Every person encounters aggression almost every day - in public transport, in a store, at work. Usually such moments are forgotten, the remaining unpleasant aftertaste quickly disappears. It is more difficult if cases of aggression occur in the family; a person who should be a reliable shoulder, protection, support, mercilessly beats his wife. There is no point in leaving such incidents unattended, even isolated ones - things will become much more serious in the future. To the question of why a man raises his hand against a woman, psychology gives a clear answer. The connection between the spouses has weakened significantly, it is worth considering how important it is to maintain the relationship.
The main reasons for aggression on the part of men
If a man beats a woman, psychology warns: folk wisdom that love is confirmed in this way is inappropriate here. There are many causes of domestic violence that are not related to the manifestation of high feelings. Fatigue, difficulties at work, or just a bad mood are also far from an excuse for aggression. Such cases usually become a reason for family unity - a man has a desire to share problems, ask for support, and ask his wife’s opinion.
The reasons need to be looked much deeper, eliminated if possible (often you have to seek the help of a specialist) or simply break off the relationship. You should not be afraid to start life again - there is a risk that things will get worse. Statistics say: regular incidents of violence often end disastrously for the victim.
Why does a husband beat his wife, psychology and reasons:
- bad habits. Alcohol abuse and drug addiction are the main factors affecting the psyche. A woman should be alerted to warning signs in the form of causeless aggression;
- parents' relationship. The man's childhood was difficult - his parents constantly quarreled, his father showed violence towards his mother in front of the children, who accepted the beatings meekly. The boy remembered for the rest of his life that the man in the family is the King, God, who must be worshiped. Actions towards your significant other end with impunity;
- streak of bad luck. It happens that effort, diligence, and knowledge are not enough to achieve the desired heights in life. Failures cause a feeling of resentment, which spills over to the other half;
- wife's reaction. Much depends on the behavior of the other half. If, in response to violence, the wife shows aggression and accepts beatings without complaint, by such actions the woman provokes a new use of force;
- manifestation of dictatorship. Some representatives of the stronger sex think that a dictatorship should reign in the family, the leader should be a man. The best way to assert rights is regular assault;
- woman's behavior. A disregard for children, household responsibilities, frequent infidelity, an antisocial lifestyle, alcohol abuse - the list of offenses that provoke a man’s aggression can go on for a long time;
- desire to assert oneself. It often happens that a man strives to appear courageous, strong, and brave. The husband knows: it will not be possible to withstand a worthy opponent. The only option for self-affirmation is to find a weak victim. You don’t have to search for long - there is always a spouse at hand, on whom it is easy to show strength;
- mental illnesses. Representatives of the stronger sex usually rarely turn to specialists, preferring to hide their shortcomings. Mental disorders often become causes of domestic violence;
- serious difficulties in life. A closed character does not allow you to share problems with loved ones. Anger towards the whole world accumulates in the soul, negativity, which sooner or later spills out on the person closest to you.
If a husband beats his wife, psychology can provide many more provoking factors. Even a change in hormonal levels in the body, fear of losing the respect of the family, causes aggression. Sometimes it is difficult to understand the reasons without the help of a psychologist, so you need to visit a specialist immediately after the first manifestation of violence.
Types of men who are prone to violence
Men with psychopathic and sociopathic personality traits are prone to display aggression. A psychopathic man lacks an adequate perception of reality. He does not perceive other people as living people, they are a means of satisfying his desires. A man strives to offend, anger, and evoke any negative emotions in people in order to receive emotional nourishment from them. He is not able to receive the necessary emotions in normal ways, since there is no place for affection, trust, or respect in his picture of the world. Often the cause of psychopathy is birth trauma, hereditary psychological disease, and disorders in brain development.
The cause of a sociopath's aggression is a lack of upbringing. A man does not receive the necessary skills to interact with people. Growing up, a sociopath is not able to build a normal relationship with a woman, not perceiving her as an equal partner.
What to do, what to do if your husband uses force?
How to react if there is violence in the family and the husband beats his wife, psychology is categorical - you don’t need to endure it. Such cases will provoke sad consequences, one of which is the destruction of personality. The help of a specialist will be powerless. Statistics show that few women succeed in returning to a full life.
If a man raises his hand against a woman, psychology suggests changing the situation - leaving. It is recommended to choose a calm, quiet place, allowing you to think about whether you should try to save the marriage and correct your husband’s behavior. Cases when a spouse changes for the better and refuses assault are rare. Practice proves that the slightest provoking factor is enough to cause a breakdown. Then it gets worse - the man will try to take revenge for leaving, to punish arbitrariness.
If you had to leave home after the husband raised his hand against his wife, the advice of a psychologist will help determine the further course of behavior:
- turn to a specialist who will help you open up, continue to enjoy life, and explain ways to overcome difficulties without the support of an aggressor husband;
- meet with your spouse only on neutral territory (in a crowded place), go to a meeting accompanied by a friend, relatives, or work colleagues;
- in case of divorce, consult a competent specialist and ask to study the documents;
- pay attention to children - the child’s psyche has difficulty accepting information about the parents’ breakup, it is recommended to say that dad has gone to work;
- not to be ashamed of what happened - tell friends and family the reason for the breakup, accept material, spiritual help, support;
- Don't be afraid to go to court. Condemnation of relatives is not a reason to refuse worthy punishment of an abusive spouse;
- do not pay attention to unfriendly whispers, condemnations, gossip behind your back - the condemnation of neighbors and friends is not enough to tolerate subsequent attacks of your husband’s aggression.
If a man raises his hand against a woman, psychology warns that aggression and vindictiveness are coming nearby. The spouse will certainly try to use force again, punishing for leaving. It is not recommended to be alone with your husband even for a minute - it is impossible to predict the consequences of carelessness.
Broken vase
Several years ago I was visiting my close friend Tatyana in a provincial town. “Meet my second husband, Sergei,” she introduced me to a quite pleasant young man ten years younger than her. For some reason, Tanya did not inform me about her new marriage in advance. Okay, a husband is a husband. Having recovered from the shock, she sat down at the table with them. At first, Sergei was courteous and polite, pouring wine for the ladies and telling jokes. Soon he became tipsy, his tone became suspiciously vulgar and cheeky.
Having pulled himself together quite a bit, Sergei grabbed a heavy bowl of fruit and threw it at Tanya’s head. She barely managed to dodge. The vase broke into pieces, peaches and grapes rolled on the floor...
Sergei picked up an ax that was lying in the corner. “So it’s like that,” he announced. “I’m going to see a friend now, I’ll be back in two hours.” If you don’t open it, I’ll cut down the door with an ax and hack you to death at the same time.” He slammed the door with all his might.
“Don’t be afraid, he won’t do anything!” - Tatiana swore. But she herself understood that staying in the house was dangerous. “Let’s go to my employee, there are only five stops on the tram.” We ran to the bus stop.
Correcting your husband - is it possible?
A woman’s desire to save her marriage by trying to change her husband’s behavior is understandable—ladies cannot imagine loneliness. Will it be possible to correct the behavior of the other half, how to stop aggressive manifestations on the part of the husband - questions to which it is recommended to seek answers with a specialist.
What to do if your husband hit you, is it worth forgiving, the advice of a psychologist will be indispensable for making the right decision. Experts warn: both spouses need to change.
A woman must realize that too much depends on the behavior of her wife. Get ready for difficulty right away. Supporting your husband in his endeavors, the ability to listen carefully, give advice, and avoid conflicts are a small part of the psychologist’s recommendations. To prove to your spouse by your behavior that your soulmate is nearby, regardless of success or life’s problems.
Criticism of a spouse is unacceptable, even if a man acts incorrectly, mistakes will lead to unpleasant situations. Forget past shortcomings, misdeeds - no reproaches! Frequent encouragement, praise, and flattering words are the only option for communication.
Psychology gives recommendations on how to change your spouse after situations in which a man beats a woman. A representative of the stronger sex must find a way to relieve emotions and direct aggressiveness in a different direction. There are two effective methods developed by psychologists.
The first option is to get out of the habit of asserting an opinion using assault. Learn to express thoughts and actions in words. It is enough to express dissatisfaction with your spouse and explain the reason for your anger - you won’t have to prove your case with your fists. Over time, you will be able to constantly express anger and resentment in words, and your behavior will become a habit.
The second method is simpler and does not require much effort. Intense sports - boxing, wrestling, football - will allow you to direct energy in a direction that is safe for your spouse. Having taken out his aggression on his opponent, the punching bag, the satisfied man will return home. There will be no thoughts left of proving superiority with fists.
Helpful advice! It is important for the spouse to avoid conflicts, even if there is dissatisfaction with the late return. A quarrel can become a drop that provokes new violence, despite the man’s fatigue.
Alcoholism and violence
Alcohol can change a man dramatically, allowing a man prone to aggression to behave inappropriately. Most domestic crimes occur due to alcoholism. Under the influence of alcohol, a husband can not only insult and beat his wife, but also cause serious injury and even death. An intoxicated husband cannot control his actions and does not think about the consequences.
In most cases, the husband refuses to seek medical help and turns into a chronic alcoholic. It becomes unpredictable and dangerous not only for the wife, but also for the children. They are forced to observe the behavior of a mentally unstable father, they can adopt his behavior and inherit aggressiveness. In addition, children may suffer from father's aggression.
Useful advice from psychologists
If a husband raised his hand against his wife, the psychologist’s advice will be useful and will help avoid provoking difficult situations. A specialist who, over the years of practice, has helped change his worldview and his life is Nikita Valerievich Baturin. The recommendations and experience of a psychologist-hypnologist are successfully used in practice by women, change the behavior of spouses, and restore former relationships. How possible is it to save the family if the husband hits his wife, what to do - the advice of psychologist Nikita Valerievich will provide invaluable help.
What to do, what to do if a husband beats his wife, advice from a psychologist:
- give up searching for a man’s aggression - only with the help of a specialist will it be possible to determine the provoking factor;
- It is not recommended to correct character flaws or fight violence on your own - together with a psychologist you will be able to choose an effective way to resist aggression;
- adhere to the line of behavior developed together with a specialist, do not engage in amateur activities - if a man hits a woman, psychology will help you choose the right path;
- make sure of the man’s desire to change family relationships for the better - if the spouse does not see the bad in attacks of aggression, it will not be possible to correct the husband;
- avoid conflicts - leave your spouse alone for a few hours, go shopping, visit your parents;
- do not respond to violence with violence - joint fights will end sadly.
It happens that a woman gets lost if her husband hits her, the psychologist’s advice turns out to be useless - the recommendations are forgotten and are not put into practice. It is important not to limit yourself to one visit to a specialist - in one or two sessions, says Nikita Valerievich Baturin, it will not be possible to develop an effective line of behavior.
Psychology has precise answers to the question of why a man beats a woman, but without consulting a specialist, there is no need to hope for a resumption of the relationship. Attacks of aggression on the part of a spouse are caused by factors that are difficult for a woman to determine on her own. Violence is stopped by eliminating the cause, otherwise the only way to avoid beatings is a complete severance of relations.
Does hitting you mean loving you?
This old saying has not been justified for a long time: showing aggression and beating is not a sign of love and excess of feelings, but a sign of the existence of problems in a relationship. But many men take this fact for granted (“I did something wrong, so I ended up with a frying pan! It’s my own fault!”) At the same time, men do not resist often, subconsciously understanding that the woman is weaker and will not cause much damage, but it seems to be easier for her , “let off some steam” and calm down. But due to this behavior and due to the general change in the balance of power in recent years, the number of domestic “rapists” has increased sharply. Women are increasingly taking on typical male tyrannical behavior. And psychologists note the number of cases of men turning to them regarding the issue of assault by their dearest wife and the impossibility of getting out of such situations on their own...
Features of the psychology of the aggressor
In the mind of a pathologically aggressive man, his actions are an adequate reaction caused by his wife’s incorrect behavior. For normal mental well-being, he needs a sacrifice, with the help of which he relieves emotional stress.
A woman is not chosen by chance: a man chooses a wife who will be dependent on him. An insecure woman who needs protection and is prone to self-accusation is ideal.
It doesn't matter whether the victim is defending himself or not. The husband perceives retaliatory aggression as a legalization of his own aggression. If the wife does not respond to attacks, accepting the role of the victim, the husband convinces himself that this state of affairs is normal. A man is afraid of losing his wife, he is attached to the victim, needs her. Therefore, after a beating, the husband always apologizes and promises to improve. Manipulates his wife's feelings, making her believe that this breakdown was the last.
Spouse's jealousy
Men say jealousy is the main cause of aggressive emotional breakdowns. To a certain extent, jealousy is inherent in all people, but a mentally healthy, adequate man can cope with jealousy and correct his behavior without transferring aggression to his partner.
An insecure husband prone to paranoia and pathological jealousy will look for signs of infidelity, even when there is no real reason. He doesn’t need a real reason; he is guided by a distorted idea of married life. For a jealous person, physical violence is a way to mark their territory. The husband can beat and intimidate his wife, making others understand that the wife is his property, and it is better for potential lovers to stay away.
Features of the psychology of the victim
In psychology, victimized (sacrificial) behavior is a special behavioral strategy characteristic of weak, dependent people. Victimized women behave childishly and are afraid to take responsibility, make important decisions, and take an active position in life.
Various factors lead to the formation of victimized behavior in girls. These include:
- physical violence from parents;
- school bullying, insults;
- physical, mental illnesses;
- an authoritarian father who forces him to adhere to a victimized line of behavior;
- physical or sexual violence from a guy.
The manifestation of victim traits in a woman attracts a man prone to sadistic behavior to her. Realizing that the victim will not resist, the man uses her insecurity and low self-esteem to selfishly satisfy his inadequate needs.
