“Falsity, lies and false promises. It’s better to live alone than to go through all this” - these are the arguments that can increasingly be heard from both the fair sex and men. An ever-increasing proportion of the stronger half actually suggests that being better and easier on your own, you don’t need to take into account anyone else’s opinion and be disappointed in your other half.
Men's loneliness is talked about much less often than women's. And if it is customary for women in society to be “stigmatized,” then such a position as “bachelor” does not cause any complaints from anyone, much less sidelong glances. However, in both cases, loneliness is a swamp that gradually drags in and over time leaves scanty chances of getting out of it.
How do women feel about male loneliness?
The phrase “enviable bachelor” is quite popular in women's circles. An unmarried, handsome, and even single man of 30-40 years old is perceived by women as a “trophy” that definitely needs to be taken. Unfortunately, in their desires or outright attempts to conquer a lonely man’s heart, women often do not think about why it is actually lonely?
Of course, the thought that such a man simply has not met his woman is much more pleasant than the thought that the “lonely heart” is simply depressed, has loneliness syndrome and other reasons not to commit himself to a love relationship.
Female self-sufficiency
It is believed that one of the reasons for male loneliness is female self-sufficiency. This is quite a pressing issue. Many women are career-oriented, which is generally good. However, they cultivate strong qualities in themselves that do not allow them to express their femininity. As a result, such women become quite tough and domineering. Building relationships with such ladies is quite difficult, and not at all because men are weak. Such women simply discourage anyone from caring for them and pursuing them. It is quite natural that the male reaction to this is alienation.
Is loneliness dangerous for men and what can this lifestyle lead to?
Loneliness is extremely negative for both men and women. The assertion that men are stronger and less prone to anxiety and depression is fundamentally false in this case. So, for example, esotericists and psychologists constantly see examples where a man who comes to terms with his way of life and recognizes it as the only correct one gets a lot of other problems of a very different nature.
Personal problems in love relationships, or rather in their absence, gradually “eat away” life.
The result is self-destruction, attempts to find joy in a glass of strong alcohol, career problems and much more.
Is it bad?
There is no clear answer to the question of whether a man can live alone. Of course, anyone is capable of living alone, but this will have a negative impact on their mental health. People need to communicate, enter into communications and build some kind of connections with each other. If this does not happen, then the person moves away from everything worldly and loses the ability to communicate. He becomes more closed and withdraws into himself. This may result in severe depression or the individual simply avoiding all contact.
Strongly negative attitude towards marriage
Marriage is a reasonable continuation of a love relationship. Men who have a negative opinion about marriage prefer not to get involved with women so as not to give false hopes. Why might this attitude arise? As a rule, if a man had bad examples in front of him, for example, a failed marriage of his parents, constant quarrels in his family, etc.
Loneliness after 30 years
It is believed that up to a certain age people can be in search of themselves. If a man under 30 yearns for solitude, wants moral and physical development, then there is nothing shameful or wrong in that. However, male loneliness after 30 years indicates some kind of violation. Of course, there are exceptions. There are young men who want to engage only with you throughout their lives. Some will say that they are selfish, but in fact such people can bring great benefits to society. They focus on some of their talents or tasks and realize themselves fully.
Male loneliness - positive and negative aspects
Temporary loneliness is quite possible and there is nothing wrong with it. For example, a man may take a break and not enter into a relationship until he achieves significant results in his career, has fun with friends, or is seriously involved in sports. If this period does not drag on, then such loneliness may even benefit future relationships.
We need to clearly understand the line between temporary and permanent, chronic loneliness. In the latter case, a serious struggle will be required, since it is quite difficult to fight accumulated problems and bad habits. Often, chronically lonely men can no longer cope without psychologists.
Negative experiences in the past
For those who have gone through a divorce or had negative experiences in relationships, we can recommend the following:
- If the events happened not so long ago, then it takes time to be ready for a new relationship. As a rule, this is a year; there’s no point in delaying it any longer. After reflecting on what led to this outcome and drawing the right conclusions, you can try to establish new relationships.
- If the question is how to survive loneliness, you should take care of yourself and your self-improvement. It could be anything - a new hobby, sports, music, travel, a change in activity, a lot of activities that are worth spending your time and energy on.
- Traumatic events (divorce, betrayal, or loss of a loved one) lead to feelings of fear or uncertainty about success. Having recognized his fear, a man will understand how to overcome loneliness. Life must go on, and let previous failures become a lesson and experience that will make a person stronger and stronger, wiser and more attentive. If you have the right attitude, then any changes in life will be perceived as a new level.
How to deal with male loneliness - universal tips
It is possible and necessary to fight male loneliness. Fortunately, besides going to a psychologist, there are other ways:
- Sports and a healthy lifestyle are a universal medicine for all occasions. Firstly, it is good for health. Secondly, in gyms and at the stadium you can meet your chosen one with similar aspirations and lifestyle.
- Going headlong into work. Here we note that this method is most effective for young people when climbing the career ladder is just beginning. Gradually, when financial well-being improves at least a little, most men will want to acquire family comfort.
- Getting a pet. Fish, hamsters and even small lizards can “awaken” warm feelings in a lonely heart. But the best option is, of course, a dog that will faithfully wait at home and with whom you need to go out for walks in public.
- Friends, both single and family. True friends will always help you get out of any difficult situation, including depression. And if you still have an example of a warm family relationship between your best friend and his wife before your eyes, this will be the best medicine for curing loneliness.
- Hobby activities will allow you to forget about any psychological problems. It is advisable that the hobby should not be “at home”, but require going out to people and communicating with them.
Consequences
As a result, young people either stop communicating with the fair sex, or simply begin to exist separately from them. But where can one man relax if he avoids female society and has no friends among men? This is a very interesting question that is asked by many women who believe that a man cannot survive without them. In fact, there are quite a lot of options for recreation and entertainment for such a person. Again, this is a matter of awareness. If a person understands the reason for his loneliness and goes into it intentionally, then he knows what he will do, does not waste time and develops himself. If loneliness is caused by pathological reasons, then there can be no talk of any rest or entertainment. Such a man is simply self-absorbed, he has a poor understanding of his feelings and desires and does not work at all on his internal problems.
Fear of loneliness - how to get rid of it
Whatever it is, and no matter how attractive loneliness may seem, sooner or later there will be a fear of the possibility of being left alone with yourself for the rest of your life. It rarely happens that a man does not see a problem in being left alone until the age of 40 and continues to assure himself that as soon as he wants to get married, he will do it literally “tomorrow”.
Loneliness is almost always accompanied by a mountain of fears, complexes and blocks, which can and should be dealt with with a psychologist. The main thing is to understand in time that there is a problem and to seek help in a timely manner, because the more time passes, the more difficult the healing process will be.
Is this possible?
So, is it possible for a man to live as a lone wolf? Of course you can, if this is his sincere desire. But in no case is it possible if he simply avoids responsibility and problems. Through alienation, he will not solve any of his problems, he will only aggravate them. If you have such acquaintances in your circle, then you need to do everything to get them to communicate. At the same time, remember that a person has certain boundaries that you cannot cross. If a man categorically refuses help, then it is better to leave him alone.
If you are still concerned about the question of how a man can live alone, then there is no need to torment yourself if your loved one has chosen this path. This is completely normal and natural, so there is no need to worry. The main thing is not to fall for the stereotypes of society, which claims that such behavior is abnormal. Remember, a person chooses his own path and is free to decide how to spend his life. In addition, many men who spend some time alone are happy to return to normal communication and family circles. Having been alone, they receive a certain energy, and after this period they can live a normal, full life.
To summarize, there is nothing wrong with being alone. If a person feels good alone with himself, then he will feel great in any company. You should not label or draw any conclusions about a person simply because he loves solitude. In the modern world, many people are lonely, they just know how to hide it well. People who openly express their desires deserve respect. A lonely man is a normal phenomenon if such a path is chosen consciously. If we are talking about a slacker or a person with complexes, then only he can help himself if he really wants it. In other cases, any outside help will not be effective.
Stressful state
Not everyone is able to perceive loneliness correctly. This feeling causes a negative reaction in both women and the stronger sex. Many people believe that life without a loved one or friends has no meaning. Feelings of loneliness provoke discomfort and fear, and this is normal. Experts say that this condition is a stressful situation. Nevertheless, it gives a person an excellent opportunity to unwind, work on his own personality and look at life calmly, judiciously, as if from the outside
It is important to find a reasonable balance between the time spent with others and the minutes and hours that the individual devotes to himself. Avoiding loneliness at all costs is not a good idea.
After all, this is how you can end up in a society of dishonest people. Some individuals have a circle of distant acquaintances with whom they constantly communicate. But this often leads to serious problems.
Negative influence of maternal image
Two possible developments suggest the following scenarios:
- A man considers his mother ideal, his attachment to her is too strong, he emotionally depends on her opinion;
- A man is detached from his mother and may not only not love her, but hate her.
In both options, the result is the same: a man perceives women through a maternal image, and his assessment is always negative . Such men are unlikely to make loving husbands - they constantly compare all women with their mother, do not see merits in them, only flaws and imperfections.
New acquaintances
To combat the problem you need to make drastic changes, and in case of loneliness, by making new acquaintances. There are several ways to take the initiative to communicate:
- A man needs to get out of his own shell by establishing relationships with society. Interpersonal communication will not replace the Internet and information technology.
- You shouldn’t wait for an invitation, you need to call all your friends and acquaintances, colleagues and classmates, and turn to them more often for advice and help. Those who respond can enter the social circle; a man just needs to invite them to a cafe or home for tea, arranging friendly gatherings.
- If a man likes a girl, he shouldn’t be afraid to take the initiative. Even if the attempts remain unsuccessful, they should be treated without undue self-criticism, since the man will gain invaluable experience that will help him in future attempts to meet.
- You should not expect that friendship will begin immediately after the first communication. Any relationship is a complex and time-consuming process that is built on rapprochement and close communication.
The most pleasant and useful way to combat loneliness is to have a pet. Whether it’s a kitten or a puppy, a four-legged companion will teach a man to responsibility, care, contacts and communication, and spending time together. In addition, a pet, according to psychologists, is an excellent source of positive emotions and joy, that is, an antidepressant.
Types of loneliness
There are several varieties of this condition, which are divided into 3 main categories.
According to the mechanism of perception
• Diffuse. In this case, there is a loss of self. The personality completely merges with the world and society, dissolving in it. Moreover, often a person is not even able to understand that he has such a problem.
• Managed. It is considered a normal type of condition. A person does not refuse to communicate with others, but fully supports his uniqueness.
• Dissociated. This condition is characterized by processes of alienation from society. It can manifest itself as a sharp change in attitude towards people or some processes.
• Alienating. In this state, the individual is completely removed from society, as well as from its values and norms. At the same time, a person is able to realize his problem.
By personality type
Based on the subjective state of the individual:
• Passively and persistently lonely. Sadness and melancholy become constant companions. People are fully aware of their problem, but do not make any attempts to correct the situation. At the same time, they are ready not only to put up with loneliness, but also to hide it from others, pretending that everything is normal.
• Hopelessly lonely. This type includes people who do not have family, friends, or even ordinary acquaintances with whom they could communicate from time to time. They are constantly sad, feel empty inside, and suffer from a feeling of uselessness. At the same time, they tend to blame others for this.
• Occasionally lonely. This type includes those who have a fairly wide circle of friends and acquaintances, but if there are no close relationships for a short time, they begin to feel worthless and unnecessary.
Existential loneliness
It is separated into a separate category, and is otherwise called global. Everyone faces this at least once in their life, because at some moments everyone feels the differences between themselves and the rest of the world. In this case, the person experiences severe melancholy and emptiness in the soul for a short period or constantly.
Often people encounter this when they begin to reflect on the fact of the finiteness of their existence. They begin to think that no one can understand them and truly love them; they are convinced that they will always be alone.
Summary
Loneliness is not a death sentence. This is an opportunity to look at your life from the outside with a “cold” look and understand what new doors life is ready to open in front of you.
Of course, you can give in to emotions and drive yourself into depression, but is this a solution? There is no magic recommendation on how to cope with loneliness for a teenager after a breakup or for an elderly person. But understanding and accepting your condition will help you move forward and begin to act.
Be positive, don’t be afraid to ask for help, take the first step towards meeting new people, devote more time to your health and interests, love yourself and remember that thoughts are material.
Let those who make your life happy always be with you!
And don't forget to take a short survey:
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
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- The influence of loneliness on consciousness. Part 1
- The influence of loneliness on consciousness. Part 2
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- 7 Scientific Ways to Improve Mental Health
- Eating disorder: concept, forms, symptoms and prevention
- Mechanisms of escape from freedom: theses of Erich Fromm
- Uncertainty avoidance
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Key words: 1 Communication, 1 Psychoregulation
Ghosts of past friendships
Let's say you had a friend. You called him when he was sick, helped him when he asked for help, spent your time, energy and emotions on him, hung out with him and went to football matches, but for some reason it all ended and you were left in the company of your fictional friends. Now you won't buy that crap anymore. You will become a real lone wolf... Such self-pity is the road to nowhere, believe me. Absolutely every person has heavy emotional baggage, and people are selfish by nature. No one will change just because you want them to. Any relationship is a job that is rewarded with joy and happiness if approached correctly. Forget your childhood grievances and call a good friend, agree on a joint raid to the gym or sports bar.
The environment you live in
The desire to be alone with oneself arises for a reason. Just think that every day you expose yourself to nervous breakdowns, which can lead to prolonged depression. You have to absorb tons of information, 80% of which simply clogs the space in your head, for example, unnecessary conversations of colleagues, gossip, etc. In addition, your comfort zone is constantly violated. If earlier people did not allow themselves to get close to a stranger, now it is considered the norm. Just one word - metro. Someone is constantly invading your space, and you tolerate it. Yes, and there is nothing to be done about it. Therefore, the desire to run away from everyone in order to collect your thoughts is normal.
Signs of a Lonely Person
In fact, it is very easy to identify a lonely person by external signs. For example, it turned out that there is a direct connection between loneliness and passion for shopping. The study lasted for 6 years, and scientists came to the conclusion that lonely people focus more on material goods than others. This comes from longing - thus, they are trying to fill the emptiness in the soul.
Often a lonely person becomes self-obsessed. During the dialogue, he interrupts his interlocutors and tries in every possible way to change the topic to a conversation about his life.
Another characteristic sign is increased aggressiveness, lack of attention and interest in others, suspiciousness, and lack of one’s own opinion. In large companies, such people are immediately visible - they feel discomfort from communication, and often sit in silence.
