Often, when a woman meets a man, she is fully confident that their relationship is developing, and they are becoming closer to each other every day. And suddenly the gentleman suddenly begins to avoid meeting with her, coming up with ridiculous reasons, or disappears from the radar altogether - the stronger sex can greatly puzzle women when, after successful dates, they suddenly stop calling.
Of course, if a man doesn’t call after the first date, it can’t help but be upsetting. In such cases, many women begin to delve into themselves and are tormented by the question of what they did wrong. Romantic natures are especially susceptible to such torment; after several meetings with a man, they begin to idealize him and imagine their future together. In our article we will try to figure out why a man stops calling after a successful date.
A man doesn't call after a date: 15 main reasons
There are several main reasons for this behavior:
- You didn’t “catch” the man too much or didn’t live up to some of his hopes. Perhaps you and he have different hobbies and views on life. After talking with you more closely, the man realized that you were not his option. He doesn't feel strong enough emotions about you, so he loses interest and decides to stop communicating. It should be noted that for some ladies it is not always obvious that they are being rejected. Especially if a man is well-mannered and tries to be polite in his communication or is simply embarrassed to say directly what he feels.
- The young man is a typical womanizer or pick-up artist. He doesn't call on purpose, pausing. Such a man likes to make a woman suffer. With such behavior, he forces her to be lost in conjectures and doubts in order to tie her more closely to himself. This type likes it when young ladies pursue and pursue him. Lack of calls in this situation is common. manipulation of another person. This is a kind of game that will show who will control the relationship in the couple in the future. And if you fall for such a provocation, the manipulator will constantly play with you, like a cat with a mouse.
Perhaps he is a manipulator? - It is quite possible that the man was overcome by some everyday problems . Your acquaintance with him took place at a time when everything was going well for him. However, then unforeseen difficulties arose in his life, which he is trying to solve. Maybe a man wants to go through a difficult period of his life alone. And now he simply has no time for love poetry and dates.
- The man is not free and is in an official or civil relationship. At the time he met you, he was simply in a quarrel with his partner. Perhaps then he was completely confident that their relationship was already a thing of the past. However, over time, he reconciled with his girlfriend (or wife) and returned to her again.
- The man initially did not plan anything serious, but was simply looking for a girl for leisure or intimacy. After several dates, he discovered that you attach too much importance to your meetings with him. He understands that you are waiting for a serious relationship, which is not yet included in his plans. Realizing that your goals for dating are completely different, the young man decides to disappear.
- The man found out that you are more successful or rich than him. Most representatives of the stronger sex perceive this situation very painfully. So your gentleman understands that he needs to somehow reach your level. However, he does not have the ability or desire to do this.
Or are you more successful than him? - There is a type of man whose main characteristic is to disappear and appear in the life of his lady whenever he pleases. Such people take relationships lightly and do not value them at all. It is quite possible that you have come across just such a type.
- The young man met another woman who he liked more than you. However, he doesn’t have the courage to tell you this directly. Trying to avoid accusations on your part, he simply disappears without explanation.
- A man is afraid to become too attached to you . Perhaps he did not plan to enter into a serious relationship or he has a sad experience of a past relationship. And the feeling that he began to experience for you scared him. He does not want to lose his own freedom, so he decides to run away from a strong emotional attachment.
- He is tired of conflicts and quarrels with you. Maybe after a few dates the gentleman discovered that you are too hot-tempered and hysterical. Not wanting to constantly sort things out, he decides to stop meeting. However, sometimes a boyfriend disappears after a completely trivial disagreement. In this situation, the point is most likely that he was simply looking for a reason to quarrel with you and break off the relationship.
- The man is not sure what you like. Although rare, such cases also occur. It is possible that you did not show enough interest in him. And the fan thought that you didn’t like him. Not wanting to seem intrusive or afraid of being rejected, the man decides not to bother you with his attention anymore.
- The man could be very offended by you. Out of pride, he remains silent instead of directly explaining the reason. It must be said that the male ego is very vulnerable. It is likely that some of your careless statements affected his dignity or masculinity.
Or maybe you offended him? - Another reason why a guy doesn’t call after a date is that you’ve overwhelmed your fan with your problems or are too actively describing your future together. It happens that a man and a woman have just met, and she already believes that he “owes” her, and demands from him something to which she does not yet have any rights. In such a situation, a man may be afraid of responsibility. He feels that you are placing expectations on him that he did not agree to. The gentleman was simply frightened by the number of desires and plans that you expect him to realize. That's why he leaves before things go too far.
- The young man has doubts and needs time to overcome them. Sometimes a man takes a time out in order to understand his own feelings and desires. He needs to distance himself a little from you in order to understand from a distance whether he feels attracted to you. Nothing wrong with that. Every person sometimes needs to look around and assess the situation from the outside. If a man is really interested in you, then such a pause will not last long, and he will soon make himself known.
- The man simply has no money. Maybe dating you takes a toll on his wallet. After all, he needs to pay for restaurants, movies, flowers. In fact, this is not such a rare reason. Especially for young guys who are not yet firmly on their feet in terms of finances. Many of them admitted that they stopped dating the girl they liked precisely because of the lack of funds to organize a decent romantic date. And a man may disappear on the eve of upcoming holidays: New Year, your birthday or March 8th. It’s just that his reluctance to spend money on a gift outweighs his sympathy for you.
Almost all women are interested in why a man leaves without explanation. The main reason for such a silent disappearance is the fear that the lady will be offended, begin to make trouble and sort things out. It’s difficult to blame men for this, because many representatives of the fairer sex do exactly this: cry, write angry messages, or, conversely, persuade them to stay.
Why does he leave without explanation?
Another reason is the peculiarities of male psychology . A man can be sure that his lady already understands that their relationship has no future. From his point of view, everything is very logical and obvious. And many representatives of the stronger sex in such situations are surprised by the fact that, it turns out, they were not understood by the woman.
Stop for a moment, you’re great: don’t force things
Before you wring your hands and moan about why he doesn't text first, you should first think about the fact that maybe after your date the man is just waiting for the right moment to talk to you again. Unlike the fair sex, guys are not at all inclined to chat about anything for hours, with rare exceptions.
Maybe he is looking for just the right reason to call, is thinking about an important question that he is going to ask you, or is waiting for a certain time, for example, the weekend, when he can invite his chosen one to dinner, and so on. Thus, it turns out that there is no need to rush, it’s worth waiting, maybe he’s just deciding when that very hour X will come.
Why doesn't a man call after sex?
You should not think that if you and a young man had an intimate relationship, then he is now yours and the relationship between you has become stronger. This is a mistake many women make. There are often cases when a man does not write or call after sex.
As a rule, this happens for the following reasons:
- You agreed to sex too quickly. A man, deprived of the opportunity to win a woman, quickly loses interest in her. For the most part, representatives of the stronger sex are hunters by nature. That is why they value easy victories little and have no respect for easily accessible girls. Or maybe sex was the purpose of meeting you. And having received what he wanted, the man disappeared.
- Sexual intimacy happened before there was an emotional connection. The fact is that the first intimacy should occur when the partners got to know each other well enough. Mutual trust arises between them, and unnecessary worries about possible failures in bed go away. Otherwise, a man (especially if he is very sensitive) during the first sex may feel that he was “not up to par.” Naturally, it is unpleasant for him to remember this again, and therefore he decides to stop communicating. When sex happens before emotional attachment, the relationship usually does not develop further.
- Sexual incompatibility. During intimacy, the man felt that you were not suitable for him in the intimate sphere. He is embarrassed to say this and therefore decides that it is much easier to disappear without explanation.
Maybe you're just incompatible
- The man slept with you under the influence of momentary passion. For him it was just sex, and he didn’t even think about any serious relationship. And he may find it strange that you were counting on further dates.
- You began to violate the personal boundaries of the fan. Some ladies, after spending the night with a young man, begin to behave as if they have received some special rights over him: they arrange interrogations and interfere in his affairs. However, no man will like such an attitude.
In general, psychologists believe that before sex a woman in most cases has power over a man, but after sex the balance of power in a couple changes. Therefore, girls should not be too hasty in agreeing to intimacy.
Next time we meet...
Regardless of how old the partners are, after the first sex, both of them may feel a little awkward and constrained the next time they meet. Most often, however, such behavior is typical of women who do not know how to behave with a man, either, just in case, to pretend that nothing happened, or to pour out an avalanche of tenderness on their partner.
At least you didn't offer to pay for something. Going out all night and not offering to pay or split the bill may turn it into a title is not the best way to attract a guy to you. A tactful way to do this is to simply reach for the check when it arrives. If he insists, offer to split the bill or at least leave a tip. He'll probably fall over, so make sure you offer a ride to your next destination, movie tickets, or a round of drinks.
Keep this in mind: if you offer to pay or split, be prepared to pay or split. You enter it immediately after the date. Clearly, texting is a viable means of communication these days, but there are a few unspoken rules that we all need to follow. If you had a good time and felt that the next day he would send him a random text saying, "Had a great time, thanks again!"
According to Elena Kuznetsova, it would be better if a woman began to behave naturally, based on her own desires at the moment. If she is embarrassed, then it is stupid to be embarrassed by her embarrassment, says the psychologist, because in this case the lady becomes tense, feels awkward and hides her eyes from her partner. He, in turn, may misinterpret her behavior and consider that he is disgusting to the woman, or she is ashamed of him. All this can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships.
You were boring. This sounds harsh because we know you're not bored, but if he asked you a lot of questions and you gave one-word answers or seemed generally disinterested, you didn't get the phone call. After all, would you like to hang out with a guy who didn't seem to want to be there?
They see themselves as highly desirable and desirable, treat others as disposable and replaceable, and generally like to feel superior and powerful, while they enjoy subconsciously seeing those they cut off from suffering above them or lack thereof.
“To avoid misunderstandings, talk to each other and show your true emotions. If you are drawn to romance and tenderness, show it. If you are embarrassed, you can voice it: “This hasn’t happened in a long time,” or: “I’m unaccustomed to this.” Or: “I’m 50 years old, but I act like a girl.” Voice your feelings, and the man will thank you for it,” advises an interpersonal relationship consultant.
Such people react ironically to those who cling and ask them back. But they will ignore those who are more self-sufficient and simply want more casual encounters or want to maintain friendships. They don't look at their future "profits", they look at the power play, that's all. This is their profit. “Profit” which ultimately leads to their losses in life. Loss of possible good friendships, loss of future fun encounters.
But jokes aside, the only way to find out why someone did it is to ask them. But since he cut off contact, you might not get the chance and he'll just have to accept it without you knowing exactly why this guy did it. Women accepted this because they wanted better options.
Helpful information
Elena Kuznetsova, director of the dating agency “I and You”, family psychologist. Phone 8-920-909-62-35.
Another piece of advice that Elena Kuznetsova gives to women is not to think that one night of love gave them the right to intrude too much into a man’s personal life. The mistake of many ladies is that after the first sex with a man, they begin to behave like real wives, interfering in their partner’s affairs and interrogating him on any occasion. You can't do that. The psychologist notes that first sex is approximately at the same level. Physical intimacy is necessary for a couple to get to know and understand each other better, but it is impossible to do this only after one-time sex, your own, as well as a one-time date. So ladies should be as correct as possible with a man after sex, otherwise your partner will simply run away from you. she must behave smartly and not only please the man, but do everything possible to ensure that he invites her on a second date. If this happens, we can assume that the relationship has a future.
Today, the best choice for women is mainly a set of attributes, with money being a significant item. When a guy meets a lady, his thoughts are in the following order.
- Is she attractive?
- Is she available?
- I have a chance?
- How long will it take?
- How much is it?
Put all your money on one horse win New Win - Low Losses Spread your bet over multiple horses.
A high winning approach is to overwhelm the lady with gifts and attention in the hope that he will quickly achieve his goal. If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir:
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How often does it happen that having met one day in a park or at a bus stop, on the subway or even in a store, we suddenly discover that this is the person we have been waiting for all our lives. A woman is designed in such a way that she can immediately begin to make far-reaching plans for a life together, children together, a country house and a quiet old age, hand in hand with her beloved. However, after exchanging phone numbers, the girls wait a long time for a call, and nothing happens. The new hero of the novel simply does not call and does not show himself in any way, and all hopes and invented scenarios for the development of events turn out to be futile and insignificant. So why doesn’t he call, our prince on a white horse, to take us into unknown and happy distances? It is to this question that you should try to find answers in order to understand what needs to be done and undertaken in such a situation.
If he did not do this, then he committed a great loss and may have wasted his resources of time and money to no avail. The low approach is to spend a little time and see how it works. The best result is a game with high wins. Here he gambles and wins, and after that he continues to win with a low outgoing.
But experience will show that ladies also play the game. If they can get a guy to commit enough time and money, then that means he's made an investment, and will probably keep going if she encourages him enough. This also prevents him from making other investments with other ladies.
A man doesn’t call after a date: should you call a man first?
- It is believed that if a man does not call after a date, it means he does not want to call. And the calmer you react to him, the more emotional he himself will be.
- Remember that a man does not have to be your whole world, he can only be one part of it. Always have your own plans for when your date is away.
Psychologists give some advice on how a woman should behave if a man does not call after a successful date for no apparent reason:
- Try to fill your schedule as much as possible with work, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, or doing something creative. Then you will have no time left for sad thoughts about your missing gentleman.
Don't come up with excuses for your missing boyfriend , like he's too busy or something is stopping him from calling. You can always find an opportunity for a call or message. Accept the fact that he just doesn't like you enough. When a man is interested in a woman, he will always find time and a way to contact her. So you shouldn’t have vain illusions.
Do I need to make up excuses and call first?
- If all reasonable deadlines have already passed and no call has been received, let the situation go. Only the person who is able to let people go from his head and heart can be happy. Live your life and don't wait for a call from a man. You should not cause yourself additional pain by persistently calling him or bombarding him with phone messages.
- Analyze the situation. Perhaps the reason for the man's disappearance lies in your behavior. If this is the case, find the courage to admit this fact and apologize. However, it is better to wait a week's break so that the man forgets the bad things that happened in your relationship. Then you can write or call him. And if he decides to resume communication with you, do not repeat past mistakes and correct your own behavior. Well, if your relationship is not destined to continue, that’s okay. The main thing is to draw conclusions and move on.
- If you are tired of thinking and guessing, call the man yourself to clarify the situation . There's nothing wrong with that. You have the right to know what happened. Therefore, discard unnecessary embarrassment. But during the conversation, do not make claims or accusations against the man. Calmly ask what happened and why he disappeared. Say that you were worried that something had happened to him. Based on the intonation of the voice and the way the man responds, you can determine whether to count on subsequent meetings.
Call and find out everything directly
- Of course, there is a possibility that the gentleman may regard your step as a willingness to do anything to meet him or even as an encroachment on his personal space. However, such a call will help you dot the i’s and find out everything.
You should not call more than once, even if the man does not answer the phone. If he doesn't answer your calls or texts, but you keep an eye on his social media activity, suck it up and stop trying to contact him. He just doesn't want to communicate with you.
- Don't dwell on this unpleasant situation. Don’t be tormented by the question: “Why did he stop calling?” Ask yourself: “Who will I meet now?” If a man is not interested in you, then he should stop being interested in you.
- In general, never chase men. If a guy stops calling after a few dates, consider it a favor on his part. He just saw that you are not suitable for him or, conversely, he is not suitable for you. Therefore, I gave you the opportunity to find another man.
- And now you won’t have to waste a lot of time and effort on a relationship that is not destined to last.
Woman's move
Tired of fruitless expectations, some women decide to clarify the situation. This is not the most successful step, since the man perceives it as... A woman can easily call her partner when they already have a fairly strong connection, but not at the beginning of the relationship, says Elena Kuznetsova.
To make it easier to determine how much a man “fell” on you after sex, you can send an SMS in the first two hours after breaking up with him: “Good night, I hope you got there well,” or a little “hotter”: “It was great.” However, you should not wait for an answer. Remember that this is just a ploy to test a man to see if he will respond to the message or not. , or is he still interested in you.
Of course, you won't mess with every guy you date, but there are those dates that you thought were amazing and didn't go anywhere. Maybe this is what you are doing? Read on for 10 reasons he didn't give you after the first date, plus tips on how to get a guy to like you.
Doesn't call after sex. What to do?
You didn't put down your phone. This is a big one, girls: every minute is not the way to make a guy love you. Then you're probably not ready to be in a relationship with a real person yet. Likewise, don't post status updates, tweet about your date in real time, or loop explicit photos when he's not looking.
In the event that after sex the woman did not send messages to the man, and the next day there was no word from him, the lady, although this is not very correct, can still do so. Perhaps you shouldn’t call (but if you did, then find a plausible excuse for this: “You forgot your watch with me”), it’s better to limit yourself to SMS. The text is neutral, something like: “How are you?” If in response to this message you received: “Fine, how are you?”, then this most likely means that your partner is a well-mannered and polite man, but not very interested in you. So there is no point in “pulling” him into a further relationship and pestering him with questions about when he will call or come. As the psychologist notes, this is because the lady didn’t initially really like the man, and even if she can get him into a relationship, he will still “adjust his skis” for another woman.
You haven't eaten. Most guys will freely tell you that there are no more clichés. If you think that not ordering lunch will make you thinner, more beautiful, sexier, more feminine or more mysterious, guess what? Probably make the dude a little uncomfortable, especially if he's driving you to a restaurant. Plus, if you're weird about food, he might think you're weird about other nice things.
You're clogged. Having to be brought home by a guy you barely know is not chic. Sure, a few cocktails can be fun and dampen the mood, but overdoing it probably won't get you the guy, unless the guy is Charlie Sheen. You showed too much. Feeling comfortable with your date is incredible, but feeling so comfortable that you frown may make him run in the other direction. After all, does anyone really need to know personal details about your life after knowing you for 45 minutes?
In the event that in response to yours: “How are you?” your partner sent you a long message apologizing for not calling back and explaining why this happened, it’s not that bad. The psychologist advises taking into account the voiced excuses and continuing to build relationships with your chosen one.
Another important point. In order for a woman to better understand the impression she made on a man during sex, she should remember the moment: how he looked at her, what he said and how. If a man barely left the lady and kissed her all goodbye, the woman can afford to call her gentleman the next day without being afraid.
Do you want to get married with a child under the age of 30? Likewise, avoid personal topics such as your parents' messy divorce, your chronic stomach pain, your massive fight with your best friend, or the fact that you only meet losers on dating sites.
You asked him the wrong questions. On a first date, it's a good bet that the questions you ask will always keep the conversation flowing. You didn't interview him, you got to know him, so keep your questions general. Ask about work, his family, his hobbies, pop culture or his favorite music. In the digital world we live in, it could be too much too soon and he could kick the guy out. Instead, wait until you have a handful of firm dates before keeping up with him on social media.
But if, after intimacy, the partner got dressed and left, saying goodbye: “Bye, we’ll call you,” most likely, you should not have any illusions about it. But just in case, to make sure of this, send a “control SMS” with the question: “How did you get there?” and wait for his reaction, if there is one, of course.
Why doesn’t a man call for a long time after a date, and then suddenly shows up?
- Of course, silence and lack of calls do not always mean that a man has decided to break up with you forever. And it is possible that after some time he will appear in your life again. Perhaps he needed time to solve some problems.
- However, in such cases the “silence” usually does not last long. But if a man disappeared and showed up only a month or more later, you need to be wary and not delude yourself about him. It is quite possible that a “window” appeared in a man’s life when, for some reason, he was left alone. So he remembered you, confident that you would not refuse to brighten up his loneliness. If you accept the rules of his game, you will always be in the role of a “reserve player”.
You can be a backup
- If a man doesn’t call after a date, disappears, and then appears in your life again, don’t rush to make a decision. He really could have had good reasons why he didn't get in touch.
- First, give up the desire to take revenge on him, no matter how much you want it. Analyze the man’s past attitude towards you, his personal qualities. Decide for yourself whether you want to see this person next to you. If you feel that you don’t need him and your relationship has no future, you shouldn’t start it again.
- In the event that you do not understand your own feelings, show patience and self-control. Try to pause. There is no need to joyfully throw yourself into the arms of a man. Otherwise, he will think that he can constantly disappear and appear in your life. But you shouldn’t bring down an avalanche of insults and reproaches on him. Such a comrade may disappear again from feelings of guilt. Just explain your feelings and say that you need time to think about everything. Let the man try to earn your favor and lost trust.
- Accept such advances calmly and evenly, but do not fill yourself with a sense of offended pride. Try to treat your returning man simply as a new admirer.
But if after several dates the young man disappears for the second time, then you can safely put an end to your relationship. This means that he does not love you or he has serious doubts about whether to continue dating. Why do you need such an unreliable partner?
- Also, think about this. If the men in your life often disappear after a few dates, then maybe the reason lies with you? Perhaps you are repelling all gentlemen with your behavior? Analyze your past connections and draw appropriate conclusions. But don't blame yourself too much. Every person has the right to make mistakes.
Don't blame yourself
- Finally, I would like to advise you not to get attached to a man too quickly. Don't think about what he wants from you. Think about what you want from him. And if suddenly you are not suitable for some gentleman, this does not mean at all that there is something wrong with you. It just means that you are not suitable for that particular person.
- And there is no tragedy in this. Look for another man to whom your character traits will suit, and he himself will be delighted with you. Forget about your missing boyfriend and tune in to new meetings. Move on. There are many worthy young people in the world, and you will definitely meet your love.
Useful articles about relationships:
- Should I give a second chance to a man, a husband after cheating, a friend?
- 17 reasons to leave a man, even if he swears love
- Why does my husband always manipulate the divorce?
- Advantages and disadvantages of being eternally single
- How to survive a difficult divorce as a woman
How can you tell if you are interested or playing?
In many ways, people's attitude towards us depends on ourselves. Understand, it is not the man who decides that he will only have sex with this woman, but that he can marry this one. By her behavior, a woman herself creates a certain attitude towards herself. You can sit and endlessly analyze what is “wrong” with you if a man does not respond to your messages, or you can learn to create a decent attitude towards yourself.
Imagine the following situation: you have been texting for a long time and have finally chosen a day to meet. And now the man is going on a date. He doesn’t decide right away: “So, after the restaurant, we’ll go straight to my house and we’ll have sex!” No! He thinks: “We’ll see, let’s talk, and then we’ll see.” You interact, and during communication the man develops attitudes, intentions and desires to act (or not act).
If you want to learn how to create the right attitude of men towards yourself as a woman and attract worthy ones, I invite you right now to sign up for the free online course “Man: honest instructions for use.” In this 5-day free course, you will learn the secrets of harmonious relationships, work on your mistakes and look into the future much bolder! Register and I'll be waiting for you live! Thank you for reading this article to the end. I hope it was useful to you.
Yaroslav Samoilov
