances of having a serious relationship.
Mistake 6. You talk and think about money from the very beginning.
It's okay to know how much the person you're dating earns and whether he/she likes the job he/she does, but don't start delving into topics like what kind of car he/she drives, what savings he/she has, etc. where does he live and how many members are in his family?
Focusing too much on these topics increases your chances of losing your future relationship by at least 50%.
Mistake 4: Message Bombardment
When you like someone, you want to be with them all the time, talk to them and hear them all the time. But too much texting can very quickly turn a budding relationship on its head and turn it into something obsessive.
Constant writing reveals anxiety, desperation and lack of self-control. Try to respect your partner's texting frequency (as long as he/she doesn't overdo it).
Keeping a secret and maintaining confidentiality is not the same as playing games. When you don't text or call, you're not loitering - you're just giving him room to breathe.
Demandingness3
Famous stand-up comedian Bo Burnham has a musical number. It's called "Lower your expectations".
The essence of the song is simple: all people need to lower their demands on others. This is because they are always overpriced. It turns out to be an unpleasant situation - there are many desires, but nothing to give in return.
And this is the main problem: girls often want the impossible, while they have nothing in their soul except a pretty face. In the 21st century this is not enough. Men also need a response, some kind of manifestation of love and affection. And many guys wonder why girls get offended over trifles? You will find the answer further in the link.
Therefore, you should not dump all the claims at once. It is better to express them gradually. So that the partner has a desire to become better, for the sake of his betrothed.
A woman who values herself
A woman of value will not enter into a relationship where she is not valued. If this woman is offered something that does not fit into her picture of the world at all, she will absolutely calmly say: “No, this doesn’t suit me” or “I don’t want it that way.”
And a woman who deserves love, who tries with all her might to please, who thinks about her every step, will often end up in the wrong relationship. The men in her life are not very respectful of her or suddenly disappear, or do not show the attention she would like. That is, men will show her what she feels about herself.
What to do about it? Develop your value, cultivate this feeling that will be unconditional.
Next to a woman who is in self-love, a man strives to show his best qualities. Such a woman feels joy when she looks at herself in the mirror. She herself is the most dear and close person to her in life.
Do you know this feeling? When, instead of finding another wrinkle or some kind of flaws on your body, you simply rejoice in the fact that you exist. And you don't want to change anything about yourself.
I don't mean that you shouldn't improve yourself. You need to grow spiritually, physically, emotionally, and personally. But when you accept yourself, love yourself, admire yourself, this development will happen in love, in joy, pleasure and enjoyment. And it’s as if the whole world will help you on your path, in different areas of your life. And we can truly love other people only if we truly love ourselves.
Otherwise, a woman dissatisfied with herself, with claims towards herself, will see the same in her partner. Maybe she will even meet the man of her dreams, who will show her attention and care, but she will not be able to see it in him.
If a woman reveals love, tenderness and sensuality in herself, then she helps her partner to open up too. She herself begins to look at him through the filters of love, endowing him with the best qualities.
To learn how to help your partner open up in a relationship, sign up for our free 6-day online course: “Man: honest instructions for use. No drama or manipulation."
Why men pull away (and why it's normal)
“In the first months of our acquaintance, I felt how passionate he was about me,” says Tatyana. — He constantly arranged pleasant surprises and couldn’t wait for the next meeting. And now a wave of work has covered him, we meet less often. When I directly asked if he wanted to continue the relationship, he replied that nothing had changed. He’s just going through a stressful period right now.”
“Men are biologically predisposed to focus on one most important task,” explains cognitive therapist Marina Myaus. - This does not mean that you have become less interesting to him. He believes that your relationship is not in danger, and another, more pressing goal at this moment has captured his attention. The woman perceives this as an unexpected cooling, begins to feel insecure and asks questions - am I still dear to him? There is a desire to punish the partner, and often she begins to behave like a passive aggressor, not opening her feelings and experiences, but trying to take revenge through demonstrative inattention.”
The situation is becoming more and more confusing. People are still dear to each other, but they do not understand their partner’s motivation very well.
As a result, the question arises on both sides: “Why are you doing this to me?”
Usually it remains unspoken, and the wrong answer can destroy the relationship at its very beginning.
“If a man is successful, he is often full of energy and ready to share it,” says the expert. — Problems begin when obstacles are encountered on the way to fulfilling his “male mission,” and this is how most men see the scope of their professional activity. All his energy is directed towards eliminating them as quickly as possible.”
Unlike women, men rarely see their mission in relationships and family. Relationships are joy and pleasure for them, which should not distract from the main thing. A man may consider you the most precious thing he has, but when he is absorbed in solving business problems, that is, implementing the male role, you may not feel this.
What to do? You can hate men for this and cut them out of your life. Or you can take it for granted and use it for the benefit of the relationship.
“If you begin to reproach him or punish him with demonstrative inattention, he receives a signal: you are not on his side and a relationship with you requires too much emotional investment,” explains the psychologist. — And he tries to save energy and concentrates on solving business problems. Let him feel that he can be himself with you and that you are always ready to listen to him.”
How to start a conversation? Although men have a need to share their experiences, it can be difficult for them to talk about it. You need patience and sensitive questions that show your interest. Do not interrupt or push, do not try to give advice and help practically resolve the situation. By doing this, you deny him the ability to cope with difficulties on his own, that is, you question his masculinity.
Give him the opportunity to tell you everything he thinks is necessary.
What to talk about? Your interlocutor will most likely describe the situation without touching on his experiences. “It’s difficult for men to start talking about feelings,” reminds Marina Meaus. — Try asking delicate indirect questions and using the word “important” more often: “How did you feel during that important conversation with your boss?” If you say it in the context of a problem your partner is solving, he begins to perceive you as a close ally who understands the significance of what is happening.”
After the conversation, give the man the opportunity to be alone. This is necessary to understand yourself and solve the problem. “If he can count on your understanding, he will return,” says the psychologist. “And he will make you feel that you are dear to him and he appreciates your delicacy.”
Availability2
Also, a guy can be put off by available girls. If a woman agrees to have sex on the first date, he has certain questions. He begins to consider the girl frivolous and accessible.
It completely kills the zest and conquest factor. Men need certain obstacles. I want to conquer and achieve girls. And when the tower becomes without a fight, it becomes boring and uninteresting.
Such ladies are often abandoned after the first sex. This is not because all guys are assholes (but this fact cannot be completely ruled out). The fact is that this is how human psychology works. The path brings pleasure only when it is difficult.
How to understand a man's intentions
Many girls don’t know how to understand a man’s intentions at the beginning of a relationship so as not to waste time. Let's consider the main signs that indicate the seriousness of intentions.
Interested in life and personality
An interested man will be interested in your tastes, preferences, and outlook on life. He will learn what you like and what you don't. He will start conversations on philosophical topics. He will be interested in your life, asking about your childhood, dreams, goals.
Introduces you to loved ones
If a man is planning a serious relationship, then he will not put off getting to know his friends and parents.
Wants to spend a lot of time together
A man in love strives to spend all his free time with his beloved girl. He will answer calls and SMS, call, write, and offer meetings every day. He will not postpone the meeting, citing eternal employment.
Opens the soul
An interested man will not only be interested in you, but will also actively talk about himself. He will share his experiences and dreams. A man who is not serious will never bring up personal topics in conversation.
He gives special gifts
A man in love will try to surprise you, so he will try to make your wishes come true. He will not be limited to banal gifts, but will give exactly what you want.
