Falling in love: what is it?
There is no exact answer to how long it takes for couples to fall in love, as well as what this concept includes. However, every person has encountered it at least once in their life. In psychology, falling in love means a positive feeling that arises in relation to the object of sympathy. Thanks to it, you will get to know yourself, see new perspectives and opportunities. Falling in love appears as an obsession. She intoxicates people, driving them crazy, but they continue to idolize her and look forward to her.
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The older you are, the more difficult it will be for you to survive the state of falling in love and the more ways you have for self-improvement. A person in love concentrates all his attention on his partner. He worries about his condition much more than about his own, and begins to put his own interests in the background. Loving is hard and complex work.
It happens that people become psychologically broken because they were not ready to devote most of their time to another person. Falling in love changes consciousness, idealizing the object, which leads to ignoring the partner’s shortcomings. At the same time, a person often experiences feelings not for a real person, but for a fictitious image.
The most dangerous condition arises against the background of non-reciprocal love. Without receiving reciprocal feelings, a person becomes depressed and often falls into depression. Psychologists console us by saying that the feeling of unrequited love is necessary for normal personality development. It often occurs in people with low self-esteem. How many months love will last, as well as its appearance, does not depend on the person himself, but is part of the process of forming his personality.
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What is he like, a lover?
Understanding whether a man is in love with you is very simple.
Since hormones are involved, the woman feels it almost immediately. Everything in his behavior signals this: glances, gestures, the desire to be close, to touch, to speak tenderly.
He will become a dreamer, absent-minded, but capable of moving mountains for you. And, of course, burning eyes, sweating palms and excitement as if in a state of euphoria are also possible.
It looks like the symptoms of a disease, doesn't it? : ) Tell us in the comments about the craziest thing a man in love has ever done in your life.
All this is very touching, but... IT WILL NOT ALWAYS BE SO!
Signs of feeling
Falling in love is accompanied by certain symptoms. By comparing them with your feelings, you will understand whether you have this feeling or not.
The main features include:
- A feeling of happiness and a joyful state. Positive feelings arise simply from the thought that a loved one exists. The perception of the world is changing. You begin to notice and also appreciate the joys of life. If the partner was previously a pessimist, now his views become more optimistic.
- Daydreaming. Against the background of a new feeling, fantasies about the future arise, including the object for which they feel in love. In all dreams the couple is happy. At the same time, fantasies look quite real and feasible. In them, you can also imagine situations in which you show your best side to your partner, for example, saving him.
- Desire for constant contact. When you are in love, you will always feel the desire to touch or talk to a person, and these will be completely frivolous topics. You may not even notice how you’ve been talking with your partner about the weather and other little things for an hour. Falling in love gives you a reason to appreciate every moment of communication.
- Vulnerability. You become more vulnerable. Any words spoken to you will cause long thoughts, especially if they were spoken by a loved one. In addition, he can easily manipulate you. It is important to stop in time and understand whether you are being used for personal gain.
- Willingness to make concessions. When a person is in love, he is ready to make any sacrifice. If the love is not mutual, then such sacrifice will not be appreciated with dignity, and you will feel empty.
Differences from love
Quite often people confuse love and infatuation. The two conditions are very similar, but there are a few important differences. The main ones:
- Duration. Falling in love lasts from several hours to several years. The longer a person feels this feeling, the stronger the attachment will become, which subsequently turns into love.
- Development. Falling in love is formed from just one glance at an object. You don't need to know a person to start feeling intensely attracted to them. Love, on the contrary, arises only after people have communicated for a long time.
- Consistency. Love is a constant feeling, and being in love tends to fade and reappear. You may periodically lose interest in your partner, but within a day he will return.
- Parting. Love will remain with you, even if the object of your adoration leaves for a long period of time. Falling in love tends to end quickly once a large distance is created between the couple.
- The basis of the condition. When falling in love, a person unintentionally tries to benefit from communication with a partner. He wants to be happy, so he strives to get what he likes. If you feel love, then you want to make the other person happy, even if it means sacrificing yourself.
Research
Relationships that are born between people can be characterized by both habit and violent passion or crazy love. Some people, despite strong feelings, cannot spend a long time with one person, while others cannot imagine their life without their loved one, and keep tender feelings until the end of their days.
Many studies have been conducted on this topic. So Frederick Beigbeder built a theory claiming that intense love lasts three years. In his research, he took data from British scientists indicating that falling in love is a manifestation of chemical processes that occur in the human body. Love activity manifests itself under the influence of dopamine. Other studies claim that romance cannot last longer than four years, and outbursts that occur in a couple who have lived under the same roof for a long time are a manifestation of strong attachment or attraction. Scientist Fisher is convinced that love only exists for a year and a half; it is caused by increased activity in certain parts of the brain that are responsible for attraction at a basic level, for instincts; high feelings do not exist.
According to statistics, such stages of love as romance and passion really exist for no more than three years, but the desire to live with a person under the same roof can reach ten years, and cases of cohabitation are not uncommon until very old age.
Duration of feeling
Psychologists say that feelings of euphoria and passion dull over time. Girls should know how long a man's love can actually last in order to be emotionally prepared for future changes in the relationship. When communicating with a loved one, your palms sweat, your heartbeat quickens and excitement arises, which indicates the development of feelings. However, over time, these sensations go away. For men, this happens after 2-4 years of relationship.
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Falling in love lasts longer, but at the same time it has an exhausting effect. In other words, a person begins to experience severe fatigue. He may change in character and even become aggressive. Scientists also calculated how many years it takes for women to fall in love. A girl can be in love with a guy for 3 years and not experience much mental stress.
This time is enough to form strong relationships, which will subsequently move to a new level. Of course, falling in love can be carried throughout your entire life if you constantly develop and warm up your feelings.
Science's view of human relationships
Scientists have come to the conclusion that falling in love, a state caused by processes occurring in the body, is necessary for procreation. Lust, attraction and attachment are responsible for chemical reactions that lead to the production of hormones: adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin.
Adrenaline is produced at the very beginning of falling in love, when there are fears associated with the object of desire. The hormone increases heart rate and causes thirst. Due to the release of adrenaline, a person begins to say stupid things, which he regrets after the effect of the neurotransmitter stops.
Dopamine promotes a state of euphoria. Drugs also cause a similar effect. The hormone is responsible for a cheerful state, decreased appetite and a huge amount of energy.
Serotonin is produced in large quantities by lovers. With the release of the “happiness hormone,” mood improves and mechanisms responsible for memory are activated. The action of the hormone explains constant thoughts about a partner.
Oxytocin is responsible for attachment. It is produced through tactile communication: hugging, physical intimacy, affection. The more touches, the more intense the neurotransmitter is produced.
Vasopressin levels are higher in couples who pay attention to sex. The more active their sex life, the longer the relationship.
When true love begins
How long falling in love will last, and when love begins, directly depends on the couple. These are individual indicators. Over time, a strong attachment arises, a trusting relationship is formed, but falling in love begins to subside. You will see flaws in your partner that you had not noticed before, and you will stop idealizing him.
If at the beginning of the relationship you were attracted to a person’s physical characteristics, now the basis of attraction will be the person’s personal positions and his spiritual world. At this time, feelings should develop into love, but it happens that the couple separates. Not everyone can cope with changes in relationships. If love has nevertheless formed, then people in love begin to care about each other even more, and shortcomings cease to be the causes of conflict situations. This strong feeling can be carried throughout your life, then over time it will only become stronger.
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How long does it take to fall in love?
The lifespan of passion is individual. It depends on temperament and on some external circumstances. There are also monogamous people. I know such people, but, in my opinion, they are terribly boring people.
Of course, the first feeling of “high note passion” passes, and if it is taken for love, then yes, love is fleeting.
But ideally, passion should move into a more stable and strong relationship. Maxim Dunaevsky, composer
Three year hypothesis
There is a theory that falling in love usually lasts 3 months or 3 years. There is a deal of truth in it. This hypothesis is connected with the fact that during the first three years the couple feels euphoria, happiness and strong passion. Relationships are accompanied by joyful and vibrant feelings that strengthen the affection between people. Gradually, falling in love passes, but it is difficult for people to separate, since they have lived together for a long time and have become accustomed to each other.
If during this period a person accepts the shortcomings of his partner and tries to understand him, then the feelings will only intensify. A love connection is formed between people. In this case, love will not pass in 3 years or 3 months, but will only begin. Only selfishness and daydreaming, which are often found in a person in love, will disappear.
By the way
About the benefits of courtship
The “vitality” of relationships is largely determined by the speed of their development. Once the blinding passion subsides, we suddenly discover that the object of our adoration is not without its shortcomings. Why did he change so quickly?
In fact, he did not change, it’s just that in the heat of love we had neither the time nor the opportunity to see our chosen one.
A long period of courtship allows two people to get to know each other better and at least partially insure themselves against unpleasant discoveries.
When the passion subsides
Passion is a dominant feeling that arises in both men and women. It is accompanied by a strong attraction to the object. Passion makes people's bonds stronger, but such relationships will not last forever. Their duration depends on how the lovers behave. Qualified psychologists have stated that this feeling lasts from two weeks to one year.
If there is no love in a relationship, then passion disappears quite quickly. This often happens when a couple starts living together. When experiencing passion, a person extols and idealizes his partner. Cohabitation shows people from a new side. The partner may be disappointed that an ordinary and simple person with shortcomings lives with him.
However, passion also develops into something more if people know how to listen, work on their shortcomings and begin to accept each other. When a relationship moves to a new level, it develops into care and love.
The reason for the fading of passion is considered to be psychological barriers that one of the partners builds. The main ones:
- transferring past emotional turmoil into new relationships;
- fear of trusting a partner;
- inaction and unwillingness to improve relationships;
- lack of visual and physical contact;
- lack of dialogue with a partner.
Why does falling in love end?
Read also: Where and why is a raised floor needed?
Now let's go back to that girl who was clearly interested in you. You obviously saw it. I saw her sparkling eyes and how she liked your touch. Moreover, your pride was clearly jumping joyfully from the realization that this girl had clearly fallen in love with you .
And here the question arises.
She fell in love with you. She clearly made this clear to you. AND? what else did you expect from her? What else was she supposed to do?
Do feelings go away over time and what can you do to maintain them?
Passion pushes people to start a family. However, when faced with home life and family problems, love leaves. People stop feeling attracted to each other and decide to separate. This happens if there are a lot of routine matters and quarrels in family relationships that are not discussed further. Without communication, resentment and anger accumulate, which only intensifies scandals over time.
However, there are couples who, after going through many obstacles and difficulties, were able to preserve their love. Often the reason for the disappearance of passion is a change in tastes and preferences. A person changes his worldview, develops and begins to notice that his partner does not share his opinion. Against this backdrop, disagreements emerge. To maintain a relationship, you need to discuss life situations with your partner and try to look at the world through his eyes. Understanding and concessions will help save love.
Even couples who have lived a long life together have encountered difficult situations and quarrels. However, they were able to understand their partners and compromise, which became a decisive step in their relationship. Dating and traveling can help you escape your routine. They will allow you to distract yourself and take a breath, but you need to continue to work, develop relationships, strengthening them.
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Statistics say that more than 40% of couples break up after 3 years, as falling in love passes. This shows that many people cannot cope with such difficulties. However, an equally sad picture emerges with relationships lasting more than 7 years. According to statistics, they are destroyed in 60-70% of cases. This happens because couples stop working on their relationship and focus on their partner's shortcomings.
Professional psychologists advise communicating with each other more often. You need to be sincere about your plans and goals. You need to learn to admit your own mistakes and listen to your partner. It is important to understand that he wants to help you become better than you are, and not to reproach you for any action.
Falling in love appears and disappears suddenly. It is necessary to rebuild in time to be ready to move the relationship to the next level. As a rule, falling in love lasts from 7 days to 3 years, after which it develops into love. However, this does not always happen. Some couples are not ready for such a load. Not wanting to understand each other and make concessions, they break up. Relationships will help preserve understanding. You need to learn to hear your partner and compromise.
How quickly does falling in love pass?
Scientists have calculated that, on average, falling in love lasts 17 months. This time is enough to be convinced of your feelings and understand how to live further with or without your chosen one.
In men
Psychology has proven the fact that male love flares up quickly and also quickly fades away. On average, its duration is 3 years, but some manage to experience all stages of feeling in 3 days. The duration depends on the individual characteristics of the person.
If a man cannot understand himself, then time will help him. A guy in love after 2-3 years loses interest in his girlfriend, begins to notice shortcomings and is more often irritated in her presence. Therefore, in the midst of a relationship, an adult man usually makes informed decisions about continuing the relationship. He proposes to his beloved or informs her about the breakup, because he realized that the girl is not his ideal.
A girl needs to support the passionate flame of a man, work on relationships, then falling in love can develop into love.
Among women
A woman's love instills confidence in her beauty, strength, and capabilities. It's like a drug, giving you the feeling of an unreal flight. The girl is sure that her true feelings will never go away, so she reacts sharply to the dissatisfied attacks of others towards her lover. However, after some time, falling in love passes, and the woman looks at her beloved man with completely different eyes. In this case, the moment of truth comes suddenly.
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Falling in love in women can last up to 3-5 years. The duration depends on the circumstances. For example, having fallen in love with a married man, a girl will torment herself for a long time with hopes and dreams for a future together with him, gradually becoming dependent on her chosen one. It is impossible to say exactly when she will experience a crisis of love, since girls are unpredictable. You can make forecasts based on general statistics.
If it's not mutual
Unrequited love depresses a person and makes him look like a masochist. The lover becomes too vulnerable, his self-esteem falls, he feels useless to anyone, plunging more and more into dark emotions. It is especially difficult to bear an unrequited feeling that flares up at first sight, similar to a karmic connection. Such falling in love only brings problems, not letting the person go for a long time. In this case, the help of a psychologist will not hurt.
The three year theory
There is a hypothesis that love lasts 3 years. In fact, we are talking about falling in love, which after an allotted period of time gives way to love or disappointment.
In the first three years of a relationship, partners experience a strong and mutual attraction between their bodies and feel the need to constantly see and hear the chosen one. Every meeting is filled with happiness, passion, euphoria. Vivid emotions strengthen the attachment of two people, so it is difficult for them to decide on the choice of future life. But three years of a harmonious union are an excellent start to starting a more serious and conscious relationship.
