Monogamy and polygamy in modern relationships: what does this mean in practice?

You can understand what monogamy and polygamy are in modern relationships if you conditionally divide all people into two types - those who prefer monogamous relationships, as well as those who are polygamous by nature. It is difficult for the first type to even imagine that his soulmate belonged to anyone else. The latter can be in open relationships, giving their love and body to third, fourth, fifth persons.

In the world today there are many married couples who are not limited to one partner and coexist well in society. Others believe that marriage is a fairy tale about a mansion where several characters could get along at once. Are monogamy and polygamy possible as forms of marriage in modern society, what is it, who are swingers? You can learn about all this from the article below.

What is monogamy?

Within the borders of Russia and many European countries, monogamous relationships are still more welcome, so it’s worth considering this concept first. Monogamy is a love and family relationship with only one person for a long time. In simple terms, a monogamous relationship is a committed relationship between a woman and a man, leading to marriage and the creation of a family.

In a monogamous relationship, feelings, emotional attachment and sex are possible only between two people, that is, partners. Monogamy is supported by the Judeo-Christian tradition, where any relationship with third parties is considered a terrible sin - treason. Monogamy is observed in only 3-5% of mammals, and 90% of birds. Due to the fact that monogamy is rare in the animal world, experts consider it not always natural for humanity.

Psychological aspect3

From a psychological point of view, polygamy and monogamy are rooted in childhood. Explaining everything is quite simple.

As a child, the boy, as a rule, lacked maternal love and care. He strives to get them by any available means, but getting them is still not enough for him. I always want more and more. As one grows up, the need for maternal love and affection transforms into the need to receive these feelings from other women. And it is still impossible for a man to get the amount of love he needs from one woman.

Or the opposite situation. Since childhood, the boy has received so much love and attention from the women closest to him that now that he has matured, one woman cannot give him so much. Most likely, such boys were raised by their mother and grandmother, without a father. From childhood, the influence of the father is very, very important! Men, remember this!

However, sexologists say that polygamy is beneficial for men! In such men, self-confidence increases significantly, and offspring from different women makes it possible to ensure a “bigger mark” in history. Is self-confidence in this way justified?

And monogamy came directly from matriarchy. From early childhood, a girl sees that at seven her mother plays the dominant role. In the future, the daughters simply adopted the model of behavior they were familiar with. From a psychological point of view, monogamy gives a person a feeling of stability and security, because everything in the world is so unpredictable.

What is polygamy?

Polygamous marriage is more a rarity than a normal phenomenon, which cannot be said about polygamy in the lives of free people. If more than 2 partners are involved in a family relationship, this is clear polygamy. Accordingly, we can draw a conclusion regarding who a polygamist is. This is a person who is in a group relationship or marriage with multiple husbands and/or wives.

Polygamy today is welcomed and not prohibited by Islamism.
But in eastern countries, polygamy manifests itself one-sidedly, when only a man is allowed to have several wives, but not a woman several husbands. Two terms within the concept of polygamy are considered at once - polyandry and polygyny. In the first case, they talk about a woman having several partners and/or husbands, in the second – about polygamy. Polyandry is visible among the Tibetans, India, and Nepal. For reference! From the point of view of sociology, psychology, morality and norms of behavior, it cannot be said that monogamy or polygamy is not the norm, the right or wrong option. All types of relationships have the right to exist if the partners have appropriate views, inclinations and preferences.

Polyamory is a relationship, not one-time sex

The term "polyamory" is close to polygamy. The difference between polyamory and polygamy is the emphasis on feelings. The origin of the phenomenon is somewhat different: polygamy is generated by tradition, and polyamory is a personal choice.

People who love many people deny the destructive feeling of jealousy. Polyamory is not a form of marriage, but a worldview that allows for loving relationships with multiple people at the same time. People who think polyamory is acceptable are not necessarily in polygamous relationships. They can have a relationship with one partner or be single.

What are the benefits of polygamous relationships?

Despite humanity's great commitment to monogamous relationships, the topic of polygamy is always relevant and pressing. Scientifically, there are 3 types of polygamy:

Polyandry is a marital relationship between one wife and several of her husbands.
Polygyny is a marriage between one husband and several of his wives.
Bigamy is a kind of bigamy (polygyny), but the difference is that both wives do not know about the existence of each other.

To understand what a polygamous relationship can give a person, it is enough to compare their advantages and disadvantages. There can be several advantages:

biologically, sexual diversity and sexual activity are believed to be beneficial for the viability of the offspring;
the ability to exhaust hypersexuality and love of love, which is characteristic of some people;
the low divorce rate of such families is due to honesty and openness in relationships without boundaries.

There are also disadvantages to this relationship format. A polygamous female is a woman who has several partners and must pay attention to each one, fulfilling the entire list of marital duties twice as much. The same goes for men with several wives who need to be supported, ensuring everyone's comfort.

Swinging

The two terms polygamy and swinging go alongside each other, but are not synonymous. If in the first case we are talking about one dominant partner and his two wives (husbands), as well as open and legalized relationships, swinging is a more intimate format of relationships.

Swinging refers to the exchange of sexual relations between married couples. Such couples can spend time separately with each other’s significant other, or they can form a kind of Swedish family. Swing does not provide for any sensual and emotional connection between couples; it is more “sports sex” when exchanged with random couples.

Polygamy in women: polyandry

It would seem that the question of whether women are polygamous or monogamous cannot even be asked out loud, since polygamy is always attributed to the male half of society. In fact, female polygamy does exist and even has a separate name - polyandry. Anthropology confirms that this format of relationships is found among 53 nations.

There are 2 possible causes of polyandry:

Matriarchy - in many families and at different times it happened that all the strength and leadership fell on the woman. A special development of matriarchy was observed during the period of agriculture and gathering, when there was no hunting and men were breadwinners.
The theory of adaptation, when in certain countries, places and situations for the survival of humanity/nation/clan, due to high mortality, scarce resources, hereditary motives, several men married one woman.

In addition to reasons such as survival, the traditions of some peoples, it can be said that female polygamy can be caused by the love of women for several men at once due to hypersexuality, as well as psychological deviations, such as an inferiority complex, because of which a woman strives to get as much attention as possible by several men.

Polygamy in men

Male polygamy is much more understandable to modern society, but it occurs more in a hidden form than in open polygamy. To understand whether a man is monogamous or polygamous, it is enough to find out how many partners he currently has. If, in addition to his wife, there is a mistress or several passions that the first partner does not know about, he is already a representative of polygamy.

There may be several reasons for male polygamy:

Traditions - in Islamic countries, polygamy among men has been supported since there was a high mortality rate, and bigamy saved the nation. There is even a tradition that after the death of a husband, his wife and children become the wife of his brother, even if he already has a family.
Demography - wars constantly reduce the male population, as do diseases, genocide and epidemics of all times and peoples. This is where marriages arose, where there was one man for several women.
A man's love of love is a common occurrence among modern representatives of the stronger sex, when one man is not enough to have one woman.
Prestige - many men are convinced that having not only a wife, but also several mistresses, one can earn authority in certain circles.
Honesty – Many partners are so open with each other that they may declare the presence of third parties in the relationship. It is difficult to condemn a man who does not hide anything from his wife and mistress, and they do not oppose this format of relationship.

Scientists have put forward another version of why male polygamy is so widespread. The point is that there is a big difference in the percentage of men to women around the world.

Positive and negative sides of polygamy

Most of humanity adheres to monogamy in their lives, but there are also adherents of polygamy. To understand the distinctive features, it is necessary to compare the pros and cons.

pros

From a scientific point of view and human biology, the viability of the offspring increases if there was high sexual activity and a wide variety of sexual partners.
The ability to use your hypersexuality to the required extent and fully satisfy your needs.
The divorce rate in polygamous unions is many times lower than in monogamous families due to their openness and honesty.

Minuses

Difficulty paying attention to all your partners.
Double the amount of family responsibilities.

Swinging

Polygamy is related to swinging, but is not synonymous with it. In the first case, there is a dominant in a relationship that has several partners. Such relationships are legalized and open. In the second case, the relationship is very rarely made public and is of exclusively intimate interest to the partners.

During swinging, partners for sex are exchanged. These relationships find a place in Swedish families where there are several marriage partners. They have every right to be intimate with each other.

Swing does not imply feelings or emotions. The interest and taste of a new random partner plays a big role here.

Monogamous families and relationships

In the modern understanding, a family is an institution of relationships between only one man and one woman, which means that monogamous relationships are considered the norm. The family dates back to the 7th-3rd millennium BC. Attitudes towards its composition, the roles of partners, etc. differed, hence the division of clans, nations, and tribes.

Monogamous marriage involves two partners being faithful to each other. Its advantages are as follows:

positive attitude of society;
habitual form of relationship;
concentration of partners only on each other;
rational concentration and distribution of property among descendants;
support of one partner;
the absence of a ban on such marriage;
loyalty of partners, which means there is no risk of contracting infections from casual relationships, etc.

To understand the disadvantages of a monogamous marriage, we can highlight the advantages of the exact opposite form, that is, a polygamous family. For example:

the likelihood of a man having more offspring;
solving the problem of the huge number of unmarried women;
diversity in relationships;
honesty and frankness between partners;
lack of boundaries and restrictions.

You can decide which is better - a monogamous marriage or a polygamous one, based on the above pros and cons, as well as based only on your own prejudices and views.

Sex and polygamy6

Still, the question of polygamy for men begins where there were sexual relations on the side.

Psychologists note that this occurs where there is uncertainty and instability. If a woman does not let a man feel her strength, then he gains through “left” sexual connections, which precisely give the feeling of victory.

The same can be said about a woman. She always wants to feel wanted and needed. The lack of this in the alliance forces us to look elsewhere.

It turns out that this is a psychological problem, nothing more. Relationship problem. And we need to learn how to build them, and not discuss polygamy.

Research supports the idea. Surveys have shown that 25% of young people say they are faithful to their partner. Among older people – 40%.

Russian researchers note that 63% of people of both sexes do not recognize infidelity as the norm. 34% of men and 16% of women are calm about infidelity. But almost everyone is sure that relationships can and should be built in a nuclear family. Just don’t let it get to the point where it becomes both boring and sad together.

Which relationships are women more prone to and why?

Most people around the world prefer a monogamous form of relationships with the opposite sex. Psychology notes that women are more likely to have monogamous relationships, while men are more polygamous in character and temperament. There are several reasons why women are monogamous:

the need for a permanent sexual partner for procreation;
heredity, accumulated benefits are passed on to offspring, which is only appropriate in a family;
social requirements regarding a woman’s chastity;
a woman’s independence in matters of providing for a child;
the orientation of female nature towards qualitative rather than quantitative relationships.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

About 90% of women consciously make a choice in favor of monogamy, which is influenced by the culture of the nation, social principles and morals, the desire for stability and family development, the upbringing environment and social circle, and religious prejudices.

In the animal world4

Polygamy and monogamy are found everywhere in nature among animals and birds. About 90% of all birds are monogamous, and among animals there are much fewer of them, only 25-30%. The brightest representatives of monogamy are swans. They are looking for a mate for life, and if one of the partners dies, then the second remains alone until his death. This also includes wolves.

The most famous representatives of polygamy in the animal world are herds of ungulates, fur seals and walruses. For example, dolphins, in addition to the fact that they are polygamous by nature, some individuals, in addition to endless heterosexual relationships, also have homosexual ones!

Sexual games occupy a special place in their lives, in which they take part more for the sake of entertainment. And the queen bee, by definition, must be polygamous, because the more sexual partners she has had, the more attractive she is to those bees who work in the hives.

Which is better: monogamy or polygamy

Deciding which is better, monogamy or polygamy, is still quite difficult for many people. Some will say that monogamy is a manifestation of purity, devotion, and the unity of eternal love. Others will call it boredom, lifelessness and a gradual loss of love and sexual interest in a partner.

What type of relationship are you for?

MonogamousPolygamous

As long as man has existed, monogamy and polygamy have existed. Despite the fact that the monogamous form of relationships is many times more common in the modern world, polygamy remains relevant. There is a theory that if you introduce the principles of polygamy into a monogamous relationship, it will strengthen the marriage and make the usual way of life interesting.

In fact, choosing what is best for a person - monogamous or polygamous marriage - is a purely personal matter for everyone. Psychologists and science insist that monogamous marriages are the future. Practice shows that compromise and trust are important in relationships. If partners are ready to have other relationships on the side openly and honestly, that is their right. The main thing is that the chosen format is acceptable to both.

Monogamy is a child of morality and an achievement of civilization

Let monogamy not be a natural, natural position. People are highly developed creatures capable of moral relations. The state, social institutions and the church impose restrictions on sexual behavior and punish non-compliance. But for some reason this doesn’t stop people.

According to statistics, a quarter of Russians consider their partner’s betrayal to be the most common reason for divorce. This is what first comes to our people's minds. The paradox is that we all understand the positive and benevolent nature of monogamy. However, the real actions of people are the opposite and show that only a small part of people are capable of behaving monogamously, regardless of nationality, position in society or age characteristics.

Examples of female polygamy

Recent scientific research has confirmed the information that in nature 53 nations accept female polygamy, which is called polyandry. Such people believe that a woman can have several partners and even spouses, but for good reasons. The most common polyandry marriages are in Tibet, among the Eskimos, and in India.

Most often, in such countries, one woman may be married to several brothers (fraternal polyandry). History emphasizes that polyandry is due more to the lack of natural resources. For example, in Tibet there is a shortage of livable land, and to avoid fragmentation of the land belonging to one family, a woman becomes a wife to several brothers.

In India, against the backdrop of selective abortion, a shortage of women gradually developed. As a result of this, one woman can be the wife of several men at once, but relatives to each other. Biandry is also found - a form of polyandry, where a woman marries two men at the same time. In the Indian Himalayas, polygynandry occurs, when several men marry several women at the same time.

For reference! Polyandry and the presence of several husbands for one woman have been recorded in history in Asia, Tibet, India, Africa, and North and South America.

Is monogamy natural for women because they have little interest in sex?

A similar myth is firmly entrenched among the male population of the planet. Although it would be more correct to say that a woman does not want to be left alone, defenseless, forced to take care of children on her own and deprived of the opportunity to earn money. After the female half of the Earth got the opportunity to independently decide who to be and who to study, where to work, whether to use contraception and social security, it turned out that women are very interested in sex.

Moreover, women need much more sex than men, if only because it takes them much longer to achieve a full orgasm. Society firmly supported the myths about the uselessness of sex for a woman, which she is ready to provide exclusively in exchange for some benefits.

Examples of male polygamy

The brightest territories where male polygamy was welcomed were Japan (1880), Nepal (1963) and China (1963). Male polygamy has also been recorded in several parts of the world:

Ancient Mesopotamia and Assyria. So, for example, Philip II of Macedon was the husband of 8 women, the Persian king Darius III had wives and several hundred concubines.
Ancient and modern Egypt. The Egyptians have long practiced polygamy. And in African countries where Islam is practiced today, polygamy is still not prohibited.
Ancient Greece. The most sexually liberated society was the ancient Greek one; here they had a normal attitude not only towards polygamy, but also towards non-traditional sexual relations.
Bible. Polygamy was known from the Book of Genesis, where it is recorded that Lamech had two wives. Polygamous men were also mentioned in the Old Testament, for example Solomon, David, Abraham, Jacob. David had 10 wives and the same number of concubines; his son Solomon had 700 wives in addition to concubines.
Hinduism. Brahmins had the opportunity to take 4 women as wives, and Shudras from a low social class had the opportunity to take 2 wives.
Islam. According to the Koran, a man can take no more than 4 wives, treating each one equally. The main goal is to protect people from poverty.
USA. In modern states, bigamy, when a man marries two women, as well as polygamy, when he has many wives, is prohibited. But until the 19th century, all this was welcomed and found everywhere. Mormon fundamentalists brought polygamy to these lands.

In modern society, polygamy for men has a different name and form - polyamory. We are talking about a monogamous marriage between two people, but the man has mistresses with the consent of his wife. A woman can have other partners, but also after an agreement with her husband.

Society has chosen monogamy because it is beneficial for its development

Monogamy in marital relationships can reduce the number of crimes and conflicts in society. If the rich take all the women, competition increases, the level of crime and social aggression increases.

A good example is the Arabian and Asian polygamous tribes and nationalities. They constantly staged internecine wars, attacking India, China, Europe or Africa. They killed men and took away women. But this is only good for a nomadic life. For city residents, the high level of crime and aggression is destructive and slows down economic development.

When a man is confident that he will find a worthy wife, then there is a lot of time for accomplishments and achievements. As a result of a peaceful social environment, favorable conditions are created for economic growth, development of innovation, etc.

Moreover, monogamy frees society from gender inequality and early marriage. In countries with fierce competition for brides, girls are married off in early childhood. Relatives perceive them as goods and sell them to a richer husband, who, as a rule, turns out to be older.

History and religion have mixed views on poly- and monogamy. Everyone builds their own happiness, decides with whom to live, and whether to officially start a family. The ideal version of marriage is also different for each person and is determined, first of all, by the level of morality, value system and law-abidingness of the person. and yet, for most, monogamy is an example of an ideal marital relationship.

How to change a man who is prone to polygamy and is it possible to do this?

Knowing that by nature men are mostly prone to polygamy, women are concerned about whether this situation can somehow be changed. Psychologists give two valuable pieces of advice:

Building trusting relationships. If partners learn to speak boldly and openly about their desires, a woman can listen to her husband's wishes, preventing the need to find mistresses. After all, men cheat more often because they look for in other women what they do not find in their wife.
Constant work on yourself. A woman should always improve her appearance and behavior in order to be interesting to her partner. Since men need variety, one woman who is flexible and capable of working can provide it.

You can nourish your feelings through interesting and mutual pastime. A woman needs to become a friend, interlocutor, lover and partner in important matters for her husband.

Should a polygamous partner cheat?

Women are often concerned about the question of whether it is possible to instill monogamy in a man. Probably not. You cannot force an adult to change behavior if he has weak motivation. But a man who values his wife is able to refrain from cheating and give up some of his desires in favor of monogamy.

Attempts to put pressure and manipulate a partner in order to instill monogamy usually end in failure. A man may lose confidence or withdraw into himself.

Elements of polygamy in a monogamous marriage

By studying the basics of polygamy and monogamy, you can find common elements for both forms of relationships.

And if the principles of polygamy are introduced into a traditional family, this will help not only keep the relationship strong, but also add brightness and surprise to the usual way of life. Also, by adhering to the basic rules of polygamous relationships, you can not only solve most of the problems that arise in family life, but also avoid them.

The first and most important principle is not to demand too much. When we get married or simply start a new relationship, we place many tasks on our partner.

Perhaps some of the responsibilities will have to be entrusted to someone else: parents, close friends or work colleagues, and your loved one will have to leave the place of the ideal lover and life partner. Also, many spouses face the problem of spending leisure time.

It's no secret that different hobbies may well cause a scandal or breakup. There is no need to demand that your husband or wife love golf or folding origami. That’s what leisure and hobbies are for, to get involved in them “for yourself,” and not to force someone to share a hobby.

In addition, such a pastime can distract from family worries, give moments of joy and increase self-esteem. And these are not the last components of a happy marriage.

Discussion of family problems should be carried out only with the other half, but it is quite possible to get advice on a new item of clothing or an assessment of a book you have read from friends or colleagues. However, there is a problem that concerns only spouses - the desire for sex.

Very often, one of the partners (and this is not always a woman!) refuses intimate intimacy for a number of important and not so important reasons. Should you force your loved one to fulfill his “marital duty”?

To force means to destroy your relationship with your own hands. If there is trust and intimacy in a couple, the spouses will always be able to discuss the problems why one of them does not want to make love.

Often the cause is fatigue or health problems, with the solution of which intimate life improves. However, if the reason is a loss of interest, there may be two ways out: either seek consolation on the side, or re-win your other half.

Imagine that this person is a stranger and your relationship is just beginning. Such a game will add variety to everyday life, make sex bright and interesting, and refresh fading feelings. If the fire of love has gone out, but friendship and respect remain, and there is no reason to break off a long relationship, you can resort to polygamy.