- Several theoretical provisions about reducing emotionality
- How to become less emotional (emotional)
Emotionality in itself can hardly be called a bad trait - rather, quite the contrary. But often we cannot or do not want to show our emotions to others, and sometimes they bother us and we would like to turn them off. Is it possible? Is it possible to become less emotional (emotional) and/or less reactive to different situations?
How does a sensitive person behave?
Sensitivity is a multifaceted concept and manifests itself differently for everyone. Psychologists identify the following signs of high emotional sensitivity.
- Empathy. A sensitive person takes the problems and experiences of others to heart. He is always involved in events that happen to loved ones, and is sincerely worried and worried. His sensitive character makes him an ideal interlocutor; he listens carefully, does not interrupt and is always ready to carry on the conversation.
- Tendency to tears. A sensitive nature is ready to cry from a carelessly spoken word or an unintentional act. A pitiful story, a sad song, a sad melodrama can easily knock a tear out of a person with high sensitivity.
- Indecisiveness. Making a decision is a whole problem for a person with a subtle nature. He begins to panic, predicting possible scenarios for the development of events and, as a result, does not perceive the real picture.
- Fear of change. Any changes, even positive ones, are met with hostility. Sensitive people find it difficult to adapt to new circumstances.
- Making a big deal out of nothing. Someone's disapproving look or snatch of phrase unsettles you for a long time. A susceptible person can dream up the incredible and screw himself up out of the blue.
- Rejection of criticism. For many, comments and reasonable criticism are an incentive for growth. But not for a sensitive person, he accepts everything said to him, gets offended and refuses to conduct a constructive dialogue.
- Touchiness. A sensitive person is capable of being offended by you even for your thoughts. No, he does not have psychic abilities, he simply believes that he knows what others are thinking about. And if mythical thoughts can become the subject of offense, then real actions and actions that do not have negative connotations will certainly not go unnoticed.
The ability to recognize your own emotions and the feelings of others is called emotional intelligence. If it is poorly developed for you, I recommend taking an online course and improving this area. You can choose a suitable program from our selection of psychology courses.
What are emotions
Emotion (from Latin emoveo - shocking, exciting) is a mental process that reflects a person’s attitude to various situations, the surrounding reality, and other people.
When a person experiences emotions, three conditional types of interconnected processes occur:
- mental - internal feeling of emotions;
- physiological - reactions to the experience of various body systems (nervous, respiratory, cardiovascular, etc.);
- external - observable changes in facial expressions, gestures, voice, etc.
Emotions are a product of evolution. They developed fully only in humans. Which means there is a reason for this.
Emotions are a form of perception of reality. Neither reward nor punishment is a given.
A person himself perceives positively or negatively his ability to feel, depending on life experience, goals, and the degree of satisfaction of desires.
In the manifestation of emotions, you can see clues as to whether a person is doing the right thing or where he should move next, in what area of life he needs to make an effort, change something.
Range of expression of emotions:
- by tone: positive or negative;
- by intensity: strong or weak;
- according to sthenicity (impact on activity): sthenic - encouraging action (for example, inspiration or rage), or asthenic - reducing the desire to act (for example, melancholy).
Thus, some emotions help a person get what he wants and improve the quality of his life in general, while others interfere.
Aspirations such as stopping feeling emotions, learning to control them, acting exclusively rationally, without the influence of feelings, arise if a person perceives emotions as a hindrance. The reasons for this can be different, and often they depend on the characteristics of the person’s psyche.
Who has high and low emotionality?
This issue is discussed clearly and clearly at Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology”. Vectors - sets of innate qualities, characteristics, desires and predispositions - characterize, among other things, how emotional a person is by nature.
Those with a visual vector have the greatest emotionality. In addition, it is the most noticeable: it manifests itself more clearly in behavior, in facial expressions, in changes in voice, etc. “Emotions are written on the face” - this is about such people.
When the owners of the visual vector experience positive emotions, one can only envy them. How they rejoice, how they admire, how they are touched! And how they know how to love - with all their hearts!
And how this heart hurts when it’s broken... Fears, anxieties, despondency, losses, mental pain, a feeling of loneliness, hot temper and irritability - the whole gamut of dark tones. Any person experiencing these feelings suffers greatly. But for an emotional person, such experiences come to the fore. The feeling that life consists only of them. It is impossible to think about anything else; the person himself and those around him suffer. How can you stop feeling if this is your essence?
For owners of the sound vector, the picture changes. Their emotional amplitude is much lower. Even the face is usually impassive, thoughtfully focused, without intense facial expressions. Outwardly, they often seem calm and reasonable, cold, even insensitive. Usually this is how they are characterized by people with a visual vector in comparison with themselves.
But it is not so. Inside them, a storm of experiences may be raging, haunting thoughts; a cosmic-scale black hole of the meaninglessness of life may be hiding. However, outwardly this is imperceptible - such people keep everything to themselves, and few people allow anyone to know about their emotional experiences.
Owners of the sound vector especially value a thoughtful approach, the work of thought, and the power of the intellect. Therefore, emotionality is considered unnecessary. She is perceived as a hindrance. Because of this, they may often wonder how to turn off emotions so as not to be distracted.
It also happens that the human psyche contains properties of both sound and visual vectors. In this case, options are possible. Often, auditory manifestations can suppress visual ones, that is, such a person generally shows emotions less and restrains them more easily. Or the states switch depending on the circumstances. A person can be reasonable, calm and thoughtful, and after a while get lost in worries.
Both these and other properties are given to a person by nature, and not just like that, but so that he learns to apply them correctly, realize himself and benefit others. When this doesn’t work out, emotional disruptions begin - from hysterics and mood swings to complete insensitivity and loss of the ability to empathize.
Why turn off emotions?
For what reasons do people want to understand how to get rid of emotions? Why do they become a hindrance, a burden, a source of suffering?
- Difficult life situation. For example, it often happens in a painful breakup or non-reciprocal love. This is intense suffering that overshadows all other feelings. It is especially difficult if jealousy, resentment, and depression are mixed in. A person is already thinking about how to kill emotions in himself, and not just control them. Because at this moment he feels that it is better not to feel anything at all than what he feels now.
- Loss. The death of loved ones, a break in a relationship or a forced separation (for example, children moving away from their parents) unsettles you, this is natural. But if even after a long time a person cannot free himself from melancholy, then emotions become what he wants to get rid of in order to make it easier to cope with the loss.
- Unstable emotional state. Mood swings, short temper, anxiety, panic states, inability to control oneself in stressful situations, lack of self-confidence, etc. A person feels that he cannot cope with life circumstances and does not react quite adequately. It becomes difficult to act constructively, solve problems, and interact with people in conflict or tense situations.
- Fear of the future. After a negative experience, a person may fear that the situation will repeat itself and that he will feel as bad as he once did. To somehow protect himself, he may want to figure out how to stop feeling emotions altogether forever.
- Pragmatism. Emotionality can be seen as weakness. Especially if a person values a purely rational approach. For example, when doing business, business negotiations, making difficult decisions, etc. Ambitious, profit-oriented people - owners of the skin vector - consider the ability to control themselves, restrain emotions, and be impenetrable as a competitive advantage. Cold calculation and nothing personal - in some cases this approach is useful.
- Difficult relationships with others. If a person feels that he is reacting too painfully to the words or actions of other people, then he may also think about getting rid of emotions. For example, he tends to often feel offended or feel strong guilt, get irritated over small things, or suffer from a lack of attention and emotional response from others.
One way or another, the question of how to stop feeling emotions arises in connection with other people. Other people and relationships with them are the main source of any experience, positive or negative. Something doesn’t go well when interacting with others - and feelings become unpleasant, painful, and disturbing. And a lack of understanding of one’s own nature and unconscious processes and needs enhances the negative effect.
The desire to turn off emotions arises as a reaction to what is happening, which a person cannot adapt in the necessary way.
The person shifts focus: he sees the problem in his ability to experience emotions, and not in his inability to cope with a difficult situation. Precisely because at this stage all the negative experiences that have piled up are too much for him. He is looking for something that will help him, looking for a solution. But “not react” does not mean “decide”.
Causes of high sensitivity
So what makes us react violently to what is happening? Why is it so difficult to remain calm in situations that should not cause an emotional storm?
- Features of education. We would all like to have kind and sympathetic parents who support and give faith in ourselves. But not everyone is lucky. Excessive pickiness and an authoritarian approach to education lead to the fact that a person grows up with low self-esteem. He constantly doubts himself, is afraid of making mistakes and disappointing his parents.
- Perfectionism. The desire for perfection plays a cruel joke. If something does not go according to plan, a person loses self-control and does not know what to do next. He takes out his anger and disappointment on those around him.
- Temperament. A tendency to worry, an acute reaction to what is happening around them are the hallmarks of melancholic people. And if their innate sentimentality and vulnerability are superimposed on external circumstances, then an overly active reaction to events is guaranteed.
Do you have strength?
An old lady passing by cursed your dress, the salesman in the store was rude, the person you hoped for did not keep his promise... Probably every woman faces such situations. But one completely forgets the unpleasant episode, while the other is so hurt that she is able to remember about it for days and even months.
What is this pathology? No, of course, increased sensitivity is simply vulnerability of the psyche. It is generally accepted that this indicates weakness of character and lack of self-confidence. In fact, this is not always the case. Sometimes vulnerability is really a consequence of some kind of complexes, as a rule, originating in childhood experiences. But often people with a large reserve of strength have increased sensitivity. After all, in order to experience vivid emotions over a minor occasion, you need to have fairly good health. Only a resilient nervous system can afford such “expenses.” In fact, is it really so important for a self-confident woman or man to think about them from a dissatisfied neighbor or a random passerby? The reason is insignificant, but the reaction is powerful. This means there is still strength. Vulnerable people should remember this and not focus on their experiences, not consider them a painful reaction, but rather a manifestation of the fullness of life and feelings. At the same time, truly weak people often give the impression of being impenetrable, because they have already forgotten how to react to the injections of others, they have nowhere to “retreat.”
Not confident in your abilities?
How to stop being sensitive
Even if you were born melancholic and prone to displaying emotions, you can slightly adjust your character and do everything possible to ensure that sensitivity does not negatively affect your life.
You don’t want to be considered a weakling and be associated with an unbalanced personality. Then it's time to change.
Understand that sensitivity is an integral part of your personality
You will never be able to become a thick-skinned and cynical person, no matter how hard you try. Some argue that high susceptibility is genetic, and it also depends on the level of certain hormones in the body.
You can’t fool nature and don’t expect radical metamorphoses. After all, there is nothing wrong with crying while listening to a relaxing film. Your task is to curb the manifestation of your emotions and make sure that they do not prevent you from realizing yourself. But at the same time, do not renounce this trait; there is a lot of good in sensitivity.
Keep an emotional diary
Writing down your feelings will help you get to the truth and understand why you react a certain way in certain situations.
It is advisable to fill out the diary immediately after an event that caused a storm of emotions. Write down what happened, what you felt at the moment and why you acted the way you did.
I understand that it is not always convenient or appropriate to take notes at the epicenter of events. Therefore, filling out the diary can be postponed until the evening. Just try to emotionally relive the event that happened again and record all your experiences and feelings.
Find your sensitivity triggers
It's time to analyze the diary. Perhaps certain events automatically provoke excessive emotionality. You act subconsciously, for no apparent reason.
For example, you once had a conflict with a neighbor. Seeing him from afar, you will immediately feel tension and your heart will beat faster. A sideways glance and a harmless greeting will be your sign that you need to act, and you will launch a gratuitous attack. Or, on the contrary, you retreat without saying a word.
Don't suppress your emotions
As I already said, you will not be able to completely get rid of sensitivity.
Don't deny your emotions. If you feel fear, anger or frustration, let it out in a gentler way. For example, at home alone, without unnecessary witnesses.
Suppressed emotions will sooner or later make themselves felt. And most likely, at the most inopportune moment. Give yourself some time to deal with your feelings and move on.
Meditate
Meditation helps you become more balanced and accept life's adversities without unnecessary nerves.
You don't need a lot of time or an exclusive atmosphere to meditate. Silence, a comfortable chair or a rug on the floor is all that is required. For complete relaxation, 15 minutes a day is enough.
Act after you have calmed down
As soon as you feel the urge to do or say something expressive, take a time out. Inhale, exhale, think about why you want to react this way, and only after a pause return to the conversation.
Try in this short period to evaluate the consequences of your behavior and understand whether it is really worth it.
Seek help from a psychologist
It is not always possible to cope with high sensitivity, even if you take all the steps necessary for this. That's when you need to contact a specialist.
Working with a psychologist or psychotherapist does not make you a mentally ill person. This is a doctor like the rest. With its help, you can influence your thinking and get away from habitual, destructive behavior patterns.
Psychologist Olga Orlova shares her tips for overcoming sensitivity; you can get acquainted with them by watching the video:
Avoidance
● If you know that at a birthday party with friends or relatives you will meet an unpleasant person, you will hear words that hurt you, limit yourself to congratulations over the phone, if this is convenient, or congratulate separately, meeting without guests.
● If you see a group of aggressive teenagers, it is better to cross to the other side of the street rather than lecture them on how to behave.
● Refrain from “tram quarrels” and discussions on the subway if they have nothing to do with you. And if you really had to answer someone, limit yourself to one opponent. If the second one “connects”, immediately shut up. This is the ironclad rule of the “tram quarrel”. Otherwise, the entire angry group of passengers will start scolding you, which is unsafe.
Create your circle of support
Being emotionally stable does not mean being able to cope with everything on your own.
Find sources of emotional support in your environment. Form stable friendships in which you will feel safe. We have already told you how to avoid losing friends over the years. Don’t be shy to share your failures and experiences with your friends. Build relationships with your family.
Anyone will feel more confident and stronger when they know that there is a person or group of people who are on your side. Make sure you always have someone to turn to.
Learn to accept what happens
This is not quite the same as experiencing emotions. We often become irritated, worried, and distressed because of things we cannot control. We deny what is happening, focusing on destructive emotions.
Try to accept the reality of what is happening. Recognize that it happened (all the “what ifs” are no longer important), evaluate whether you can do something, and, if not, move on.
Remind yourself of your achievements
Prepare some positive statements about your capabilities. These should be words that remind you that you are persistent and strong. Tell yourself: “I’ve been through difficult times, so I can overcome what’s happening now.” Let your statements about your achievements become a positive mantra. What we tell ourselves in difficult moments directly affects our mood. Challenge negative thoughts and remember that this is not the first test on your journey.
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The power of humor
In critical situations, a sense of humor will not hurt. Imagine the person who offended you in some ridiculous outfit, for example, short pants or an Indian feather headdress. Then the significance of his statements addressed to you will decrease significantly and you will be able to look at the situation from the other side and not “get hung up” on it. What not to do
● Mentally respond to offensive words - thereby you allow negative information to circulate in your mind and become stronger in it.
● Trying to punish the offender - you yourself will become a source of aggression, which will not improve your psychological state.
● Look for a negative reason in yourself - you should not allow others to shape your internal state, you will somehow figure it out yourself!
