Life is a very interesting thing. Every day different events happen to us, both good and not so good. We constantly have to communicate with many people, and sometimes this communication, unfortunately, is not entirely positive. Conflict situations happen, there are some disagreements, and sometimes we encounter completely inadequate people.
We think that everyone has had cases when they were told hurtful words and insulted. And we do not always have time (and know how!) to timely navigate and competently respond to unfair statements addressed to us. And as a result, we not only endure the “tub of mud” being poured on us, but we also worry and get nervous after it. Therefore, let's talk about how to properly react and respond to annoying and offensive words and insults.
Reflect
Being insulted hurts. But we cannot stop other people from saying words that hurt us. Reflection sometimes helps reduce the pain of perception.
Did my interlocutor really intend to offend me? Maybe I’m needlessly reacting so painfully?
Is my abuser an evil person who hurts on purpose? But I try to be kind. You probably shouldn’t respond to aggression with aggression.
Or maybe his attacks are caused by his own complexes?
Am I still under the illusion that you can live without ever getting punched in the gut? This is a test of strength!
Reasons for rude behavior
One of the most common reasons for rude attacks on a person is his underdeveloped psychological strength. Such people are much more likely to become victims of rudeness than strong and self-confident individuals. Boors and rude people have a fairly well-developed instinct and will never get involved with someone who can give them a worthy answer.
If in front of them is a person from a different category, then why not amuse yourself and say something rude to him. Most often, the following types of people are among the offended:
- highly cultured and brought up in old traditions;
- having low self-esteem;
- trying to avoid conflict situations;
- with a high sense of guilt;
- fearful of hurting and offending other people.
In this situation, the reaction to rudeness may be different, but first you should work on your own self-esteem and confidence so as not to be a constant victim of poorly behaved citizens. Finding inner strength will forever get rid of outside aggression, because a strong person cannot be an object of attack.
Read further: 65 phrases to respond to rudeness
Insult
This is one of the first desires that arises after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:
- witty;
- happens among family or friends;
- defuses the situation rather than aggravates the conflict.
In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a wit worse than Oscar Wilde, responding to insult with insult is not the best way. This way you stoop to the level of your boorish opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.
Use the law
You can hold the offender accountable, or at least threaten him with it. Punishment for insult is prescribed in the Code of Administrative Offences, Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation, Article 5.61 “Insult”, but libel is already within the scope of criminal law of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, Article 128.1 “Slander”. In case of insults from your boss, you can contact the HR department.
The main thing is to remember: no one has the right to infringe on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must answer people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.
Use humor
A friend of mine once had to hear: “Is this your new skirt? I think they use this fabric to upholster chairs.” She was not taken aback and replied: “Well, sit on my lap.”
My friend’s mother spent her entire life zealously keeping the house clean. One day she discovered a spider’s web on her daughter and asked: “What is this?” “I’m conducting a science experiment,” the daughter retorted. The best weapon against offensive criticism is laughter. A witty response will help you deal with almost any offender.
Be a bystander
Insults are always inappropriate behavior; it does not look beautiful in any case, even if the insulter presents himself as a brutal character reveling in permissiveness. But when you yourself are the object of insult, it is difficult to understand; the mind paints the opposite picture, as if the offender looks stronger, taller, better, and you are humiliated by the inability or unwillingness to respond symmetrically. To shatter this imposed mental template, it is enough to look at the situation through the eyes of the viewer and give an assessment to both participants from a third person.
What to do if you couldn’t respond to an insult
The ability to respond to insults in a dignified and psychologically competent manner is an art. Unfortunately, this is not taught in schools and is rarely taught in families, so you will have to rely only on yourself. And practice here is even more important than theory. Don't worry if at first you can't respond gracefully and vividly to insults. Or if you suddenly didn’t figure out what to answer in time, you succumbed to emotions. Don't blame or scold yourself.
Practice responding beautifully to insults in writing. Invent situations, remember something or take examples from life (if you witnessed it), films. Gradually, you will be able to easily and quickly do all this in your mind, and not on paper.
And if you realize that right now you are overwhelmed with emotions, then release them. The main thing is to never suppress resentment and anger. Otherwise, it will result in auto-aggression, affective outburst, and psychosomatic illnesses. So right now, take a pillow, stick a photo of the offender on it or imagine him and say everything you can now say. And if there are a lot of emotions, then hit him. It's a pillow. Of course, in real life you shouldn't hit a person.
How to respond to rudeness with dignity and grace - 10 methods
Calm Method
When confronted with potential offenders, you should never show them your confusion. Express your thoughts clearly and firmly, and do not utter any words in your own justification or defense. The intonation of the voice should be as calm and relaxed as possible, since this is what will most quickly unsettle the boor. With his attacks, he wants to piss off his victim in order to be recharged with a portion of negative energy. There is no need to give a rude person such joy.
For example, in response to the angry words of an irritated conductor about her lack of change for a large bill, you need to calmly ask her again so that she repeats her speech, and then politely but persistently ask her to solve this problem.
Method "Psychological Aikido"
The use of this protective technique is based on the use of the negative energy of a brute against himself. The opponent must agree with critical remarks addressed to him, confusing and bringing mutual communication to the point of absurdity. You can even praise your opponent for timely and useful criticism. Mastering the method requires some practice and breaking existing behavioral patterns.
As an illustrative example, the following dialogue can be given:
Rude: “Where are you going!” Don't you have eyes?! Don’t you see, there’s a queue here!” Opponent: “But I really don’t have eyes, but you are so attentive, you immediately noticed it and pointed out my mistake.” Rude: “We’re all standing, but why are you pushing forward?!” Opponent: “Well, yes, everyone is standing, and I’m climbing, the smartest one has been found here” ... and further in this style.
As a rule, two or three mutual skirmishes are enough to psychologically disorient the enemy. In addition, the people around you can seriously help you, appreciating the absurdity and comicality of the situation. Ham will have to retreat in his intentions, and he is unlikely to continue.
Method "Humor"
Intending to say something bad, a person tenses up and tries to draw air into his respiratory tract. If you try to make him laugh at this time, he will relax and the first outburst of anger will pass. You can also smile and compliment your opponent.
For example, a secretary, entering the director's office, accidentally trips and falls, knocking over cups from a tray. Looking at the chief's angry face, the woman tells him that he is simply stunning, hinting at the reason for the fall. Such a joke causes laughter among those present and a smile from the director, instead of the expected reprimand.
Method "Statement"
In some situations, you can pacify a boor by simply calling him in public for who he really is. In particular, you can say directly: “You are a rude person,” or you can navigate the situation and use your own imagination and fantasy.
For example, you can complain about rudeness addressed in response to your forgetfulness that, unfortunately, pills for rudeness have not yet been invented.
"Sneeze" method
It is an effective response when a boorish monologue threatens to drag on for a long time. If your opponent is getting more and more angry and cannot stop, you need to help him with this. For the time being, listen in silence until the boor imagines himself to be the complete master of the situation. Then sneeze deliberately loudly, and in a moment of calm, say that you have an allergic reaction to various nonsense. Next, politely ask your opponent to continue his speech.
In response to offensive remarks, you can use the following phrases:
"This is all?" "So what?" “Did you by any chance make a mistake?” “Believe me, rudeness does not suit you at all” “Why are you trying to look worse than you really are” “I don’t have time to understand your complexes”, etc.
Another reason for rudeness is people who simply cannot live without it. They consciously chose a similar style of communication with others and feel quite comfortable with it. In response to such behavior patterns, the following techniques will be effective.
Method "Persistent politeness and boundless patience"
The main rule when dealing with a chronic rude person is absolute politeness and tolerance. The main thing is not to lash out in response to boorish antics and not to succumb to provocations, becoming only a follower. We must remember that the main goal of a boor is to provoke a response in his opponent, whereas, without receiving it, he loses the fuel for further actions. A smile and outward goodwill are so unusual for him that they can completely unsettle him.
Such a scenario is completely atypical for a person accustomed to being treated rudely, so a polite opponent has the opportunity to take the situation into his own hands. If the enemy has a serious fixation on the negative, you can also try to communicate politely, but pronounce the words louder than usual. Such an unconventional trick can silence him.
The behavior of the parties can be illustrated using the following example:
Saleswoman: “Woman, how long will you be looking at everything here?! Are you buying or not? Buyer: “Please, show me that blouse over there.” Saleswoman: “As much as possible! Am I here, an errand girl?!” Buyer (politely, but much louder): “Please show me that blouse.”
The Boring Method
It will come in handy for people working as administrators in various Internet projects. It's no secret that some users chronically neglect the established rules, and then bring down all their inadequacy on the administrators. When a person has no reasonable arguments, outright rudeness begins.
Of course, you can simply ban an obstinate user, or you can make a “dry” remark in official language. Soon the belligerent enemy's interest will cool and he will stop letting off steam. In practice, such communication might look like this:
Forum participant: “For what reason did I get banned?! What kind of arbitrariness is this! Do whatever comes into your head!” Forum administrator: “You violated rule No. 2 of the internal regulations, from such and such a date. According to paragraph 3 of this rule, you are entitled to a ban for the next three weeks.” Forum participant: “I didn’t have any violations, these are all your inventions. My photos are the coolest, but you don’t understand anything about it!” Forum administrator: “For offensive statements addressed to the administration, the ban period will be extended for another 10 days.”
Shocking method
To break the stereotypical behavior of a boor, you can try to break his usual pattern by shocking him. To do this, in response to a rude remark, you need to answer something completely irrelevant, thereby confusing the enemy. For example, in response to the seller’s rudeness, you can ask what the score was at yesterday’s football match.
In addition to the methods described above, for a decent response to rude people, you can prepare the following phrases:
“It’s a pity, but you are far from original” “Well, it all started so well” “For some reason I didn’t want to continue our further communication” “It’s a pity that I didn’t hear anything original from you” “Not too witty, but there is something what to strive for” “Assessed the depth of your thinking abilities”, etc.
Another reason for rudeness is the offender’s fear of his opponent. In this situation, he strives to attack first, masking his insecurity, cowardice and envy in front of more successful people. Rudeness, in this case, serves only as a kind of disguise and cover.
Method “Taking care of the hedgehog”
Mentally imagine a hedgehog that has prickly spines, but at the same time is just a small, frightened animal. Make an association with your offender, taking a condescending and patronizing position towards him. In addition, the above-described “Calmness” and “Psychological Aikido” methods are well suited in this situation. Additional phrases you can use include:
“You will definitely succeed” “What else is on your mind?” “Do you want to offend me? What for?" “Rudeness suits no one, least of all you.” “Thank you for your close attention to my person,” etc.
Method "Ignore"
This method of psychological defense is universal for all causes of external aggression. Sometimes silence really is golden. This especially applies to those situations when you have no need to communicate with the offender, or you feel that you are not emotionally ready to fight with him, as well as in cases where there is a clearly mentally unhealthy person in front of you.
Ignoring is very effective against any type of rudeness, if done correctly. In particular, you don’t need to show any emotions so that the offender doesn’t suddenly think that you are silently swallowing the insult, and he will become more and more angry. Everything should look as if there was an empty space in front of you, and you, such a successful and lucky person, have absolutely no time to pay attention to all sorts of annoying obstacles and little things.
Read further: 65 phrases to respond to rudeness
Download and print the file below to help you remember these 10 ways to respond to rudeness.
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Abstract yourself
Stop thinking about being insulted, we have already established that it is impossible to do this with words. Remember, when trying to throw dirt at you, your opponent gets his hands dirty, and this dirt simply does not reach you. Therefore, there is no point in interfering. Wait until he has spoken completely, then resume the conversation in your previous polite tone, as if nothing happened.
If you think that others will regard such behavior as a sign of weakness, you are very mistaken. An outside observer will only see that none of your opponent’s “throw-ins” even touched you.
