Cheating - good or bad: psychology of relationships, reasons for cheating, advice from psychologists

• November 10, 2018
• Psychology of relationships
• Marina Pislegina

What is treason? Is it good or bad when one of the partners starts looking for someone on the side? Many people believe that having sex with someone else while having a husband or wife is simply immoral.

Moreover, betrayal for most people is a betrayal that can hardly be forgiven, much less forgotten. It is for this reason that more than half of marriages break up. You will learn more detailed information on this issue while reading this article.

A short introduction

What is treason? Is this good or bad? The answers to these questions are of interest to many people, especially those who have experienced this themselves. So, betrayal is nothing more than the betrayal of a loved one. After all, only someone who was trusted more than themselves can betray. As a rule, these are loved ones and relatives.

If a man cheats on his wife, then in most cases the latter will be able to forgive him and simply turn a blind eye to her husband’s infidelity. However, many representatives of the stronger sex believe that if a beloved woman had intimate intimacy with another, then their relationship is forever destroyed and nothing can be returned back. But is this really so?

If one person truly loves another, then he will be able to forgive him. In addition, some psychologists believe that cheating helps strengthen relationships between partners who have been together for a very long time. True, most people think differently.

a brief description of

Is cheating good or bad? Many experts cannot give a definite answer to the question posed.

From a moral point of view, betrayal is a very bad act, after which it is no longer possible to regain the previous trust in a person. For example, the wife believed that her husband loved and adored her madly, and at that time he had intimate relations with several other women.

But if you look at betrayal from the other side? What can you notice? Men cheat, in particular, for the reason that they simply do not have enough sexual relations with their other half. Therefore, representatives of the stronger half of humanity begin to look to the left. In addition, constant scandals with his wife, her not very pleasant appearance and extra pounds also take their toll. After all, an unkempt housewife who is only busy with cooking and cleaning will not look the same as an attractive employee of a company owned by her husband.

Therefore, in order for a husband not to cheat on his wife, she must always be beautiful and well-groomed, and not deny him sex. This rule must be remembered.

My husband asks me to change what to do in this situation

My husband wants me to cheat on him because it turns him on

You should be prepared for the fact that your marriage will fall apart after this, and there may be two reasons for this. In the first case, the spouse realizes that his desire was actually interesting and exciting only in the imagination, and not in real life, and as a result, he will begin to reproach you for your compliance. In the second situation, you may feel disgusted, realizing that your husband deliberately “gave” you to another man, and this calls into question all his feelings for you.

Such a decision will not have negative consequences if your husband’s desire is fully conscious, and you yourself dream of such a sexual experience. In addition, each of you should perceive such intimacy as a game, receiving physical pleasure, and nothing more.

The husband cheats and does not demand fidelity

If your husband himself cheats on you, and at the same time gives the “green light” for your betrayal, think carefully about whether you need this. The spouse in this situation is quite understandable - he is well aware that adultery is not welcome in society, if you also go for it, then in case something happens, it will not look as unseemly as with a faithful spouse. On the other hand, perhaps he doesn't look that far and simply doesn't care about any connections you have with other men - most likely, your marriage is based on anything but love.

How does a woman's infidelity manifest itself?

According to most people who think whether betrayal is good or bad, the infidelity of one of the partners is a great sin. Not everyone can forgive betrayal. And there is an explanation for this.

Moreover, sometimes situations occur when not only men, but also women cheat. This happens due to the fact that the fair sex does not receive proper attention from their spouse or are categorically dissatisfied with their family life.

In certain cases, women cheat because they simply fall in love with another man, who surrounded them with the care and tenderness that was so lacking before. This also happens. Often, because of sudden love, even the strongest marriages are destroyed.

But how can a husband identify the signs of his wife’s infidelity? The psychology of the fair sex is designed in such a way that they can hide a relationship with another man from their permanent partner for a long time. However, the husband may feel that his wife is unfaithful to him. This manifests itself in the fact that a woman who cheats on her regular partner with another man simply moves away from him and becomes cold and insensitive towards her husband.

Cheating on your husband: the pros and cons of relationships on the side

Of course, in such a delicate situation, the pros and cons can be very relative, but we will consider the most common cases.

Possible benefits of cheating

• You can sort out the feelings.
  Usually, cheating on her husband allows a woman to determine for herself exactly what she feels for him. As a rule, if before this she still has doubts, then after intimacy with another man any doubts still disappear. The cheater either regrets what she did, realizing that she betrayed a loved one and this could have been avoided, or she is finally convinced that she has no feelings for her husband for a long time.
• New love.
  It is not at all uncommon for a woman to decide to cheat on her husband and find new love. However, feelings for another man from an unfaithful wife, as a rule, arise before intimacy with him, and direct physical contact only helps to make the final decision. Surely, you yourself have heard stories when a husband or wife, having cheated in marriage, leaves for a new partner, and subsequently happily builds a new family.

Possible disadvantages of cheating

• Pangs of conscience.
  Often, cheating is not easy for most women; for this to happen, the wife must be really very angry with her husband, disappointed or captivated by new feelings. Be that as it may, over time, many of the cheaters begin to understand that this situation could have been avoided, and, in any case, their act is very doubtful.
• Damaged reputation.
  It also happens that adultery becomes known not only to the husband, but also to some third parties. Of course, this circumstance most often damages the reputation of any woman, even if it seems to her that there was more than a good reason for such an act. Subsequently, this fact may negatively affect communication with relatives, career, or possible subsequent relationships.
• Venereal diseases.
  Of course, we should not forget about such a prosaic situation. Very rarely, when going into intimate contact with someone, a person assumes in advance that he might “catch” some kind of sexually transmitted disease; usually this happens quite unexpectedly. By the way, it is often precisely because of this fact that adultery is revealed.

In addition

Many women are afraid that their husband will find out about the affair and file for divorce. Therefore, wanting to save the family, despite remorse, the latter still hide their relationship with another man from their permanent partner.

Women who cheat on their husbands begin to devote more time to their appearance, can spend hours on social networks, and also set a password on their phone so that the husband cannot read messages or answer calls. People are all different, and a noticeable change in a wife’s behavior may not always indicate infidelity to her partner. Everything will depend on the situation.

Unnecessary problems

On one of the forums, a woman spoke about her own situation. The heroine of the story is 24 years old. She has been married to her husband for 5 years. During this time, 2 children appeared in the family. The lady works for an airline, takes care of herself, and manages to look after the kids. One day a woman found out about her husband’s betrayal. The blow was strong.

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The woman is not going to get a divorce. However, she decided to conduct a small experiment. The lady began to communicate more actively with other men. All the gentlemen knew about her real marital status. But this did not stop anyone from offering to transfer correspondence in the messenger to a “horizontal” direction. Moreover, such proposals came even from 50-year-old Don Juans. The woman realized that the option “going crazy” was definitely not an option. The lady eventually rejected all the men. One of the gentlemen continues to show persistent signs of attention.

A little about male infidelity

In fact, for the majority of representatives of the stronger half of humanity, sex with another woman is not something special. Many men do not even perceive any affair with a pretty girl as cheating. Well, it was and was. True, there are those who specifically take on mistresses.

Some wives, having learned that their spouse has another woman, begin to pack their things and file for divorce. After all, betrayal is bad not only from the point of view of morality and morality. And for many women, the infidelity of a loved one can be the end of a long and strong relationship. But this doesn't always happen. And although cheating is bad, married women often turn a blind eye to their husband’s unworthy behavior. After all, not a single married lady wants to become a “divorcee” and raise children alone (if they are married).

Main reasons

Many people often wonder why spouses begin to cheat on their significant other? The answer will depend on the specific situation.

Men cheat only to find something new for themselves. Many husbands are so tired of the constant reproaches of their wives that they think that with another partner everything will be different. Although the reason for a bad relationship with his wife most often lies in himself.

How does a man feel after cheating? The psychology of representatives of the stronger half of humanity is designed in such a way that after a sexual relationship with another lady, a young man can feel discomfort from betrayal and euphoria at the same time. But this manifests itself differently for everyone.

Some men, after cheating, begin to shower their wives with gifts, others become more passionate in bed, and others simply pull away and are completely immersed in a new intimate relationship with a secret partner. It all depends on the person himself.

What do betrayals lead to on a psychological level?

Betrayal, which is important, “hits” a person’s self-esteem too much, from which not only the victim in this situation suffers, but also the traitor himself.

For each partner, the pain of betrayal will manifest itself differently. However, both of them will experience far from pleasant feelings.

How to survive your husband's betrayal: kill or forgive?

How do people feel after cheating?

The consequences of betrayal at the level of psychological state are very strong, and often lead to loss of self-control of partners.

Moreover, against the backdrop of such a strong emotional defeat, people are prone to committing many rash acts.

An example from history of how much influence betrayal has on a person

So that you can be convinced of the “severity” of the consequences of betrayal, I will give an example of the life path of a literary character - Anna Karenina.
Her life story was interesting, but, alas, with a sad ending.

Being married to a man much older than herself, Anna falls in love with a young and charming man - Count Vronsky. Having cheated on her husband, Anna realizes that her feelings for her husband come down to nothing but respect. She becomes Vronsky's mistress. Moreover, she is expecting a child from him, although she already had a son in her marriage.

When her husband realizes that Anna is lying to him, he threatens her with separation from her son and forces her to pretend to be a family idyll.

At the time of Anna's birth from Vronsky, the husband took pity and decided to forgive his wife, accepting her child. However, this did not lead to happiness.

Anna remains between several fires at the same time: she yearns for her son, is jealous of Vronsky, cannot tolerate her husband and has a newborn baby in her arms.

In the end, she cannot withstand the pressure of her own conscience and the public and throws herself under the train. Her young life is fading away at this moment.

Was it worth sacrificing yourself for the sake of betrayal? How many destinies have been broken due to the infidelity of a spouse? What is the fault of children who are left without a mother?

There is one answer to these questions - betrayal, whether hidden or open, always leads to unpleasant consequences. Cheating is a deception that cannot be hidden indefinitely. Sooner or later he comes out and ruins people's destinies.

How to find out

Most often, women try to determine by their man’s behavior that he has begun to cheat. But sometimes representatives of the stronger half of humanity try so hard to hide it that the spouses simply do not realize it.

However, there are certain signs that a man is cheating. The psychology of the behavior of an unfaithful spouse is manifested in the following:

• he stays late at work (although this is not always an indicator);
• set a password on his phone (which means he has something to hide from his wife);
• began to pay a lot of attention to his appearance and clothes (including underwear);
• he constantly talks on the phone and says that they are calling him at work (but the voice on the phone is heard as female);
• changed the password on social networks;
• the husband, who was very domestic, suddenly began to have constant business trips;
• he spends all his time on the phone;
• he is not interested in the lives of his children and wife;
• began to give gifts to his wife for no reason;
• traces of lipstick on the jacket and shirt (this is an obvious sign that the husband has a mistress);
• became very passionate or, on the contrary, very cold in bed and refuses intimacy with his wife.

Of course, all people are different, and a man’s mood may change not because he has someone. There may be problems at work, or he is simply tired and needs to rest. Therefore, you should not take everything literally.

Experts' opinion

And if one of the spouses nevertheless admitted to the other that he had cheated, should he be forgiven? It all depends on the specific situation.

Many psychologists believe that people need time to understand whether they need to forgive betrayal or not. Of course, if the unfaithful spouse realized everything and asked for forgiveness, then you can try to give him a chance. Although it is not a fact that this will not happen again.

What happens to a woman after her husband cheats? The psychology of behavior of a deceived wife manifests itself in such a way that she, as a rule, does not know what to do in the current situation. At first, the girl experiences pain and disappointment, and a reluctance to even see the cheater. But then everything goes away. And most women easily forgive their husbands’ betrayal and continue to live as if nothing had happened. It all depends on the specific situation.

If a man cheated and left for another, then should he be forgiven? Psychologists say that you need to try, but you don’t have to forgive your offender. Therefore, if the wife from whom her husband left cannot immediately forgive him, then there is no need to do this. It is possible that he simply does not deserve it.

But what to do in a situation where the husband first left for another woman, and then realized that he loved his wife and wanted to come back? Is it worth forgiving him, much less accepting him back? This is something every woman decides for herself. Spouses can seek help from a family psychologist. It is possible that the latter will help them find a way out of a difficult situation.

I want to cheat on my husband, what should I do?

One day a woman may be faced with a persistent desire to cheat on her husband. Some cope with this impulse, while others still decide to be unfaithful. Be that as it may, if such a desire nevertheless arises, then you need to find out its reasons. It is quite possible that after understanding the situation, you will change your mind about taking such a step.

You need to find out the reasons why you want to cheat on your husband

Sex has become less enjoyable over the years

It is quite possible that intimate intimacy with a spouse, after years of marriage, has ceased to bring as much pleasure as it did before - everything has become predictable, routine and not particularly interesting. In general, this is a very common situation in many married couples, and is completely preventable or solvable if both partners wish. Unfortunately, both partners are not always ready to work on improving their intimate life, and then one of them still commits adultery.

My husband is no longer attractive as a man

Some women, like men, stop monitoring their appearance, habits and behavior in marriage, which is why their “other halves” simply stop perceiving them as an attractive sexual object. If at first, men carefully prepare for a date with their beloved, and in the first weeks of marriage they do not allow themselves unnecessary habits and phrases, then over time this often changes. Often a woman marries a gallant, pleasantly smelling, caring and well-groomed lover, but by the wedding anniversary she realizes that she lives with a sullen boor who sometimes neglects the general rules of hygiene, basic etiquette and general neatness. For a rare woman, such changes have an exciting effect, and more and more often she begins to pay attention to other representatives of the opposite sex.

The husband has grown cold

Alas, some women are pushed into cheating by their husbands by their own behavior. Noticing that their spouse has ceased to perceive them as a desired sexual object, many women become upset and, in desperation, try to find confirmation of their attractiveness by starting a relationship with another man. Sometimes this is done for the sake of raising damaged self-esteem, and sometimes solely due to an acute lack of intimacy.

After giving birth I gained weight and am ashamed of myself

As you know, the first time after childbirth, a woman does not look the same as she did before pregnancy. Some manage to recover quickly, but a significant number of young mothers cannot regain their former shape for a long time. As a result, such a woman begins to be embarrassed by her appearance and avoid intimacy with her husband. It is noteworthy that in this case it is easier to decide on sex with a stranger - she is less concerned about how he perceives her figure, and besides, the new lover is probably not will be able to compare “Before and After”.

Never experienced an orgasm in marriage

Sometimes a woman is pushed into cheating solely by a physiological reason - the lack of orgasms in marital sex, or their great rarity. It is possible that she had not been able to regularly achieve orgasms before, or the reason was that her husband turned out to be an extremely inept sexual partner. Be that as it may, both of these facts, as well as the desire to achieve physical satisfaction in bed with a man, may well push the wife into the arms of her lover.

Make a firm decision about how you will live after the betrayal.

If you are determined to cheat, then it is important to think in advance about how the situation will develop after this. You should understand that after such a step, life will not remain the same, and you will have to adapt to its changes. Think over any outcome - will you be able to continue living with your husband after this, will you be able to hide your infidelity, will your conscience not torment you, and so on.

Everything to eradicate the desire for betrayal

However, it is in your best interest to do everything possible to eradicate the desire to cheat on your spouse. This is not at all about continuing to live as before, despite your dissatisfaction with the marriage. Try doing things differently! If you understand that you are ready to cheat because you don’t love your husband, then find a way to break these family ties. If the desire for adultery arose solely because of temporary difficulties in marriage or misunderstanding, then it makes sense to try to solve these troubles and preserve feelings.

Why do women cheat

It's no secret that many men do not value their wives at all. Moreover, as time passes, they completely stop paying attention to them. And women want attention and affection. Everything is quite simple.

How does a woman cheat? The psychology of the behavior of an unfaithful wife may not be entirely clear. On the one hand, the lady becomes cold and insensitive towards her husband, but at the same time, the latter will try to hide the betrayal from her chosen one.

What will this behavior lead to? Sooner or later she will admit to cheating, or her husband will figure it out himself.

Why do women start cheating on their spouses? This only happens because of the inattention or bad attitude of men towards their wives.

A woman cheats because she is looking for something better, and a man cheats because he wants to find something new. The difference here is, of course, obvious. Therefore, if a woman feels loved and desired, she will never cheat on her husband. All men should know about this.

How not to cheat in marriage - advice from a psychologist

• Talk more.
  Often, infidelity in marriage is the result of some kind of misunderstanding. Spouses do not dare to tell each other about their desires, fantasies, claims, problems, and so on. Gradually this leads to distance. In families where the husband and wife directly talk about what worries them and together begin to look for a solution, the percentage of infidelity is much lower. If you learn not only to talk about your difficulties, but also to eradicate them, then there will simply be no place for infidelity in your marriage.
• Be careful.
  In families where spouses are attentive to each other, cheating is practically impossible; if you think that your husband is not caring enough towards you, try to change this by setting the right example for him. Try to participate in many aspects of his life, often praise him for any achievements, pay attention to his merits, and over time he himself will try to become better, live up to your praise, and give you attention in return.
• Diversify your intimate life.
  Often, betrayal occurs due to banal insipidity in the intimate life of spouses. Unfortunately, this insipidity occurs due to the fact that the husband and wife simply do not share their desires and fantasies with each other, do not talk about what they do not like, and do not themselves try to diversify marital sex. There are many effective ways to maintain passion in marriage, and if you take some of them into account - experiments in bed, initiative, changing images, frank conversations, and so on - then you will not have to face infidelity in the family.

How to forgive

In a relationship where cheating has occurred, everything either starts all over again or ends forever. For some very principled people, this is a betrayal. But living with a traitor under the same roof and building a family is very difficult, almost impossible.

In order to continue your relationship with your husband or wife after cheating, you must first forgive your loved one. Yes, for many it is difficult and almost impossible, but it is necessary. Otherwise the relationship will end.

By the way, spouses can live separately for some time in order to feel how important and necessary they are to each other. This is necessary in such a difficult situation. After time has passed, you can think about how to forgive the person. To continue with him or not. After all, as time passes, there will be no more acute resentment, and it is possible that the relationship will improve again.

A person should be given a second chance only if he himself wants it. If a man leaves and does not want to return, then the woman needs to let him go and forget. And the main thing is to forgive and build your life further without him.

More

It is not always possible for a woman to immediately see signs of betrayal in her husband’s behavior. The psychology of relationships between married couples is based on mutual trust, which means that the spouse simply does not want to see and hear the truth that her loved one is unfaithful to her. It is possible that this has its advantages. After all, many men cheat on their women, but at the same time maintain their families, and only a few leave in search of something better, and then return back. A lot depends on the wisdom and patience of a woman.

Physiological consequences of infidelity

The betrayal of your partner, which you learned about, causes changes at the physiological level. Your nervous system and cognitive perception are primarily affected. Adrenaline and other stress hormones affect the sympathetic nervous system and lead to increased arousal and restlessness. Signs of betrayal appear even where there are none. You lose sleep and feel tired from an endless stream of intrusive thoughts and constantly popping up memories and images.

But there may also be a reverse reaction. To protect you from pain and emotional overload, the body releases endogenous opioid peptides, which act on us like morphine. It’s as if we fall into hibernation, withdraw into ourselves and lose interest in relationships and activities that previously brought pleasure and energized us.

It’s impossible to gather your strength because you practically don’t have any. Thoughts are scattered. In this state, you cannot concentrate, perform useless actions, or sit staring at one point.