The most popular question that comes to the editor is: “Why doesn’t a man write?”, or what his messages mean. We totally understand this because we asked the same questions ourselves on separate days... and it drove us crazy!
Why does he take so long to answer?... What does he think about me?... The answers are short and vague, does he not like me anymore?... Why did he start a conversation, then just disappear?
Believe me, we ourselves have asked these questions and understand you perfectly. Why are we so worried and worried about text messages and no calls? When a man is silent, does not write or call every day, disappears somewhere after sex or a date, is silent for hours?
You can acquire thousands of template SMS messages to attract his attention, but the point is completely different. Messages will not give real insight into what a man thinks about messages and calls. So, let's find out!
At the end of the article you will find a secret bonus video about whether you should write first
Why doesn’t a man write or call for so long?
There are several answers to the question...
Men are bad at multitasking
Most men are simply not as good at multitasking as women. Men are usually absorbed in any task. And when they are in this mode, nothing else exists. Women are much more mobile. Can change gears smoothly without losing focus.
Many studies have shown that women primarily gain self-esteem through interpersonal relationships. Men primarily gain a sense of value from their ability to make an impact on the world.
So in the context of texting and relationships, a woman's head is thinking about relationships. Even when she is at work or doing something. Women can do many things at once. Men usually can't, at least not the ones that require work. A partner can start texting all day, no matter how crazy their day is. But this will only happen in the early stages of the relationship. And it just won't be sustainable for long.
The reason women are disappointed is that they expect men to experience relationships the same way they do. She wants to hear from him within the day. Because it makes you feel like the right woman. And even when she’s at work, she can’t help but think about why the man doesn’t write or call. We women often wait for messages and need attention. And that’s why we panic when a man doesn’t show signs of attention.
Confession of a man:
Men don't like to be disturbed during the day. We easily lose focus. I don't talk on the phone during the day, so I don't see messages. Men are annoyed by lazy girls who write all the time. Just leave alone for the day is the message I want to write for the most part. I have things I want to do. And every message with a girl is distracting. However, if I think about a woman, I will definitely write. If I don’t send a message within 12 hours, that’s only when I really don’t care.
Now you may ask...
But he wrote so much at the beginning, what happened? Why doesn't a man write the same now?
Well, in the beginning he tried to seduce. That’s why I paid so much attention to messages and calls. I didn't want to lose you to another man. There was a goal: to conquer you. Once he got you, he didn't need to pursue with motivation. And he could relax.
It is simply impossible for him to write messages and call all day long as before. Once the relationship becomes a little more established, it simply isn't necessary. This is exactly the moment when women often destroy what they have.
They interpret the decrease in messages and calls as a sign that he is losing interest. They reflexively panic and fear loss. As a result, the woman begins to need a man. And she stops being the cool girl who caught his attention in the first place.
Moral of the story: just relax! There is nothing bad. It just returns to a more normal rhythm. No problems, but you will create them if you can't be okay.
Confession of a man:
When I really like a girl, I text her a lot throughout the day. Because I always think about her. But this is not sustainable. Because the relationship has been going on for a while, it doesn't feel natural. They start to feel like work. And then it becomes a problem. Because the girl wants you to continue texting as much as you did in the beginning. This makes a guy want to text even less!
Men communicate differently than women
Men don't talk to make a connection. They usually communicate to achieve some goal or make a plan.
Girls get more upset and wonder if they said something. Men are just going to go about their day and focus on something else. And they are completely unaware of the chaos they have caused with women.
When a guy doesn't answer or gives quick, short answers, it actually means... nothing at all!
Confession of a man:
Girls expect a response even to messages that do not elicit a response. For example, “I'm going to watch a movie tonight” is not a message that NEEDS a response. Best message: “What movie should I watch?” If a man doesn't answer, he's probably busy. If this is a pattern of behavior, then he doesn't really like you. Give it up.
He's just not interested in you
This is an area that confuses many women. Maybe you've interacted with him a few times. Maybe you've been communicating for several months. At any rate, he is the man you like. And he seems kind of like you. But you don't really know... and his messages don't clarify anything!
Sometimes he wants to write or call you. Sometimes you live without receiving a single message from him. Sometimes he responds to your SMS immediately. Sometimes it takes hours, days or even weeks. You are so confused. Does he like me or not?
Well, he likes you. He attracts you. He enjoys your company. I like being around you. But he's not really in love with you. That is, he does not consider you as someone with whom he wants to develop a stronger relationship.
You want to hold on to the signs that you like him. And of course you can find many such signs. But there is also a lot of evidence that suggests that he is not as in love with you as you are.
When a man is in love, it's obvious. He won't leave you alone. He will not allow your relationship to remain uncertain. It won't disappear. And he doesn’t risk losing you to someone else. If a man loves a woman and she writes to him, he will be excited and want to write back to her. He won't look at his phone and say, "Ugh, not in the mood for her right now." This way he won't say, "I'll text her later (and then forget about it for the next few days)."
When a man is in love, you don't need to be reminded that you exist.
He is busy
Sometimes the simplest explanation is the right one.
Just because you're home alone and bored doesn't mean he's home. And just because you check your phone 45 minutes an hour doesn't mean it does. People are busy. They go into another room while their phone is charging. People see messages and wait until they have a few minutes before responding.
And sometimes SMS simply don’t arrive. Or they come in a few hours. You have to look at everything in context. If overall you really like him (and when a guy likes you, it's easy to see). And he doesn't answer, it's probably because he's busy or distracted. If he was chatting with you from the very beginning, then his words reflect how he is feeling.
Recommendations from psychologists
The main advice of all psychologists is to focus on yourself. If your boyfriend has disappeared and doesn’t want to continue communicating with you, don’t let depression enter your life. Make every effort, become more attractive, more interesting, so that the next man will be amazed by you.
- Development. Come up with a new hobby for yourself: horse riding, yoga, felting wool toys, massage courses, painting, dancing - do what gives you pleasure.
- Change of image. Most women are sure that a new style will change their lives for the better. Thanks to the change in image, they attract more attention. Brightness, well-groomed, beauty - such a woman is difficult not to notice.
- Wardrobe update. An option not only to enhance attractiveness, but also to lift your spirits. Almost any woman will not refuse shopping. Buying a new dress, bright shoes, a radical change in style - do not deny yourself this.
- Appearance. Maybe your chosen one has become less interested in you because the relationship has affected your appearance, you have become less well-groomed than at the beginning of the affair? Remember, men love it when a beautiful lady is next to them. Be beautiful, whether you've been together for two weeks or ten years.
- Vivid impressions. Give yourself positive emotions - go to Thailand, skydive, go to a car race. Make your old dreams come true. This way you can come to terms with the breakup less painfully and get rid of bad thoughts.
- Going out to people. Don't lock yourself within four walls. Of course, you can allow yourself to burst into tears while listening to a sad love drama, eating away your melancholy with ice cream or cake. But no more than one or two days! This way you can ruin your figure, and this is completely useless. Get off the couch, call your friends and move forward to new adventures!
Sources:
https://www.syl.ru/article/353938/pochemu-on-ne-zvonit-i-ne-pishet-ya-zvonyu-a-on-ne-perezvanivaet https://feelcontrol.net/building-relationships /communication/esli-muzhchina-ne-zvonit-i-ne-pishet-chto-eto-znachit.html https://woplan.net/kak-sebya-vesti-devushke-esli-muzhchina-ne-zvonit-i- ne-pishet-chto-znachit-takoe-povedenie/
What to do when a man doesn't write
First of all, don't panic or assume that he's losing interest and doesn't like you. When did premature panic draw someone to the right place? Never.
If he hasn't texted you back, it's probably due to one of the reasons we listed above. If you can't tell exactly what it is, then just leave it alone. And please don't dwell on it.
Also, don't text him a million times to follow up. If you've been texting and he hasn't responded, just leave it alone. Don't mess with words:
Are you here??
Hello???
I know the phone is working because you just posted something on Instagram!
Doing this will just make you look like a crazy and pathetic woman. Just don't do anything. If he still doesn't respond... well, then remember that the message doesn't mean much to him. Accept him for who he is and move on.
The guy harbored a grudge
Girls can often, without even giving it any importance, hurt a man’s pride and seriously offend him. You should think about what happened between you before this indifference appeared. If the same situation with hurtful words spoken from your mouth comes up in your memory, you need to talk about it directly. If necessary, it is better to immediately apologize for your statements.
Interesting article: how to understand that a man likes you by correspondence.
Why is this so difficult? Secrets of psychology
At the core of why women are so worried about the whole texting and calling issue is fear. Fear that a man is not really interested in hurting you, that he is just trying to play with you.
When we have fear or faith, our psyche will try to find evidence to support what we feel. We all travel around the world with the help of filtering systems that take in relevant information. And they discard everything else. For example, if you think that no one likes you, you will hone in on people who don't like you. And ignore all the evidence that people really value you.
Loving a man is scary. Especially when the relationship is at an early stage. And you're not entirely sure how he feels. You feel like a vulnerable woman. You feel unprotected, you are nervous... And you are not entirely sure that this man will be different from the rest.
So you are looking for proof that he will hurt you. Confirm to yourself that you will never be able to find the one you want. When you don't hear from him, it's not because he's busy. Often because he is not interested in you. Or he writes to some other girl.
If he doesn't respond to your texts for hours, it's not because he didn't have his phone nearby. It's because he doesn't think you're important.
If his answers are short, it's not because he hates texting or calling. And he prefers to just see you in person. But because he is annoyed with you. And he doesn’t want you to write or call him anymore.
We hope you understand. The point is that we create our own stories. And if we allow negative stories to stick to the point where we actually start to believe them as truth, we also create our own realities with our greatest fears.
Psychological reception
There are men who experiment on girls. Namely, they use psychological techniques that they apply in practice. There is such a branch of psychology as NLP. There is a practice here when a man specifically approaches a woman as close as possible emotionally, and then takes a break. He pulls away from her. This is done so that she gets bored and is ready for anything after his call. Even enough to go to bed with him on the first date. I would also like to recommend girls to read similar literature so as not to fall for this hook.
Why doesn't the guy call? It is possible that the person recorded the contact incorrectly or lost it.
What to do when a man doesn't answer you
First of all, stop worrying! Guys have no idea what this means for women. Most guys are shocked when we talk about how many questions we get on this topic.
If the lack of response makes you feel uneasy, then the feelings are coming from you. Something inside causes a feeling of fear of rejection. Or maybe it feeds feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness. No amount of texting from him will solve this. You need to dig deeper and figure out the essence of the problem yourself.
Text messages are not a barometer for relationships. Focus more on the quality of time you spend together. And not on the number of words you exchange every day. Naturally, as the relationship develops, the number of words decreases. And you spend more time together. A drop in posts doesn't mean you're going backwards.
Just focus on yourself. Focus on your level of confidence, your sense of value. On controlling thoughts, preventing growth into the zone of obsession. On things that are under control (you and your thoughts). And not on things that are out of control (he and his feelings).
Guys can feel emotions through text. We don't know how the brain does this, but it does. They know when you're coming from a place of desperate need. From a place where you need to react a certain way in order to feel good.
When you control the mind, all the message handling will not be a problem.
Afraid to clearly express his own sympathy
Bright and pure love often begins with friendship. If you can communicate with a friend day and night, then with a passion it is better to take time and dose your communication. When a relationship is just beginning, the guy tries not to bother his chosen one. Men believe that if they are the first to take the initiative to communicate, the girl will immediately see through them and understand their true feelings.
Such an understanding may be completely useless, because a representative of the stronger sex takes a long time to decide to admit his own sympathy.
What to write to a man
To make sure he is the last thing on your mind before he falls asleep, send one of the sweet good night texts to melt his heart. Read this article and arm yourself with sweet messages.
We hope this article helped you understand the real reasons why men don't text or call. Essentially, you are afraid of the man's loss of interest. There will come a time when a man can pull away and start walking away. Do you know how to react correctly when this happens? If not, read this article.
We recommend watching a video from which you will find out why a man doesn’t write and whether you should write first:
The banal reason is there is not enough money
Why doesn't he write or call? Lack of enough money can also cause this behavior. He wants to impress a girl, invite her to a cafe or on a romantic trip, so he will feel better and more confident. But at present, the man’s financial capabilities leave much to be desired, which is why he does not get in touch. In this case, even if the girl herself takes the initiative, she may be refused. Not every man can afford to spend time with a woman at her expense. Although modern society knows many examples of guys living off girls and not feeling anything reprehensible about it.
There are also representatives of the fair sex who are ready to support a young man themselves. Since they have sufficient material resources and can afford to spend money on anything, including a man. But still, a classic of the genre is this option when the stronger sex provides the woman. At the same time, the guy feels like a male, a conqueror and a winner. This is male nature. Therefore, if the reason for the lack of calls lies in problems with money of the stronger sex, then the woman can be advised to relax. As soon as his financial situation improves, he will call immediately. Don't beat yourself up!
So, why doesn’t a man write or call?
- Guys are bad at multitasking and can't text all day if they want to get something done.
- Men communicate for the sake of achieving a goal, not for the sake of communication.
- The man is just not that into you.
- Partner is busy
Read more articles about relationships with a man on our blog
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The guy is not sure about your feelings
Men are freedom-loving creatures and when they start an affair, at first they try not to plunge headlong into the pool. They check their feelings for a long time and when they are convinced that they really have fallen in love, they wait for confirmation of sincere feelings on the other side. Being rejected is the worst thing that can happen to a guy. Before becoming persistent and taking initiative, a man will prefer to double-check whether you really like him as much as he likes you.
Do you know how to flirt with a guy by correspondence?
Unsuccessful first meeting
As you mentally analyze and replay past dates in your head, you may remember how your boyfriend behaved. If a person does not have much relationship experience, he may make mistakes, worry, and rush things too quickly. This uncertainty sometimes leads to funny things. For example, a guy was in a hurry with his first kiss: you gently turned him off, making him understand that it was too early. For you it’s no big deal, but for a man it could turn into a slight shock.
Uncertainty sometimes leads to funny things
Such a “slap in the face” can hurt pride, shake self-confidence and even give rise to that very resentment towards the girl that was discussed at the beginning of the article. Hence the reluctance or even fear of the next meeting. After all, now the guy will associate you with that awkward moment from the past. And no one likes such memories. And the more moral damage a man suffered during that not-so-successful date, the lower his desire to remember you will be.
Of course, it’s hard to predict the course of events on a date. Any such curiosity is the man’s fault, because he deliberately takes risks. You can only try to smooth out the corners: do not react to every bold but unsuccessful attempt at rapprochement too sharply or aggressively, so as not to simply “scare off” the guy. And if this does happen and the man stops writing (and I would really like to), try starting a dialogue first. Already in the conversation, hint: nothing terrible happened and you will be glad to meet the man again.
Perhaps he was counting on something else
Another option: during a conversation with you, the man realized that he would not be able to achieve his goal. After all, it’s unlikely that you had time to discuss in detail the format of your future relationship before the meeting. Most likely, this was not discussed at all. And already on the date it became clear: you see communication completely differently.
For example, the guy had no intention of starting a serious and long-term affair. Probably counting on the format of an open relationship. Of course, he didn’t say this directly. At the same time, the girl made it clear: she was only satisfied with a serious relationship with an eye to the distant future. This is the reason for the subsequent breakup.
Counterdependence
Here is the opposite situation: the man immediately began to develop feelings for you and that is why he abruptly ended the relationship. Why? Rejection of loved ones is typical of counterdependent people. Deep down in their hearts, like everyone else, they want great and mutual love, but at the same time they do not let a person get close, and at some stage of the relationship they can begin to behave coldly and indifferently. This complex is formed in childhood, but often leaves an imprint for life.
Relationships with a counterdependent
people will be difficult. However, they can still be happy and fulfilled. In this case, a lot depends on you.
Rejection of loved ones is common among counterdependent people
Opinions of loved ones
A man’s own opinion can drown out the advice of a friend, acquaintance, or one of his parents. Some people are too dependent on the opinions of others. Their whole life largely depends on what their loved ones think or say. This also applies to their personal life.
Unlike other situations, in this case you will not be able to get to the root of the problem. On a date, everything could be perfect even in small things, but the opinion of a third party changed everything. Should you continue a relationship with someone so sensitive to the opinions of others?
Some people are too dependent on the opinions of others
