World-famous philosophers, for example, Aristotle and Plato, reflected on the topic of what love is. But a consensus has not yet been found.
For some, such feelings are a chemical reaction, and for others, they are a gift from above, but one thing is known for sure thanks to psychologists: the development of feelings is built according to a certain model and usually takes place in several stages.
Love in a Relationship: 3 Main Stages
Such a concept as love is usually divided into 3 stages, through which people have every chance of finding full harmony and achieving those high feelings that bring partners together for many years.
Before a union or couple is formed, two people who meet each other are already beginning to go through the first stage of love. It is the period of falling in love that is the most pleasant and desirable for every person, since even at the physiological level metamorphoses occur that create a feeling of true happiness.
But, despite the pleasant sensations, this stage is quite dangerous and often, without having time to transform into deeper feelings, leads to separation. This is due to the fact that when they fall in love, people are not ready to show their true “I” and build an illusion, an image, which becomes the main object of sympathy.
Often people going through this period of love can hardly remember their actions, words or deeds. All this is clouded due to the euphoric state, which leads to a weakening of logical thinking. It’s not for nothing that lovers are said to be mad or crazy.
This is the work of hormones, which begin to be produced in large quantities and have a serious impact on the perception of reality. Therefore, it is difficult to evaluate falling in love categorically, casting only a positive or negative connotation on what is happening during this period.
Note! There are people who cannot experience falling in love. It's all about disrupting the production and functioning of hormones. It is because of this that for many “butterflies in the stomach” is an incomprehensible feeling.
After courtship, attachment is formed, replacing the initial passion with deeper and calmer feelings. Due to the uncertain timing, this time becomes a testing and probationary period for the couple. Partners go through a decline together in the expression of feelings and gradually appear in a “pure” form, without masks.
And the further outcome and the chance of love directly depends on how willing people are to work on themselves and their relationships, think about the future and accept a new stage.
And the final period is a harmonious union or tandem, where between two people there is not only affection and sympathy, but also support, respect, creation and acceptance. Many psychologists believe that some are not destined to reach such a level even after 30 years of marriage, while others can reach such a relationship within just a few years.
It all depends on the level of readiness of the partners to create a single whole and move forward together.
Love
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When they talk about falling in love, they mean chemistry, that is, mutual attraction that arises between two people. She bursts into life unexpectedly and appears as if on her own. It cannot be prevented or silenced by force. This is not a conscious choice, but a manifestation of instinct. A Dynamical Evolutionary View of Love..
When you are in love, you feel that someone needs you, you see that you are valued and admired.
You are ready to devote all your time and energy to your partner, he becomes the best person on earth for you. You brush aside the advice of others, believing that you know better who is right for you. Gradually, these sensations fade away, and for some, returning to reality turns out to be painful.
Features of first love
In addition to the fact that first sympathy is the most sensual and unique moment in the life of every person, it carries a global role in the further perception and development of personal ideas about relationships between people. Here you can find many misconceptions and misconceptions, for example:
⦁ first love is short-lived and always ends;
⦁ this is the only time when real feelings arise;
⦁ the first relationship does not have a chance to fully develop.
But each of the statements is false, because people are unique, and many couples, through careful work together, have been able to preserve their first love for the rest of their lives. The point is not about luck and rare chances, but about how suitable the partners are for each other, what is their perception of the relationship model and the true motives for being in a couple.
Psychologist's view
Love has always been talked about. It was touched upon by great poets in their poems, by artists who created delightful portraits, and by musicians who composed incredible masterpieces. Scientists from various scientific fields were not spared: neurologists, biologists, zoologists, physicists. Even mathematicians tried to come up with its formula. But most of all psychological works have been written on this topic. After all, it is psychology that studies the human soul, his behavior, feelings, and reactions. Therefore, the eternal problem of love and its stages through the eyes of a psychologist seems to us the most useful and interesting for knowledge.
Is it true that there are seven stages of real feeling?
Another classification of the stages of love relationships most broadly considers all “ups” and crisis periods. They may differ in duration, but they always form a single path to real love feelings.
Love
First sympathy is characterized by romantic impulses and idealization of the partner. At this time, there is a desire to spend all free time together and explore each other both sensually and sexually.
Important! The brighter and more intense the love, the shorter its duration
First crisis: satiety
Constant contact between partners and excessive communication leads sooner or later to the fact that passion begins to disappear, bringing calm and regularity. Here the shortcomings of each partner begin to appear and the perception changes to a more realistic one, which is why the relationship often ends.
Rejection
Presenting themselves as real to each other, people in a couple encounter misunderstandings and quarrels. If the relationship has developed rapidly, hatred and disgust may arise.
Adoption
If partners move to this stage, it means they have learned to accept all sides of their personality and tolerate possible disagreements. At this time, a new round of relationships may arise due to renewed passion, and then it becomes easier for the couple to go through further stages.
Respect
This stage is rarely reached by people, but it becomes the beginning to a deeper understanding of each other. This is where true love begins to grow, since the partners have already opened up to each other and nothing clouds their perception.
Support and friendship
Once they develop deep affection, people become open and embody the best qualities of friendship. At this stage, joint personal growth occurs easily and dynamically, thanks to the fact that the couple feels stable and filled with trust and support.
Love
After a long journey, the time finally comes when people form a real union, sincere and harmonious. There are no quarrels or omissions here, there is no jealousy or secrecy, since in the course of going through all the stages the partners have become closer and understood each other’s desires and aspirations.
It is also important to understand that the final stages can be achieved only with the integrity of the individual and a correctly constructed worldview. Therefore, the best age for serious relationships and true love is when a person reaches emotional maturity.
Frustration and alienation
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It is during this period that the largest number of separations and divorces occur.
The stage of disappointment is somewhat similar to a hangover. You are sad and hurt that the party is over, and its consequences cause unpleasant feelings.
Feelings disappeared, hopes for a bright future collapsed. Everything seems to be going wrong in your relationship for some inexplicable reason. You wonder where that person you were in love with went to.
The fact is that during the period of falling in love, we look at our partner as if under a magnifying glass. His jokes seem doubly funny, his natural sarcasm is perceived as proof of a sharp mind, and everything connected with him is ideal. When the stage of disappointment sets in, we see a different picture: jokes seem primitive, sarcasm turns into arrogance, and any comments out loud begin to irritate.
Naturally, you wonder if you made the right choice. Don't panic: you're not the only one facing this problem. It is difficult to survive this stage, but if you succeed, it will only get better.
Stages of love from a man's point of view
It is no secret that the perception of feelings and interpersonal relationships and love differs among men due to a special mindset and rational logical thinking. Unlike women, who often listen to emotional centers, the stronger sex, due to a different perception, takes its own steps on the path to love.
⦁ Assessment is the first impression that sets the stage for a woman’s future behavior and perception.
⦁ Falling in love - the desire to care for and be close to your partner, romance and courtship, the first steps towards designating property.
⦁ Hunting is an intermediate result or assessment of the current situation. Stage of doubt and research.
Important information! During this period, if a woman allows herself to dissolve in the relationship and opens up, the man may lose interest, since there are no secrets and mysteries left for his investigative nature that motivate him to continue the relationship.
⦁ Choice is an extreme point that leads to two outcomes: separation or the formation of a strong attachment. A difficult period that requires careful thought.
⦁ Devotion is the highest level of feelings shown by a man, readiness to create an unbreakable union and family.
7.Feeling helpless
Perhaps at some point your strong feelings will be replaced by a feeling of complete helplessness. At first you may feel desperate, but gradually the obsessive desires will begin to weaken, and you yourself will be surprised that you behaved so irrationally.
You probably still really want to build a relationship with this person, but you already understand that this is not necessarily destined to happen. Your ability to think logically and act pragmatically returns.
“It’s remarkable that although we are more likely to fall in love with those we find physically attractive, sex plays a very small role in this,” explains Lucy Brown. - Yes, we want to make love with this person, but we crave emotional intimacy much more. Most of all we want to call each other, text and spend time with this person.”
1. Falling in love
The development of relationships begins with the emergence of attraction. A man is attracted to femininity, beauty
appearance, as well as sexuality, which is expressed in certain parts of the female body
Most men pay attention to a woman's hands, eyes, lips, breasts, legs and buttocks. A woman is subject to visual admiration only in the first seconds
Although this is typical for her when she is in love. She pays attention to laughter, smile, glance. She is attracted to a man's intelligence and sense of humor.
A common feeling among people of different sexes is the desire to be nearby, to highlight the object of attraction among the crowd. The level of attraction lays the foundation for building a strong relationship built on mutual love.
This stage can be called the candy-bouquet period. The hearts of lovers merge into one. Complete mutual understanding and an excess of feelings brings happiness.
Psychology, or rather its representatives, compare this period with complete calm at sea. There are no quarrels, everything is fine.
Fourth stage6
Overcoming the crisis stage is behind us. Problems become less noticeable, wisdom and understanding gradually comes that you can come to an agreement with your loved one and find a solution to any problems. Understanding comes to someone who is more mature, mature, morally prepared and mature for relationships. You need to share and understand that at this stage you need not to endure and think that everything will change, everyone has endured and I can do it, but to resolve conflicts wisely and be able to turn a blind eye to not minor irritating factors.
The big problem is to look at the world with negativity and constantly convince yourself that others are to blame for your problems. There must be a realization that half of the blame for problems and quarrels in partnerships lies with both partners. Previously, it seemed that the relationship had reached a dead end, and not a day went by without quarrels and problems. Now quarrels have become different, rare and associated more with external stimuli. Problems at work, women's menstrual cycle, sudden car breakdown and other irritants provoke quarrels. It's more like taking out your emotions on your partner to make it feel better.
Patience and wisdom, like threads, sew relationships together in those places where they are constantly torn. Just don’t confuse patience with bullying, beatings, moral violence in the family and patience with minor shortcomings. In the first case, you need to call the police, and not hope that your partner will suddenly have an epiphany and understand what he is doing wrong. You need to work on your ego, be able to overestimate changes in your partner, his needs and desires. Let there be no more romantic aura, no one greets you from work at the office door with a bouquet of flowers. There is a reliable partner nearby who has been tested in many situations and wisely resolves minor conflicts without showering you with hundreds of caustic words. At this stage, a person truly opens up and the success of the transition to the fifth stage depends on how he is perceived and accepted.
First stage3
Relationships begin from this stage, and sometimes end there. The easiest stage is when lovers see only advantages in each other, the partner seems like a fairy-tale hero, a real prince or princess, about whom everyone had dreams. Your heart is beating wildly in your chest, your cheeks are burning, your eyes are sparkling, you want to take each other’s hand and walk for a long time, not to separate even for a few minutes. At this time, even a small sweet SMS delights you and time slows down when there is not a single news from your loved one on your phone.
Guys behave like courageous knights and are ready to do anything to win the heart of their beloved lady. Girls tend to idealize the image of their lover. It's quite normal. When you don’t really know a person, haven’t seen him in everyday life, or in conflict situations, it’s easier to come up with an airy image and endow him with the desired qualities.
Every date is perceived as the most important meeting, for which they spend hours preparing. The state of being in love is inspiring, you want to shout to the whole world about love, write poetry, admire an ideal relationship and a wonderful person nearby. No one can fill the emotional hunger from lack of communication with a loved one. If the relationship is interrupted at this stage, then it will forever remain in memory as the best relationship in which everything was perfect.
