When a man leaves his family, it is a great tragedy. And if at the same time he leaves for his mistress, his act becomes a serious shock for the woman who has lived side by side with him for many years. Of course, life doesn't end there. The woman still has children to raise and educate, a favorite hobby, friends and relatives, but she is constantly haunted by an obsessive thought: the husband left for his mistress - how long will it take him to go home? and whether it will work at all - this is the main question tormenting a woman after her husband leaves.
If your husband left for someone else, how to survive the blow: 7 golden tips from a psychologist
Breaking up a relationship after many years of life is not uncommon.
After her husband leaves the family, a woman is in a whirlpool of pain, anger and resentment. A drop in self-esteem leads to helplessness. Expert advice comes to the rescue. It is necessary to understand why men generally leave their wives with whom they have lived for many years.
The main reasons are:
- excessive care on the part of a woman;
- lack of common interests and hobbies;
- sex life becomes rare and boring;
- the emergence of constant conflicts;
- wife's neglected appearance;
- fatigue from solving everyday problems;
- the appearance of a rival.
The other woman is in last place for a reason. Men rarely leave family comfort because of their mistress, unless there are other problems with their wife.
It is easier for them to live on both sides than to destroy their marriage and their familiar world. Therefore, you must first analyze the whole situation, put your emotional background in order, and then build a line of behavior with your ex-husband.
Advice! Don't waste your time on charlatans who offer to solve your problem with magic. This is a lie.
Expressing feelings
Don't waste time on charlatans who offer to solve the problem with magic.
After a breakup, a woman should not keep her emotions to herself. This will worsen your depression.
There are several ways:
- tears and hysterics alone;
- conversation with a loved one or psychologist;
- actions - express feelings in words, write them on a piece of paper, then tear them up and throw them away.
Focusing on loved ones and children will help ease the pain. Destruction of all things belonging to the traitor. Make repairs, or, if financial resources are limited, partially replace the interior.
Fight or let go
Women often say: “I will fight for him.” The concept of “fighting for your ex-husband or letting go” is ephemeral. A man is not an animal on a leash. His decision to leave is conscious, and he must also decide whether to return or not. The spouse can forgive or not.
Important! Psychologists warn that thoughts of fighting for your spouse out of a sense of revenge must be thrown out of your head.
All that remains is to set yourself a waiting period or erase it from your life and start a new path.
If after a long time the love has not passed, you can think about ways to attract a loved one into the family. But this does not give 100% certainty of his return.
Is there a chance to get away from a breakup?
My husband left for someone else. How to return an unlucky traitor?
A man is much better than a woman at hiding his dissatisfaction and avoiding direct dialogue that could resolve the problem in its very inception. In most cases, the spouse is confident that the marriage is stable until the moment the man stops hiding the fact that he has a double life or it is discovered by chance. In half of all such situations, the man prefers to retreat to where he has found solace lately - to his mistress.
In what situations, having learned about the betrayal and being faced with the fact that the husband has gone to live with another, can the ex-wife hope to renew the relationship? This behavior of her lover in the last hours of his stay at home will tell a woman about the possibility of maintaining the union, despite an obvious threat:
- before leaving, the man explains his action at length and emotionally;
- the man’s speech contains profanity, he clearly loses control of himself;
- the husband collects his things for a long time, rushes around the house, and after he leaves it turns out that he left many items of clothing he needed;
- the spouse's escape from the house is accompanied by a loud slamming of the door.
Conversely, external calm, literary phrases justifying his actions, leisurely movements and careful preparations will indicate that the partner has left for another, having carefully weighed his decision and fully accepted it as the only correct one. A woman has very little chance of reviving her marriage after such a farewell.
How to cope with your husband's departure, how to behave
The first days after my husband leaves are the most difficult. Self-flagellation will not help. We need to find the strength to make our own changes, support our children (they should not feel guilty), and restore spiritual harmony.
Advice from psychologists will help with this:
| Way | Action |
| Self improvement | This is done in different directions:
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| Focus on children | Prevent your children from taking the blame for the divorce and feeling left out:
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| Finding the positives | In any situation there are positive sides, you need to find them:
|
Friends after divorce
In that happy, married life, I had girlfriends, at least it seemed so to me. Irka and Natasha and I went to cafes, celebrated holidays together, and shared secrets.
Irka worked for an oil company and received such a salary that she envied herself. And Natasha... Natasha had her own beauty salon, and, in fact, we can put an end to this - and so everything is clear.
After my husband slammed the door so that plaster fell onto the floor, covering the floor in the hallway with a white powdery suspension, I realized that in my soul, among the emptiness and vacuum, there was still one tenth of Irka and one tenth of Natasha. But Irkina's tenth evaporated faster than the gas - from the Aqua Mineral bottle. In light of recent events, Irka visited me twice and gave me two practical pieces of advice: the first was to take care of my son, and the second was to find a new man.
The first advice disappeared by itself, because my mother took my son, saying that I was not entirely adequate and that she would return my grandson only when I “got over the divorce.”
And as for the man... Well, no! I now have a persistent allergy to them, and in general, real feelings are not subject to the arguments of reason!
Irka also said that just the other day she was flying to Vietnam, so excuse me... It turned out that Vietnam is not so close - at a distance of about ten light years from Earth, so I didn’t see Irka anymore. Perhaps she got lost somewhere between Cassiopeia and the constellation Leo, or maybe she stayed in Vietnam to drill a new oil well.
The other tenth, in the person of my friend Natasha, rotated with me in the same orbit a little longer. Natasha literally forcibly dragged me into her beauty salon, dyed my hair, cut my hair stylishly, in general, made me into something that I shied away from for several days, not recognizing my reflection in the mirror. There, in the mirror, it was not me who appeared at all, but some broken, vulgar girl with a shaved temple on one side and torn black locks on the other. Natasha painted my eyebrows so generously, as if I were a samurai ready to immediately commit a hara-kiri ritual.
Natasha also advised me to buy Louboutins and jeans with torn knees, but I got angry and sent Natasha very far away. For some reason, Natasha did not return from this “far away” place, apparently, getting on Louboutins on our broken roads is quite problematic...
How to get your husband back if he left for someone else, and is it worth doing?
You need to return your husband only if the love has not passed and you have the strength to forgive and start all over again. Getting your husband back by force is almost impossible. Tears and blackmail will cause negativity and rejection on the part of the ex-spouse, the joy of the rival and the pity of others.
There are several ways to make him understand that he has made a mistake:
| Way | Action |
| Communication with a child | Permission to communicate with children will show a man the absence of negativity from his former beloved. Rare time spent together will bring the spouses closer again and will irritate the homewrecker. What will eventually result in conflict for the new family? |
| Communication with his relatives | With a calm attitude to the situation, communication with your husband’s relatives can be maintained. Celebrating birthdays together will not be an easy test, but it will take the young couple out of their comfort zone |
| Help | By pressing on the man’s feelings of guilt, lead him to promise to provide physical help around the house. It is not recommended to call him once a week, but once every 2 months is quite possible. Which will lead to new scandals on the other side |
| Positive | It is better to discuss issues of education and assistance on your own territory. Show concern by giving them tea or food, or packing a snack for work. All this should be seasoned with humor, fun and calm. |
Constant communication, an attractive appearance, and cheerfulness will make a man look at his ex-wife in a new way. See the girl he fell in love with. Possible scandals on the part of your mistress will make you think about the correctness of your choice.
The final decision is up to the woman
During a conversation that should dot all the i’s, you cannot allow your ex-husband to get carried away by memories of “how good everything was” and show weakness towards his guilty appearance if he decides to play on feelings of pity. It is necessary to immediately cut off his attempts to bargain, requests to give him time to settle all issues with his mistress and generally get into his position. Any compromises on this basis will lead the situation to a dead end and will only add new problems to existing ones.
Faced with the impossibility of dictating their terms, most men stop “keeping face” in order to lull their partner’s vigilance and reveal their true intentions. Perhaps, having become convinced that the real goal of her ex-lover is not the revival of love, but a return to her own comfort, the woman herself will not want such a relationship and will forever break off communication with the selfish man.
What not to do
When a person is angry, he can hardly control his actions. But there are some things you need to abstain from. You will most likely regret them later.
- Blackmail . It can manifest itself in a variety of variations - threatening suicide if he does not return, or promising to take the children away without the opportunity to see them. Even if the blackmail works, the husband has fallen out of love and preferred another woman. He will be with you through force, without desire, without love. Are you really pleased to see his physical form nearby when he doesn’t want to be here?
- Revenge on my husband . Why lower yourself and come up with ways to take revenge on your husband? By trying, you will only plunge deeper into negative emotions. Few people felt relief after revenge, because sooner or later they would have to move on with their lives.
- Turning children against their father . First of all, this will hit the children, they will become a victim of your relationship problems. And the husband, if desired, can obtain custody through the court. There is no need to take it out on the child because of the mistakes of adults - sort it out with each other.
Don't do anything that you would be ashamed of if your friends knew about it. For example, taking revenge on your mistress, arguing with your husband, or begging him to return.
Girl, are you feeling bad?
When all the methods were exhausted (such as: advice from my mother and friends, sleeping pills and music, watching melodramas and meditation), I went to extreme measures. In a nearby supermarket I bought a bottle of good cognac and for the first time in my life I filled my body with alcohol to the fullest.
In the morning, there were at least five stars in each of my eyes, the exhaust from my mouth outright killed a fly nestled against the window frame, and the toilet (horror!) did not have time to pump water into the flush tank in response to the urges of my stomach.
I had no choice but to climb to the roof of our high-rise building...
With a limp, trembling hand, I pressed the elevator call button, and then with the same trembling hand I knocked the lock off the door to the attic. Having scared away a flock of pigeons, I crawled on all fours, scraping my knees, to the edge of the roof... Oh, God!
I looked down: my head was spinning, I felt nauseous with renewed vigor. For some reason, a stupid thought came to mind: “Where is my friend Carlson, who lives on the roof?” An acquaintance, of course, not personally, but thanks to Astrid Lindgren’s book...
The wind ruffled the strands of my black hair and cooled my shaved temple... Actually, I’m practically blonde by nature. Cute dimples on the cheeks, small but beautiful breasts, height - fifty meters when jumping. But the eyes - yes! - the eyes are really like a cow's. Defenseless, brown, with long, curving eyelashes...
Yesterday, purely by chance, I met my ex with a new passion. He looks like a gangster from a bad American movie: in a leather jacket, jeans and boots with metal spurs. She is a Barbie doll, thin-legged, with peri-hair that reaches almost to her butt, with pumped lips and a bunch of feathers in both ears - either clips or earrings. I remembered how, at the sight of the “sweet couple,” I was thrown back, and some compassionate guy who happened to be nearby asked worriedly:
- Girl, are you feeling bad?..
