Lovely

Author of the material:

Svetlana Smyshlyak

philologist, writer, lyric poet

Fiery, uncontrollable, blind, all-consuming, sudden, sharp, raging - whatever passion is called. This description is more reminiscent of a natural disaster than an emotion that a person can bear. Indeed, many describe it as a typhoon, tsunami, hurricane and other natural disasters that suddenly and unexpectedly arose in the soul. However, is it as fatal as they are used to seeing it? Or perhaps passion still has its “bright side”?

What is passion in a relationship

A violent emotional outburst—this is what psychology calls heightened super-senses caused by strong physical attraction—is the lot of the young and “hot.” This dominant turns a person into a person who does not belong to himself, wholly dependent on the object of desire. Sexual desire overshadows sanity.

When there is passion in a relationship between a man and a woman, every nerve cell of the sexual partners experiences enormous stress. A condition based on pathological libido is exhausting and psychologically draining. Therefore, sooner or later, the human body, tired of constant overexertion, allows emotions to weaken, and relationships move to another level.

For a man

If the “knight of the sad image” is satisfied with the spiritual attraction to the lady of his heart, then the individual, “sick” with the ardor of love, needs in a relationship the frenzy of feelings and sexual possession of his partner.

At the beginning of a relationship, such intense passion is expressed in symptoms that clearly demonstrate desire:

A man does not tolerate distance between himself and the object of desire. He needs to feel the closeness of the woman he adores on a tactile and tactile level.
Low notes prevail in the voice.
The pose - straightened shoulders, proudly raised chin, chest in a wheel - testifies to the instinct of a sexual hunter.

Passion in a romantic relationship for a man is a manifestation of the dominant principle and the satisfaction of his own needs, primarily physical. Even the most sensual lover is more concerned with his own desires than his partner.

For woman

Women's passion is not inferior to men's in power of manifestation. A volcano of sensuality - this is how you can call a charming woman who has plunged into the abyss of sexual emotions. A partner is not just a donor of pleasure. A passionate nature is ready to make any sacrifice for his sake.

Libido can be recognized by the following signs:

A woman involuntarily touches her hair, even if there is no need to straighten it.
A drawn-out, nervous note appears in the voice.
The pupils are dilated when the object of desire enters the visual zone.
Her own thoughts and aspirations dominate; during this period, a woman does not accept the advice of people whom she previously trusted.
Breathing is rapid, and the heart beats faster in the chest if the object of sexual desire is nearby.

In this state, ladies have a powerful temperament and behave relaxed. Every gesture is aimed at seduction.

The passionate relationship between a man and a woman completely captures Eva's sister. She loses her sobriety of thoughts, is incapable of making reasonable decisions, finding herself at the mercy of the elements of super-emotions.

Can passion be useful?

What advantages can this feeling have with such tangible disadvantages? The previous shortcomings are signs of an unhealthy, strong, fanatical passion. But what if you “dose” it, manifest it to a reasonable extent? Of course, there will be advantages, but a new question will arise. How to control this burning, impulsive experience?

Compare your behavior before and after meeting a person or developing a hobby.
Analyze emotions while being away from the object of passion.
Try to remember other areas of life and not ignore their importance.
Listen to those close to you who usually give good advice and know how to be good analysts.
Keep a diary, write down the slightest doubts, do not withdraw into yourself.
Stop justifying your suspicions, discomfort, sacrifices, fears.
If you have serious emotional distress, consult a psychotherapist.

If you follow these rules, passionate emotions will have a brighter side. But which ones exactly?

Hormonal doping.

Passionate experiences in moderation, with a reasonable approach, charge a person with energy. Hormones, especially adrenaline, activate all body systems. As a result, a person's appearance improves. A fresh, healthy glow appears, the hair becomes shiny, the eyes “burn”, and the gait becomes more cheerful.

During such periods, it is even possible to normalize weight, and playing sports seems easier, but no less effective. Serotonin, endorphins, and dopamine together provide an elevated mood and overall well-being. There are health benefits - the immune system is strengthened.

Emotional outburst.

Passion allows you to experience many positive emotions - joy, pleasant anticipation, excitement, delight, inspiration and others. All together they add new colors to life, and are even capable of turning a pessimist into a cheerful optimist during a “passionate period.”

In long-term relationships, renewed passion emphasizes love, despite what is opposed to it. It relieves boredom, gives variety, fun, and a new wave of hobbies. It helps you improve your mood faster and for a longer period of time.

Determination.

The same candy-bouquet period with falling in love becomes an excellent start for any positive endeavors. There is a desire to become better, to make your life more diverse and of higher quality. If you do not ignore such aspirations, you can take advantage of them.

At first, everything is done just to impress a person, improve your performance, achievements in some activity, or gain access to a subject of interest. However, over time, actions become a habit and, even when the passion fades, their positive effect remains with the performer for a long time.

How is passion different from infatuation and love?

The difference between these phenomena is in the manifestation of feelings and the duration of the period of emotional experiences.

Falling in love is permeated with romantic euphoria, which makes illusion mistaken for reality. The object of attention has no negative qualities; the consciousness of the lover completes the ideal image on its own. Pleasant surprises, gifts, compliments are integral attributes of this young feeling. Physical attraction is also present, but does not dominate the personality so much, although those pierced by the arrow of cupid behave instinctively and spontaneously.

The duration of falling in love depends on the individual characteristics of the person. Soft, vulnerable natures retain this feeling for up to five years. Determined subjects move on to the next stage of the affair after two to three months.

Love is a strong attachment based on true sympathy and willingness to connect one’s destiny with a person. If passion in a relationship between a man and a woman lasts a year or three, then love sometimes remains for life; there is no debilitating, burning ardor in the manifestations of feelings. A quiet, measured, reliable connection is stronger than deceptive ardor. Truly family people support each other in difficult times and have the same values in life. All age categories are subject to love. The dominant condition for the birth of a deep, pure feeling is not the desire for unrestrained sex, but mutual personal respect based on spiritual intimacy.

Sexual desire in a woman and factors influencing it

Women are always more subtly and deeply immersed in feelings, notice the slightest changes in a man’s mood, and are sensitive to external factors and many variables. From a psychological point of view, a woman develops a clear connection between love and attraction to a man.

Sex without love is unlikely, but it’s easy to add love to attraction and convince yourself of it. Hormonal levels, fatigue, stress, internal experiences and age constantly influence the presence of sexual desire and attraction to a man. In general, all reasons affecting sexual desire in women are divided into psychological and physiological.

Why is there such strong passion at the beginning of a relationship?

At the beginning of time, man was driven by primitive needs - food, protection, satisfaction of lust. With the development of civilization, base instincts were corrected, but not the love craving of a man for a woman, including those that arise unconsciously and suppress other desires.

The first attraction occurs at the level of smell, as in animals, when the male finds the female by pheromones. A person is also able to recognize “his soul mate” thanks to biochemical processes. The feeling that arises is similar to the effects of a drug: the world appears in a different light, emotions are filled with unprecedented brightness due to the neutrophins produced in the body. A person feels a never before experienced fireworks of feelings, and the novelty of the psychological state delights. Therefore, the ardor is especially strong in the first weeks of the novel.

In a relationship between a man and a woman, passion arises already at the stage of falling in love, when the guy and girl begin to experience strong physical attraction. If human rationality overcomes lust, then the hormone dopamine, designed to achieve the goal, weakens, and love intimacy is without wild sexual unbridledness. Otherwise, the desire to passionately possess a partner will continue to dominate all other sensations. The possessive instinct will also grow, destroying the healthy atmosphere in the couple.

On a short leash3

Each of us should be able to control our emotions. This skill speaks of wisdom, of the awareness of the individual. But passion can rarely be trained. Rather, it subjugates a person completely. The person becomes dependent on this drug. But passion can be curbed and made your ally.

When we experience certain feelings for a person, we can transform them the way we need. Passion can often serve as a springboard. For example, there is he and she. The physical attraction is deafening, the sex is enchanting, the body odor is driving you crazy.

Why not create a social unit? If at least one in a couple realizes this, then he can take the relationship to a new level:

Rapprochement. “Where is it closer?” - you say. Emotional intimacy is needed. Add warmth, more tenderness during periods when there is no sex. Show concern and care in everyday life.
Heart to heart conversations. Start intimate conversations. There is no need to immediately say: “I want 5 children from you!” Talk about the secret. The best way is to talk about complexes and fears. These inner experiences are not considered a special secret, but they can reveal a person and bring him closer.
Ritual. Make it a rule to do something that will tie you to each other. If you don't live together and meet a couple times a week, make it a habit to say hello and sweet dreams every day. People quickly get used to such things and begin to get bored when there is silence.

Don't solve problems with sex. Nothing else will happen other than discharge and a feeling of devastation. It is better to mobilize all your strength, call on your partner for help and begin to solve the troubles that have arisen.

After what period of time does passion begin to fade?

Scientists have been studying the chemistry of love for many centuries and have found that real passion in a relationship between a man and a woman lasts from 12 months to a year and a half, although some natures are able to maintain this psychological state for three years.

The time frame is determined by the requirements of nature - this is how much a representative of the human species needs to bear and feed offspring.

While the passion of love lasts, the hormones norepinephrine and dopamine dominate in the body. As they accumulate, they suppress serotonin, the hormone of pleasure, which makes mood swings inevitable. During a long period of sexual intimacy, the body produces vasopressin and oxytocin, which are responsible for the formation of relationships in a new form. Now partners are controlled not by the desire to achieve and receive, but by a feeling of care and affection. Over-emotions pass. The romantic veil falls from the eyes, and the partners see each other in a real light, however, if the basis was initially sympathy, and not just lust, a tender relationship will last for many years.

Passion in a relationship disappears without a trace due to routine and psychological fatigue provoked by one of the partners. To restore the former brightness of feelings, you need to understand the reasons for the collapse of love fervor.

SPA treatments

A warm bath relaxes, relieves fatigue and stress, which will not hurt before love marathons. Hydromassage, in particular the impact of a directed shower jet on certain areas of the body, can be quite stimulating. So you can experiment in the shower while your husband is waiting for you in bed, and come back prepared. Or take a shower or bath together.

Unfeeling. Is it possible to overcome women's coldness?

More details

What are the main reasons why passion fades in a relationship?

A sensual explosion, initially based on the carnal attraction of a guy and a girl, after a while, if the connection is harmonious, is replaced by love filled with care and tenderness.

This period can be endless if the partners do not lose interest in each other and maintain freshness of emotions and strong affection.

Once you forget about the “food” for the love flame, the passion in the relationship between a man and a woman disappears. Novelty gives way to routine, and ardor gives way to indifference and irritation due to every little thing in the actions and character of a lover.

The moment when a girl realizes that there is no passion in her relationship with a guy leads to disappointment and an attempt to start looking for another candidate for the role of an ideal companion.

Growing grievances

Passion in relationships often fades due to understatement and suppression of bitterness that arises during quarrels. Lovers, psychologically getting used to each other, often prove that they are right by entering into conflicts and resorting to personal insults. After the scandal, reconciliation comes, but the residue does not disappear. The accumulation of grievances leads to the melting of the magical halo over the head of a loved one. Moreover, it is impossible to forget all the unpleasant words spoken to you.

Selfishness or perfectionism of one of the partners

Reciprocity of feelings is the main condition for a mature relationship. If one of the participants in the love idyll begins to “pull the blanket” on himself, he turns his partner into a beggar, receiving meager alms instead of real positive emotions. The selfishness of a loved one crushes, attraction ceases to give joy, and the passion in the relationship goes away, and the breakup brings relief.

Another problem that ruins all romances is the perfectionism of one of the partners. The painful desire for the ideal will destroy the fragile sensual castle: after all, there are no people who never make mistakes.

Lack of romance

The ardor, charming with romantic spontaneity, quickly disappears if obligations and debt appear threefold. The bride and groom pamper each other with sweet surprises, enjoying walks together, while spouses living under the same roof prefer to spend their leisure time separately. After all, there is no passion in a relationship, there is no desire to pleasantly surprise your loved one. There is only duty, which invariably gives rise to psychological fatigue.

A woman whose relationship with her husband lacks passion is worthy of pity. Her life is filled with hopeless despondency. Boring routine leads to rapid old age.

Emotional fusion

A single emotional network that appears in a family also leads to the extinction of passion. Spouses acutely feel each other's anxiety, which affects the suppression of their own feelings. With a constant attempt to control the situation, psychological burnout occurs. Passion in relationships disappears because the explosion of sensual emotions does not tolerate strict control.

Constant search for compromises

The desire to smooth out rough edges, so as not to provoke a quarrel, inevitably also leads to a problem - the passion in the relationship goes away, leaving dissatisfaction with oneself and the partner.

Finding compromises is necessary, otherwise marriage will be more like a war. But a powerful, serious strategy with calibrated actions and thoughtful moves eliminates ardor, and the latter gradually fades away. Therefore, you need to look for compromises carefully, without turning yourself into a victim.

Madonna-Whore Syndrome

The feeling of novelty and explosion of sexual desire sometimes disappears due to the Madonna-Whore complex, which a man can suffer from.

Guys with such psychological pathology mentally divide women into two camps: caring, faithful wives and promiscuous girls. Relationships with “Madonnas” are built on respectful chastity. "Harlots" was created for entertainment, not for family life. As a result, the husband cannot imagine his beloved wife as a mistress, reducing sex with her to zero.

Often the reason for the appearance of a complex is the mother’s excessive possessive love for her son, who, as an adult, will begin to search for a woman who reminds him of his mother. There is no passion in a relationship with such a “mama’s boy,” because any attempts by the wife to embellish family life will plunge the husband into horror and shame.

The Madonna-Whore complex also grows if in childhood the child experienced his father leaving the family, and the psychological wound was transformed into a painful conviction about the lustfulness of female nature.

If passion fades in a relationship for this reason, a man needs to visit a psychologist and undergo a course of treatment.

Signs of male sexual desire2

Write or don’t write these signs, women still identify them unmistakably. But... let's be consistent and describe how male attraction manifests itself:

During attraction, a man changes externally - his shoulders turn around, his stomach recedes, his head rises, his gaze becomes confident and proud, his whole posture seems to say “I’m the main male here, you don’t even have to look at the others!” It’s not surprising, this posture and behavior have been passed on to the stronger sex since prehistoric times. And in nature this can often be observed in males;
a young man wants to look good in appearance - he constantly shakes off invisible specks of dust, smoothes his hair, straightens his shirt, fiddles with his collar;
even against her will, she constantly looks at the object of her desire, a woman will repeatedly catch his gaze. The man will be nervous, embarrassed, ashamed of this, but he will not be able to help himself;

tries to be close, reduces the distance between the desired woman and himself. He may not immediately come and stay. It is likely that he will go back and forth, but he certainly needs to be close to the one to whom he is attracted;
the man is trying to attract attention. It can be a loud voice, he can tell a joke, play the guitar, sing - he definitely needs to identify himself;
copying the actions of the woman you love. At the same time, the man himself does not even notice that he is repeating the gestures of his young lady. The woman straightened her hair and the man did the same, the woman put down her coffee cup and the man put his coffee away. Have you noticed this? Be sure that your interlocutor is not indifferent to you.
At such moments, the young man’s voice becomes low, dull, and hoarse. And if such a voice is accompanied by a languid look, is it worth talking about something?

What is this feeling

What is passion? Efremova’s explanatory dictionary of the Russian language gives the following interpretation of this concept: “passion” is a strong feeling that arises on an instinctive level. This is a strong passion, craving or inclination towards something.

According to Dmitriev's explanatory dictionary, the meaning of the word “passion” is defined as follows: a strong feeling, physical or sexual attraction of one person to another. It is also a healthy interest in some activity or profession.

Ushakov’s explanatory dictionary defines the term “passion” in a similar way. What is passion? This is a very strong sensual attraction that arises in a person subconsciously, instinctively.

Thus, after conducting a literary analysis, we can confidently say that this is still a feeling.

The seven most terrible human passions

Also, quite often this term is used not to describe attraction to a person, but to describe his secret desires that cannot be curbed.

These passions include the seven deadly sins of humanity. Many people know this legend. The list of sins includes: pride, gluttony, greed, laziness, envy, anger and lust.

These seven feelings and actions are considered passions because they are quite difficult to restrain. Each of us has been angry many times in our lives, sometimes unknowingly envied, or been too proud of ourselves, gluttonous or lazy, this is a self-evident fact. And this is another criterion for understanding what kind of feeling this is - passion.