Mistresses evoke contempt among others, especially among married ladies, who believe that their husband will never get involved with such persons. Until a woman herself falls under the spell of a married man, she will condemn such behavior. Moreover, the representatives of the stronger sex themselves do not miss an opportunity to joke about the moral character of their mistresses and consider them unprincipled individuals.
In practice, we have a different picture: about 90% of men have had at least one affair throughout their entire family life. About a quarter lie pathologically and regularly cheat on their wives, and 5% live in two families. Such statistics confirm that, despite the general condemnation of adultery, men continue to have mistresses, and women are increasingly becoming one. Why is this happening? And who is a mistress for a married man?
Why do wives cheat?
Many perceive male adultery as the norm, attributing everything to physiology and polygamy. They have many signals: they want change, they want to express sexual energy and just have fun. Many people don’t even think that a guy’s betrayal counts.
But girls are usually treated more demandingly, and therefore they are accustomed to hiding an affair more carefully. Let's figure out where it comes from. The usual “excuses” for men are unacceptable here:
- Sexual attraction at the level of instinct - women are more likely to focus on feelings and emotions.
- Novelty is repulsive, because they are attracted to stability.
- Self-affirmation - no, because only a guy can assert himself, and for a girl such a reputation will only become offensive.
It is interesting to note that the real reasons are strongly related to the marital relationship. Common reasons why a married woman falls in love with a married or single man:
- Poor relationship with your spouse, lack of affection, care, tenderness and sense of security. Psychological discomfort.
- Lack of attention: the husband does not notice the new haircut or new clothes. He spends all his time in the garage under the car or in the company of his friends, leaving his wife to while away the lonely evenings.
- Revenge. What if the man has already been caught in adultery? Of course, many go through this stage, forgive, try to forget, but subconsciously there is a certainty that the traitor should be punished.
- Dissatisfaction in intimate life. Sometimes the spouse stops performing marital duty altogether or performs it, caring exclusively about his own pleasure - no foreplay, prolonged caresses, romance or gratification of sexual desires. The second common option is satiety with monotony.
- Lack of emotions. Sometimes it happens like this: boring, the same, stable. I want adventure, like in a romantic film - an explosion, a storm, but at home everything is ordinary. Everyday life eats up men too - they stop expressing their feelings, which leads to a complete emotional vacuum in the family.
- Finding the perfect love or a prince on a white horse. Often marriage occurs after an unplanned pregnancy or for other reasons, when they hoped for “endure and fall in love.” But all the years of marriage they are looking for that one and only.
- Love. An outburst of intense mutual feelings can lead to an affair.
Why do mistresses still exist?
Human psychology is designed in such a way that people cannot be content with little. It is unlikely that this is read by monks and ascetics who are accustomed to living on water and bread, while everyone else has the concept of “more and more of everything.” Yes, we do not live in the 14th century, when it was shameful to be a wench at the age of 17, and if a young man had not yet decided on his chosen one before he was 20, he was considered unlucky.
But even now these ossified concepts of morality and morality make themselves felt, and refer us to Noah’s Ark with the phrase “There are two for every creature.” But a person can be polygamous by nature and is not used to being content with little, especially as regards men.
Research has shown that more than 80% of men have had more than one sexual partner, which means that their number could grow exponentially. Some are stopped by starting a family, some are not, but the position of the mistresses themselves is more interesting here. They know that they are not in the foreground, they know that they play the role of a kind of “outlet,” but they still maintain a relationship with such a man. And there are three reasons: strong love, material gain and personal revenge.
If everything is clear with the first two by name, then the third is worth explaining. Vendetta can be committed against one’s own man, the woman’s “lover,” and even fate itself for some kind of grievance. Through such immoral behavior, from the point of view of society, mistresses take their revenge.
Reasons why a married man loves a married woman
Most husbands are not going to divorce. As I noted, they do not see anything wrong with betrayal, so they treat their mistress with ease, as temporary entertainment.
If a girl is unmarried, she intuitively hopes for the continuation of the relationship and its legalization. She has a lot of free time that can be spent on calls, messages, meetings. They are more interested in gifts and constant attention.
A married woman, on the contrary, is different:
- Unpretentiousness: she is satisfied with her current situation, she does not want to change anything.
- The desire to give all the love and tenderness, she is an experienced woman, she already knows a lot, she does not strive to play a role that is inaccessible.
- The need to hide relationships. She will not gossip or tell her colleagues and friends.
- Material considerations. It’s simply impossible to give expensive gifts - after all, how will she tell her legal husband about the new acquisition.
The main reasons for external relationships
The reasons for betrayal are banal, but this does not cease to be relevant.
Most often, a man takes a mistress between the ages of 35 and 40, when he experiences another life crisis of values. At this age, many men reconsider their lives and realize that the best half of it has passed. At the same time, many never felt passion in a relationship. All these thoughts draw a man to search for a hot woman with whom they will experience true love and prove to themselves that they are still young and can do a lot.
With a mistress, especially one who is much younger than him, men feel full of strength, charming and ready for exploits. They often experience all this forbidden passion very acutely, and adrenaline increases the pleasure of betrayal.
Also, often a man finds in his mistress the woman whose ideal he created in his youth. A beautiful, smart, carefree and experienced lady is worth her weight in gold to such men. The relationship may last for more than one year, and the wife may not find out about such a relationship until the divorce.
What does a married woman want from a married man and why does she prefer him?
In general, the reasons are similar. But jealousy is mixed in. Bachelors have a strong sense of ownership; they are not used to sharing a girl with anyone, even if the legal spouse is claiming. They will express dissatisfaction in every possible way; in case of a breakup, they may even threaten or blackmail.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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A lover who has a spouse will not be jealous, because he himself is in a similar state. He will not make a scene, blackmail, or publicize a secret affair, because he will have to divorce his wife first.
Another “minus” of bachelors is that they need a lot of free time spent together. In addition, the lack of commitment leads to the fact that they have a less regular sex life and uncontrolled sexual intercourse becomes more frequent.
Another advantage of married people is that they are reliable, accustomed to keeping their promised words, and acting appropriately, in accordance with the situation.
We conclude: if a lover and mistress are both married, they are more confident in each other and know how to relax and distract themselves from everyday problems together.
Why do men break up with their mistresses?
Most often this happens when the relationship has outlived its usefulness and reached a dead end. The mistress was tired of being a thing, a toy in the hands of others, or she wanted to legitimize the relationship. A man always reacts nervously to such requests and in most cases it would never occur to him to divorce his wife because of a passing infatuation. Such a conflict will lead to an inevitable separation, before which the mistress, out of revenge, may well tell the man’s wife about his betrayal.
A man, for his part, will not leave his mistress if she performs her functions regularly and with joy. Such a relationship can last more than one year. He will leave the girl only if he gets tired of her or if he finds a new hobby. Male psychology in relationships with a mistress directly suggests that a man is always the initiator of a breakup. In one case, he can leave the woman himself, and in another, under her pressure, if she wants to become more than a random girl for him.
How to deal with a married lover
Girls should be careful and not leave traces of their presence, and also not count on too much. In 95 percent of cases, he will not get divorced and will not propose marriage to you. I will give specific recommendations.
Behavior rules
- Insist on meetings on neutral territory.
- Never use his wife’s things - do not use perfumes, hygiene products, cosmetics.
- Do not call first, do not write SMS or messages on social networks. Your best option is not to leave any written evidence of affection.
- Don't demand too much: family is always more important.
If you are confused and find yourself in a difficult situation, I recommend signing up for my consultation. I will listen to your problems, give advice and recommendations.
We begin the return of the lost3
First, you should realize that, after all, a mistress is not a thing, not a consolation for your problems and worries, but a living person. This may seem funny, but most men don't even think about it. According to statistics, only 40 out of 1000 women are ready to return to the men with whom they were mistresses. The most important thing will be to understand yourself - what you want from life and specifically from this person. If your goal is to walk, feed, drink and sleep, you are not on the right track.
If you call her by pronouns, you also took a wrong turn. If you read this text and found yourself in it, below are step-by-step instructions on how to get your lover back.
Benefits of being a lover
- This is an easy relationship - there is no need to give reports, promises, you can break it off at any time. No guilt, only freedom.
- A rich experience. How can you find out the type of man that suits you if you don’t try to get closer to him?
- Have a nice stay. The beloved on the side receives more entertainment, cafes and even trips to resorts than the legal spouse. Enjoy life without obligations.
- Rest from household duties. You will open the buttons on the shirt, and someone else will sew them on. How to cook borscht, wash socks, iron suits.
- Fresh emotions, including from extreme sports.
- Material support. Often a man strives to provide for his beloved. You can expect even such large gifts as a car or an apartment from a well-to-do businessman.
When both lovers are married
This kind of relationship, unfortunately, is not uncommon, and this connection does not always complicate life for partners.
