Is polygamy as scary as it is made out to be - is it the norm or a poisonous mistake?

It is customary to justify polygamous men by nature, which “cannot be trampled on,” by evolution, religion, history, wars, etc. One way or another, in fact, it is proposed to understand and forgive such men, in the worst case, pre-heating them with a frying pan for prevention.

Society is by no means as loyal to polygamous women. At least in Russian realities, “walking” women have always been condemned by the entire village, collective farm and bench at the entrance, hissing after them the name of the most ancient profession and pitying their children, from whom “it is not clear what will grow out of them.” Between marital (maternal) duty and a lover, a woman was ordered to choose the first, prophesying otherwise the sad fate of Anna Karenina.

But many fans of unbridled fun are not stopped even by the fear of being “used and abandoned” - especially since throwing yourself under a train from unhappy love in the modern world is not at all necessary. It is enough to go to a dating site, and in a week there will be no trace of sad memories left.

Anna has a successful career and a loving husband in Yaroslavl. And another one in Vologda. For many years she has been living with two families, masking her travels with urgent business trips. But the heroine cannot hide men from each other forever. And one day her deception is revealed. Will she be able to make a choice? Watch the series “Double Continuous” from December 10 at 19.20 on the MIR TV channel.

History - origins from the animal world

A person largely explains his behavior, state of health and body by his animal origin, and draws parallels with the natural world.

For many decades, people admired the monogamy of swans and storks and adopted this model of behavior as an example of pure and bright love. However, modern research shows that the relationships between animals and birds cannot be considered monogamous.

In the wild, unions are always concluded “of convenience”; there is no place for fidelity, devotion, or high feelings in them. The polygamous relationship of animals is due to the fact that the male must pass on his genes to as many females as possible.

Fidelity to a partner, which is practiced in human society, is extremely rare in birds and animals, in about 5% of cases.

Does monogamy exist in animals?
All animals and birds are prone to relationships outside their pair. Wild geese are considered monogamous. Monkeys and wolves are able to form pairs for several years or more, but this does not mean that these animals are completely monogamous.

What is polygamy expressed in?

We found out what polygamous marriage means. But this is not easy, since it has its own ideology at work. First of all, the principles of polygamy presuppose the following:

• all spouses bear equal responsibility;
• household responsibilities are distributed among all members;
• As a rule, such large families run their own joint farm.

Some psychologists are inclined to believe that polygamists explain their own depravity and immorality with their worldview.

A person is polygamous or monogamous - expert opinions

Some researchers come to the conclusion that humans are polygamous. That is, a man’s task is to impregnate as many women as possible. A woman’s task is to become pregnant as many times as possible, to provide a “nest” for raising offspring.

But this view is not supported by most historians and anthropologists.

Thomas Smith believes that forming a couple and remaining faithful is beneficial from the point of view of raising offspring. The woman and children are confident that they will have food and protection. The man is sure that the children in whom he invests strength and resources are born from him.

If we talk about the differences between men and women, then men have higher testosterone levels. This hormone is responsible for masculinity and sexual desire. But based on this alone, one cannot conclude that men are polygamous. Testosterone is responsible for sexual desire, not for increasing the number of sexual partners. Sexual desires can be fully realized with one partner. In addition, a person is driven not only by hormones, but also by a moral component.

According to the results of social experiments, there were more conditionally polygamous men. Men tend to have more sexual partners. For example, they, unlike women, would not miss the opportunity to have sex with a pretty stranger if she offered it to them. Women did not demonstrate such a tendency. At the same time, most people remain faithful to their spouse.

From this we can conclude that people express only their desired position, but in reality they comply with the norms of morality and morality, humanity. In practice, the number of sexual partners for men and women is approximately the same. People regulate their sex life themselves, not their instincts.

Read more about monogamy in the article.

Polygamy in a man - is it necessary to fight?

Although female polygamy is found in modern life, it is still not as widespread as male polygamy. Psychotherapists and psychologists sincerely believe that it is impossible to remake an already adult and accomplished man, since he is guided by his genetically inherent instincts. Based on this, the fight against male love is pointless.

If a woman decides to fight her man’s polygamy, she will lose a lot of energy, strength, time and personal resources, including self-esteem. But the result will still be negative. That’s why psychologists recommend giving up the idea of ​​correcting your partner.

For a woman in such a situation, it would be more correct to change her own attitude towards polygamy. Such a transformation of your vision of family relationships will help you achieve harmony with your partner. This path is more successful than trying to make a monogamous man out of a loving man.

Polygamy is the personal choice of each person, regardless of gender. Although monogamous unions are the most acceptable in the modern world, the fact of the existence of polygamy cannot be denied. Perhaps nature had its own good reasons for making polygamy possible.

Reasons for polygamy

The reasons for polygamy can be due to various factors:

1. Preservation of the nation, the desire to increase the number of babies.
2. Traditions, cultural features.
3. Feelings for several men or women at once.
4. Increased self-esteem (some people believe that having a lover is a good thing).
5. Psychological complexes associated with sexual life and romantic relationships.
6. Fear of building serious relationships.
7. The desire to prove to others one’s own success with the opposite sex.
8. Dislike, lack of attention from the opposite sex.

Polygamy of men

It is believed that a polygamous man behaves this way because, as a percentage, there are more women on the planet than men. Men used to often die in battles and battles, and the survivors turned on the instinct to procreate. It was realized through sexual relationships with several women at once.

In some nations, this is due to the high mortality rate of the male population. If a wife's husband dies, she becomes his brother's wife, even if he is already married at the time of death.

In modern society, it is considered “cool” to have a mistress or even several, so a man allows himself adultery. Although in recent years the trend has been changing.

Polygamy of women

Female polygamy is not so common. In modern society, such a phenomenon among women is condemned and condemned. Very often, unpleasant jokes and nicknames are made towards a polygamous woman.

Polygamy is demonstrated by women who, in their own opinion, have not yet “walked up” and have not received the love and attention they deserve. They can have several lovers at once; they really value the material side of life (gifts, money, help around the house, protection).

There is another option for the formation of female polygamy. Usually it is chosen by more mature, wealthy ladies who want male attention and intimate pleasures. They allow themselves relationships with several men at once, most often younger than herself.

Are men polygamous and women monogamous?

It is a mistake to think so. Men are just more prone to sexual pleasure, but this does not mean having multiple partners.

What is polygamy

Hearing such a term, many are perplexed: what is polygamy? The concept refers to ambiguous and complex phenomena, although modern society often simplifies it, justifying its immorality and dissipation. According to the definition, the meaning of polygamy is associated with a special marriage system that implies polygamy.

In simple words, polygamy is the presence of more than one partner of the opposite sex in one period of time for a wife (husband). That is, a person is in a marital relationship with several partners at the same time.

A characteristic feature of a polygamous marriage is its official registration. In other words, polygamy has nothing to do with multiple intimate contacts with different partners or with polyamory . Polyandry does not apply to a consistent chain of marriages and divorces.

Types of polygamy

Polygamous relationships can be divided into several types, each of which will have its own distinctive characteristics.

Polygyny

The meaning of the word polygyny is polygamy. The phenomenon is widespread in Eastern countries. An ordinary citizen is allowed to have no more than 4 wives at a time. A larger number of partners are available to more privileged sections of society, as well as to the ruling elite.

The different types of polygyny and their benefits are ignored by the poor population. Poor men prefer to have one wife, as it is difficult for them to support several.

Polyandry

Polyandry is a rather rare form of marriage in which a wife has several husbands. This form of marriage is often needed to preserve property for the family; it is practiced in some regions of India, Polynesia, Tibet, Nigeria, and in the far north, but this does not mean that people are polygamous.

Polyamory

Polyamory is having romantic feelings for more than one person at once. Love relationships are allowed with the consent of both partners; all participants in the union have equal rights and full-fledged rights. Polyamorous people claim that their union is characterized by awareness, affection and depth of feeling.

Omnigamy

Omnigamy is a love relationship that can be described as “everyone with everyone.” Sexual and emotional relationships are allowed between all participants in the union. This type of relationship is common among animals, but in life it occurs only in some representatives.

Group marriage

Several women and men believe that it is beneficial for them to gather in one large community for the purpose of raising children and running a joint household.

In the Marzik Islands, this form of relationship has been preserved to this day.

In a modified form it is found in the modern world. An example of a situation: a guy and a girl get married and give birth to a child. They cannot cope financially and do not know many aspects of life. The parents of one of the spouses move to live with them. That is, people live, essentially, in a community, but without sexual contacts outside of their marriages.

Swinging

Swing involves exclusively sexual relationships, without emotional attachment. This is the exchange of partners or the invitation of third parties to receive a variety of sexual pleasures.

Polygamy as a form of relationship

Sometimes families may not consist of the traditional pair of spouses, but of more partners. The term “polygamy” exists to describe this phenomenon. What does this mean in simple words? In such marriages there is one husband and several wives, or vice versa. All partners live in harmony with each other. At the same time, you can hear that sometimes such families are called Swedish, which, however, is not entirely true.

However, in reality there are much more varieties of such marriages. The word "polygamy" includes both unions with a woman as the head and with a man. Those, in turn, are divided according to the number of spouses. Thus, this concept has an extensive classification.

Types of polygamy:

• Polyandry. A marriage in which there is one woman and several men.
• Polygyny. The most common type, in which several women are in union with one man at the same time.
• Bigamy. A variant of bigamy in which one man has an affair with two different women. In this case, the first family may not know about the existence of the second.

Polygamy - pros and cons

Polygamy has a number of advantages, but, at the same time, quite serious disadvantages.

Pros of polygamy:

the man is confident in himself, he is pleased that women compete for him, try to get his attention, to win him over;

several women provide more warmth, affection, care;

a man does not need to choose one life partner or work on the relationship;

there is an opportunity to have more children;

if one partner leaves or dies, then others remain.

Cons of polygamy:

if polygamy is not officially legalized, then you will constantly have to lie, come up with excuses, and dodge;

there is a possibility of being caught, exposed;

It is difficult for a man to support several wives at once; polygamy requires serious financial investments;

There may be disputes and disagreements regarding the division of inheritance and property;

if something happens to a man, then the whole family is suddenly left without a livelihood;

jealousy, self-doubt, one’s own uniqueness and attractiveness;

the need to share finances, personal space, etc. with others;

a man cannot give equal and sufficient attention to his children.

Do you think there are more pros or cons to polygamy? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Polygamy in society

Today, polygamous relationships make up about 10% of the total number of marriages in the world. At the same time, psychologists are confident that all this is due to the inability of polygamous men to be faithful, typical of monogamy .

But marriage and family researchers suggest that monogamous relationships as a form of marriage have simply become obsolete. As an argument, they claim that the number of divorces today exceeds the number of marriages. Moreover, the main reason for most breakups is betrayal.

A man is polygamous by nature, and women often choose this form of relationship with the opposite sex. Maybe polygamy is some kind of solution to the problem of adultery? Psychologists partly include the so popular “civil marriage” today, i.e. cohabitation, as polygamy.

Sociologists and psychologists are concerned about the fact that most young people, regardless of gender, prefer open relationships without a stamp in their passport, and, therefore, without obligations. In addition, more and more people are practicing partner exchange, which, according to geneticists, seriously disrupts male chromosomes, threatening a healthy gene pool.

Christianity and polygamy

Polygamy is prohibited by the Christian denomination, although many references to polygamy can be found in the Bible. The Holy Fathers call polygamy the human fall, since God himself concluded a monogamous union between Eve and Adam.

But in the Old Testament writings one can find many examples of polygamous relationships, and only in the New Testament from Paul is the marriage union called a sacred sacrament exclusively between two people. According to scripture, the husband must cleave to his wife, and the wife to her husband, and everything else is considered the sin of adultery.

Polygamy and Judaism

Among Jewish beliefs, polygamy has been common since ancient times. But only wealthy Jews could afford several wives. According to the scriptures of the Holy Torah, only those Jews whose first wife was weak or barren were allowed to have a second wife.

In the 11th century Rabbi Gershom issued a 1000-year-old decree according to which Jews could have only one wife, and divorce without her consent was strictly prohibited. Today, the mood in Israel is such that the population is in favor of the return of polygamy, insisting on the completion of the 1000-year period. This will help solve demographic problems in the country.

Polygamy in Islam

Among Muslims, polygamous relationships are a common form of marriage, based on ancient customs and traditions. Typically, polygamy is common in those regions where the female population exceeds the male population. Muslim polygamy has its own characteristics:

• a man, at his personal discretion, can take several wives;
• marriage must be equal and fair for all participants;
• a man independently decides whether to use this right or live in a traditional monogamous marriage;
• if a Muslim is unable to support more than one wife, then polygamy is prohibited for him;
• material assets should be distributed equally among all wives;
• The husband should pay equal attention to women and their children, without singling out or depriving anyone.

In practice, there are cases when cunning Muslims who are unable to support several wives still take them. Women work to provide for their polygamous husband, who lives entirely at their expense.

Polygamy and faith

Representatives of different religions have different attitudes towards polygamy.

Female polygamy

If polygamy can somehow be justified by increasing offspring, then polyandry is devoid of such explanations. When a woman consciously strives to have several husbands, society considers such desires to be far from moral.

Psychologists identify several forms of female polygamy:

1. A mature woman has adult children and sexual problems with her husband. As a result, she finds a younger lover to satisfy her carnal needs and improve women's health.
2. A woman, without an official husband, practices polyandry in order to find the most promising partner for marriage. Moreover, she may not be looking for an ideal spouse, citing independence and personal freedom.
3. A young woman has several regular partners performing different functions. One completely satisfies her sexually, the other is not ashamed to show off in the world, and from the third she gave birth to children.

Psychologists consider the female tendency towards polygamy to be a desire to select the most promising partner for procreation. In addition, experts explain such inclinations as a feminist way of thinking.

But in some countries, even today, women are legally allowed to have several husbands. These include:

• selected African areas;
• Tibet;
• South America;
• China;
• southern Indian states;
• Nepal.

Polyandry in these states is primarily due to the difficult economic situation. In addition, there is no way for brothers to equally divide material wealth. Therefore, parents select one wife for all their sons, common to all.

Children born in such a marriage are also considered common, therefore husbands treat them equally. In such a situation, this form of marriage is associated with the desire to preserve land property, and therefore is typical only for representatives of high classes. Among the lower strata of the population, there is usually a traditional marriage, since they do not have land and there is nothing for the heirs to share.

Social views and legal side in the modern world

Polygamous families do not officially exist in Russia. Officially, only a man and a woman who are not in another marriage at the time of marriage can enter into marriage.

However, the issue of officially allowing polygamy in Russia is increasingly being brought up for general discussion. This is especially true for those republics where the Muslim population predominates. For example, Tatarstan.

Polygamy in Russia and our mentality

In Russia, polygamous marriages are condemned by the majority. It is believed that they came to Russia due to the large number of Muslim emigrants, for whom such a union is considered the norm.

However, polygamy in Russia existed even before the wave of Muslim emigration. You can often find situations where a man lives in two families, for example, has a wife and a mistress. Often the unofficial wives of such men also have children. He does not always have the courage to admit them. In society, such children and women are blamed, condemned, and taken lightly.

Men who practice such polygamy also prefer, under pain of condemnation, not to talk about it, to keep such relationships secret from their wives, relatives, and society.

Legal polygamy

Russians are prohibited from officially practicing polygamy. However, this ban is often violated by Muslims who live on the territory of the Russian Federation. According to the Family Code, a man can officially marry once and enter into it at the registry office. Other marriages are not registered in the registry office; they take place in the church.

Professional lawyers and political scientists believe that allowing polygamy at the legislative level will not help, the situation will remain at the same level. The only way out is to promote native Russian values, the traditional, Christian way of the family.

Polygamy is also practiced in more developed countries. For example, a man in the United Arab Emirates can have up to 4 wives (subject to high income). Prosperity should be so high that all wives can live and not deny themselves anything.

In Syria, in order to have several wives, a man must document his ability to pay.

Polygamy is also practiced legally in other countries (Guinea, Senegal, Nigeria, Congo, Pakistan).

Limitations of polygamy

There was an article in the legislation of the USSR that implied criminal punishment for people practicing polygamy. Today society has become more tolerant, many people are more indifferent or neutral towards the phenomenon. There are currently no special laws restricting polygamy, but there is no official permission for it either.

There are many Mormons living in the United States who practice polygamy. For example, the famous Mormon Kody Brown has 4 wives and openly states this. This led to an investigation being launched against the family.

In Tajikistan, polygamy is prohibited by the Criminal Code. Such behavior is punishable by a fine of 2000 minimum wages. The authorities of Kyrgyzstan have imposed the same ban on polygamy, but the fine there has not yet been officially established.

Men are polygamous, women are monogamous

Previously, there was an opinion in society that all men are polygamous by genetic nature. But scientists have refuted such a theory. A polygamous union can mean not only polygamy, but also polyandry, that is, women in certain countries can also have several husbands.

In practice, polygamous families are more often created by men, basking in the love and adoration of several women at the same time. But it cannot be said that polygamy is typical exclusively for representatives of the stronger sex, and women are entirely monogamous. Ladies also sometimes choose this form of family relationships.

How to understand that a polygamous man is with you

Not all women are ready to enter into polygamous relationships, so you should pay special attention to men:

1. For a polygamous man, flirting or having adventures on the side is the norm. He speaks about this easily, and can act out an affair in front of his wife or girlfriend.
2. They know how to look after beautifully, give gifts, and give compliments. However, not every romantic man is polygamous.
3. They know how to manage their time quite competently so that none of the women suspects adultery.
4. They tend to brag about their victories and keep records of their sexual partners.
5. They can openly say that they do not want a serious relationship, marriage, or children. But there are also polygamous men who hide their true intentions and unpreparedness.
6. They simply love to be the center of female attention, easily make friends, and look for companions. Sometimes a polygamous man can be seen in the company of several women at once.
7. On the first date, they ask questions of an intimate nature. They prefer not to talk about their life or answer in general phrases.
8. He openly says that polygamy is the norm for men, established by nature.

Is it worth fighting polygamy in men?

If a man declares that he is polygamous, then it is useless to fight this. A woman can accept his point of view and come to terms with the circumstances. Or, if she adheres to traditional family values, find a more suitable partner with the same views.

Thank you for reading the article. What values ​​do you adhere to? Traditional or do you see advantages in polygamy? Share your life experience, it is very valuable to us.

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How can a woman get rid of polygamy?

Women's prolific love is condemned in every possible way by society. Scientists conventionally divide polygamous women into several types:

1. Alpha female. As a rule, these are mature businesswomen who prefer young guys as sexual partners. Such a lady’s financial solvency allows her to have several young spouses.
2. Snow White. These ladies are convinced that the number of partners is much more important than the quality of the relationship. Usually these are 30-year-old women and older, who did not have time to work out properly in their younger years. They demand entertainment and gifts from their men.

Whether a woman needs to get rid of polygamy is a question of morality rather than psychological health. After all, love is not a disease. If all participants in such a family are satisfied with having several husbands, then why not.

The problem may arise when a woman, through a polygamous relationship, tries to take revenge on her ex-boyfriend/spouse for cheating. When an offended woman becomes fixated on changing partners and takes revenge too intensely, this can cause dangerous mental disorders, often due to abuse of alcohol, drugs or psycholeptics. In this case, you cannot do without the help of a psychotherapist.