Why does a child hit his mother? What to do if a small child hits his mother?

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• 1-3 years
• 3-7 years
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Biting, pinching, hitting - in psychology, these manifestations are combined with the term “physical aggression”, which is not considered the norm in society and is subject to condemnation.
But this is for adults, but what should you do if a preschool child raises his hand against a parent? Is this acceptable? How to react? Let's try to figure out the problem. To begin with, it is worth understanding that no behavior is good or bad: psychologists never think in such categories. But by the child’s behavior they judge the problems he is experiencing and work with them. If your little son or daughter shows aggression towards his parents, then you do not need to scold him for bad behavior, but you need to figure out why he behaves this way.

Of course, there is no exhaustive list of reasons that force a child to beat his parents, because all children are individual. But there are some scientifically proven patterns of such behavior.

A child hits his mother: what to do?

What a mother who is hit by her child should do depends on the reasons that force the child to behave this way. The reasons, in turn, depend on the age of the child. You can find possible reasons in the following sections of this article.

IMPORTANT: Without understanding the reasons for such actions, your fight against such child behavior will not yield positive results.

Baby doesn't get enough attention

If it is customary in a family to treat each other politely and respectfully, but the little robber continues to beat his parents, you need to analyze whether he has enough attention from adults. For example, the baby asks his mother to draw or read, and she is talking on the phone with a friend or preparing dinner. “Don’t bother me, watch cartoons,” “Can’t you see that I’m busy?” The baby does not receive the necessary portion of attention from his parents and is ready for any action if only mom and dad pay attention to him.

What should parents do? You must understand that preschoolers need more than just the basic needs that adults can provide (feed, bathe, comb their hair, dress them, put them to bed). Take a break from your obviously very important matters and spend time with your child. In the end, there is nothing more important than sincere communication with your baby. You can come up with so many interesting activities: sculpt together, draw, organize a puppet theater, organize a fashion show, or play repair shop. The main thing is that you work with your baby sincerely, with desire, and not because “it’s necessary.”

One-year-old child hits his mother

Most often, the baby hits his mother while having fun or without realizing the seriousness of his behavior. Thus, the following reasons can be identified:

• The child is playing around and has too much energy
• The baby studies the world around him, including his body and its capabilities.
• This is how the baby expresses his emotions. Prohibitions have begun to appear in the child’s life, so in this way he can protest
• The child wants to attract the attention of his parents

IMPORTANT: Do not think that your beloved baby wants to offend you and hurt you. At the age of one year, the child hits his mother unintentionally

2) Observation of physical aggression, violence.

In 1961, a group of psychologists led by Albert Bandura conducted an experiment that is known throughout the world as the Bobo Doll Experiment. Boys and girls with an average level of aggression took part in it and were divided into groups. One of the groups observed an adult’s aggression towards a doll (they beat it with a hammer, tossed it, threw it up, screamed), the second observed naturalness. It turned out that kids, in the presence of whom people behaved aggressively, copied this model of behavior, and in even more sophisticated ways: they hit the doll on the head, sat astride it, strangled it, and so on. This allowed scientists to conclude that if a child sees another adult showing aggression, then he “learns” to do the same.

The same experiment showed that if someone who shows aggression is scolded in front of a child, this will create an educational effect. The child will understand that this cannot be done.

Watching cartoons where Masha mocks the Bear with impunity, action films or games where you need to hit to win - all this only reinforces the child’s confidence that this can be done, so he allows himself to hit his parent, simply without thinking about it that is doing wrong.

2 year old child hits his mother

This problem becomes most acute by the age of two. The reasons for such actions are as follows:

• The child expresses his emotions. At this age, the child still speaks poorly, does not know how to communicate correctly and control himself

• This is how the child attracts the attention of adults. Even if the baby has learned to speak, he cannot always use it
• The baby can express his dissatisfaction and disagreement with something, and try to achieve what he wants. Don't be led. If you give a child what he wanted by hitting you, it will definitely happen again
• The child learns the boundaries of what is permitted. Let him understand that hitting mom means going beyond the permitted limits.

IMPORTANT: At the age of 2 years, the child begins to consciously cause pain to his mother, his behavior becomes deliberate. This means you should take a more serious approach to solving this problem in order to avoid its recurrence as the child grows up.

1) Expression of emotions.

A child is not a robot, but a living person, and therefore cannot not express emotions at all or express only joy. In preschool age, children's expressions of emotions are usually spontaneous, that is, children do not know how to control emotions, suppress them, or think about whether they are behaving correctly or not. Therefore, if a child feels anger or anger, one of his natural reactions is to hit the offender, even if it is a parent.

In addition, a child can express resentment, sadness, or boredom in this way, because he may simply not yet know other ways to express emotions. And if you do not allow a child to show expression, even in such a form as pinching and hitting, then he may lose basic life guidelines and may never learn to understand whether he is good or bad, whether he wants something or not.

The most correct thing would be not to scold the child, but to teach him to recognize his emotions. Ask him how he feels now. Discuss with your child what this or that emotion means. Offer other, alternative options for expressing feelings: draw resentment, imagine sadness, beat pillows, shout out the window.

3 year old child hits his mother

At this age, there comes a period when the child’s system of interaction with the people around him changes. This period can be described as a three-year crisis. The child becomes partly independent and gains independence. Therefore, to the causes of childhood aggression from the previous chapter, several more are added:

• Baby is stubborn
• The child asserts the right to his own opinion. The child increasingly utters the words “I myself.” Give your child the opportunity to do small things himself sometimes.

IMPORTANT: In children, aggression usually increases during preschool age, and declines closer to first grade.

A child hits his mother - Komarovsky

Contrary to the generally accepted advice of psychologists, Dr. Komarovsky offers the following method of solving the issue:

• With such behavior it is necessary to show who is more important
• When a child hits a mother, she has every right to lightly hit the child in return. However, the mother must control the force of the blow and her emotions

IMPORTANT: If you have the financial opportunity, Dr. Komarovsky recommends sorting out the situation with an experienced child psychologist

The child is testing the boundaries

The baby is growing, exploring the world, and he needs to try and learn everything. Through aggressive behavior, he learns to understand what is good and what is bad. If a baby hit a girl on the playground, why can’t he hit his mother when she swears or doesn’t allow her to do something?

In this situation, child psychologists advise talking to the fighter and explaining that hitting and biting other people is unacceptable. Do not grab the baby by the hands, hit or pinch him back, or put him in a corner. This behavior will provoke an even greater attack of aggression. A strict prohibition (“I forbid hitting mom or dad”) can lead to the child starting to punish himself.

Typically, children bite their nails, pull out their own hair, give themselves bruises, and even bang their heads against the wall. You cannot force yourself to keep emotions to yourself, otherwise it may have a negative impact on the child’s fragile psyche. But how to teach a child to throw out negativity, and at the same time convey that parents should not be hit? Preschoolers feel well the emotions that mom and dad experience. For example, with the help of facial expressions, a mother can show that she is unhappy and upset. Only this must be done sincerely, truly expressing your emotions, and not playing a role.

If a child hits his mother, what should he do?

Depending on the causes of aggressive behavior and the age of the child, the following ways to solve the problem can be identified:

• Stop and let the child understand that this cannot be done
• With a stern expression on your face and a steely voice, explain to your child that such behavior is unacceptable.

IMPORTANT: Do not hit your child back. Such behavior is unacceptable for either a child or an adult.

• In response to a child’s attempts to hit you, do not humiliate or insult him in any way.
• Do not drive your child into hysterics with your moralizing. Your speech should be strict and concise
• Explain to your child that it is unpleasant and painful for you

IMPORTANT: Children do not understand what shame is. Don't waste your time shaming your child.

• If attempts to hit you are repeated, do not let the child do it by holding your hands
• Show your child how he can express his emotions. For example, you can hug, kiss

• You cannot pretend to cry or pretend that you are in great pain - this is deception. The child may regard your action as a game. And as a result, repeat your behavior

IMPORTANT: Parents must be consistent, coordinated and patient

• It is necessary to divert the child's attention to something else. For example, if a child tries to hit you because you don’t let him on a swing that is busy, pay his attention to a passing car or children running nearby
• You can’t forbid a child too much. There should be prohibitions, but to a reasonable extent. Try to find compromises. For example, if a child really wants to watch cartoons, then agree to watch only one of his favorite series

• Learn to listen to your child. Maybe he just doesn't have enough attention
• Analyze your child's daily routine. Perhaps he is simply too tired: he sleeps little, does not spend enough time in the fresh air
• An older child needs to be explained what is happening to him. For example, he should know that anger is a normal feeling, but he needs to experience it differently: draw anger, hit a child’s punching bag
• If an older child continues to fight, you need to develop a system of punishments that the whole family will adhere to. The main thing is to act consistently: explain, warn, punish

IMPORTANT: No matter how you react to such an act, the main thing is to explain to the child that it is not he who is bad, but only his behavior

5) Inability to show love to a parent in other ways

One of the ways to express love, sympathy, tenderness is physical contact - touching, hugging, kissing. It is possible that the child, by hitting you, wants to attract your attention in this way. Lack of attention and ignoring are more unbearable for a child than the parent’s reaction to aggression.

If a child starts hitting, pinching, or biting not after a conflict, but unexpectedly, then most likely he is waiting for your reaction and attention. Ask him if he wants to play. Try to express love and attention to your child in acceptable ways so that he learns to do this too: hug him, tell him about your love, tickle him.

How to stop a child from hitting his mother: advice from a psychologist

To stop a child from hitting his mother, it is necessary to develop a certain model of behavior, which will depend directly on the reasons for such actions.

• If a child feels a lack of your attention, and in response to his behavior you scold him and do not want to pick him up - this will provoke an even greater surge of emotions

IMPORTANT: Identify the reasons for this child’s behavior indicated in this article above. And act so that this reason disappears

• Pay attention to the cartoons and films your child watches
• Analyze whether the child communicates with peers who indulge in such behavior
• Before dealing with this behavior of your child, analyze the environment in which he grows up. Children always copy their parents. Avoid loud arguments, tears, raised voices, fights and any other situations that could provoke your child to behave in the same way.

And remember: a happy child can only grow up in a happy family.

4) Checking boundaries.

The child is an experimenter. It tests the environment for what can and cannot be done. What will happen if I do this? What can you touch, what can you feel, how hard can you press?

Here it is important for the parent to help him set the right boundaries. Clearly outline the circle of what can be done and what cannot be done. To do this, you need to ask yourself: are you for or against your child patting you on the back, even if not hard? Can you do this with your hands, feet, or other things? It is quite likely that different parents will perceive the same actions differently: some as a joke or even a massage, others as pain and insult. Tell your child about this, explain what, in what situations and when it is acceptable and when it is not, and what will happen if he continues to do this.