Male pride is an area of consciousness that, if touched, can undermine faith in one’s own strength and completely destroy one’s priorities. It does not matter whether the ego of the stronger sex was hurt intentionally or unintentionally. But if such situations are repeated frequently, we can speak with a high degree of confidence about the imminent death of the union. Even the calmest men who submissively obey women sooner or later come to the decision to break off the relationship. Experienced specialists give their recommendations on how not to hurt a man’s ego.
The essence of the concept
Male self-esteem is formed throughout a man's life. A representative of the stronger sex is born to become a conqueror, protector and breadwinner. Nature created him strong and courageous, capable of finding a worthy partner for procreation, protecting her from the attacks of other suitors, and also providing the woman with a roof over her head and food for food. These functions are a priority for any male individual and do not depend on his upbringing and desires. Everything is inherent in a guy’s mind by nature, so the slightest violation of boundaries or ignoring his main functions on the part of a woman is met with hostility.
Basic types of behavior of a woman
There are two ways to hurt a man's pride. We are talking about conscious and unconscious provocation on the part of a woman. The first and second options are radically different from each other:
- Deliberate provocation. This is the style of behavior of a woman who tries to keep everything under control. She sees everything and understands perfectly well that the man is unpleasant with her comments or sarcastic clarifications. By doing this on purpose, the girl achieves the complete destruction of the man as an individual, in order to establish her own unspoken rules. A woman mistakenly believes that she can keep her husband close to her for a long period in this way. The man will consider himself completely dependent on her and will not go anywhere. You will have to disappoint the lady, because sooner or later the guy will find strength in himself and will definitely break out from under oppression. The only justification can be a situation where a woman did not value the relationship and deliberately hurt the man’s pride in order to break up as quickly as possible.
- Unintentional provocation. We are talking about the wrong behavior of a woman who is trying to increase her self-esteem at the expense of her partner. She is confident that she is right and does not notice the moment when she begins to cross the line of what is permitted. At the same time, the girl sincerely loves the guy and does not understand what exactly she is doing wrong. Most often, such relationships end in separation, and both partners experience severe disappointment. To prevent this from happening, you should consider the most common mistakes in the behavior of representatives of the fair sex.
Maria Weiss, sexologist:
– In this situation, the woman experiences emotional dependence. She is in a relationship that is uncomfortable for her. The woman suffers and experiences a lot of pain, but at the same time does not want to end this relationship.
The root of the problem most often needs to be looked for in childhood
- Parents told the child that love must be earned. They convinced the child that to receive their love he had to be good, obedient and an excellent student.
- Parents often showed aggression and violence, where the child was to blame for simply existing.
- One of the parents had been a victim of violence for a long time, but was not going to break up with the rapist.
- Cold relationships in the family without intimacy and love. Because of this, the child lacks the experience of “healthy” relationships.
- Parents imposed their opinion on the child and forced him to fulfill all the demands of adults.
There are some signs you can tell if you have an emotional addiction.
- You take responsibility for how the other person behaves.
- You are afraid of being rejected by others or experiencing severe pain.
- Constantly expecting from others what they are unable to give.
- You put other people's needs above your own.
- You devalue yourself and your actions.
- You feel like you're not good enough for a man, for this job, for a better relationship.
In such a situation, I can advise you to contact a specialist who will help you “close” childhood traumas and teach you to be in a relationship without emotional dependence and fear. You also need to work on yourself and your own self-esteem, learn to stand up for yourself and listen to your needs.
When you achieve this, your life will change and you will be able to build new, fulfilling, healthy relationships.
So, I promised advanced examples of male accusations. And you can read them below.
Example 1.
The girl put the glass on the table. And the man wants this glass to stand 10 cm to the right.
Example 2
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A man was scolded by his boss at work. Of course, it is not the man himself who is to blame for everything, but the leader. But my wife will get it too. It was she who did not remind him that he needed to finish something at work on the weekend, which he did not finish during working hours because of his laziness.
She, in his opinion, should have woken up early on Saturday, around 6 am, and looked through all the documents that he had not completed. Highlight all the mistakes, put things in order in that pile of documents, write a draft of what needed to be done. And she didn’t do it and didn’t even remind her.
But let a miracle happen and the girl did it all. Woke up at 6 am, worked for three hours, made breakfast and coffee in bed, morning sex, etc.
Do you think that a man will be satisfied and grateful to his girlfriend or wife? Of course not.
More precisely, he will be satisfied for a short time, but then he will say that she made a mistake in the draft document and did not type it here the way he wanted. But he will still use the draft instead of making it from scratch.
Example 3. A man is a loser in life
.
It is clear that a man who blames circumstances and other people, including his woman, for everything cannot, by definition, be very successful. And it’s okay if God didn’t give such a man bright talents. Then he lives more or less normally.
But if the abilities are there, if the abilities are higher than those of most of his colleagues, and the successes are much lower, then beware, woman. Why a woman, you might ask? After all, what does she have to do with a man’s failure in business?
Apparently, you did not read the first part of the article carefully. Such a male victim always blames everyone around him and especially those closest to him. And rarely is anyone closer to his wife.
And then the accusations come. They can be direct and very veiled.
Direct - that's understandable. The woman is to blame for the fact that the man does not earn money, since she does not give him time for professional growth, does not give him money (for example, the family budget), does not listen to his plans, does not support, etc. She stayed at home for 5 minutes, and at that time he could have earned 10 million, but he didn’t earn it because of her.
Veiled accusations are even more common than direct ones.
These are idealized stories about how, before meeting a woman, everything was just super-duper for a man. Money flowed like a river, friends were constantly in the house, he moved up the career ladder almost every 4 months.
And then I met my woman. (or wife) There was no money, his career stopped or went downhill, his friends stopped coming to his house. It goes without saying that these are all fairy tales about a white bull. But it can be more difficult to object to them than to a direct accusation.
After all, the man doesn’t seem to blame at all. He just talks about his life.
Example 4. A man got fat
.
Of course, the wife is to blame. She is the one who overfeeds him. She’s the one who doesn’t let me play sports, etc.
Example 5. A man is a bad lover
.
Well, here God himself ordered the woman to be blamed. In short, for some reason she doesn’t know how to get aroused by the fact that he grabbed the girl’s butt 30 seconds before the intended sex. It’s true that a woman deserves all sorts of blame for such behavior))
Example 6. Children.
Well, finally there are children. Now, of course, you can blame them the same way. There is much less time, money, and effort. And now we can safely say that career, etc. ruined for the sake of the children.
A man is not at all embarrassed by the fact that 80% of successful men have children whom they themselves raise to one degree or another.
Example 7. The woman looked wrong. That's not what she said. I didn’t guess it myself
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And of course, when there is nothing to complain about, the wife is ideal (and smart, and beautiful, and slim despite the fact that she gave birth to several children, and does not sit on his neck, and the children are well brought up, and the house is clean, and so on ), then it doesn't mean anything. Our man can blame a woman always and everywhere.
Even if a woman behaved perfectly, there will still be something to complain about. And this, of course, “You looked at it wrong and said it wrong.”
I didn't look that way
- this means she looked evil, without a smile. As if a woman should always look at her man (especially this one) with a smile of bliss on her face.
That's not what she said
- this is any action at all.
So, what is the real fault of a woman who lives with such a man?
Usually only in the fact that he still tolerates him and continues to live with him :)).
The woman’s accusations, of course, are not as harmless as they seem from the outside. After all, they come constantly, little by little, from different sides and angles. Openly, hidden (in stories), then often from relatives and friends (after he spoke about the events in his interpretation).
And after a few months, a woman may begin to feel worthless and useless to anyone. What will happen in a few years? She will already feel like an “old woman”. There will be no joy and sparkle in the eyes, no energy to accomplish something of your own. Often such women, whom their husband constantly blames for everything, lose the desire to live altogether. They live only for the sake of their children.
Therefore, of course, we need to fight this.
The first thing is to understand that you are not to blame for anything before your man. (except, I repeat, tolerate him and live with him)
It was not for nothing that I gave so many examples of possible accusations from a man. There are many of them and there is one for almost any life situation.
I describe them so that you understand that the path to trying to become a perfect woman is a path to nowhere.
After all, no matter what happens, no matter how ideally you behave, no matter what you do, you will still remain guilty of everything bad and even good. (it's not enough)
Therefore, behavior aimed at becoming an ideal woman for a man who constantly blames others and especially his woman for everything is a dead end with no way out.
I will repeat this thought once again so as not to cause misunderstanding. I am not against a woman changing her behavior in some way. This is often a good strategy.
But in this case (when a man blames everyone around him), the best change is to understand that trying to become ideal so that a man stops blaming is a useless exercise.
Your man just likes to blame. He likes to be a whiner. He likes to be a Victim and blame everyone around for his failures, and you first of all.
The second is to fight back against behavior such as blaming.
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If you calmly tolerate the accusation or even say that you will try to improve, then you are practically encouraging the man to continue blaming you in the first place.
Go through the standard charges I described above. Find those that do not fit the standard ones, but apply only to you.
Reread it almost every day. Convince yourself that you have nothing to do with a man’s failures and demands. Answer the man in words, according to the approximate algorithm:
— Failures in some area of life? So maybe it's you? You didn’t do it, you don’t learn professionalism, you gave up one thing and didn’t finish another, you gave up, etc.
- Look at yourself from the outside. When I met you, you strived for this and this. And now you just sit and blame everyone around you for everything. Me (the woman), the manager and even my children.
— There are a lot of men who have children, a wife, achieve success, and they also have difficulties. But they somehow overcome them, and do not blame everyone around them and do not whine.
The text is, of course, approximate. You need to adapt it to you, to specific accusations and whining.
Third, take his accusations to the point of absurdity. So that there is a slight irony.
Choose a couple of his favorite accusations and take them to the extreme. For example, your man says that because of the children there is no time, so he does not do work, so there is no success and money.
You can say: “Well, that’s it, it’s your children’s fault that you don’t know how to earn money. How did they interfere with your career?”
If he says something like: “Time became short when the children appeared.”
You can say something like:
“Almost all successful men at your age have or have had children.
This means they somehow managed to work and raise children. So try your best, and don’t blame the children.” Fourth, do not support his accusations against other people.
.
I’ll say right away that this technique does not work in isolation. That is, even if from tomorrow you completely stop supporting his accusations against other people, this does not mean that he will stop accusing you.
But to some extent this technique works and is not so bad.
For example, your man blames his manager or his parents or someone else for something. Sometimes you just want to join in the criticism, especially of those people whom for some reason you don’t like. (mother-in-law, for example)
Do not do that.
For example, a man accuses his mother of something, even justifiably. Don't support the accusations. Say that “Yes, all people have their shortcomings.”
Or
“Yes, she doesn’t do something, but in principle she’s not obligated to do it for you
.
Or “Yes, mom is like that, but you shouldn’t blame her, but focus on yourself, your earning money, for example, and not suffer from a lack of help from your parents.”
Fifth, if nothing helps, and the accusations are very strong
(it happens that women even have thoughts that they don’t want to live and live only for the sake of children)
and permanent ones, then of course, as an option - this is psychological distance and maybe even divorce
.
Psychological distance is, first of all, not even separation or living in a separate apartment (although this is distance too, of course), but rather living your own life much more and living the life of your man an order of magnitude less.
Listen to him less, believe him less, try less to inspire, save, believe. In general, it’s better to read about it in a book
Mind your own business a lot more. Take care of your career, your appearance, find new friends, learn some useful skill for work, or even just learn something that you have been wanting to learn for a long time.
If after such actions the number of scandals between you and a man has not decreased significantly, then you are doing something wrong. With increasing psychological distance, the number of scandals always decreases significantly. (sometimes some truth and intimacy disappears. But in this case, it is more important to reduce the number of accusations and scandals and at least somehow restore your self-esteem).
Therefore, if everything remains unchanged, then take a closer look at yourself. Are you trying to advise your man something?
You are trying to convince a man of something. (that you can’t live in such a mess, that you need to do something around the house, that you need to be treated one way or another, etc.) Stop doing it. Take care of yourself, try to build as much psychological distance as possible.
Let's take stock
.
Men who blame everyone around for their failures and just like that are not so few. The severity of this trait, of course, varies greatly. But if the craving for accusations is strong, then the woman inevitably falls under it.
Trying for a woman to become a better person in order to accommodate all the accusations is usually a dead-end strategy. (If there are not many accusations, but there are essentially quite normal expectations of a man, then of course, you can adjust). You need to understand that it is not you who are to blame for something, but the man lives in such a way that he likes it so much and he blames everyone and everything around him, no matter what they do and no matter how hard they try. He likes to blame everyone, and his woman first of all. Therefore, you need to not allow yourself to be blamed and, if necessary, distance yourself from the man.
Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.
Some interesting statistics. The vast majority of readers of this site are women... When I first noticed this, I was slightly surprised, but then I thought that, however, there was nothing to be surprised about.
Indeed, women are more likely to seek solutions to their problems, discuss them and ask for advice. Men, on the other hand, are more often inclined to hush up their problems, because a man is strong and resilient and will sort out his problems himself, right?
Based on these statistics, I am increasingly beginning to write articles aimed specifically at a female audience. But resentment is a universal thing, and therefore it is impossible not to affect men’s feelings. Just because men don't like to talk about their problems openly doesn't mean that women experience resentment on average more often than men. In addition, the resentment experienced by men can often be stronger due to the fact that they do not often give it vent.
In what relationships does a man experience resentment? Of course, in loved ones. And naturally, one of such relationships is marriage. It often happens that a young man falls madly in love and, against the backdrop of sweet expectations of a happy future together, proposes to the woman. And of course, if the feelings are mutual, at first the relationship is truly a fairy tale.
But after a few years, the man suddenly begins to realize that the fairy tale he painted for himself in his imagination does not correspond to reality at all. And the reason for this is a lack of awareness, a lack of understanding of how women really work, and a lack of knowledge of what to expect from them. But instead of understanding the situation, he would prefer to withdraw into himself and endure, endure, endure. Until sooner or later a threshold is crossed and a quarrel occurs, varying in strength from moderate to catastrophic.
Please note that we are talking about monogamous
relationships. That is, the husband and wife are expected to sleep only with each other until the very end, that is, until death or divorce separates them. And no one cheats on anyone, has never cheated and will never cheat. It’s immediately clear that the initial premises are not the most realistic, but we’ll talk about resentment in open and “closed” relationships another time. In the meantime, here's how a wife can traumatize her husband without realizing it.
1. Refusal of sex.
This is in first place for a reason, since this is almost the surest way to ruin a man’s married life. Dear women, every time you deny sex to your regular sexual partner, it is a painful blow.
You see what’s the matter... Let’s talk openly. Men are lustful animals. They always need sex. Whether married or not. Even if he is 20 years old, even if he is 50. Rich or poor, ugly or handsome, a young sexy male fucker-bachelor or a modest middle-aged fat man-loser-married. In sadness or joy, in grief or resentment, men always want sex.
Of course, the frequency of the question varies from man to man. Everyone's libido is different - some people want sex 5 times a week, for others, once will be enough. This doesn't change the essence. The bottom line is that regardless of his character, he expects that since he is with a woman and he has a relationship with her, this automatically means regular sex with her always
.
Yes, yes, I know what you might say. “It is not my responsibility to satisfy him.” “I’m not a prostitute for him, I’m the wife and mother of his children,” “Sex is not the most important thing.” But here's the thing - if you marry him, if you want a happy relationship, and your relationship is monogamous, I have news for you. It is your responsibility to fuck your husband. And for your husband, sex is very important, even if it is not the most important thing in a marital relationship. Why is this so important to him? Because he is not only a caring father and a faithful husband, but also a lustful animal, as I mentioned above.
Does this mean that I blame or reproach women? In no case! . Therefore, you should go through the husbands.
Husbands, come to your senses! Did you really expect that the honeymoon you had at sea, when you fucked your newly minted wife several times a day, was the norm? Or is the first year of your relationship the way it will always be? I have news for you - women are biologically designed in such a way that they get tired of the same man in a long-term monogamous relationship over time.
Do you know why? Because the genetic code that people carry within themselves has not changed for millions of years. And this code programmed women to search for a suitable male who would provide them with offspring and protect these offspring (amusingly, these two roles can be performed separately by two different men). How long does it need to be protected before it gets back on its feet and can escape? 20 years? 15 years? 10 years? No, fewer years than you have fingers on one hand.
Therefore, from a biological point of view, a woman is “not interested” in sleeping with you for 20 years the way she was in the early years of your marriage. Because if you have been living together for a long time, then from a biological, sexual, animal point of view, you are no longer perceived by a woman as the man with whom she sleeps. At least not as much as it was before. Now you are more like a relative to her, and biology does not allow sleeping with relatives.
What about emotions? We are not animals, we are people, and not everything is controlled by biology. Yes, that’s true, not everything is decided by biology. But emotions are exactly the same biology, and they serve to ensure that you carry out your biological program. Your male biology has programmed you to have sex throughout your life. The point is not that we have more than just biology. The bottom line is that the biology of men and women when it comes to the sexual component of relationships is completely different. She needs to get offspring from a quality male from sex. And you, men, need sex to spread your biological material throughout planet Earth. And no social dressing from above will be able to drown out this fundamental difference between male and female biology, no matter how society denies it, trying to equalize men and women or reduce the importance of biology to nothing.
What does all this mean in terms of the subject matter of this site? After all, the site is not dedicated to evolutionary psychology, but to resentment. And this means the same thing as always. on his wife, man. If you don’t like that the frequency of sex is decreasing, write it down on paper. And then, when you clear out the resentment and see the situation as it is, you can decide what to do. And perhaps you will understand that from now on you can no longer count on the same woman to be the source of your male joy and satisfaction throughout your life. But more on that another time...
2. Permanent commands.
We are talking here about women with a more dominant character. Such women consider themselves “strong and independent,” and in practice this is expressed in attempts to constantly control the situation. If the situation does not correspond to the scenario of events, directives are issued to correct the vector. Such women have a vector for everything, including their husband. So it falls to him, the poor fellow.
Here again, men, wake up! A woman commands you only because you allow her. Yes, there are men who like to submit to a woman, but this is not about them. They do not feel offended by this type of communication with a woman. Therefore, if you are reading these lines, most likely you are not one of them. Clean your brains, remove all your fears and limiting beliefs that make you unable to resist a woman. And then it will be clear what to do.
3. Attempts to change it.
Women get married expecting a man to change over time. Men get married hoping the woman will never change. Please, here's Venus and Mars, that's all. A man gets married, hoping that everything will be as it was at the very beginning. Stable relationships are those that do not change.
Give a man a beautiful, smart, cool woman with big breasts and/or a firm ass + a set of all the qualities he likes, and he will be happy. As long as it never changes, it always remains as it is.
But this is only from a male point of view. From a female point of view, stable relationships are those that have development. Women are more dynamic creatures than men.
Women, especially those with a dominant character, expect that a man will adapt to new circumstances and, as a result, change if necessary.
Amendment - change if she
. Personally, he may have no intention of changing, because why? And so everything is fine. But the fact that his wife constantly criticizes him and hints that he shouldn’t do this, or that he needs to do better, over time begins to settle in him in the form of resentment.
4. Excessive use of phrases “You always...”, “You never...”, etc.
Oh, women love it.
“You never help my mom.” “You always leave the toilet seat up.” So, are you really ready to swear that he always
does something there or
never
does something there? You don't have to answer, I already know the answer.
Again, the trick is the difference between the communication styles of men and women. The fact is that for men and women these words mean different things. For a man, the words “always” and “never” are determined by their lexical meanings, which can be looked up in an explanatory dictionary. For a woman, these words are subordinated to the expression of the emotions that she experiences at one time or another. And if the emotions are strong enough, they bypass the linguistic filters in a woman’s head, and are ultimately displayed as the words “always” and “never.”
Men, don’t attach any importance to this - just get used to the fact that women work this way - there will be less resentment. Don’t cling to the words, you are taking them out of context - the context of her emotional state here and now. And the resentment that you have already accumulated - what do we do with it? We are working on it, of course. Without pity.
5. Making him responsible for his emotional well-being.
A caveat should be made that not only women do this, everyone does it. And men, and old people, and children. And in relation to everything around. It’s not me who bears the grudge, it’s you who offended me. It’s not me who is a fool and a lazy person, it’s the state that is bad and steals. Etc.
But still, if we compare men and women in marital relationships, women more often behave with men in such a way that it is the husband’s fault that she is feeling bad at heart. There is an interesting apparent contradiction. On the one hand, women are more emotional, but on the other hand, they are less likely to realize what causes their emotions. And as a result, they do not realize that when they blame their husband for their emotions, nothing changes. He doesn't understand what he can do with you. Except to apologize for nothing automatically so that you calm down.
But men, again, the responsibility for the offense is on you. You, too, do not shine with awareness if you suffer from such situations. After all, what happened was that your wife directed her bad mood at you, and you already formed a feeling of guilt in yourself. Then you take responsibility for her bad mood and begin to accumulate resentment, slowly hating yourself more and more along the way. No problem, work it out.
6. Indifference to his efforts.
Do you want to hurt your husband? Stop appreciating what he regularly does for you and your children.
A single man does not need so much money to maintain his existence at the same level. This means that a lot of his motivation to work harder is you and perhaps your children. Unfortunately, this is often not realized or forgotten over time.
A single man does not need to help your mother, fool himself by communicating with your relatives, or be faithful for decades. Unfortunately, this is often not realized or forgotten over time.
I by no means mean that men in marital relationships make greater efforts to preserve them than women. Not at all. Forgetfulness towards each other is a universal human flaw that affects both men and women. Fortunately, it is possible to fight it - after all, the elaborations were invented for a reason.
Work it out, husbands and wives!
What is the conclusion from all this? There are two of them. The first is mutual understanding between men and women and a conscious attitude towards how differently women and men perceive reality and communicate - this is the key to harmonious relationships. Second, if you have a grudge against your marriage partner, work through it! At the same time, in the process of clearing your brain, you will acquire the necessary transparency of awareness so that you will not have such problems in the future, regardless of your gender or marital status.
Mistake No. 1. Comments in front of strangers
To the question of how to hurt a man’s pride without even noticing it, there is one answer: constantly making comments to a guy in the presence of strangers. Some women naively believe that for better effect and motivation to act, a man needs to be shamed in front of friends or relatives. For example, a guy doesn’t bring in a very large salary or forgets (or doesn’t know how) to fix the plumbing in the house. The girl voices her complaints so that her partner feels ashamed, and upon returning home he literally starts troubleshooting or looking for a new job.
It's safe to say that a man would never do this. Even if he considers the remark to be true, agreement will infringe on his male pride. He will fundamentally and demonstratively do everything the other way around, since strangers have learned about his insolvency, and his other half has become the initiator of the whole action.
The desire to control everything
Arrogance goes hand in hand with hypercontrol. Our ego tells us: “Since you are the best, you know better how things should be. Who if not you?
As a result, we begin to interfere in the work of others, checking even the most insignificant details. All this in order to find flaws and stroke your ego. It becomes unbearable to work with us.
As you strive to control everything and everyone, remember that your power is not that great. You do not control weather conditions, the world market, or the decisions of other people. You are wasting energy that could be put to better use.
How to avoid this mistake
Never voice your complaints in front of strangers, do not make comments, do not reprimand. Such behavior looks unworthy, since it insults not only the beloved man, but also all strangers. Nobody likes to be present at personal “showdowns”. A reasonable decision would be to praise your man or even attribute to him achievements that do not yet exist. For example, say (if asked about it) that the salary is still small, but the guy is doing everything to increase it. The man simply did not have time for broken plumbing; he will fix the faucet this coming weekend. Be sure that your beloved will try to justify the trust placed in him and will immediately begin to correct the situation.
Mistake No. 2. Ignoring a man’s decisions
If you constantly challenge or simply ignore the decisions of a representative of the stronger sex, a blow to male pride is guaranteed. A man always claims to be the head of the family, and this is normal according to all generally accepted canons. He is obliged to support his family and do the hardest work. But what to do if this function is constantly not performed by him, and the woman is forced to bear everything on herself? Even this serious situation does not give a woman the right not to listen to her partner’s point of view. If she neglects his advice and focuses only on her decisions, the guy will stop taking the initiative altogether. He will decide that he is being neglected as a man, and will go looking for those women from whom he can gain recognition.
Never argue with a man about his point of view and do not impose your ideas. He sees the situation in his own way and has every right to do so. If the guy’s proposal is absurd and there is no way to agree with him, you need to use all your feminine charm and tactfully offer your option. By loyally explaining all the benefits of your choice, you can get a stunning result. The guy will decide that this idea came to him. You shouldn’t disappoint him, let him think so, and you can give yourself an “excellent” for the wise behavior of a loving partner.
Is there any benefit to self-love?
Everything is good in moderation. The same goes for your attitude towards yourself. A person must love himself, otherwise he will not have an incentive to develop, increase his level of education, provide himself with quality food, timely medical examinations, and develop his body. Only with self-esteem can you defend your interests in disputes, occupy a leading position in a team, and have an opinion that is significant for others. This is precisely the meaning that should be inherent in self-love: the desire to become an authority for others, to take a responsible approach to any work, to put effort into self-discipline.
Attention! Healthy pride borders on boorish narcissism, which destroys everything good that is in character, erases the lines of good and evil in relationships between people, and turns a person into a forced loner. Inappropriate overestimation of one’s abilities causes a distorted perception of one’s position in society
Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it. They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait. They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area
Inadequate overestimation of one’s abilities becomes the cause of a distorted perception of one’s position in society. Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it. They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait. They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves to be successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area.
Braggart
Mistake #3: Remembering ex-lovers
A reaction that will clearly show that a man’s pride has been hurt will follow after the mention of a former lover. This can manifest itself in the form of upset, irritation and even aggression. Any man is an owner at heart, and it is terribly painful for him to realize that his woman was loved by other men. Memories that the previous one was good can provoke the emergence of inferiority complexes. Conversations about how bad things were with your ex-lover will be less painful, but still unpleasant. Constant comparisons will definitely lead to separation.
You should not voice your memories of something that has long passed, because it looks unconvincing. If it was so good with your ex, why aren't you still together? Or did his image become ideal after the breakup? You need to understand that such memories hurt your current partner and irritate his ego. Girls need to put themselves in their boyfriend’s shoes, and it is recommended to return to the past only when necessary. You won't be able to create healthy jealousy; you can only harm your current relationship.
Hurt pride
Man is a unique and inimitable being. Even within their own society, each individual is a unique personality. We all have our own personal traits of appearance and character, a unique combination of qualities, advantages, and disadvantages. But at the same time, each person has something in common. In particular, we all have a sense of pride to one degree or another.
It is impossible to say unequivocally whether the very presence of pride is something good or bad. Psychologists consider this phenomenon as a special property of the human psyche, which allows an individual to preserve his individuality, things and qualities that are relevant to him. In other words, this is one of those properties that underlie an individual’s desire for development, self-improvement, and increasing his value in society.
But is the feeling of self-esteem really such a good incentive to work on yourself? In this matter, everything is not so simple, because the severity of pride and its manifestation in each individual is very unique. Some are inclined to believe that pride is a good reason for maintaining self-esteem in its adequate state, while others believe that it is nothing more than a negative quality that leads to an exaggeration of the importance of one’s own “I”. In any case, it is worth noting that both assumptions have a place to be, since pride is indeed capable of manifesting itself in various variations. Adequate self-esteem, as well as a positive assessment of others from the outside, contribute to more persistent self-improvement, but negative criticism, failures and condemnation can cause hurt pride.
In reality, not all of us can calmly tolerate negative comments about ourselves from the outside. All this depends on the character of the person, his beliefs and other unique factors of his psyche. Nevertheless, the ability to adequately perceive constructive comments, even if in a negative way, is a very important quality. We all react differently to comments in general: someone gets very irritated and starts a quarrel, denying them in every possible way, someone silently swallows the insult, someone’s self-esteem suffers greatly.
If you have become a victim of completely unfounded criticism or simply insult directed at you, then it is best to take the simple advice of psychologists: ignore, accept what the offender said as something that has already happened, move on with your life, without attaching much importance to such things, because they do not change you in any way and your personality. It is worth noting that in general, man is a social being and, therefore, is very dependent on social opinion. The slightest praise can elevate us in our own eyes, but criticism or insult can forever discourage further attempts to achieve something. In this case, pride should be considered as a kind of “catalyst” for decisions made and actions taken, but not as a motivation for their formation.
It is very easy to offend a person with inadequate, inflated pride. This is, in fact, their distinguishing feature. Sometimes one word is enough, even if it does not carry any intentional connotation or negative connotation, a narcissistic person is able to find them. At the same time, it is worth distinguishing between pride, which can lead to the development of egocentrism, and the desire to be first. The latter is a completely normal quality that is inherent in every person and should normally develop. Of course, if it does not go beyond the limits of adequacy.
Mistake #4: Making fun of men
Wounded male pride occurs due to ridicule from a woman. Each representative of the stronger sex has memories coming from childhood. He was small and didn’t know how to do much; he had to learn everything gradually. It's about strength, courage, experience. Today the guy wants to feel like a brave defender, and wants to forget periods of insolvency forever. That is why it is very painful for him to realize that the woman he loves sees his weaknesses. The man feels humiliated and begins to defend himself. A simple unobtrusive joke can become a reason for a serious conflict (not to mention serious things).
A simple remark in a joking manner can create a situation where a man’s pride is hurt. Psychologists advise what a woman who does not want to offend her lover should do. You should not focus on the joke or repeat it twice; you need to translate the topic of the conversation as correctly as possible. Show with all your appearance that the conversation is in a humorous form and in no way pretends to be sarcasm. In order not to offend your man in the future, you need to be extremely attentive to your words. A categorical ban lies on the topic of appearance, discussion of his family members, intimate possibilities, favorite hobbies, etc. Jokes in any form on this topic lead to conflicts or even separations.
Hurt pride
Each of the individuals is a person, represents something, has unique character traits and worldview. This is an absolute and indisputable fact. And yet human psychology includes some points that unite all people. Such features include pride, which is one of the characteristics of human character.
Is self-love good or bad? Psychologists give the following meaning to self-esteem: an individual’s defense of his social value, as well as relevance. In other words, self-love defines a character trait due to which an individual becomes smarter, more attractive, grows above himself, and maintains value in society.
Is self-love a good incentive to improve your life? Everyone will answer this question for themselves. Some are inclined to believe that self-love is good, others that it is an illusion of one’s own superiority, leading to hyperbolization of one’s own “I”. One thing is clear that each individual has his own personal motivation and without respect, as well as self-love, intellectual, spiritual and physical growth is impossible. And negative statements, judgments, and indications of shortcomings negatively affect the personality, hurting self-esteem.
Each individual reacts to criticism differently: some feel guilty, some become aggressive, some have decreased self-esteem, some get very irritated, but in any case, criticism does not fall on deaf ears and deals a blow to self-esteem .
Not everyone can accept criticism with dignity due to their individual characteristics and character traits, but it is important to be able to correctly perceive constructive comments. If it so happens that a person has been subjected to an unreasonable offense, then psychologists advise accepting it as a fait accompli, drawing conclusions and moving on with life.
Humans are very sensitive to social approval. When he is praised, he grows in his own eyes; when he is criticized, it is the other way around. A proud individual builds a certain scale of values in his head and tries to achieve it with all his might. This is good when a person strives for goals that are useful for himself and society, and it is destructive behavior when an individual deliberately takes the path of degradation. It must be remembered that pride itself acts as a catalyst for actions and desires, but not the main reason.
It is sometimes very easy to offend a proud person. All you have to do is say one word
In this case, there is heightened self-esteem, when a person exclusively concentrates attention on satisfying his needs and desires; by and large, he is indifferent to those around him. Such excessive self-importance leads to egocentrism
The desire to be first is considered normal, healthy pride. A physically and mentally healthy person is always endowed with this quality. In this case, it is motivation for professional and personal success.
Vulnerable pride is observed in women, so you should not intentionally offend them, since you can forever lose your good relationship with them. Women react sharply to comments about their appearance, way of thinking, and behavior. In adulthood, people are especially sensitive to words of flattery and compliments, so it is sometimes better to remain silent than to tell a lie.
It is important for the fair sex to feel calm and comfortable, so it is better to refrain from directly expressing shortcomings. If such a need exists, then it is better to express it in private.
In this case, your hurt pride will not suffer much, and you will maintain normal relationships.
Mistake No. 5. Authoritarian behavior of women
Very often, representatives of the fairer sex forget about their purpose and try to completely take the reins of power into their own hands. It happens that a woman hurts a man’s pride with her commander’s ambitions and doesn’t even notice it. This common habit of considering exclusively one’s own point of view, not taking into account the partner’s opinion, and morally suppressing it leads to significant aggravation of relationships.
A man strives to protect his beloved, dreams of being her only salvation in all situations. And she doesn’t even allow him to take care of herself, since only she prefers to decide when and to what extent she needs it.
Mistake No. 6. Showdown
Representatives of the fair sex love to sort things out. As a result of multiple conversations, the woman realizes that she has hurt the man’s pride. What to do in a situation where your partner does not want to find out who is right and who is wrong? A woman must understand that a man’s psychology is fundamentally different from women’s logic. The guy is used to acting, not reasoning, and all discussions of personal problems seem ridiculous and pointless to him. He wants to hear a call to specific action, and not listen to multiple complaints.
Women's pride
What, in turn, is the difference between a woman’s self-esteem and a man’s? First of all, psychologists note the fact that it is often unreasonably high, so it can be very easy to offend it, and this can be done quite suddenly by uttering just one “wrong” word. At the same time, a woman, being wounded, can turn into a real “monster”. They harbor resentment and revenge for a long time, are capable of being sarcastic, lying, showing off, and stooping to banal insults.
At the same time, it is very easy to hurt the pride of any woman with adultery. Not all of them are able to turn a blind eye to such things, no matter how men try to justify their search for sex “on the side” and make their infidelities seem less significant than the infidelity of the woman herself.
If there was cheating on the part of the husband. And the wife finds out about this, she is faced with a very difficult question: come to terms with this, learn to live and forgive, try to maintain the old relationship with the person who has always been near and dear? Or should you listen to your pride and nip everything in the bud? Psychologists recommend that women try to take a neutral position, relax, and not get excited, so that in the future they can make the right decision from their point of view, and not act out of the blue.
What to do in this case?
If a woman is a lover of showdowns, she needs to constantly be prepared for mutual confrontation with her partner. For example, she wants to talk about a topic that interests her, which concerns the analysis of a past not very good situation. The man is categorically against “useless waste of time on stupid conversations.” The girl begins to insist on talking, gets nervous, insults or touches her partner’s pride. Such clarifications lead to inevitable separation. Therefore, girls should remember that the analysis of events and feelings can be entrusted to a friend or mother, but not to their lover, since he cannot stand a lot of conversations.
Mistake #7: Manipulation
A man's pride can be hurt when a guy realizes that he is being manipulated. Each representative of the stronger sex can apply a lot of effort to achieve a certain result. He tries to look after, help, pay attention to the girl and fulfill all her whims in order to achieve his own goal. Usually this goal is intimate relationships, since (in the man's opinion) sex is proof of a woman's love. He perceives any signs of attention from the girl as a call to action. But when the guy realizes that he was used, the whole world falls out from under his feet. This hurts his pride, as it infringes on his manhood.
You shouldn't humiliate a man's pride. If there are no plans to develop a serious relationship, the girl should behave accordingly. It is not recommended to accept gifts, ask for help or behave controversially (excessively flirtatious, hinting or flirting). Otherwise, you can provoke indignation or even aggression on the part of the guy and hear a lot of unpleasant things about yourself. A man’s wounded pride will allow him to be very inventive in his revenge, so you should be wary of such actions.
Wounded pride
The bad thing about wounded pride is that the individual perceives critical remarks addressed to him painfully, and begins to treat people with suspicion. It is very difficult for a proud individual to learn to control himself and competently perceive criticism addressed to him. No matter how mildly criticism is presented, it is always difficult for people to perceive, and often individuals take it too close to their hearts, especially if the critic is inexperienced or the criticism is not constructive. Not many people master the art of constructive criticism, so they perceive it doubly very difficult and painful.
How to properly respond to criticism if it so happens that the individual has become its object? If a person has been criticized, then, first of all, he should convince himself that he really has something to criticize him for, otherwise he will behave aggressively. At the same time, if a person recognizes the right of other individuals to criticize him, then he can also count on the recognition of certain rights for him. For example, the right to be taken into account, not to humiliate his dignity, not to extend criticism to the individual. An individual also has the right to demand that criticism be made only in a private conversation and not in the presence of strangers and colleagues.
We offer some tips on how a person should behave in such a situation:
- if the essence of the criticism is not clear, then it is necessary to ask the person who is criticizing to clarify what he specifically means;
- it is important for a person to learn to separate the content of criticism from the form; if a person is not satisfied with the form, then one can answer this way: “the criticism is fair - I admit this, but I would like it not to become personal”;
- if a person does not agree with criticism, then he should say so, mentioning expressions that will emphasize that this point of view is his. For example, “personally, I think differently” or “everything was wrong”;
- always maintain eye contact and speak in a calm, cheerful voice, without raising your tone.
What does self-love mean? Wounded, sick pride is not just an awareness of personal negative aspects of one’s character, it is also a defensive reaction of the EGO to internal problems, as well as feedback on the world around us. As a result, with wounded pride, there is resentment towards those people who inflicted it. Offended pride is not a character trait, but acts, as already mentioned, as a defensive reaction of a person who has been offended. Often such an individual becomes impervious to criticism, becomes inadequate and incapable of self-analysis. This happens because the individual’s EGO builds a strong shell around its painful core, which is felt like a dull aching pain in the soul. Provoking factors in this case are lack of love, dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with the reactions of others and with oneself. Constant mental pain does not allow a person to live fully. Pointing out a shortcoming or expressing criticism to a person with heightened pride only provokes aggressiveness in him, and the consequence of such painful pride is inappropriate behavior.
