How to respond to insults and aggression: 3 tips and phrases

Good day to all! A friend of mine was once addressed for no reason at all: “What are you looking at? Should I punch you in the face?” She was naturally dumbfounded and couldn’t find anything to say. Have you ever been in a situation where you were insulted? How did you react to them, especially if it was completely random and undeserved? The topic of this article is just about this - we will understand in all the details how to react to insults, what to do and respond if this does happen to you.

COMPLETE LIST OF HUMAN SKILLS

What is insult and what types are there?

How can I determine whether a person has insulted me or not? Let's turn to the dictionary.

Insult is a careless or deliberate humiliation of a person, his feelings, and dignity. Expressed in an indecent form depending on the norms and values of society. They can insult you in writing (comments on social networks can also go “under this article”), verbally, or by some action in front of you or in your absence.

Why is the insult so offensive? It does not affect what you did, made a mistake or said, but directly affects your personality. You are evaluated negatively in a rather rude manner. This is what is considered an insult.

It is clear that you are offended by such treatment of yourself. Understandably, you will want to reciprocate. But! Stop! Is it worth it? Is IT worth it? If a person has “stooped” to the point of immediately, even sometimes without knowing you, giving you an assessment, then should you “stoop” to his level?

Sometimes it is very painful to hear. The brain immediately, in a convulsive mode, begins to look for answering words and draw up a plan for revenge. But think about why you were SO hurt by the words spoken. What specific area of your life was affected that made you react this way? Perhaps you were told this as a child, or is this an area that you have worked hard and long on?

So, decide whether to respond with aggression to aggression and insults or not to pay attention? But if a person needs to make it clear that he is specifically wrong, to carefully put in his place the person who is insulting, this can be done with humor. By the way, a smile and humor are MUCH better weapons than retaliatory aggression.

It's easiest to insult with obscenities

The easiest thing to do in a conflict situation is to swear.
This is done when corresponding on the Internet and in personal communication. This is a fairly primitive method that is best used only in extreme cases:

If a person has crossed all boundaries of decency, he does not notice subtle hints and sarcastic humor. When his speech becomes like a fountain of words, comparable in style to the communication of “bazaar women,” only rare individuals can put him in his place without swearing.
If the interlocutor is close to a Neanderthal in terms of his level of development. He does not understand smart words, cannot string together two or three phrases without swearing. It will be difficult to prove anything to him; he understands best those who communicate with him in “his language.”
When a person’s emotions have reached the limit and the time to express their feelings is a matter of seconds. For example, in an outrageous situation on the road, the motorist has no time for subtle “courtesy.”

But in general, the habit of swearing is characteristic of people who are not distinguished by high intelligence and are at the lower steps of the social ladder.
Smart and thoughtful individuals have something to say without using obscene language. They can insult their interlocutor with beautiful words that will humiliate him more than any obscenity.

Causes of family discord and the ability to argue in marriage [Advice from a psychologist]

General advice from a psychologist

In any controversial situation, try to understand the person. In the matter of insults, this rule also works. Let's look at the psychologist's advice on how to react correctly.

Master your emotions

The main goal of an aggressive person is to hurt you more. Therefore, the first advice: do not show that you are upset, control your emotions. The insult of your acquaintances will end, because the goal has not been achieved, it is not interesting to continue further.

I suggest you take Nicholas Hall's emotional intelligence test. It consists of 30 questions, the completion time is 5 minutes. The results in the second scale of “Managing your emotions” will show your level from 6 to 36.

In order to fully control your emotions, I advise you to upgrade your emotional intelligence.

Ignoring an insult

Increase your distance

If you are insulted by a stranger in order to assert yourself in front of others, do not try to prove that you are right - this will not lead to anything good. Increase your distance with this person.

“Extinguish” with a smile

If it is not possible to increase the distance, try to appear confident, confuse your opponent with your wide smile and the question: “Why are you behaving this way?” Smooth out the caustic phrases and smile.

Such a reaction will earn others respect for you, and they will be able to defend you against the offender. Remember that your peace of mind will protect you. If you “climb into the bottle”, you may not calculate the strengths and capabilities of yourself and the “aggressor”.

How to react to rudeness? It is useless to switch to the language of a boor

Most often , the first thing you want to do is respond to rudeness just as aggressively. And this is a normal reaction, which indicates that everything is fine with your internal boundaries, you feel their violation and can put the offender in his place, making it clear that you cannot do this to you.

However, in such a situation, it is worth remembering that switching to the language of a boor is useless - a constructive dialogue with him is impossible, and reading lectures and appealing to a sense of shame is a waste of time. This will only be an additional hook for the boor to further develop the conflict, feed on your energy and pump up his own ego.

In such a situation, it is best to restrain your impulse to respond with disgust to disgust , take a conditional step back and try to see what is actually hidden behind the mask of a boor. And if you manage to see, then the desire to be rude will immediately disappear, replaced by pity, sympathy and, perhaps, even compassion.

Instead of responding with rudeness, it is better to say something that will surprise, affect the boor, and change the picture of his world, in which all people are enemies and need to be protected from them. After showing kindness on your part, the boor's behavior will paradoxically change. For another minute or two, out of inertia, he will bite and defend himself, but then one way or another he will turn to his human nature, become softer and begin to demonstrate a completely different self.

How to respond to aggression and insults in specific situations

We need to respond to insults intelligently so that the offender does not want to insult us anymore. Different situations require specific answers. Depending on where we were offended, we may respond differently. For example, insults in the family are perceived more painfully than from a stranger. A loved one knows how to hurt us in a conflict.

At school

Studying at school was always accompanied by name-calling, nicknames, labels and insults. Especially in adolescence, children become callous to the suffering of others (under the influence of bad company), vindictive, and susceptible to insults.

You need to react to insults at school so as not to give yourself a reason to joke about yourself in the future. Your answer should show that you have self-esteem.

For example, they tease you for your protruding ears and call you “big ears.” You can retort: “It’s a pity that yours are so small and you can’t enjoy super hearing,” “How did you manage to keep yours so small?” This is the “phrase return” method, when you return the offender’s phrase regarding himself. You can say it seriously, but you can also say it with irony and sarcasm.

Or classmates say to a child at school the phrase: “Bespectacled!” Parry: “Glasses complement my smart face!”, “Envy silently!”, “Would you like to try on glasses?” After sarcasm, it’s better to leave with the air of a winner while your opponent is shocked by the return of the joke. If you chose a serious tone and used the last phrase, you can philosophize with a confident look.

Confidence and calm will help you not react to negativity and insults; this skill is especially needed by teenagers.

Negativity from husband/man

Often women find themselves the object of ridicule and insults from a psychopathic husband. Although many of them can “go away” and forget about this subject, there are those who are forced to endure. Receiving verbal “slaps” from the man you love is very painful. Firstly, after such words you need to think about whether he is loving? Secondly, you should learn to answer your husband in such a way that this does not happen again.

It is better to nip drunken insults from a man in the bud. There is no need for demagogy here, and the best option is to go to another room, room, carriage, street, etc. Any communication with a person in an inadequate state can lead to problems. I repeat, any! Even if you're just staring.

What to answer if your ex-husband insults and humiliates you? He certainly has his reasons - a happy person does not oppress others. Therefore, respond to an insult sharply and to the point: “You are a spender, how much money can you throw away?” - “Judging by yourself is a thankless task!”, “Cow, look at yourself!” - “I need to match you!”

At work

We may encounter negativity at work. This mainly occurs due to envy or other vices. If you are constantly humiliated, you need to respond to insults gracefully. Here are examples:

“From now on, trouble awaits you, I’m not threatening, I know!”
“If you have nothing more to say, then you can show your mind limited by insults!”
Situation: a work colleague constantly emphasizes the shortcomings of clothing: “Couldn’t you wear anything better? Did you buy it at the Katerina flea market?”, in your phrase, focus on the person’s experiences: “Apparently you know better where I got it, you understand flea markets so well!”
Any phrases said with sarcasm for no particular reason can touch on the plane of the relationship: “Wow, apparently I really hurt you somewhere, since you decided to hurt me so much!” And this should be said with sincere surprise and a smile, showing that the goal has not been achieved.

When you are under the threat of humiliation from your boss, there is little pleasant. Dominant people know how to push. In this situation, you can continue to fulfill your duties clearly and try to reach the level of the soul: ask what exactly causes such a reaction in him. Be persistent by continuing to ask about it, regardless of his words.

Negativity from your boss at work

In the Internet

On the World Wide Web in various chats and forums, insults are found quite often. This is due to the relative impunity on the Internet. I myself have encountered situations more than once when in the comments people do not hesitate to show the limitations of their mind. Advice: don’t stoop to their level, why would you later regret what you said or wrote.

Try to appeal to the person’s adequacy, I understand that it can be difficult, but it is possible. There are generally accepted values that this person may still have. For example: “The evil manifested by you will return to you.”

On the Internet, you can use the tactic of returning an insult: “You’re already old!” - “Yes, let’s communicate like father and daughter. It’s cool for a guy to have a big age difference!”

“You... (swear word)!” - “But you’re not like that, are you? Or do you still have doubts?” Swearing does not lead to good, it only gives rise to a new round of aggression; it is not for nothing that in Orthodoxy they are considered a curse.

Negative from a girl/woman

Representatives of the fair sex, if desired, can skillfully touch the heart of the most balanced person. You may receive sharp phrases from your mother, with whom you have a bad relationship, your lover’s wife (well, that’s understandable!), your girlfriend, etc. Often daughters-in-law are “under attack” from their mother-in-law. The correct reaction is what will save your reputation and nerves.

You can emphasize the lost relationship: “It’s a pity, I had a better opinion of you!”, “Oh, I didn’t expect such aggression from you, it doesn’t decorate you at all!”, “I hope tomorrow you will regret what you just said” and others.

For more ideas on how to respond to insults, watch the video.

How to put in place a person who insults

Insult, but don’t forget - you yourself may remain insulted...

If your interlocutor purposefully and caustically insults you, you can put him in his place with a harsh tone and humiliating words.

To get a strong effect, you need to put pressure on its “weak spots”. For women, this is appearance, for men - level of intelligence, financial situation.

Examples of a biting response to an offender:

“You probably work as a peddler of nonsense?”
“First earn your own matches, and then become smart.”
“Madam, you lost your beauty 30 men ago.”
“You’re so sociable today, so go to the trash can and talk to the dogs.”
“The only advantage of such a person is that you will never go crazy. After all, for this you need to have it.”
“When God created men, you mixed up the letters “M” and “F” in line.”
“Barbie was created in your image - the same silicone and without brains.”
“Your timbre of voice reminds me of crows, they caw just as shrilly.”
“It’s right that you insult me. Your inferiority complex thus seeks self-affirmation.”
“Next time you talk to me, wear a medical mask. Hopefully the filter will help curb the stink coming from your mouth."
“Nobody wants to marry you, that’s why you’re so angry?”
“No need to be so nervous, wait two or three years, because one day you will say something smart.”

On a note!

When a colleague insults you at work, you should not get into a verbal altercation with him. It is enough to simply ask him questions in public to which he cannot find an answer. It is especially good if the topics relate to his competence and the conversation takes place in the presence of the boss.

Phrases for all occasions

Are you being offended, but you don’t know how to respond? Here is a selection of different phrases that will help you get out of the situation:

Stinging phrases in response to an insult: “While you were telling me about my merits, I managed to get enough sleep,” “What a stupid and idiotic phrase, I liked it, I’ll refer to you,” “Oh, you amazed me, I thought you were a little smarter, but you don’t have it at all.”
Funny and with sarcasm: “Yes, your son definitely takes after you in this”, “I’m just embarrassed - in your presence I look too smart and talented”, “Are you an artist or are you just showing off?”; sneeze and say with a smile: “Sorry, I’m allergic to people like you.”
Philosophical: “I hope you want to look worse than you really are,” “The time will come, you will realize that you were wrong.”
Worthy: “You didn’t dirty me, you showed your dirt,” “I’m glad that you were able to assert yourself at my expense!”

Without swearing in smart words

There are many “caustic” phrases to insult your interlocutor.
But they will offend him only if the sarcasm reaches its goal and coincides with the opponent’s vulnerable spot. To do this, you need to learn to notice the advantages and disadvantages of your “enemy” and skillfully maneuver them. You can humiliate a person culturally, using clever words, with the following phrases:

“Nature rewarded you with an extraordinary mind, so she compensated for your poor appearance.”
“Just because you can talk doesn’t make you human.”
“It’s fun with you, like in the circus. To see such a miracle of nature as you, you don’t mind paying for a ticket.”
“Once upon a time, God swore not to create idiots anymore, but looking at you, I understand that He was never able to stop.”
“You inspire scientists to achieve great feats - looking at you, they want to make a man out of a monkey.”
“I see you bought a very large car to compensate for your very low IQ.”
“Your wallet is full of bills - you probably get paid every time you say something stupid.”
“A sharp tongue does not mean a sharp mind.”
“I would give you some smart and useful advice, but I’m afraid your processor will overheat from the stress.”
“You couldn’t put your fingers in your ears when you’re thinking about it, otherwise the dull whistling in your head is a little annoying.”
“The fact that no one understands you does not mean that you are an artist.”
“Please be quiet, don’t rattle your empty head so much.”

On a note!

To insult another beautifully is to say an offensive phrase to him so that its meaning reaches the opponent only after a while.

What should I do if I couldn’t respond to humiliation?

It is not always appropriate to respond to humiliation. If you can't find an answer, maybe that's for the best. Often a person does not realize why he insults, he himself feels bad about it, but he does not admit it even to himself. Sometimes silence in response to humiliation “sounds” louder than a microphone.

If you are still tempted to answer, try to do it calmly, without stooping below your dignity and moral principles. When faced with trolling or provocations, the best behavior is to ignore.

I just ask you, don’t make excuses if you’re not guilty. And when you are guilty, you should not make excuses, but apologize. Proving to another person that he is being unfair to you is almost impossible until he himself understands this. Therefore, do not allow yourself to be humiliated by your own excuses.

And also, if there was a conflict with a loved one, you heard insults addressed to you in a state of nervous system excitement and you yourself lost your temper, do not rush to burn bridges. It is much easier to destroy a relationship than to build one again. Try to understand the reason why the conflict situation occurred.

Types of personal transitions

There are several varieties of this technique:

Insulting the interlocutor.

It can be obvious and veiled. First, a person leads a line of argument, and then begins to insult his opponent, leading a further discussion around his personality. And this is the final loss in the argument, which is what the person should be told about, and then turn off the fishing rods;

Appeal to personal qualities.

This is where pressure begins and an attempt to put a person in a situation where he can no longer express a different point of view. This is done, for example, with a similar phrase: “You are an intelligent person and cannot seriously consider...”. In this case, you can agree that you are an intelligent person and continue to present your arguments;

Inappropriate references to authority.

The most banal thing: “you’re wrong, because I’m older and know better.” Here you need to immediately cut it off at the root, saying that age does not matter here, because specific facts in a specific situation are being discussed.

Getting personal

There are several other types of personalization, but these are the most basic ones that you may encounter in real life.

How to learn to respond to insults and aggression and communicate effectively

Completing training helps you learn how to respond to people’s rudeness and not be afraid. They also teach how to respond to a person’s insult so that he feels ashamed.

The online intensive “Effective Communication” is suitable for:
Entrepreneurs, executives, top managers.
For those who work with clients, middle managers, and freelancers.
To everyone who is involved in raising children.
Anyone who wants to improve their communication with others.

The author of the course is Oleg Kalinichev, an expert in nonverbal behavior, emotional intelligence and lie detection. Accredited trainer Paul Ekman International. Managing Director of Paul Ekman International in Russia (PEI Russia).

You will learn: