An indecisive, vulnerable, delicate flower...
No, this is not a sweet girl who just graduated from school and does not yet know what dangers await her in our cruel world.
This is a bearded man-child. He settled comfortably on his woman’s neck, trying to avoid responsibility at all costs...
Infantility in men in the modern world is becoming an epidemic. It seems that soon there will be no strong, decisive alpha males left at all, who can overwhelm a mammoth and hit the table with their fist.
The bacillus of infantilism is spreading at breakneck speed.
There is a theory that it will be the reason why the human race will cease to exist.
But fortunately, the infantilism of men is being treated, and women all over the planet have a chance not to be completely disappointed in men.
How to recognize an infantile person at the initial stage of a relationship, and what to do if you are already hopelessly in love and want to make a normal man out of him, read on.
Who should I say “thank you” to?
Do you want to know who a woman should thank for such a “gift”? Well, firstly, herself, because she herself chose a man who had not reached psychological adulthood.
After all, infantiles do not force anyone to enter into a relationship with them. They simply wander through life, looking for a suitable candidate for the role of a substitute mommy.
Women themselves select these poor unfortunate “seals”, although the signs of an infantile man appear from the first meetings.
But, if we look at the question from the point of view of “I wonder who did this?”, another woman comes onto the scene.
His mother. It was she who, from a potentially normal male representative, created an infantile who was indecisive and absolutely not ready for adult life.
How did this happen?
Social infantilism
Very close to psychological and social infantilism. It also assumes that we have a mentally healthy person who does not want to accept responsibility and solve problems. In this case, these are issues of socialization, adaptation to environmental conditions, and social values. Mainly - the reluctance to take on the responsibility associated with new “adult” responsibilities for such individuals.
It should be noted that social infantilism contains not only an objective, but also an evaluative component.
The point is that the starting point here is the values and mores of society. Values change - for example, from generation to generation, and with such a change in the eyes of parents, their children will be social infantiles.
For example, now some women do not see the meaning of life in starting a family and raising children (traditional values). In the eyes of one part of society, such ladies look, at best, as infantile girls who do not want to take responsibility. In the eyes of another part, the decision not to have children can be even more responsible than the decision to give birth if a woman understands that she is not yet ready for this from a financial or moral point of view.
Thus, if representatives of the older generation talk about young people as completely infantile, they most likely mean social infantilism (or people who use this word may not know its meaning at all, but that’s a completely different story).
Since the psychological and sociological types are, in principle, quite close, we propose to further consider them together.
The boy grew up in a single-parent family.
He was brought up without a father and saw his mother turn from a gentle woman with an eternal smile into the head of the family, gradually acquiring masculine qualities.
This caused a great shock in the boy's mind and changed his view of the family system.
Gradually, his masculine qualities atrophied and a man-child was born, striving to forever hide behind a woman’s broad back and transfer all obligations to her.
He was raised by a tough mother.
His mother did not stand, indifferently drinking water, while her son chose Kinder for himself. She always made it clear who was the boss in the house, or rather, the mistress.
She suppressed any initiatives of her son and decided everything for him. For disobedience, the mother harshly punished him and demanded that he completely obey her will.
As a result, the boy became infantile and downtrodden. But this is not the worst thing. In particularly advanced cases, such sons grow up to be furious misogynists and maniacs.
Mom cared and cherished him too much.
The woman held the baby in her arms, kissing his tender fingers, and did not notice how he turned into an adult uncle. And... She continued to kiss, without letting go.
In this case, an infantile of a different kind appears - a skilled beggar and manipulator. He is used to the fact that mommy will do everything for him, no matter what he asks - he just needs to cry a little or pretend to be offended.
He carries this same model of behavior into adulthood, only he no longer manipulates his mother, but his woman. Here is the first sign of an infantile man - his mother, who corresponds to one of the descriptions given above.
But this is not the only warning sign. How else can infantilism manifest itself in men? Read on.
Reasons for the development of infantilism
As you know, many personality traits stem from childhood. Social and psychological infantilism is no exception. Moreover, in most cases it is associated with educational errors on the part of parents. Among the most common reasons are overprotection, the desire to please the child in everything, to protect him from all problems and worries, to run to help even before he asks for it.
]]>Imposed feeling of guilt]]> is one unpleasant thing that appears as a result of mistakes in education
Completely ignoring the opinions and feelings of a little person, making all the decisions for him (what to wear, what to play and what to do), and trying to embody in a son or daughter what the parent himself failed to do has a negative impact.
There are other reasons why children grow up according to their passport, but not according to their personal development. However, education is too large a topic that should be considered separately. The most important thing: due to the fact that parents constantly and at the root “cut off” the child’s decisions, dreams, aspirations, desires, ambitions, emotions, intentions, in the end he simply stops thinking and deciding on his own. Why, if it will still be as mom or dad say? Because of this, the process of formation and maturation of personality in a young person is disrupted, and as a result, it never matures.
Having become an adult, such a person tries his best to maintain the status quo - that is, not deciding anything for himself, not coping with difficulties, doing what others say. This has its advantages too. Are there any disadvantages? Yes, and there can be quite a lot of them.
How to recognize before it's too late?
He may be no different from other guys - his face or body will not give away anything.
An infantile man can hide behind an attractive appearance and confident speech. But it’s still easy to declassify if you’re faced with a choice. Most often, infantiles cannot make decisions on their own.
Invite him to choose which restaurant to go to (which movie, etc.). If he answers something like: “As you want, decide for yourself,” continue to insist.
A normal man will quickly make his choice, but an infantile man will bargain for a long time, trying to force you to take responsibility.
On a date, ask him what he does. If a man does not work or constantly changes his field of activity, trying to “find himself,” most likely you are dealing with an infantile person.
To completely dispel all doubts, ask him to tell him about his mother. We talked about this in the previous section.
If it hits three out of three, the diagnosis is beyond doubt - he is infantile. Now you need to decide whether you are ready to build a relationship with such a person.
If yes, you will need some advice on how a man can grow up psychologically if he is used to being a child.
Types of infantilism
First, let’s figure out what types of infantilism we will be talking about. Depending on the area, this word has different meanings. In psychiatry, it is a pathological developmental delay when a teenager's behavior and emotional reactions correspond to those of children (or when an adult behaves like a child or teenager). There is also physiological infantilism - accordingly, physiological pathology, a delay in the development of organs and systems. In everyday use, it most often refers to psychological and/or social infantilism, which is not associated with pathologies. It is these types that we propose to focus on.
From an infantile to a normal man - the mission is possible!
Perhaps you are able to take the rattle away from him and put on the armor of a real warrior... So, you have established that your boyfriend or spouse is an infantile.
Now a reasonable question arises: “How to live in an infantile society so that for the rest of your days you don’t feel like a draft horse with a bearded kid around your neck?”
To kill the bacillus of infantility in a man, you must act as follows:
Stop coddling him.
“My sweet kitten”, “What should I cook for my little bunny?”, “Who is our handsome boy?” – you repeat and make a mistake!
Maternal instinct is a wonderful and necessary feminine quality. But only if it manifests itself in relation to a child, and not a thirty-year-old man, even a loved one.
Psychology gives a clear answer: stop being his mother. Let him warm up his own food, make his own bed, and make an appointment with the doctor.
You should not accompany him during visits to the dentist, to the military registration and enlistment office and for interviews.
He is a grown man and can handle this on his own.
How infantile men behave in relationships
At the beginning of a relationship, an infant may seem like the ultimate dream of every woman. After all, he shows himself to be romantic, sensitive and touching. He gives his woman flowers, prepares surprises and romantic evenings for her. Unfortunately, she does not immediately realize that the last money was spent on flowers, the surprises were organized on credit, and for a romantic evening he prepared only candles, and she did the rest herself.
After the candy-bouquet period, the girl most often begins to notice the consumer attitude towards herself on the part of her chosen one. He not only stops giving her gifts, but also throws up a lot of problems: responsibility for his actions, debts, lack of any help, demands for increased attention to his person.
Ask for help
Gradually shift some of your responsibilities to him. Let him pay the rent for the apartment himself, organize a joint vacation, and negotiate with a plumber to repair the water supply.
Ask for his opinion. Do not be afraid to appear before him in the image of a weak, stupid woman who really needs the advice of a wise, adult man. Let him win arguments and make decisions.
Yes, he will resist and try to avoid commitment. Your task is to convince him that this is necessary, you definitely won’t be able to cope without him and he has no way out.
Over time, he will get used to it and will no longer shirk things that adults do every day.
Don't sponsor him
A man doesn’t work and when you try to get him off the couch he responds with something like: “Don’t put pressure on me, I’m looking for myself”?
Then just stop giving him money. Do you want to go to a bar with friends, buy new jeans or enjoy the unique taste of street shawarma on a hot weekday?
But that was not the case! No money left. Don’t fall for manipulation and don’t even think about feeling sorry for him. He is a grown man who must earn his own money.
When he realizes that he won’t get another penny from you, he will quickly “find himself,” and at the same time, a job.
Which women become “victims” of infantilism?
Men with a “childish” character themselves are not against “sticking” to a certain category of women in whom “motherliness” is clearly expressed. Such ladies are ready to groom and cherish their companion day and night, as if he were not a man, but a small child. There are three types of women: child, woman and mommy. So, an infantile man most often connects his life with a woman, mommy, and this is natural, because he is a child. And what is noteworthy is that such tandems are most often observed in Russia.
After all, our women first of all see themselves as mothers. The reasons are quite understandable - living conditions are much worse than those of their European and American “colleagues”, a measure of responsibility, brought up by equally responsible parents. And it is not surprising that when searching for a companion, she pays more attention to male children.
But there is a paradox in this moment - she does not know that her mother is “hiding” in her subconscious. And she absolutely does not want to look for someone who cannot be a “strong shoulder”, support and support. But the fact happened. And it won't be long before she realizes that she made the wrong choice.
Share household chores
Women often try to pull everything on themselves. I came home from work, cooked lunch, cleaned the apartment, did homework with the children...
Meanwhile, the man is sweetly dozing on the sofa or playing intently at the computer. He is also indignant that he was blatantly interrupted by his wife, who was trying to wipe the floors under the table.
It won't work that way. Agree that he will take on some of the household chores. Give him a specific area of responsibility.
For example, you will cook dinner, and during it you will clean the apartment. If he resists, calmly (without shouting or reproaching) tell him how hard it is for you to do everything alone and that you really count on him.
If he categorically does not want to help you, offer another option: you will take on all the household chores, but then he will have to provide for the family alone.
Save your strength and respect the woman in you - then your companion will feel it too.
Don't let his mom ruin your plans
It is ideal if you live far from his parents and he will not have the opportunity to run to his mommy every time you offend him.
Otherwise, the two previous points of your plan will be in jeopardy.
Well, what mother will calmly watch when his boy is deprived of his pocket money and forced to do housework?
If you live close to your mother-in-law, try to talk to her. Just calmly, without blaming her.
Most likely, she herself realizes that her son, to put it mildly, is not a completely independent man.
If you tell her about your plans and enlist her support, you will receive an important ally in the fight against your man's infantilism.
Don't do a man's job for him
Make it a rule not to carry heavy bags from the store. Always take your man with you when you go shopping.
He is strong and, as they say, “can’t give birth.” In addition, physical activity is good for back pain if you spend too much time on the couch.
The same goes for other male chores: hammering a nail, changing a light bulb, opening a bottle of wine, or assembling a closet.
Let him fail at something, let him do it painfully slowly. Don't criticize or try to help him.
Otherwise, the bacillus of infantilism will never leave your man’s body.
GuruTest
As they say, everything is good in moderation. In love and relationships, this rule is, if not golden, then at least one of the most important. An infantile man is every woman’s worst nightmare. What’s worst is that it’s almost impossible to immediately diagnose a man’s degree of fascination with childish traits. Everything is revealed gradually, so sooner or later you will have to make a decision that may upset your “big boy”. You can try to force an infantile spouse to grow up, but this is unlikely to be done quickly and efficiently.
Signs of an infantile man
Of course, what we are about to list may not be critical, but these are the signs that often indicate that a man is infantile in all respects.
Sign one: he lives with his parents. What is important is not the fact that he lives in his parents' house, but his dependence on it. The infantile man from whom it is worth running depends on the opinion of his mother and father. He is not ready to leave his parents' house for you. This is very rare, but such men really exist in the modern world. Do not rush to evaluate this as immaturity if the man is not Russian. The fact is that, for example, Italians have an unspoken rule - listen to your mother. They love their mothers very much and listen to them in everything. Even when it comes to girls. Living with parents and giving up independence is fear, and a man should not be afraid to live alone.
Sign two: shifting responsibility onto your shoulders . Here you can add laziness and inability to pull yourself together. Infantile men cannot quit smoking in order to improve their family financial situation. They cannot stop drinking alcohol. If there are any problems, then he simply does not notice them or pretends not to notice them, so as not to “worry” about solving them. Infantile men, from whom you need to immediately run, are lazy and do not strive to do anything. If you tell such men to take action, they simply walk away from the conversation or get offended. Infantile men hate responsibility; they have wind in their heads.
Sign three: no job, completely poor . The idea is that if a man has two legs and two arms, then he will not be left without money. Let him be a loader, but he will earn bread and milk. Such men deserve to be noticed. If a man hangs on his parents’ neck financially, then problems may arise, even if the parents are rich. They won't provide your boyfriend or husband with money forever. Sooner or later you will have to take the initiative into your own hands. When the time comes, it will not be possible to do this, because the person is accustomed to laziness. A man must always work, otherwise he will simply cease to be a man.
A few words need to be said about the reasons. Sometimes the culprit of a man’s immaturity is not his mother and father, but his wife or girlfriend. You may be guilty of making your man weak and infirm. No matter how loud it may sound, a woman always leads the relationship. If you want a better man, change your behavior patterns. Don't treat him like a mother treats her son.
Why such relationships are doomed to fail
Firstly, you will do all the housework yourself, and when a man takes on something himself, he will achieve little. As they say, a man must either be able to pay other men for work, or be able to do everything himself. An infantile man can do neither one nor the other. Get ready for the fact that you will do everything, and your chosen one will rest. In the end, you won't be happy with this and you'll walk away, but he won't learn anything.
Secondly , you will constantly experience problems with money . Even if your infant is the son of rich parents, he will selfishly spend money only on himself. At best, you will simply notice that he is too greedy. There are no generous boys, only greedy ones. Of course, there are exceptions to the rules, but they are no better. There are generous, infantile men who squander their money on friends. If you are working and he is not, this is completely unacceptable.
Thirdly, you will be constantly on your nerves . It is useless to argue with such men, because they simply don’t care about everything around them. They play video games on the TV, drink beer and don’t want to be talked to. At first this doesn’t happen, but then, when you have lived together for about a year or two, the man begins to turn a blind eye to your whims, because you are not going anywhere, you will always be by his side, you have become his new mother, with whom you can indulge more pranks.
Fourthly, you will receive an absolute minimum of attention , because the man-boy is a narcissistic narcissist. Such men are in love with themselves, because their mother has hammered into their heads since childhood that they are the most beautiful. Even if they try not to take it seriously, they cannot abstract themselves from these words.
Precisely because infantilism may not appear immediately, even at the first signs of it you should be wary and not accept an invitation to get married. Wait a year and a half or two, and therefore already accept the marriage proposal. You can do something more cunning: accept the marriage proposal, but say that you need to get married later, in a year and a half. Now is simply not the time. “There’s no hurry,” say so. Say that you are not going anywhere - this will allow the infant man to open himself up to you and demonstrate all his weaknesses.
Slightly less than half of women, according to surveys, consider their men to be overgrown boys. Of these 40-45% of the female population, only 5-10% decide to divorce or separate from such a man. This suggests that you can come to an agreement with a huge number of such men, you can come to an agreement and maintain love. This is not so difficult, but sometimes a man cannot be trained at all. In such cases, it is necessary to take extreme measures, because you will absolutely turn into his mommy, and not into a happy woman.
Infantile men are much more dangerous than overly “adult” men. In everything you need a golden mean, especially when it comes to love. Self-doubt is the most terrible feeling of any representative of the stronger sex. You can fix this with your love, but if a man is stuck in childhood, then it will be very, very difficult to get him out of there.
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18.04.2018 01:16
Praise and believe in him
An infantile man is a big child who needs to regularly receive approval from his elders.
Therefore, do not skimp on praise. I nailed down a shelf, took out the trash, got a job - I received the smile of my beloved woman and her sincere: “Well done, I knew that you would succeed.”
Infantility often develops regardless of a man’s wishes. It's not his fault that he grew up so indecisive and weak. We found out who we should thank for this earlier.
If you really want to live happily ever after with a man, cultivate in him self-confidence and faith in your own strengths.
Day after day, remind him that he can do everything and even more, that he is the best - a strong and courageous man.
And then your modest infant will really turn into that stone “wall” behind which all the happy women hide.
So this is what you are...
It’s easy to recognize an infantile man, but first you need to explain the term: translated from French, “ infante
” means “
child
” or “
prince
.”
This is a direct hit on target, because infantiles behave like unreasonable children and capricious heirs to thrones at the same time
.
YOU ARE AN INFANTILE IF HE:
Loves mom
Everyone loves their parents, but there is a special story here, just like an unbroken umbilical cord.
The infantile mother is the smartest, she is an expert in all areas - from pickling tomatoes to rocket science. The health and well-being of the parent comes first; for the sake of a high goal, an obedient son will sacrifice his interests and even his personal life. In short, he is a terry mama's boy - a terrible phenomenon.
Runs away from problems
Or avoids responsibility.
He is never to blame for anything, anyone is involved, but not the “little prince”. At work he is surrounded by angry colleagues and a clueless boss - so how to get along with them? At home his neighbors pester him, so out of spite he drills into the wall until midnight. Along the way, the car splashed because the driver was stupid, and not because the infantile was walking along the roadway. The eternal boy runs away from relationships, marriage, runs away from alimony, and constantly changes jobs.
Doesn't know how to handle money
He earns a meager living.
Or he can squander his salary in one day. Capable of taking out a loan with draconian interest rates for some fancy gadget. Infants are generally controlled by momentary desires, just like children: “Now I want to go on the swing, but now give me some ice cream.” So God forbid you trust such a person with the family treasury.
Can't stand criticism
Well, purely a kindergartener!
Scold a person a little, he pouts his lips, hides in a corner and throws cubes from there. In the adult version it looks a little different.
He pouts his lips and says: “You don’t love me, now I don’t love you either, I’ll go for a walk in the cold without a hat.” Or to another woman.
Competes with children
With relatives. He seriously fights with his offspring for a big piece of cake, the right to play “tank”, a comfortable seat by the bus window, and the attention of his wife and mother.
Looks youthful
Although this is not at all a fact.
In general, lifestyle is reflected in appearance: the more hassle, the more serious the look, the deeper the wrinkles and the stricter the dress code. It is immediately clear that a person carries the burden of life entirely on his shoulders. It’s like being eternal teenagers: sneakers on your feet, a minimum of wrinkles on your face, a beard and a beanie hat have already been mentioned.
What have we come to?
To re-educate an infantile man, you need to:
- stop being his nanny
- ask for help more often
- don't sponsor him
- share household chores
- protect him from the influence of his mother
- don't do a man's work for him
- praise and encourage him
Would you cope with an infantile person?
Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase
How did this happen?
It’s hard to say right away where infantile men come from:
- Someone simply failed to mature mentally and remained the eternal Peter Pan. Someone was not allowed to grow up by an overbearing, strong mother who decided everything for everyone and protected them from worries. Someone is selfish due to nature or a brain defect.
There are plenty of reasons, but they are secondary, the main thing is that the army of bearded boys is growing year by year and sociologists are already sounding the alarm.
Second question
: why did he end up next to you or why are you generally lucky in life to be childish? The most likely version: you are a woman-mother, this is a psychotype. You see your purpose in taking care of someone, supporting someone, wiping someone’s nose, and more.
A helpless pet by your side is part of your picture of the universe; without it you feel unnecessary and flawed. But when there is a nervous self-proclaimed prince, life is colored with all the colors of the rainbow. Of course, you can say about him patronizingly: “He will be lost without me.” No, he won’t disappear, he’ll just find a new mommy.
Being a caring mother of an adult fool is a funny thing for the time being, but one day it gets boring. A woman wants to be like behind a stone wall, to feel a man’s care; in the end, she wants to deal with a full-fledged partner, and not play giveaway and not pull the burden for two.
Here you need to understand: the series of infantilism will stop only when you become a harmonious person. Love and feel sorry for yourself - so “grow” positive egoism. You will understand that no one will die without your help - spend time and energy on yourself and those who really need care. Allow yourself to be a true woman, not a savior.
In the meantime, let's see if our playful mini-hero is so hopeless...
