“I'm boring (I'm boring). It's not interesting to talk to me. People don't listen to me. When I get into any society, I feel uncomfortable and out of place. I never know what to talk about. Because of this, I try to leave the house less and appear in society less often. Little by little the friends all dissolved... What to do, what to do? I’m not an interesting conversationalist, and they even say I’m a bore.”
If this sounds like you, read the entire article. We'll figure out why you're boring. What are the deep psychological mechanisms of boredom and ennui? What to do to make people interested in talking to you.
I'm not interesting - why do I feel this way?
“I'm not an interesting conversationalist. Uninteresting guy to girls. Not interesting to other people. No one is interested in me as a person.”
This self-awareness of oneself as an uninteresting, boring, flawed person - where does it come from?
Let's trace the components of this phenomenon
Own self-esteem
If we try to dig deeper into your soul, we will see a little person there, a child. Who really lacks a sense of self-worth.
But adequate, healthy self-esteem will always be the basis for any communication with other people.
Non-recognition, disapproval by society
Every person has a very important need - recognition and approval. This need is not only socially conditioned. It is even biologically important. Because, you see, for a person to simply survive in society, he needs the society in which he is located to approve of him.
And this desire for approval by society dates back to ancient times, when people still lived in autonomous tribes. If you are not approved by your tribe, if you behave in some way incorrectly, then the pack will expel you. And then you are doomed to death.
Lack of family recognition and approval
Plus, the need for approval and recognition from the person (mother, most often) on whom your survival depends in early childhood.
All three of the above ingredients for feeling bored and uninteresting are interconnected. How?
Here's how: there is one very interesting phenomenon. It's called the "mirror effect". The people around us unconsciously read our own self-esteem and return to us exactly the attitude that will be equal to our deep inner sense of self.
And, it turns out. Deep down, we consider ourselves a boring, uninteresting person with whom there is nothing to talk about. We ourselves recognize ourselves as flawed, bad, unimportant. And, at the same time, we urgently need people, especially close ones, to approve of us.
An internal conflict arises. The knot is tightened.
Expand your circle of influence
To make yourself a more versatile person and provide food for communication. It's very easy to get hooked and fixated on one thing.
, but take a broader view and your enthusiasm will fuel the fire in conversations.
This will make them positive and motivational
!
We are always looking for like-minded people
in schools, colleges, universities to become part of something bigger. You shouldn’t hang out in one such society, you will become predictable and, frankly speaking, boring.
The situation is getting worse over time!
Read a variety of books, watch different movies, TV series, or start further studying something in your profession to become a valuable employee
.
Try everything new! Break the limits
, which you set for yourself and then you will become comprehensively developed.
Henry Ford. American entrepreneur
I'm boring - 8 signs that make me feel uninteresting
What are the signs that you are boring and people are not interested in you?
1. In society, the team, they don’t seem to notice me. When everyone is talking, discussing something, I usually stand on the sidelines. If I leave, no one will really notice. It’s like I’m an invisible man – that’s how I feel. This is very unpleasant, painful and offensive.
2. They may show interest in me only at first. But it quickly turns out that they just needed to discuss some current work or educational moment. After this, communication stops.
3.Nobody listens to me. If I try to tell something about myself, my interlocutors end the conversation. My feelings, emotions, my inner world are of no interest to anyone.
4. They don’t invite me anywhere, they don’t call me. People don't show initiative towards me. If I close my doors and sit at home, no one will even notice, it seems to me.
It's time to turn your inner world upside down
It is commendable when a person wants to change completely and completely, give up bad habits, change his style, create a certain creative image, even if not understandable to everyone, and at the same time attract immediate interest in his individuality, stop being boring and tedious. Extravagance is welcomed in such cases when you fundamentally want to change your life, change your type of activity, change your manner of communication, or show shocking expressions of feelings. The most important aspect is self-confidence, self-confidence, decisiveness in actions. Don’t be afraid to show dissatisfaction or, on the contrary, admiration; they will hear you, therefore, they will notice and will be obliged to listen in the future if you do not slow down your persistence in certain circumstances. The banal phrase “everything is in your hands” has a direct place in the life of any person, even the most inconspicuous and quiet one, who is also capable of turning the world upside down.
How to become an interesting conversationalist
1. While working as a practical psychologist, I noticed that people who consider themselves bad communicators are very focused on themselves.
This manifests itself in phrases such as:
- no one listens to me
- no one can hear me
- no one supports me.
Here lies the answer to the question “how to become an interesting, good conversationalist.” Simply, learn to switch the focus of your attention from yourself to the person you are talking to.
Why? Because for your interlocutor there is nothing, absolutely nothing more interesting than himself. His feelings, his dreams, aspirations, fears, joys. His assessment of what is happening around him.
People are ready to talk about themselves for hours, days, without stopping. In modern life, everyone is yearning for listeners. About someone who will listen to you, will not interrupt you and give out his stupid assessments and advice.
That’s right: non-judgmental, non-advice listening and sincere interest in another is what is 100% guaranteed to make you an amazing conversationalist. Such an interlocutor and friend who is BEYOND competition.
2. The second point on how to become an interesting conversationalist is to learn to ask the right questions. That is, to be able to competently pull a person’s tongue. These are so-called open questions, for example:
- Tell me how it was
- How did you feel when...
- What do you think about…
- What do you like, what don’t like...
- Why do you think...
And similar ones. These are all questions to which your interlocutor can answer not “yes” or “no,” but give a good, detailed answer.
3. The third point is ACCEPTING the right of others to their vision, their opinion. At the same time, you don’t have to think the same way as him. It is enough if you can simply recognize in your soul his right to see, think and feel as he considers necessary and important for himself.
4. The fourth point - DO NOT BE AFRAID of pauses in the conversation. If there is an “awkward pause”, you can remain silent.
Active energy from the very morning
Perhaps you have a friend who is always in an upbeat, happy mood and perhaps you admire this and think: “I’m not like that at all.”
Such people have certain habits
, which help them to be in a consistently happy mood.
Create the following habits for yourself: ( Listening to your favorite music in the morning, watching videos on YouTube,
delicious breakfast or hot chocolate in the morning) that make you happy!
Put yourself on alert in the morning and the day will be positive
.
How to become an interesting person and personality
To become and remain an interesting person and person is to forever get away from the self-perception “I’m boring, I’m boring.” For this:
Look at life until you fall in love with it.
If you want to become an interesting person, get interested!
How? Yes, anything from everything that surrounds you. Look, look around with interest.
Shift your focus from the problem “I am boring and I need the approval of others” to Life.
Once you start to take a closer look at everything that the world is filled with, it will seem to you that even nine lives are not enough to study everything. There are so many interesting and fascinating things in the world.
Remember when you were a little child. How amazing the world around me seemed. Simple puddles were a different story - deep in the summer, frozen in the mornings in the fall. Each subject was studied, looked at from all sides, and seemed to be something special.
And, now that you have grown up, you are surrounded by more complex and more interesting things.
History, politics, music, literature, art in general, new knowledge and skills.
Doing is not redoing, reading is not re-reading.
If until now you have been sitting, bored and telling yourself “I am boring (boring) and uninteresting,” then the time has come to become an interesting person and personality. If you want to be interesting, kindle your interest in life and its manifestations.
Don’t be afraid to leave your usual swamp – your comfort zone. Even if you are scared and reluctant, get up and go. Yes, at first it will be unusual and uncomfortable. But then you will be grateful to yourself for being able to raise yourself and go into the New.
You don't understand social cues
Psychopaths differ from healthy people not only in their diagnosis, but also in their inability to recognize and explain social cues. They, roughly speaking, live outside of society, cannot understand the crowd, and therefore cannot understand the desires of a particular person, and therefore they commit various wild acts that cross every conceivable boundary. But you're not necessarily a psychopath if you can't recognize these signals either. Maybe you just never tried to do this. But everything lies on the surface.
For example, if you talk for a long time and don’t pay attention to how everyone around you is yawning, looking at their watches, shifting from foot to foot, then this means that you missed a lot of social signals that could save you from the title of the most boring person in the world. planet. Next time, try to identify these things in time in order to correct or even stop your monologue.
How to be interesting to a man
How to become an interesting girl for a guy, husband, beloved man?
My grandmother also said: “Don’t show your dog everything to your husband.” I'm sorry, that's the saying.
This is about the fact that a man remains a man. He is a hunter and a conqueror - and this is his nature. It is very important for girls and women to take this into account if they want to be interesting to their beloved husband, boyfriend, or man.
In practice it looks something like this.
Understatement in your feelings is important
There is no need to dump on a man your declarations of love and the fact that you miss him terribly. This can be done very rarely, and on especially special occasions.
Because if your man understands that “you are in his pocket and all his guts,” then he loses interest in you. After all, his instinct as a conqueror and hunter is satisfied. And why should he be interested in you anymore?
General lack of information about you
This also applies to the fact that a man is by nature a warrior, a hunter.
The hunter is not interested in knowing which snag the bunny is quietly waiting for him all day. He wants to think, to fantasize. Even, it will suffer a little from the unknown.
This promotes the release of testosterone. You should not tell your husband or boyfriend about all your movements.
Be a good conversationalist for a man or guy
Plus, for girls who want to be interesting to their man, the above-mentioned methods “How to be a good conversationalist” work - these methods are universal.
Ask your loved one questions, pull his tongue. Give him the opportunity to talk about himself.
Especially: it is important for a man to talk about his achievements, about what he is proud of. He wants you to appreciate, admire, praise! Accordingly, he will be very grateful to you. And, you will be the most interesting girl for him.
Expand your horizons
A person with a broad outlook opens up wonderful opportunities in relationships. After all, he becomes an interesting conversationalist, easily maintaining a conversation on any topic. It is not difficult to acquire new knowledge if you have motivation and desire. Start with travel.
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
Pros of traveling:
- people love to travel, so it's an interesting topic of conversation;
- information about interesting places you have visited is unconsciously stored in memory;
- unusual facts about the culture, traditions and worldview of foreigners help men win the attention of the fair sex;
- explore the territories of your district, city, region - you will definitely discover a lot of new things;
- Set a rule for yourself: every time you travel for work, visit the sights of the city where you were sent.
Travel will provide invaluable assistance in broadening your horizons. It doesn’t matter what you choose: a hiking trip, a pilgrimage trip, an excursion tour or a vacation on the beach, a sea of impressions and new information awaits you everywhere.
Tips for broadening your horizons:
- master new specialties;
- study foreign languages;
- communicate with strangers;
- learn new facts, but check the accuracy of the information.
A person with a high level of intelligence always arouses the interest of his interlocutor.
Silence does not always prove the presence of intelligence, but it always proves the absence of stupidity. (P. Buast)
Psychotherapy
If silence becomes chronic and recluse becomes a person’s way of life, dramatic changes can be achieved by seeking help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Group psychotherapy helps overcome fear of communication. When forming groups, the age, preferences and interests of the participants are taken into account. Only by being face to face with his phobia can a person overcome fear.
The prerequisites for the appearance of timidity and indecision, and the ways in which it manifests itself, are first discussed with the psychologist. Joint analysis allows us to understand that the cause of fear is not in others, but in the person himself.
Think positively
Silence is sometimes associated with a person's emotional state. Experiences are more often reflected in women - they withdraw into themselves. To stop being silent, you need to look for positive moments in any event, in every person - positive character traits.
Thinking positively means viewing problems in terms of opportunities rather than obstacles. Positive people get upset when they fail, just like everyone else. But they quickly pull themselves together, do not become discouraged and begin to act.
Obstacles and failures should be perceived as life experience, as an opportunity to work on personal weaknesses. For an optimist, it is important to deal with troubles, look for workarounds to solve problems, and not remain silent and resign yourself to the situation, attributing everything to fate or fate.
Thoughts are material. Develop the habit of thinking about joys and future victories.
Enter into disputes, because truth is born in them, prove your point of view. However, you should remain silent if you are not competent in the issue under discussion. Remember: in a company it is better to be known as a silent person than as a stupid one.
Enrich your vocabulary
If you don’t want to be known as Ellochka from “The Twelve Chairs,” read more books, find out the meaning of unknown words. The absence of a smile and monosyllabic answers are perceived by others as a reluctance to communicate.
Exercises to expand your vocabulary (for oral or written performance):
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
- One part of speech is taken, for example, a noun. You need to compose a story using only them. "Morning. Climb. Charger. TV. Breakfast". And so on. Verbs, adjectives and other parts of speech are used in the same way.
- A chain of interconnected words is invented, starting with the letters of the alphabet in order: “Anna is afraid of falling in love, she walks until the green spruce…” And then in alphabetical order.
- Monophone. Speech is composed of words starting with the same letter. We must try to connect them with each other, sometimes sacrificing meaning.
Expanding the vocabulary is necessary for voicing thoughts, intentions, and conclusions. Silent people often read a lot when alone. Self-isolation does not contribute to the growth of vocabulary, since it is not enough to read new words, you need to train to use them in speech, transforming passive knowledge into active ones. This is only possible through live contact with others.
