Why a man doesn’t write or call – what to do, advice from psychologists

What does it mean if a man doesn’t call or write, how to behave in such cases - women often ask these questions. It is especially incomprehensible when everything seemed to be fine on a date and at a meeting, and then the gentleman seemed to disappear. Girls begin to worry, finding no place for themselves, trying to understand why the man stopped calling, writing messages and does not take the initiative. After all, they say everywhere that a woman should maintain her dignity and not call first, not “hang on her neck.”

But questions arise - what if something happened to him, suddenly he got sick or got into trouble, and you don’t even know. You wait and wait, the darkest thoughts appearing in your head.

So what to do if a man is silent and does not call. In this article we will try to understand the situation and consider different solutions.

If a man stopped writing and calling – what are the reasons?

Situations when a man suddenly disappears - stops writing and calling - usually arise in the early stages of a relationship. Many girls don't attach any importance to this. For them, this guy’s behavior is a signal for immediate separation.

After all, it is the representative of the stronger sex who must take the first step and pay attention. Ladies with low self-esteem often begin to suffer from the sudden disappearance of men.

If we are not talking about an established and consolidated relationship, then the most logical thing is to tell him to go to hell and continue living your life. After all, it’s clear that if a person wants to communicate with you, he will always find the time and opportunity for this. Moreover, in our time, when there are no problems with communication.

But it’s always easier said than done. Even an experienced woman with adequate self-esteem and an impressive list of broken men’s hearts cannot always easily forget about a planned romance. What then can we expect from a young and inexperienced girl - it is quite natural that such behavior from a man will plunge her into severe “troubles”.

A typical set of hypotheses, as a rule, is small and tragic: “he doesn’t want to communicate with me,” “he definitely has someone,” “there’s something wrong with me.”

But a guy's disappearance doesn't always mean the end of a relationship.

Let's look at common cases of why a man doesn't call or write, plunging the relationship into uncertainty.

Possible reasons:

• The guy is too modest and timid . This happens, and he may be afraid to disturb you or call you at an inconvenient moment. She’s shy and worried that the conversation won’t work out, and doubts that you like her. But such behavior is justified for young guys who do not yet have experience in relationships. For an adult man, excessive timidity is not the best quality.
• Sudden important matters appeared . Perhaps something happened to his loved ones, a friend needed help, or was urgently sent on a business trip at work. In this situation, a man’s silence for several days can be considered the norm.
• He thinks too highly of himself and is sure that girls should run after him, call him and write to him. Comments are unnecessary here - such a man is not worth attention and a relationship with him is dangerous for psychological health.
• He has problems and wants to be alone. Men tend to withdraw when difficulties occur in their lives. A man with a strong character is not used to complaining to a woman and laying out all his problems as if in spirit. Perhaps he is not in the mood to communicate with anyone at all; he wants to be alone with himself, in his thoughts. Or the guy is just emotionally tired and wants to retire for a while.
• Doesn't want to seem intrusive. Communication in couples can develop differently. Some communicate quite actively, others much less often. When a girl takes the position of never being the first to take the initiative in communication, especially if she does not always answer a man’s calls and messages, he may get the impression that she is not interested in a relationship with him. He may feel as if he is being imposed upon. This feeling is extremely unpleasant, and over time they begin to deter a man from initiating communication with a girl.
• He doubted. When we met, I fell under the spell or my own mood. Maybe under the influence of alcohol. Afterwards, he overestimated his impressions and no longer saw the point of dialing the phone and continuing the relationship.
• He decided to check on you. Some guys, like most women, like to test their partners' strength. He may not call in order to test your feelings, stir up interest and then dictate his own rules. It remains to be determined whether such a relationship is right for you. For a man, such tactics of behavior are abnormal and indicate that he has psychological trauma and problems.

Here we looked at situations where a man is still interested in a relationship, but for stated reasons may remain silent for some time. Usually not too long - within a week.

If a man does not write or call for a long time, then a woman should evaluate his behavior more rationally.

A case from the practice of a psychologist

Julia asked a question: Hello! Not long ago I met a man on the Internet. It took a long time to get an appointment, we immediately made an appointment.

The date went well, I liked him, it seemed to me that he liked me too. We talked all evening, after which he called me a taxi home. After this meeting, he did not call or write. A day later, I wrote myself and asked if everything was okay and why he disappeared.

I asked him to be honest if he didn’t like me and wasn’t in the mood for a relationship. But he answered. that everything is fine, he liked me, he just has a lot of work and is not a fan of correspondence. He prefers face-to-face communication, but he hasn’t set up a new date; he said he doesn’t know exactly when he’ll have free time.

If a man doesn’t like to call and write, but at the same time is in no hurry to make appointments, what does this mean, is it worth waiting and continuing the relationship with him?

Psychologist/psychotherapist Elena Maksimenko will answer : “Hello, Yulia! Only you can decide whether you should continue the relationship and wait for the initiative from the man.

Obviously, a man interested in a relationship will not leave a girl in limbo, and even if he really has little free time, he will always find it when he really needs it.

Not all men, and even women, like to communicate by correspondence, and this is normal. But in your case, I don't see this as a problem. It seems that the man is in no hurry to develop an acquaintance, otherwise he would hasten to let you know that he liked you and wants to repeat.

The psyche of a healthy man is structured in such a way that he, like a hunter and conqueror, having spotted the desired “prey”, will not let it go from his hands. In this case, it does not seem that you have become an object of desire for him. This does not mean at all that there is something wrong with you.

It's just that this is most likely not your person. Think carefully about whether it’s worth wasting your time and nerves on unclear expectations.”

Not interested

The man is not too fascinated by his new acquaintance. He does not want to fool her and continue communication out of politeness. An experienced woman will notice a lack of interest a couple of days after online communication or on the first date by the following signs:

• The guy answers questions in monosyllables, reluctantly.
• Doesn't invite you on a date, doesn't ask for your phone number.
• If the date has taken place, then the man does not agree on the next meeting, he is clearly bored.
• Does not ask questions, does not take the initiative to continue communication.
• Constantly talks about his ex. Probably, feelings for her have not cooled down yet.

A man's disinterest in a woman does not call into question her beauty and intelligence. You might not agree on interests, tastes, or temperaments. There is nothing to be upset or cry about here.

What to do

You just need to come to terms with the fact that a man is not fascinated by you. You shouldn't be actively interested in yourself; you shouldn't impose yourself. Start looking for another guy.

To cope with this unpleasant situation, use the advice of psychologists:

1. Let go of false hopes. Don't think about how to please this person. Never expect a call or SMS from him, try to forget your new acquaintance.
2. Start your day on a positive note. Tune in for the best, don’t let sad thoughts enter your soul.
3. Remove his number from your phone, his account from your list of friends in instant messengers, VK.
4. Make a tight schedule of classes for a couple of weeks: go to visit, go to the gym for training.
5. Actively meet new guys, but don't make long-term plans for a relationship.

Tired of waiting, girls often use fortune telling to find the reason for male silence. Coffee, cards, witches, horoscopes. Whether you will receive a truthful answer to all questions is unknown. But magical rituals will definitely distract you from sad thoughts, at least for a short time.

A man doesn’t call or write after a date – reasons and what to do

It happens that you went on a first date and everything seemed to go well - he was kind, you struck up a conversation, you had a pleasant evening. Any girl begins to expect a reaction from a guy after the first meeting, especially if she really liked him. But the man does not call or write first the next day. What could be the reason?

Yes, something is clearly wrong here. After all, when we are very attracted to a person, we do not waste time to win him over and start a relationship with him.

Psychologists identify several possible options for why a guy doesn’t call or text after a date.

Offended

This option is possible even after a first date or online communication. It’s easy to offend a man’s ego if we touch on the following topics:

• A man will not forgive anyone for ridiculing tears, vulnerability, or fears.
• Comparisons with other guys, exes (not in favor of the interlocutor).
• Discussion of his shortcomings in a bantering, harsh manner.
• Showing dissatisfaction after intimacy, ambiguous jokes.
• Stories about what your girlfriends think about him. Of course, all women discuss boyfriends and husbands with their friends, but it is not necessary to tell a man about this.
• Demonstration of intellectual, physical superiority on the part of a woman. This is a powerful blow to a man’s pride; he wants to be the first in everything.

You weren't his type, he didn't like you

This is perhaps the most common reason that explains a man’s behavior after the first date. Women tend to idealize everything, especially if they are single. They can regard even banal politeness as something more.

Don't create illusions, then you won't have to be disappointed. You shouldn’t be upset either, you can’t please everyone. If a man doesn’t call, don’t worry, but try to analyze what caused his antipathy.

Perhaps your appearance or manners make a repulsive impression. In this case, your next gentleman will behave in exactly the same way. I'll have to work on myself.

This simple answer has deep roots. Even though you're having a great time, it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to him as it does to you. You need to understand whether such a “cool” relationship is worth continuing. Nobody wants to be an “alternate airfield.”

There is no point in wasting time on a person who does not see the prospects for further relationships. Don't call or write to him. Wait until he calls first. Then his motives will be clear to you. And if he doesn’t call, it’s completely clear that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Understand that if a man wants it, he will call, write, come, find the time and resources for this. And there is no need to engage in self-deception, to come up with reasons why he did not do this.

He likes you too much, but he has low self-esteem

Not all men are so confident in themselves as to be convinced that any girl will be interested in them. Some people tend to doubt and worry, especially if the lady they like made a strong positive impression and captivated them at first sight.

They, just like girls, are afraid of being rejected and misunderstood. Give the man time to collect his thoughts and decide to take the first step, because not everyone is able to immediately show attention to their passion and call her on a second date when he has not yet moved on from the first.

Optimal waiting period The optimal waiting period is 3-5 days. If during this time a man has not written, called or indicated his relationship to you in any way, you should not continue to build illusions and come up with excuses in your head.

Even the most modest man will take a step if it is important to him. And if he doesn’t do that, do you need him so indecisive?

Why did the man suddenly stop writing and calling?

A situation that leaves girls in great confusion and becomes the cause of sleepless nights and burning tears: two people communicate, meet, have fun and usefully spend time, there is no reason for offense on either side. And suddenly, absolutely out of the blue, the man stops calling, does not respond to messages and SMS.

Yesterday he kissed goodbye and said, “see you,” and today there is deaf silence. At the same time, he appears on the social network and definitely sees the messages (whether he views it or not is a secondary question). In other words, it ignores.

At first, the girl attributes his behavior to being busy. This option cannot be dismissed outright, but when the situation gets out of control and lasts for several days or weeks, it’s time to take a sober look at things. Let's leave him a 1% chance to explain himself: he is seriously ill, he left and someone from his family is coming from his page, his account was hacked, he did not have the opportunity to call/write.

In other cases, everything is prosaic: he puts you in your place, makes it clear that you cannot lay claim to him and his life.

This is his choice - this is such a free, non-binding relationship. Maybe it seemed to him that you were crossing an invisible line, maybe that’s actually the case. This means that you look at your mate differently.

After a couple of weeks, or a month, or even a year, just when you forgot to think about him, he will show up and, as if nothing had happened, ask how you are doing and offer to meet. What to do is up to you. But you can be sure that the scenario will repeat itself exactly.

He is married

An unexpected meeting or online acquaintance with a married man is not uncommon. And girls are not always aware of the marital status of a new acquaintance.

Dizzying sex, kisses, passionate SMS drove the guy crazy, and he forgot, on purpose or by accident, to tell him that he was married. After a few dates or chatting online, he disappeared, and thank God.

Married men stop calling or writing for several reasons:

• Communication was interrupted by the legal spouse. Now the phone and accounts on WhatsApp and VK are under strict control. The man will definitely not get in touch for a long time.
• The guy realized that he was making a mistake. He is ashamed in front of his wife and children. He is not obliged to explain anything to his new acquaintance.
• A married man was drunk, he felt lonely, or he had a huge quarrel with his wife. The guy made a new acquaintance by chance; in the morning, when he was sober, he decided “not to misbehave” anymore.

What to do

Close communication with a married man is unacceptable for a decent girl. You need to tune in to the breakup and ignore messages that may arrive after a long time.

So, now you know what to do if a guy doesn’t write and why this happens. Remember that men are built differently. They can disappear for several days without good reason and not feel guilty for remaining silent. And women at this moment find no place to worry and worry. Therefore, the first thing you need to do is calm down and wait 2-3 days, and not call 10 times a day to get an explanation.

A man does not write or call after sex

Sudden and violent sex happened between you. This sometimes happens at the first meeting. Everything went perfectly - you had a good time and regarded it as the beginning of a relationship. You are sure that the meeting will happen again soon and you are waiting. But after sex, the man simply up and disappeared.

Most likely, your sudden connection was a moment of weakness for him. It is likely that he already has a girlfriend, wife, mistress (underline as necessary), the relationship with her is satisfactory, and yesterday’s flirting (and even sex) was like a breath of fresh air, a desire to have fun, be distracted, and add variety to his life.

But he has no desire to destroy a permanent relationship. And he simply will not appear in your life again, since he does not need a relationship with you.

Finding out the ins and outs of your “beloved” will not be particularly difficult. Having a little data, you can find pages on social networks, look at photos, find mutual acquaintances, and make inquiries.

Even if there is no particularly compromising evidence in his profile, a lot of information can be gleaned from the pages of friends and relatives. Next to him is a sultry blonde, a woman with three children under the Christmas tree, or a whole kaleidoscope of beauties? Run, Lola, run!

You shouldn’t waste your time and nerves on him; he won’t appreciate it and is unlikely to be grateful for the interference in his life. You shouldn’t think that in you he found the one and only, and everything that came before can and should be considered a mistake. It would be a mistake to cling to illusory hopes.

In the end, even if he shows up, at best you are destined for the role of a mistress. Didn't call back after sex

But it is also likely that before the first intimacy the guy really made big plans and did not lie when talking about serious intentions. But after sex everything changed. Either he didn’t like you as an intimate partner, or he, based on his observations, concluded that you didn’t like him.

perhaps sex was the partner’s only goal and a serious relationship was not initially planned. The result has been achieved, the height has been taken, and then on to the next victories.

Summary

If a man shows up after his sudden disappearance, then you should not demand from him an account of where he disappeared and what happened to him. Being offended is also not an option if you want to get out of this situation with dignity and force a man to respect you. You must pretend that you did not notice his absence in your life. You had a lot to do even without him. Just ask how he is doing and calmly continue communicating with him without freaking out, as most girls dependent on men would do. You must be a level above all his other passions. You must be self-sufficient. If he asks you out on a date, then promise to find time and think about his proposal, and do not immediately rush headlong into the pool, as soon as he beckons you with his finger. You have dignity. You are a woman. You are ready to love a man if he loves you. And nothing else.

A man should see that you live a full life, in which everything is scheduled according to the clock. With or without him. And he needs to try hard for you to find time in your schedule to date him. He must want to become a part of your life. Then he won't want to disappear anymore and make you worry about him. He will want to be near you all the time.

Remember the Chinese saying that ten steps separate a man and a woman? Use it actively in your life.

If you took your five steps, and no one met you there, then do not wait for the man who has disappeared from your life, turn around and boldly leave. If a man needs you, he will definitely call and get in touch with you. And if not, then he does not strive for a serious relationship. Find the courage to admit to yourself that he doesn't need you. And continue to live as if he was not in your life. This way you will preserve your dignity and emerge victorious from the unpleasant story you got into by giving your heart to a man who is indifferent to you.

If a man begins to write and call less often, what does this mean?

When your beloved man first took the initiative and paid enough attention to you, and then suddenly began calling and texting less often, this carries a certain subtext.

Women tend to justify their loved ones, but often this turns into even greater pain and suffering. After all, expectations are usually not met.

It’s worth clarifying right away about being busy - anyone can find 30-40 seconds to write a short message, regardless of their profession and work schedule. You should not console yourself with the fact that he simply does not like to write SMS, or does not want to be distracted from work.

Moreover, you shouldn’t beat yourself up by talking about your own unattractiveness. Often there is a fear of intrusiveness when you have already written several messages yourself. And he continues to respond to them less and less.

If this happens, this is a serious reason to think about ending the relationship and any expectations.

Try to call a man for a serious conversation and clarify your relationship. Of course, in the most calm and diplomatic manner possible. Perhaps he himself admits that he no longer wants a relationship, but did not dare to end it for fear of offending you.

If a man avoids the conversation and does not give clear answers or clarify the situation, then you must understand that all this will continue, and you will suffer. Do you want this? You decide.

But sometimes you need to take the initiative into your own hands and break ties with a person who behaves inappropriately, does not consider it necessary to be honest with you and does not care about your psychological well-being - he does not care about your feelings.

When a man says - you call and write, but he remains silent for a week, two or more, this also only says one thing - you are not important to him. He may not mind meeting you sometimes and spending time or chatting if you write, but he is not going to conquer you, nor is he going to build something serious with you.

It is worth understanding a simple and banal thing - if a person does not think about you, does not seek communication, he is not interested, there are no feelings. Therefore, waiting for it to appear on the mobile screen is stupid.

He disappeared after an argument - what to do?

They say that real men don't get offended. These are all prejudices. A man is the same person, he has feelings, emotions, he can be hurt, offended, greatly upset or disappointed.

If a guy stopped calling and texting after a quarrel, he is probably experiencing negative emotions and does not want to communicate with you.

What to do in such a situation?

First, analyze which of you was wrong. Perhaps you were the initiator of the quarrel and undeservedly offended him. In this case, an apology will not be superfluous. if a man is easy-going, he will forgive you and you will make peace.

But it is possible that the guy is a cunning manipulator. He can create reasons for quarrels himself, and then pretend to be offended, playing “silent”, without calling or sending any messages.

Does he need this for him? So, he is trying to make you feel guilty. When you rush to call him and ask for forgiveness, he will quietly begin to put forward conditions, adjusting you to himself. Narcissistic men often use these techniques.

It is worth being careful and objectively assessing the quarrel that has occurred, otherwise you can fall for cunning tricks and become a victim of the narcissist, from whom he will gradually suck all the energy and literally trample on him psychologically.

Therefore, the best tactic here would be to cool your mind and weigh the situation without emotions. You only need to apologize if you truly admit that you were wrong. In other cases, the man must ask for forgiveness himself if he wants to continue the relationship.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello! I met a man at a friends event. The evening in the company was fun. But nothing happened - they just chatted and joked. We exchanged phone numbers. The man promised to call and didn’t call, a week has passed, how should I react?

Psychologist's answer:

Why, in general, react somehow? It was a non-binding acquaintance in a relaxed atmosphere. Nothing happened between you except flirting, which also means nothing.

The man promised something, but did not fulfill his promise. Do you want a man who doesn't keep his promises?

It seems that you have overestimated casual acquaintance. This is typical for women. Move on with your life and don't think about him. Perhaps he no longer remembers you, and you are toiling and waiting. If I wanted to, I would call immediately, within 1-2 days. And since he hasn’t called all week, the answer is obvious.

Another one appeared

This is the most tragic answer to the question: “Why doesn’t the guy write or call?” While the young lady doesn’t let go of her phone and constantly checks social networks for new messages, the man is texting or meeting a new acquaintance.

What to do

If the chosen one has another woman, nothing needs to be done. Why do you need a man who quickly switches his attention from one female person to another. The appearance of another girl suggests that the guy did not love you with all his soul. Why hold him back and worry? Move on, look for real love, not fiction.

A man writes, but rarely – is there anything to hope for?

This situation is not hopeless. If a guy shows at least some initiative, that's not bad. But how to understand his true intentions?

It all depends on the style of communication, intonation, mood, topics of conversation. You need to pay attention to detail. Of course, it is much easier to feel a man’s true attitude towards you through live dialogue rather than correspondence. If you don't see each other, phone calls will save you. But based on text communication, incorrect conclusions are often drawn.

A man can really be very busy at work, school or business. Perhaps the start of your relationship simply coincided with such a difficult period in his life. If at the same time he is truly interested in you, he will make every effort to break out of the chain of affairs and see you.

If the guy just makes excuses and doesn’t even try to set a date for the next date, such a relationship can be considered unpromising.

Women's mistakes that lead to relationship breakdowns

The banal phrase “It’s not about you, it’s about me” is often far from reality. A man will not abandon an ideal woman who is completely satisfied; on the contrary, he will do everything possible to be close to her. If a young man suddenly disappears, think about whether you made serious mistakes . These may include:

1. Forcing events. You’ve only sat in a cafe a couple of times, and you’re already coming up with names for your children together and telling them that you’d like to invite Aunt Klava from Germany to the wedding. The man is not yet thinking about something serious, so such activity scares him.
2. Behavior that a man considers wrong. For example, you drink a lot, smoke, or your speech contains obscenities. It’s easier for him to immediately reject such a girl than to try to re-educate her.
3. Quick sex. If a guy drags you into bed too quickly, for example, on the first date, then his ardor may simply fade away. And why does he need a girl who is ready to have sex with a virtual stranger for a serious relationship?

Here are the main female mistakes that a girl makes at the very beginning, risking losing a man.

READ How to get rid of attachment to a person: advice for women and men

How to behave if a man doesn’t write or call - advice from a psychologist

Tell me, please, how important is it for your man to constantly write and call you? The cessation of communication with this subject can only be for the better, and fate is preparing a meeting with another, much better candidate. If this man ignores you when your relationship is just developing, then what will happen next. In a situation where a guy answers only when you are the first to make contact, the same story - do you need it, run after him?

Where in nature have you seen females running after males? When a man conquers a woman, this is the healthiest situation from a psychological point of view. Everything else does not lead to anything good.

How to behave - advice from a psychologist:

• Keep your face up. Modesty suits a girl, but if you don’t have the strength to endure and remain silent, worry and be tormented, call him first. It may be embarrassing, offensive, uncomfortable, painful, but it is better to solve everything at once than to suffer endlessly.
• Don't make excuses for him . Anecdotal situations also happen in life: a phone can fall into the water while fishing, into a toilet, or fall down an elevator shaft from the eighth floor. A man can go on shipping business to places where he can’t get cell phone reception. But if he really needs you, he will find a way to contact you in another way. Nowadays this is not so difficult to do.
• Be clear, but don't be intrusive. If you have been dating for a while and your boyfriend has not observed such behavior before, call him and talk. There is no need to be intrusive, overprotective, blackmail, threaten - you need to understand what is happening. If he is sick, bring him broth and oranges, and if you are not sure of your choice, give him time to think alone.
• Don't waste time sitting by the phone - live your life, it doesn't end. Shopping, shaping, a good movie or book act like medicine.
• Maintain your self-esteem. It’s almost impossible to keep a man who has already decided everything for himself, don’t be humiliated!
• Protect yourself from wrong actions. For especially sensitive people, there is an excellent remedy: give your phone number, but don’t write it down. It will be a shame if he doesn’t call, but there is absolutely no temptation to call and sort things out, since there is no way.

Successful resumption of communication

There is no need to hope too much for success if the guy disappears after the first intimacy or date. It is better to renew a relationship when the couple has been dating for some time. If there is hope, then it is necessary to act clearly, but carefully.

Calm down

First you need to put your emotional state in order. Looking at photos of your lover on social networks for days on end will not solve the problem, but will drive you even deeper into depression. First, you need to allow yourself to throw out the negativity: cry on a friend’s shoulder to a sad song, go to the shooting range, ruffle a pillow. When negative emotions go away, you need to fill their place with pleasant ones. This is a great time for shopping, sports, visiting a beauty salon, or hiking in the mountains. The main thing is not to allow yourself to mope.

You need to leave the guy alone, especially if he reacts aggressively to attempts to find out the reasons or ignores the question. There is no need to try to starve him out. It is better to come to terms with the man’s decision and leave this act on his conscience.

View from the outside

The next step is to try to understand why the man did what he did. You should focus not only on his motives, but also on your own guilt in this situation. If the girl turned out to be wrong, you can try to correct everything by apologizing on your own initiative.

READ

How to get out of the friend zone: algorithm of actions, correct behavior

On the other hand, thinking about the situation will help you sort everything out and learn a life lesson. From now on, the girl will choose her partners more carefully so as not to create similar problems for herself. You should not devalue life experience and focus on the negative aspects. Life has many colors, it is not only black and white. Any situation carries something positive, at least in the form of a lesson.

Gently hint about yourself

If the reason is not force majeure, then you need to try to get your partner to talk. Let it be a bitter but honest confession. Perhaps the girl can still change the guy’s decision and correct her mistakes. For example, quit bad habits, show more attention and care.

A heart-to-heart conversation is the minimum a woman can do in this situation. The maximum is to try to change your behavior for the better if this is the reason for your lover’s departure.