A man disappeared without explanation: reasons, difficulties, rules of behavior and advice from psychologists

October 31, 2018
Psychology of relationships
Liliya Chuyas

The man disappeared without explanation... Almost every modern girl has been in such a situation. By the way, its external and internal characteristics have nothing to do with it. Even the most beautiful girls with ideal parameters are abandoned by men without explanation. It doesn’t matter how long you were together - several weeks or years. Undoubtedly, such an act on the part of a man cannot be called masculine.

Every girl, finding herself in such an ugly situation, will look for the reasons for this behavior of her significant other. Let's find out together why men leave silently, without explanation.

You will understand everything yourself - so it seems to him

Crisis is an inevitable event in every long-term relationship. If a difficult situation drags on in a couple, then sooner or later the man will leave. A woman usually thinks through every farewell word so as not to hurt the man. But the representative of the stronger sex himself thinks a little differently.

He doesn’t understand why an extra farewell conversation with a showdown is needed. After all, everything is clear.

The man took the phone number and disappeared after the first date, meeting, sex

Let's look at a specific example. He saw you in a minibus passing by. I ran for a whole block, and at the bus stop I got into a minibus and took your phone number. At the same time, the man was sober and adequate. Is it romance?

You have agreed on an upcoming meeting in the evening. You prepared all day, imagined the meeting... But two weeks have passed, and he hasn’t texted or called. Attention, question: why did he need a phone number? It's a shame? Annoying? But it's not okay. Let’s look at why the man stopped communicating without explanation and didn’t call back.

So, the main reasons:

He over-wanted: the man’s romantic mood passed, and he simply forgot about his heroic and adventurous deed. Perhaps he is too lazy to start a relationship again. You need to try to please her, make surprises, take the girl to cafes and restaurants. In general, the guy analyzed the upcoming “hardships” and decided that it was not worth it.
The number was not saved or the numbers were written incorrectly. Well then. Sometimes it happens. If he really liked you, then he will return to that stop, travel the same route to see you again.
Married or in a relationship, but couldn’t resist meeting such a beauty. Then he thought it over carefully, deciding not to get involved in treason. Another option is also possible: he hid your phone number well and is waiting for the right opportunity when he quarrels with his wife or girlfriend again.
I met you on a bet. He needed a phone number as proof. It was like a trophy that a man had to show off to his friends.
He urgently needed to sleep with someone, and you refused to go anywhere with him. He understood everything, but took the phone number for the sake of decency.
I was disappointed that you gave him your phone number so quickly. I thought you were easily accessible. And the man wanted to go through a so-called romantic quest like “on Sunday at 7 pm I will be doing fitness in such and such a gym, if you want, you can find me there.” For some men, overcoming such difficulties is much more interesting. Remember? The Forbidden fruit is sweet.

If a man disappears after the first sex, then perhaps the reason is hormones. For example, in women, after intimacy, the level of oxytocin in the body increases. This hormone is responsible for the feeling of happiness. But a man’s testosterone decreases after pleasant words and tenderness. To restore his strength and hormonal balance, a man sets out for new “exploits”.

The second reason: the man feels guilty. If he initiated sex on the first date or intimacy occurred too early, in his opinion, then he feels guilty. This feeling “eats” him from the inside. It is difficult for him to talk about his feelings with you. The decision to leave is the fastest and easiest.

Third reason: he got more than he expected. A man by nature is a winner who wants to constantly conquer new heights. He must realize that he has earned the right to be with you with great difficulty. And if sex happened too quickly, then he simply won’t be interested in you further. Still, it has already been conquered.

Why men disappear without explanation: men's opinions

Women believe that men are primitive creatures. One cannot expect adequate analytical solutions from them. However, it is not. If a man disappears without explanation, then he can explain everything to himself.

So, the men's explanations:

For every man, appearance and matching the mentality of a woman are important. If on the first date a man does not introduce you as his future wife and mother of his children, he will soon disappear. Why should he waste his time?
A man only needs sex and the emotions that a woman gives. If you are not attracted to him sexually, then communication ends quickly.
The smell of perfume, an insufficiently slender figure, the timbre of the voice are factors that can scare a man away. But that doesn't mean you're the problem. Another man will like all your advantages, but this one will run away in a couple of minutes if he finds you have a lot of shortcomings.
He will not attract such an expensive woman like you. If you come on a date wearing a mink coat and an expensive leather bag, then the man immediately compares his capabilities with your desires. He comes to the conclusion that he will not be able to provide for you the way you are used to.

You've talked a lot about past relationships. The man will conclude that you have not yet let go of the past; there is no place for it in the present. Therefore, it will disappear soon, giving you a chance to understand yourself.
You're pretty drunk after a couple of cocktails. Of course, this can happen to every girl. However, a man may not like it, so he will “merge” soon.

Women's mistakes that lead to relationship breakdowns

The banal phrase “It’s not about you, it’s about me” is often far from reality. A man will not abandon an ideal woman who is completely satisfied; on the contrary, he will do everything possible to be close to her. If a young man suddenly disappears, think about whether you made serious mistakes . These may include:

Forcing events. You’ve only sat in a cafe a couple of times, and you’re already coming up with names for your children together and telling them that you’d like to invite Aunt Klava from Germany to the wedding. The man is not yet thinking about something serious, so such activity scares him.
Behavior that a man considers wrong. For example, you drink a lot, smoke, or your speech contains obscenities. It’s easier for him to immediately reject such a girl than to try to re-educate her.
Quick sex. If a guy drags you into bed too quickly, for example, on the first date, then his ardor may simply fade away. And why does he need a girl who is ready to have sex with a virtual stranger for a serious relationship?

Here are the main female mistakes that a girl makes at the very beginning, risking losing a man.

READ How to painlessly part with a loved one: advice from a psychologist

Why he doesn’t explain: the basics of male psychology

Every wise girl should know the psychology of men in order to rise from a simple girl to the status of a beloved, wife and mother of his children.

So, let's look at the basics of male psychology:

The man does not admit his mistakes. Every representative of the stronger sex wants to be the best. He does not want to hear from a woman that he did something wrong. A man wants to see admiration in the eyes of his girlfriend. If a woman constantly “itches” about his wrong behavior, then sooner or later he will go to the one who will literally look into his mouth.
Long-term relationships are not about men. Girls often think about potential marriage. And a man values his freedom. Only someone deeply in love will insist on marriage and living together.
A man needs specifics. Usually he does not understand subtle hints and hidden requests. The man is not a psychic; he cannot read your thoughts. Explain specifically about your experiences and desires. Speak openly. And evading the truth and specifics will lead to the man simply disappearing.
Emotions are not his thing. Men are quite stingy with emotions. If a representative of the stronger sex has troubles, he will tell about them in a few days. There is no need to touch him or question him if he comes home in a bad mood. Sooner or later he will tell you anyway. The main thing is to feed him and put him to bed.

It is impossible to change a man's psychology. Be patient and sincere with him. Only in this case will you find the long-awaited female happiness.

A man disappears and appears again

This situation is quite common. If a man disappears without explanation, and a few days later appears again, then the woman cannot find a place for herself. She will torment herself with doubts, guesses and intensely search for the reason within herself. Such “swings” can continue for a long time.

Here are some tips on what to do:

Think about what can be improved. Perhaps you often quarrel with him over trifles. He is tired of swearing and jealousy on your part. If he comes back, then he has sincere feelings for you. Perhaps you should change your behavior? Or wait until another man comes your way, understanding and reasonable. The choice is yours.
He only wants sex. When a man wants intimacy, he comes. When you hint at a serious relationship, he runs away. This will continue until you get tired of it. Try not to let him into the house. See how he behaves.
He's an introvert. A man rarely shows his emotions; he needs to be alone for a long time. He is used to maintaining his space and comfort. Do you need such a man or not? The choice is yours.

If a woman accepts this attitude towards herself, it means she likes it.

At the beginning of a serious relationship, when the couple does not yet live in the same territory

Your relationship is filled with romance - you wish each other good night, know your parents, plan a future together, meet mutual friends on weekends... And the man suddenly disappears without explanation.

What could be on his mind?

It seems to him that the relationship has nowhere else to develop. Everything is a dead end, the end. It’s logical, but the development is obvious - wedding, family, children. But no! We don't want to take responsibility!
The woman has become predictable and boring. By the way, this happens quite often, so women's magazines shout from all sides about how important it is not to lose yourself.
Doubts his feelings. Here the man disappears for about a week - during this time he fully comes to the realization of how dear you are to him.
Usual manipulations. A man does such tricks in order to teach his chosen one a lesson.
It seems to a man that you are not suitable for him or that the relationship is not developing according to the scenario that he has drawn for himself. Why didn't I understand earlier? He understood everything before, he simply delayed the decision, giving some imaginary chance to both of you. Then I got tired and saw that after all, no – you are completely different people.
It seems to a man that disappearing in silence is the act of a real male, for whom words are superfluous. Girls need to immediately adopt this trait, otherwise this will become the norm in later life.
He likes this adrenaline, passion, your angry look, stormy reconciliatory sex. Give your man more emotions, attend extreme sports, join role-playing games.

When a man leaves a seemingly happy relationship, step aside. The most you can do is write an SMS: “Hi, I’m worried, are you okay?” That's it, continue to live your life, without self-flagellation and feverish analyzes of your behavior.

How should a girl behave?

If a man disappears without explanation, what to do is a typical question that every girl asks when she finds herself in a similar situation.

If you were in a long-term relationship, but the man disappeared, write him a message. Consider your step as concern and banal concern.
If you met for a short time and the man disappeared without a trace, then you should not write or call. Probably, such a man is weak to directly tell you what you don’t like him about. Why do you need this?

If a man left without explanation, how should a girl behave in order to forget about this nightmare forever? Try to switch. Go with your friends to a concert, a nightclub, fitness, shopping. In any case, in a crowded place a new opportunity opens up to meet an interesting young man.

If a man, having disappeared without a trace, hurt your soul, then he does not deserve your attention and worries. He simply didn't deserve this.

Your reaction is normal

Photo by Vung Nguyen: Pexels
A woman faces:

breakup of relationships,
but most importantly, with the feeling of an unsaid and open question for her.

She is tormented by guesses, and the more thoughts she has, the darker they become.

If you find yourself in the same situation, our task is to help you understand the reasons for leaving without any explanation. This will allow you:

don’t worry about guessing;
let go of the situation and close the gestalt.

Why men leave without explanation: answers from psychologists

If a man disappears without saying anything, then do not look for the reason in yourself. The problem is with him, not with you. You expected something from a relationship in which you wanted to be loved and pure. Expectations simply weren't met. For a man, you were a new easy victory and a kind of trophy that he would put in his “piggy bank.”

It hurts every woman to realize that she is deceived and abandoned. But this is the wrong wording. If a man left in the early stages of a relationship with you, then rejoice. You have not yet had time to “get stuck” in this wrong union.

You are not obligated to protect the peace and comfort of a man. Take care of your inner state. If you have an urgent need to call or write, then do it. Think about yourself, and not about that weak man who is afraid to look you in the eyes. Are you really worthy of a weak gentleman?

Successful resumption of communication

There is no need to hope too much for success if the guy disappears after the first intimacy or date. It is better to renew a relationship when the couple has been dating for some time. If there is hope, then it is necessary to act clearly, but carefully.

Calm down

First you need to put your emotional state in order. Looking at photos of your lover on social networks for days on end will not solve the problem, but will drive you even deeper into depression. First, you need to allow yourself to throw out the negativity: cry on a friend’s shoulder to a sad song, go to the shooting range, ruffle a pillow. When negative emotions go away, you need to fill their place with pleasant ones. This is a great time for shopping, sports, visiting a beauty salon, or hiking in the mountains. The main thing is not to allow yourself to mope.

You need to leave the guy alone, especially if he reacts aggressively to attempts to find out the reasons or ignores the question. There is no need to try to starve him out. It is better to come to terms with the man’s decision and leave this act on his conscience.

View from the outside

The next step is to try to understand why the man did what he did. You should focus not only on his motives, but also on your own guilt in this situation. If the girl turned out to be wrong, you can try to correct everything by apologizing on your own initiative.

READ

Polygamy: history, reasons, pros and cons

On the other hand, thinking about the situation will help you sort everything out and learn a life lesson. From now on, the girl will choose her partners more carefully so as not to create similar problems for herself. You should not devalue life experience and focus on the negative aspects. Life has many colors, it is not only black and white. Any situation carries something positive, at least in the form of a lesson.

Gently hint about yourself

If the reason is not force majeure, then you need to try to get your partner to talk. Let it be a bitter but honest confession. Perhaps the girl can still change the guy’s decision and correct her mistakes. For example, quit bad habits, show more attention and care.

A heart-to-heart conversation is the minimum a woman can do in this situation. The maximum is to try to change your behavior for the better if this is the reason for your lover’s departure.

Disappeared from the family

Why does a married man disappear from his family without explanation? Husbands do this quite often. There are quite a few reasons for this behavior: constant reproaches from the wife, scandals, insults and insults. A typical “soup” set for leaving home without “declaring war.”

The man understands at one moment: he will either “explode” soon, or will collect his things within a radius of 100 meters. In order not to bring the conflict to a boiling point, he runs. But, unfortunately, no one taught him to talk, to be able to negotiate. Who, to put it mildly, was trained in this matter?

The next common reason is falling in love with another woman. Most often, it is the rival who gives the man an ultimatum to leave his family. It’s difficult to look you in the eye and openly admit your guilt; he doesn’t have the courage. The easiest way is to leave and not explain anything.

What to do

First of all, you need to admit that you broke up. You shouldn’t live in the illusion that everything will resume and nothing terrible has happened... That’s it, it’s over. The man has not been a child for a long time and makes decisions thoughtfully.

Accept your current state and pay attention to the article: what to do if your boyfriend dumps you.

Don't think that you have wasted the best years of your life. This is not so, you have gained useful experience that will help you find sincere love in the future by sorting out unnecessary people from your life. At this moment in time, engage in your transformation and self-development. Live for your own pleasure and do not torment yourself over trifles.

Do you know interesting or important nuances why men leave silently? Share them in the comments.

Is it worth teaching a disappearing man a lesson?

Every woman dreams of taking revenge on the man who hurt and unpleasantly hurt her. Is it worth doing? Carefully read the advice of psychologists:

Turn off your phone or blacklist it. Let the man be a little nervous.
Mirror his behavior. Say goodbye to him and intentionally disappear for a couple of days. And then, unexpectedly, you’ll show up again.
Justice will help you. If you see him drunk on the street, call the police. He will not be able to avoid problems. But after such an act, he will definitely not return to you.

Why should he take revenge? If he left your life, it means he is not your person. God weeds out the unnecessary ones from our lives.

This missing man is the odd man out. Forget and let him go. Otherwise, new happiness will not knock on your door.