In the life of every parent, sooner or later there comes a time when he is faced with hysterics in a child. For some parents, this becomes a real problem: they do not understand what is the root cause of this child’s behavior and how to deal with it.
In this article we will try to understand the possible causes of children's tantrums, their symptoms, and also consider options for parental behavior in which the risk of children's hysterics can be reduced or even eliminated.
What is "hysteria"
Hysteria is a very vivid emotional reaction, which is accompanied by loud screaming, tears, and demonstrative behavior; a condition in which it is difficult for a child to calm down.
The reasons for this behavior can be completely different. They depend on the age of the child, the characteristics of the nervous system, the type of upbringing in the family, etc.
A child’s hysteria can occur in response to an insult, a parental demand that the child has no desire to fulfill, or in situations of unpleasant news.
It is very important that parents can distinguish hysteria from another state of the child, very similar to hysteria - whim.
Caprice is the desire of young children (mostly preschoolers) to achieve something forbidden, but very desirable, at this very moment in time.
Whims occur in almost all growing children and are not a cause for concern. They are safe for the child’s psyche. If the parent behaves correctly, they help the child understand and accept the boundaries of what is acceptable.
Doctor Komarovsky's opinion
A well-known doctor believes that a “spectator” is important for a child during a hysteria. This is a must. There is no spectator, no hysteria. The person who is most sensitive to the child’s behavior will definitely be chosen to play the role of spectator.
Komarovsky’s opinion somewhat contradicts the generally accepted opinion that when in a state of hysteria, a child cannot control himself. Evgeniy Olegovich claims that the child assesses the situation very well and everything he does during a hysteria is quite conscious.
The doctor advises the whole family to choose a single behavioral strategy - “not to pay attention and not to succumb to manipulation”, then the child will understand that hysteria is not an option and will stop using it in his behavior.
About how to wean a child from hysterics, Komarovsky E.O. says in this video:
Signs of male hysteria
Symptoms of hysteria in men:
- complete rejection of criticism - the individual takes everything with hostility, does not know how to use irony towards his person;
- irresponsibility - he delays making a decision until the last minute, every time he finds a reason to shift his responsibilities onto his wife’s shoulders;
- refusal to admit mistakes;
- the ability to create a problem out of the blue;
- nervousness;
- superficial perception of the situation;
- egocentrism - a person concentrates only on his problems, he needs everything to revolve only around him.
The hysterical guy loves to complain. He will make a problem out of any little thing: his wife did not cook what he wanted, the computer takes too long to boot, etc. Complaints usually do not contain constructive information.
A hysterical man loves to complain to a woman
Hysteria manifests itself in heart-rending screams, sometimes tears, reproaches, and resentment. Sometimes a representative of the stronger sex is able to raise his hand against the “spectator” of his performance. Depending on your temperament, there may be a desire to harm yourself.
Causes
When examining the causes of children's tantrums, most psychologists agree that the most common are the following:
"Pay attention to me!"
In the modern world, mothers make high demands on themselves and place too much responsibility on themselves: every day they need to complete a number of household chores, have time to work as a freelancer, pay attention to their husbands, take time for themselves... In such a series of events, mothers quite often try to find an independent activity for a child.
Sooner or later, the child realizes that he is “standing in line” for his mother’s attention. Of course, this state of affairs does not suit him and then he unleashes a series of unreasonable, from the mother’s point of view, hysterics. In the manifestation of such hysterics, one can read his words: “Remember me! I'm here! I want your love, care and attention!”
"What if…"
Often, with his hysterics, a child tests the boundaries of what is permitted. Through trial and error, he understands: what is possible and what is not, where is good and where is evil. Through probing the boundaries, knowledge of the world occurs. This is fine. This process is a natural component of the interaction between parent and child.
“I can’t, no way!”
The inability to restrain negative emotions and cope with them independently in the process of acquiring new skills is one of the main reasons for children's tantrums. The child wants to get the final, final result of his actions of some nature as quickly as possible (sculpting a certain figure, cutting out a circle, drawing a tree) and if there is no such result, be hysterical! You must understand that at such moments he is really very upset and this problem covers all the thoughts and feelings of the little person.
“Today you can, tomorrow not!”
In cases where parental behavior is inconsistent, when there is no clear and understandable system of restrictions, the child is at a loss and does not understand how to behave. He cannot choose the right landmark. In such situations, hysteria becomes the child’s ally and helps him.
"I'm tired"
If a child is planning a difficult and eventful day (lots of outdoor games, holidays and birthdays, long trips), the risk of hysterics at the end of such a day is very high.
“It hurts me! And give me something to drink!”
Any physical discomfort such as hunger, thirst, pain can cause a child to become hysterical.
"When there is too much love!"
When parents do not see boundaries in their care for the child, and smother the child with their love and care, children begin to resist this. And the main weapon in this battle for the child becomes hysteria. This is especially evident during crisis periods of age.
Respect your child's personal boundaries! With the “Where are my children” application, you will always know where your child is and what is happening with him, without unnecessary calls and SMS.
Correction of behavior in children prone to hysterical seizures
Hysterical fits in childhood occur due to the inability to resolve the conflict and get what you want in a different way. Until the age of 4–5 years, in most cases, emotional reactions of a hysterical nature go away on their own. To do this, a number of conditions must be met.
- Properly organized time. This is not only a consistent change in study and physical activity, sleep and wakefulness. This is the child’s passion for something new; it is necessary to support the formation of a strong interest in the activity.
- Sharing time: the important thing is not how many new toys the baby has, but how he can occupy himself with them. Show, read books, spend your free time joyfully, without conflicts. You are an example to follow.
- Freedom of creativity and self-expression. If your child needs an audience, sign him up for dancing, a music club, or a theater studio.
- An outlet for free energy: physical exercise and sports clubs will distract you from hysterics and direct excess energy in the right direction.
- Calm environment: Provide a trusting environment in your family. This will reduce the level of stress and reassure all family members, because it is always nice to return to a home where you are loved, appreciated and expected.
- Responsibility: do not be afraid to give your child “important” instructions. He will learn to take responsibility for his actions and behavior, and will see that you trust him and value him.
- Speak out feelings: the problem of a little person is that there is a storm of emotions inside him, but he does not know what to call them and how to express them in words. Help him - show empathy, sympathize. You can say out loud your disturbing feelings: “I see that you are upset... I understand that you are hurt...” The child perceives the world on an emotional level. If he sees that you are at one with him, you understand his experiences and sensations, then the conflicts will stop.
In adolescence, with decompensation of hysterical symptoms and the emergence of persistent deviant antisocial behavior, it is possible to use behavior correctors as drug therapy.
Symptoms
The most common symptoms of hysteria in children are loud crying and screaming, which is accompanied by tension in muscle tone throughout the body.
Then, impulsive and chaotic movements take place, palms clenched tightly into fists (knocking on walls, tables, floors).
If an adult tries to physically influence a child at this moment, he receives blows, bites, and scratches in response.
After this, sudden movements subside. The baby is crying. There are a lot of tears. The muscles relax. Signs of fatigue appear.
Manifestations of hysteria also include: teeth biting (for example, furniture upholstery), hitting the head against the wall and floor, falling and “stomping” feet. Severe tantrums can lead to convulsions and respiratory arrest.
After this, children often complain of headaches, pain from bruises, and nausea.
Diagnostics
Parents should understand that tantrums are just one of the signs of crisis stages in a child’s development.
Often, the parent independently (intuitively) selects the most harmonious way to help the child with hysterics.
When should you seek help from specialists:
- during or after a hysteria, the child stops or holds his breath for a long time,
- he loses consciousness, is subject to sudden mood swings,
- harms others and/or oneself,
- experiencing pain and nausea,
- experiences fears and nightmares.
In addition, if hysterics end with the child’s extreme fatigue or severe lethargy, then the parent should not ignore this and should consult with specialists (psychologists, neurologists, psychotherapists, etc.).
Hysteria of children at different age periods
Some children may experience tantrums even at the age of nine months, but most often the onset of children's hysterics occurs when the child is one and a half years old. Due to his age, the baby is unable to control his emotions. His speech is not yet developed at the proper level in order to express and explain his thoughts, feelings, and desires.
At 2 years old, a child often resorts to tantrums to attract the attention of adults. In doing so, he uses:
- screams;
- lying and rolling on the floor (especially in crowded places);
- stubbornness.
This behavior is quite natural, since the emotional system of a child of this age has not yet matured.
We can observe especially vivid attacks of hysterics in three-year-olds. During this special, crisis period, hysterics are expressed in completely different ways, but they are united by strong stubbornness, negativism and strong self-will.
At this age, the child does not have the ability to compromise. The method of manipulation is mastered. If a three-year-old managed to manipulate his parents with hysteria once, then in the future he will actively use this tactic.
As the child grows up, his knowledge of the world around him expands, and he no longer feels the urgent need to resort to hysterics. By the age of four, communication skills are quite well developed, and the child increasingly chooses the “eco-friendly” - verbal way to tell the parent about his feelings and desires.
If hysterics continue after four years, this is a serious reason to reconsider the education system and seek help from specialists.
How to help yourself?
When a tantrum occurs, the best way out for the person who has “lost it” is to work through the situation.
In other words, you should not push your hysteria inside and suppress your emotions. It’s better to throw them out and, figuratively speaking, “enjoy your hysteria.” That is, it is necessary to discharge completely. It’s another matter if hysteria is close, but it’s not there yet. In this case, you need to switch to something, try to distract yourself. The rule here is this: the stronger the internal tension, the more powerful the method of distraction should be.
When are tantrums good?
It’s hard to believe, but tantrums also have a positive component, both for the child and the parent:
- With the help of hysterics, including tears, the child gets rid of tension and stress.
- The release of suppressed emotions during a hysteria helps to normalize the emotional state and sleep.
- If a child shows you his feelings openly (through a tantrum), this indicates some kind of trust between you.
- Through hysterics, a child learns to probe the boundaries of what is permitted.
- After the hysteria ends (if the adult does not try to stop it), the child “reads” the parent’s unconditional acceptance and subsequently begins to feel more trust in him.
Where to turn if a child has frequent hysterical seizures?
First of all, you should not self-medicate. Of course, as a parent, you know best what your child needs. But sometimes hysterics and whims cross all permitted boundaries and their frequency increases day by day. Conflicts and grievances accumulate and continue to give rise to new waves of aggression and indignation of both parents and children.
Contact a child psychologist at a kindergarten or school. Together you can find out the reasons for the child’s unwanted behavior and develop tactics for dealing with your child’s impending hysteria.
A child psychiatrist will be able to help with advanced behavioral disorders that require not only psychotherapeutic work with the little person and his family, but also the inclusion of drug therapy and drugs that affect behavior.
What should parents do?
How to calm a child during a tantrum
- Try to prevent the onset of hysteria. Especially if you already have experience with your child’s tantrum, you can “calculate” the risks and prevent its occurrence in advance.
- You should not try to stop a hysteria with severity, shouting or using physical violence. If your child does not harm himself or others during a tantrum, you can say that you are waiting until he calms down so you can talk. You should speak calmly, not loudly, but confidently.
- If you haven’t had time to understand what exactly led to the hysteria, try asking leading questions: “Are you scared?!”, “Are you hurt?!”, “Do you want...?!”
- Hug your child. He will feel safe, understand that he is not alone and that they will help him.
Treatment of hysterics
If all your efforts to prevent tantrums do not work and the child’s condition only worsens from time to time, you should seek help from specialists.
At the very beginning of your journey, it is better to consult a psychologist. If working with a psychologist does not bring results, then the psychologist himself can recommend other specialists, or you can make this decision yourself. A neurologist and psychotherapist, if indicated, can prescribe medication. But in the conditions of modern medicine, before starting treatment, try to consult with different specialists, listen to different points of view, and only after that make an informed decision regarding medications.
Advice from psychiatrists
What to do if your husband is hysterical, a psychotherapist will advise:
- be calm yourself, the man will calm down faster, realizing that his performance is not working;
- take him to a secluded place;
- pour water;
- try to distance yourself.
After the attack ends, urgently take your husband to the doctor. Hysterics need to be treated with psychocorrection. Without doing this, you risk falling under the hot hand and raising mentally unhealthy children.
Develop your own tactics for symptom relief. Do breathing practices together. Monitor your man's immunity. Periodically carry out a preventive course of treatment with valerian (you can use any suitable herbal-based products) and vitamins. Ideally, it is better to consult a doctor. If no method helps, your husband shows no desire to change, you are not on the right path.
