The bitterness of parting is familiar not only to representatives of the fair half of humanity, but also to men. Guys are usually more reserved and calm in appearance, but this does not mean that they are indifferent to the breakup.
Some find solace in alcohol or other partners, others plunge headlong into work or self-improvement, but it happens that, realizing the mistake he has made, a man tries with all his might to return his beloved.
A guy may start missing his ex-woman for various reasons, but he doesn’t always show it openly. Unlike girls, guys are not used to sharing their secrets with friends, crying into their pillows, or eating away stress with ice cream.
How long after a breakup does a man begin to miss his ex-girlfriend, how to overcome melancholy, read on.
Why does a guy miss his ex-girlfriend?
Men can be just as bored after a breakup as girls. Whether he shows it or not, what methods he chooses to demonstrate his condition depends on his character, the duration of the relationship, and the degree of emotional attachment.
Psychological reasons that form longing for the past mainly come down to:
- discomfort from changed living conditions;
- compared to other women;
- deep introspection, which leads to the recognition of one’s mistake.
When a woman leaves, the usual way of life changes. The house becomes empty and dreary, and you have to take care of your own household responsibilities and come up with plans for the evening. If the relationship has been long and trusting, the man begins to need someone who will listen, care, and help with advice.
Often guys try to eliminate internal discomfort with the help of noisy companies or promiscuous sex. In search of someone who will fill their spiritual emptiness, many men come to the logical conclusion - the ex-girlfriend was many times better, and you won’t find someone like her anymore.
Long-term and conscious self-analysis helps to understand that things were better before, there were no serious reasons for separation - it was possible to overcome the crisis and gain mutual understanding. The man begins to miss his former passion, and often makes attempts to meet, discuss what happened, and ultimately make peace.
What does this mean?
If a man says he misses him, what does that mean? It all depends on the characteristics of your relationship .
A person in love or someone who loves in this way openly declares that he is uncomfortable without you, the sugar, figuratively speaking, is not sweet enough, the coffee is bitter, and the water is somehow dry. And there is a hole in the heart, darkness in the soul, everything in life is gray and empty.
If a person is accustomed to the fact that you served as a source of everyday or even intimate comfort for him , then with the same beautiful words he simply masks his secret desire to return everything to normal, when in his life everything he needed was within walking distance thanks to your efficiency, homeliness and tractability.
If the relationship develops as in the first case, then the statement “I miss you” is worth a lot.
Because the man opened up to you without fear of seeming sentimental .
If they just want to continue to use you, then it depends only on you whether the man gets what he wants.
When does this moment come?
It is impossible to determine exactly the moment when this feeling appears and begins to grow. The time after which a man begins to feel nostalgia for the past depends on various reasons:
- Life style . If a guy holds a prestigious position, has many friends, is used to spending his leisure time in a variety of ways, melancholy will not appear immediately.
- Relationship quality . If the relationship with the girl was long and emotionally intense, the guy will begin to get bored from the first day of separation. The more sincere his feelings for his chosen one were, the sooner he will begin to regret the separation and get bored.
- Women's position . If a man is sure that his girlfriend will take him back in any case, he will not begin to experience discomfort from separation very soon and only on the condition that the girl disproves his expectations.
- Competition . A guy can “switch off” for a long time the feeling of melancholy brewing inside, but when he sees a new gentleman next to his former companion, he definitely gets bored.
- Pressure from loved ones . The more people around a man who are convinced that he made a mistake, the faster he will begin to miss the relationship. Social disapproval provokes deep introspection, the result of which is an awareness of melancholy.
Sooner or later, any man begins to miss his former relationship. For some, this feeling arises earlier, but quickly passes, for others, melancholy appears after a long time, and depression lasts for years.
How long does it last and what does it depend on?
The duration of longing for an ex-girlfriend can be several days or up to ten months . This is largely determined by living conditions, character, level of self-esteem and other factors:
The more varied and rich a man’s life, the faster the feeling of melancholy will leave him.
He will simply have no time to think about sad things if he receives new impressions every day or is loaded with responsibilities at work.- Longing for the past can be “interrupted” by stronger positive feelings: new love, career growth, a long-awaited major purchase, etc.
- If a man is forced to continue to maintain contact with his former companion or at least regularly see her in his environment, the melancholy will not go away for long. The body will invariably react to a familiar voice or the smell of perfume - provoke memories that will greatly interfere with starting a new life.
The length of time you miss a relationship depends on the duration and degree of exposure to the above factors.
Types of relationships
To understand what will be in a girl’s head after a breakup, it is necessary to analyze what the relationship was like, how she felt while in it. From a psychological point of view, there are 6 types of relationships within an alliance:
- Adult-Child. In such a pair, someone is irresponsible, narrow-minded, the other is a moral teacher, a protector. More often, the role of the Child is played by a girl. If she flies away, it means she saw a new object of admiration or a bright toy. The parent will miss the object of protection.
- Tyrant-Victim. The victim may not realize that he is being used, the Tyrant always knows his dominant role. If she managed to escape, free herself, promises to change and improve will help her return. Really unenforceable. Those who value control and humiliation in relationships must understand their psyche and find out the reason for the desire to humiliate.
- Friends. Friends don't always make good family. They feel good together, there is satisfying sex in all aspects, but there is no talk of love. Such a couple is based only on mutual interests and the absence of desire for more. As soon as one decides to move on, the other retreats. It is possible that after the breakup there will be an intimate relationship without obligations.
- Adult-Adult. The most harmonious, long-lasting, healthy union. The couple is not based on emotions, ups and downs of endorphins, but on common sense, mutual respect and understanding. An alliance is formed after analysis and a mature decision. Disintegrates after careful assessment of the situation. Therefore returns are usually not possible.
- Child-Child. The most restless, eccentric couple. Such people can live their entire lives doing nasty things to other people together or constantly teasing each other. Even after a breakup, they will not miss the opportunity to reproach or insult you with something. It is quite possible to get together, but you should not expect peace in the union, although both do not need this.
- King-Queen. Without exaggeration, such a beautiful, outwardly aesthetic union attracts the attention of others. They love to bask in the glory, but only if they have sufficient finances. Otherwise, egocentrism will not allow you to sacrifice anything for the sake of your partner’s happiness and the couple will separate. In the vast majority of cases, forever.
The duration of the union plays an important role. If you have been together for less than six months, most likely the reason for thoughts about your departed partner is wounded pride. If there is a full year before the breakup, it is possible that the beloved left due to the collapse of hopes. Perhaps she was waiting for an offer, at least for living together, at most - she saw herself in a wedding dress, coming to dates expecting a ring, but without waiting, she left. Finally, discord is perceived most painfully when living together. When the couple had already tested their feelings in everyday life, they adjusted to each other’s habits. Then it seems as if a part of life, a part of oneself, has gone.
How to overcome longing for a woman?
Melancholy is a lack of something important in life . Often this emotion is accompanied by a feeling of powerlessness, anxiety, sadness, refusal of favorite activities, neglect of one’s health and absolute indifference to the future.
In order not to fall into prolonged depression and continue to live, it is important to take appropriate actions in a timely manner:
- Don't be alone . Yes, a guy with a broken heart needs time, but this does not mean that he needs to spend it at home, within four walls, and avoid meeting with relatives or friends. Making new acquaintances, meeting old acquaintances, establishing relationships with superiors and colleagues is what you need to get rid of depression.
- Take care of yourself . It is important for a man, just like a girl, to take care of his appearance. Updating your wardrobe, changing your image, buying a watch or perfume - that's not all. Regular physical training will help you get in order not only your shape, but also your thoughts.
- Find a hobby . Every person should have a favorite thing that helps them get rid of sad thoughts, relax and enjoy the process. If you fail to realize your hidden potential the first time, you need to try again.
Unconstructive and ineffective methods for overcoming a personal crisis are attempts to find another woman as quickly as possible, find “consolation” in a glass of alcohol, or try to hurt your ex, for example, by harassing her friend.
How does breakup affect a man's behavior?
Men are bored and try to drown out this feeling in various ways. They usually like to visit noisy places: clubs or bars. By spending time in the company of friends or acquaintances, men want to take their mind off the problem. With various jokes they show that everything is fine with them.
In the worst cases, they pour alcohol into themselves, which has a bad effect on their physical and emotional state. Some find other girls to spend time with, but in reality they are just looking for a copy of their ex. In short, a bored man tries to do everything not to show weakness and despondency after a breakup.
Does he miss me: how to understand this?
A man does not have to shout about his feelings so that others can understand that he is bored.
External signs by which you can judge a guy’s feelings:
- unkempt appearance;
- storing gifts from an ex-girlfriend;
- constant eye contact;
- lethargy, thoughtfulness, empty gaze;
- reticence.
Sometimes men, in an attempt to dull the inner pain, try to shift it onto their ex-girlfriend. No matter how strange it may be, insults, demonstrations of disdain or an active sex life also indicate sadness over past relationships.
Why does a man remind himself of himself: the psychology of men
According to psychologists, a former beloved man or husband sometimes imposes his own person for the following reasons.
- He wants to figure out whether the lady’s feelings have faded.
Wants to find out if you are yearning for lost love. That’s why he writes messages and congratulates him on the holidays. The guy does this in order to restore his shaky self-esteem, to feel that his beloved is nearby. Or the partner still has feelings, the man wants to renew the relationship.
- Banal sexual dissatisfaction.
Why does your ex-boyfriend remind you of himself? The psychologist's answer is simple: one of the reasons is a lack of sex. The desire to meet only sometimes is often prosaic. The gentleman simply lacks his previous sexual activity. The stronger sex quickly gets used to a certain “sexual rhythm”. If your husband or lover has had sex for several years in a row at least a couple of times a week, it’s difficult to readjust. Banal sexual hunger will make you call and invite you to a “conciliatory” date.
Why do exes remind you of themselves? Psychology says: it is very difficult to build a normal relationship with a man who “returns” simply to satisfy his libido. Be smart. When your ex-lover pesters you with calls in the evenings wanting to come over to satisfy your “basic instinct,” keep your cool. Yes, sex brings you closer, but this is a different case. Therefore, agree to meet only during your lunch break. Such a date excludes sex. This way you will quickly understand the true intentions of a man: does he just want to satisfy his sexual instinct, or does he really want to return to you.
Which parts of the brain are responsible for sadness?
Modern neuroscientists know that many feelings are born in the limbic system of the brain. For example, falling in love is associated with the ventral striatum, which is more often called the “reward center.” This area is activated during orgasms, eating delicious food and anything that gives a person pleasure.
In addition, there is an area in the brain called the somatosensory cortex. Recently, British researchers used computed tomography to find that the touch of other people causes powerful bursts of activity in this part of the brain. Moreover, the closer and dearer this person was to the subject, the stronger the bursts were.
The first is a change in appearance
A good haircut for a woman is like a breath of fresh air. It instantly makes your eyes sparkle. Of course, this will not bring your loved one back, but it will definitely lift your spirits and you will feel renewed. They say that if a woman changes her hairstyle, changes will soon occur in her life too. If you can't get a haircut, experiment with styling. This will be a reason for a home photo shoot, which you can do even in quarantine! And then photos will appear on your Instagram that will gather a lot of likes and increase not only your mood, but also your self-esteem.
