Stages of relationships: acquaintance, first date, candy-bouquet period, respect, love

April 22, 2019
Psychology of relationships
Ahi Svetlana

Human relationships can be compared to a living organism. They develop according to general laws, but also have individual characteristics. The stages of a relationship between a man and a woman are interesting and complex at the same time. This process does not always develop harmoniously. One of the partners may not be ready for the next stage. As a result, conflicts, disagreements and mutual claims begin in the couple. Let's consider the specifics of each stage of the relationship.

Periods

The first date does not always turn into a serious relationship. It all depends on the impression that the partners make on each other. At the first meeting, it is not possible to fully “reveal” a person, to find out all the advantages and disadvantages of his character. Many limit themselves to the first date. They put an end to future relationships, leaving an unpleasant impression of themselves.

If a romance between a man and a woman begins to develop, they need to be prepared to go through certain stages of the relationship.

It all starts with the candy-bouquet period. This is the stage of falling in love, which lasts about a year and a half.
Next comes the stage of satiety.
This is followed by a stage of disgust or rejection.
Then comes a period of tolerance (humility).
Next comes the service stage.
The previous period smoothly turns into respect and friendship.
And it all ends with divine love.

All partners go through the above stages. Some couples reach the final stage of the relationship, acquiring harmony and bliss. Others get stuck on certain sections, unable to overcome the difficulties that arise. More often, lovers break up in the third phase of a relationship.

Acquaintance

So, the choice of companion is entirely up to you. Don’t believe in fairy tales about a sudden spark and an ever-prompting heart. Love, but first of all with your head!

Remember that after half an hour of communication you should understand how the relationship with a particular man will develop. This is not fortune-telling, but your personal assessment and your choice.

What will help you when meeting?

Smile
Flirting
Smooth posture
Self confidence

I discuss each of these points in detail in my training “Mom won’t teach you this.” I teach girls how to flirt, talk, and look at a man correctly. Every detail is important!

Don't reveal all your trump cards at once. Let the man compete for your attention. The problem with some young ladies is that they easily agree to all the gentleman’s proposals: without any questions, they give a phone number or accept an invitation to meet at a time convenient for him. How will a relationship with a man develop in this situation? It's very simple: he will quickly lose interest in you.

Love

At the initial stage of a relationship with a girl, guys are euphoric. Hormones go off scale, causing an irresistible passion for your partner. A girl in love experiences similar feelings. Gentle caresses and touches bring pleasure to partners. They can't get enough of each other. During the period of falling in love, strong feelings overcome common sense and rational thinking. A loved one seems ideal: even his shortcomings are taken as advantages.

Men at the initial stage of relationships carefully hide the “dark” sides of their character. The intensity of passions does not allow them to offend their beloved. It seems to the girl that he is her ideal and will always be so. This is the main danger that awaits a couple in the first stage of falling in love. Partners sincerely believe that they have true love. When the period ends, lovers think that their feelings have begun to fade and the time has come to part. In fact, relationships simply cannot develop any other way. Nature will not allow passions to constantly heat up, because this will lead to physical exhaustion of the body. Therefore, the period of love lasts a maximum of 6 months.

How to understand that love has arisen

Types of human memory in psychology, classification of main types

Signs of love are:

Interest in the partner as a person, and not just as an object of sexual satisfaction.
Tolerance for your partner's shortcomings. Truly loving people will not constantly point out their partner's weaknesses.
Showing tenderness and care in relationships even after several years of marriage.
The desire of partners to improve themselves and please their life partner.
Forced separation increases the desire to be with this particular person.

Important! Love gives a person a lot of positive emotions. Therefore, the stages of love in psychology should naturally change. It's better to enjoy every new day. This is the only true path to happiness.

Love

Satiation

It is impossible to imagine the stages of a relationship without the second stage. It comes inevitably. The lovers in the first segment managed to “get enough” of each other, so they gradually lose the urgent need to constantly be nearby, fulfilling the desires of their other half. The intensity of passion fades away and is replaced by a calm feeling of love. Relationships begin to resemble a calm sea: everything goes peacefully, predictably, smoothly, quietly. The danger of this period lies in the possible discrepancy in the psychological readiness of one of the partners to leave the phase of falling in love. A man or woman does not want to take off their rose-colored glasses and return to reality, demanding that their other half “continue the banquet.” As a result, they become completely dependent on their loved one.

The saturation period lasts from 6 months to 1.5-2 years. If couples soberly evaluate each other, then they overcome the difficulties of this period and successfully move to the next stage of the relationship.

Disgust

The shortcomings of the chosen one(s) are becoming more and more visible. The ideal partner turns into an ordinary person with inherent contradictions. This is the most difficult part of life together. Spouses blame each other for all their failures and try to change each other. No matter how difficult it may be, lovers must go through all stages of relationship development. This period can be called a test of the strength of feelings. Sooner or later it will come.

It also has its advantages. Constant quarrels, reproaches and misunderstandings allow you to better understand yourself and your partner by assessing the relationship from an outsider. Psychologists do not advise trying to avoid the stage of disgust. It is better to prepare for it in advance in order to rationally and consciously assess future events. If partners can successfully overcome this difficult stage of life together, they will enter a new round of relationships that will bring boundless pleasure to both.

The disgust phase lasts from 2 years or more. This is the most crisis stage, at which the most divorces are recorded.

Love stage

Love is a reward to partners for the boundless patience and titanic work they put into their relationship. You can go towards it for many years, but when you reach this stage, you will no longer doubt the correctness and necessity of the path you have taken.

Signs of love:

I want to spend time alone as much as possible
Lack of jealousy and unlimited trust in your partner
The desire to care for the beloved and give more than one can receive

The love stage can be similar to the falling in love stage. Only in the second case, the cause of the feelings were hormones, and love is painstaking and long work on a relationship. This is a spiritual connection that helps you enjoy each other every moment, understand desires and needs literally. This is a reward that very few couples achieve. Love and be loved!

Tolerance

Service, patience and respect are the stages of intimacy in a relationship. The stage of humility is replaced by a tense phase of disgust. Relationships are moving to a new level of development. Partners try to see what each really wants from each other. People stop adapting their chosen one to suit themselves and are increasingly trying to understand their soulmate. The problems that arise no longer seem so scary, and solving them together becomes more pleasant and fun.

At the stage of tolerance, lovers learn to understand and hear each other. Between partners, intimacy arises not only physical, but also spiritual. Psychologists note that at this stage of a relationship, people more often turn to specialists for help. They want to maintain the existing union and better understand their chosen one, so they read psychological literature and turn to psychologists for advice.

Dating

A very important stage. Within a couple of dates, you should create a real portrait of your chosen one. I describe in detail what to pay attention to in the article “How to choose the right man.”

What do you need to find out?

Who is his family: parents, relatives.
The state of his health: bad habits, lifestyle, nutrition.
How hardworking he is.
Can he keep his word?
Are you confident and how self-sufficient are you?
His attitude towards people. A small note: how he treats the world is how he will treat you.
What are his goals in life? Are you ready to serve them?

Keep track of your rating

So, you understand that this is a worthy, successful person. It's time to ask yourself the question: “Do I live up to my prince?” After all, how will a relationship with a man develop if you yourself are not confident in yourself or have bad habits? Most likely, he will choose another girl.

So work more actively on your marriage rating. Let me remind you of its types: physical, intellectual, spiritual. I talk more about this in my article “What are your chances of getting married or staying in your current marriage.”

Leave on time

On a date, carefully monitor the gestures and gaze of your interlocutor. If you notice shifting eyes or a closed posture, he’s definitely messing with your ears. Confidently say “no” to such people. Of course, without rudeness or insults.

You should also be wary of his phrases: “Times are difficult now,” “There are no good jobs in our city,” “It’s all due to circumstances.” I think you understand how a relationship with a man will develop in this case? Instead of achieving something, he will while away his evenings watching TV and cursing the authorities. And then it will sit safely on your neck.

Have you painted this picture in your head? Did not like? Then politely say goodbye to your companion and leave. I give even more tips on this topic in the section “Secrets of dating and first dates”

Service

It is during this period of life together that people develop genuine feelings of love. A person is aware of his responsibilities to his other half. The chosen one begins to understand how unique his life partner is. Partners increasingly take into account each other’s needs and desires and try to fulfill their responsibilities properly.

At this stage of the relationship, spouses receive satisfaction from their life together. The chosen one becomes the object of service. Your significant other experiences pleasure by bringing joy to your loved one. Partners begin to respect each other's personal boundaries.

Respect

The stage of service smoothly transitions into the stage of mutual respect and friendship. This is the highest level in human relations. The psychology of the stage of relationships between a man and a woman at this stage characterizes partners as two separate individuals who easily and simply find a common language, solve problems together without conflicts and receive satisfaction from their union. The partners are grateful to each other for their support and understanding. Their relationship sometimes resembles the first phase of falling in love. But only ardent passion and raging emotions are replaced by respect, devotion and mutual understanding.

The partners' relationship smoothly turns into friendship. A man and a woman accept each other with all their shortcomings, showing respect. Such families are set as examples. They are imitated. The couple went through so much together and at the same time remained family, maintaining tenderness of feelings and trust in each other.

conclusions

Every couple goes through universal stages of relationships. But it depends only on you what this path will be. Initial love develops into warm feelings and interest. We are rediscovering love in a new stage. The secret of a strong relationship is not endless love, but the ability to solve problems and find compromises. We gradually master the language of love, learn to speak, and begin to better understand the goals and values of the other person. Of course, even in the strongest relationships there are quarrels. But if you have learned to overcome conflicts, you have nothing to fear anymore. Now you have tools in your arsenal that will help you solve problems. You can enjoy the journey. In the later stages, self-development becomes a source of inspiration. Personal growth opens up new facets of personality. Couples continue to develop their relationship. Love will last as long as you are interested in each other.

Of course, sometimes no advice helps. And the couple decides to separate. But even a breakup can be constructive. Breaking up is an experience (albeit a negative one) that will allow you to avoid similar mistakes in the future. Often it is simply impossible to continue the relationship. Falling in love hides the abusive nature of the relationship. If you notice that your partner is showing signs of a toxic relationship, it is better to leave. Such relationships cannot be corrected and returned to normal.

Love

Psychologists distinguish 7 stages of relationship development. The final seventh stage has a romantic name - love. This is the highest stage of a love relationship. During this period, the couple reaches complete mutual understanding; Spiritual closeness, deep trust in each other, warmth, and sincerity are established between partners. This is a great gift of fate that must be earned by going through the previous stages of the relationship.

Love is not a spontaneous feeling that arises at first sight, as many believe. Deep emotions come with the experience of past years. The Bible describes love in these words: merciful, long-suffering, not proud, not evil, not envious. This is an eternal feeling that can survive and endure everything.

Sixth stage8

The penultimate stage of a relationship, in which partners become not just lovers, parents, but true friends. There comes a time when another unwashed cup no longer causes an explosion of emotions, sex is not so bright, but emotional intimacy covers everything in full. These are two truly close people who steadfastly withstood all the hardships and difficulties, found the secrets of understanding, fulfilled their duty to their children, went through all the temptations and stayed together. This is where the desired fairy tale comes in, in which “they lived happily ever after” best describes the state of things.

Although a person has been known for a long time, there are new traits and virtues for which one can respect, admire, glorify and be proud. Love has not yet reached the stage of highest meaning, but is already very close to it. Two people talk cheerfully and openly, ready to spend time together. Relationships are built on dedication, boundless trust and defense of common interests.

Child Development Stages

Some experts compare the stages in the development of relationships with the periods of growing up of a child. The stages of relationships by month of baby development are as follows.

First phase: symbiosis, in which mother and child are one. Lasts about 5 months. A healthy relationship between mother and child during this period becomes a guarantee of the “correct” behavior of an adult at the stage of falling in love.

Differentiation phase (5-9 months). There is a separation of the child from the mother at the psychological level.

The practice stage occurs between 10 and 16 months of baby's development.

From 17 to 24 months, the period of friendly relations between mother and child begins. This is the most difficult stage. Here the child develops as an individual, but at the same time the emotional attachment to a loved one remains.

Psychologists say that if a person in childhood “correctly” goes through all the stages of his development, then he will be able to build healthy relationships in the future, successfully overcoming all the crises of their development.

Why do relationships go through stages of development?

The harmonious development of a couple must go through different stages of building a relationship. It is impossible to always be content with sweets and bouquets, long walks under the moon and always relationships and meetings several times a week. Of course, this is a convenient format, but it is impossible to build long and lasting relationships on it.

Attachment is formed at the stage of falling in love, hormones are overflowing, it seems as if the world stops without a loved one. Gradually, passions fade, wild sex is replaced by marital duty, children appear and everything becomes ordinary and gray. From the outside it may seem that the couple is stuck at one stage of development and nothing further happens. The transformation of a couple’s relationship takes place according to its own scenario, with its own speed and characteristics, despite the fact that the stages of development are the same for everyone.

It’s hard to deny that everyone changes with age, demands become greater, complaints appear, and at this moment you need to grow and develop along with the relationship. If you neglect to work on the union, you can stop at the first stages forever. It is quite logical that then a break will occur and the relationship will cease to exist.

Every couple should know what stages of relationship building there are, what makes them special and how to get through them in order to maintain a harmonious relationship.

Stages of relationship destruction

Any relationship does not collapse out of the blue. A person gradually realizes that the usual course of life is changing. The changes that are taking place disrupt mental comfort, which is replaced by conflicting feelings that something is going wrong. This is the first stage of relationship destruction. The person here acts as an observer: silently analyzes the events taking place. The irritation and feelings of rejection that characterize this stage are suppressed. A man or woman is trying to maintain a union without giving vent to unpleasant emotions.

How long does the candy-bouquet period last? Psychologists unanimously say - no more than six months. It turns out that after 6 months, one of the partners may begin to feel the first signals of a crisis in the relationship.

In the second stage of relationship destruction, dissatisfaction with the partner reaches its peak. People begin to say what irritates them so much about their chosen one. It’s good if this happens in the form of a calm dialogue. But more often, irritation is expressed in the form of insults, complaints and humiliation of another person.

The third stage is constant conflicts. Partners cannot agree with each other and do not want to understand one another. This can last for years.

The fourth phase is called despair. A person clings to the last opportunity to save an existing relationship. Here the chosen one often shows dissatisfaction in a harsh form.

The fifth stage is the destruction of the union. The partners are so tired of each other, of constant conflicts and misunderstandings, that it is easier for them to break up. The last phase seems to be the most rapid, because a person often does not realize that he has already experienced 4 previous stages of the destruction of his union.

Relationships are not developing: what to do?

Please do not despair, my beautiful ones. Do not go to extremes, do not run to fortune tellers and astrologers. Even if they give you a clear plan for how a relationship with a Virgo or Capricorn man will develop, it is a waste of time and money.

Have you tried all the methods but are still content with a slow-burning romance? Think about what you did wrong. Perhaps somewhere they went too far with the flirting. The man misunderstood your motives and perceived the relationship as non-binding.

Decide if you need this uncertainty. If you are confident in yourself and do not want to waste your time on this kind of affair, take a look around. Meet other men, choose the best one.

How to recognize unhealthy (dangerous) relationships

The first date is the moment when people want to make the most pleasant impression on each other. Therefore, they will carefully hide all the dark sides of their character. It happens that a person “opens up” after years of living together. Psychologists have identified warning signs that may indicate that the future chosen one is a tyrant at heart.

Excessive insistence of the partner: he wants the relationship to develop rapidly, and claims that he experienced love at first sight.
His image is completely built on deception.
He has difficulty expressing his feelings and does not show compassion for others.
Shows unhealthy feelings of jealousy.
He is offended by the whole world and believes that everyone owes him.
He is irresponsible and arrogant.
He often shows aggression and loves to be alone.

Psychology of relationships between men and women

To conquer a strong and worthy man, you have to go a long way. It may not always be successful, but you will gain invaluable experience. To attract the attention of the man you like, you need to know:

His life position;
Future plans;
Interests;
Preferences;
Habits.

You can get such information about him using social networks or through your friends.

Find out what type of woman is preferable to him:

The woman is the mother;
Girlfriend;
Lioness;
Mistress.

A woman - a mother - is sensitive, emotional, loves children and dreams of starting a family.
A friend is an intellectual with whom you can discuss any topic. You can even take it with you fishing.
The lioness represents a bright, proud personality that a man will try to conquer, and after that show her to his friends and acquaintances as a trophy.
The housewife keeps the house clean, cooks well, takes care of the children, and still manages to pursue a career. Perhaps she is not too emotional, but she is reliable and predictable.

Having studied the tastes of the man you like, begin to build a line of behavior. Don't forget that a man loves with his eyes, so watch your appearance.

Women's mistakes that hinder the development of relationships

Experts in the field of psychology highlight the main points in a girl’s behavior that can interfere with the formation and development of a harmonious union.

Artificial behavior.
A woman's hyperactivity when she wants to speed up the development of a relationship.
The belief that a man always “owes” her.
Using jealousy to manipulate a man.
Building relationships according to the “cliches” written in fashion magazines.
Excessive talkativeness.
Demonstration of unceasing love.
Emotional insatiability, when a woman demands constant expression of feelings from a man.