There is an opinion that betrayal is as terrible as death. With her arrival, the best feelings die: trust, openness, devotion. In most cases, they are gone forever and cannot be resurrected, just like a dead body. A particularly bitter, irrevocable loss is trust. And without it, it is simply impossible to continue a full-fledged relationship between a man and a woman. Unfortunately, this is not understood by those who decide that treason for treason is the best option for how to punish a traitor. In the heat of emotion, rash decisions are often made, which further aggravate an already difficult situation.
Treason for treason. Satisfaction or fair punishment?
So is it worth it or not to become like the one who first committed treason and betrayal? Absolutely all experts in the field of interpersonal relationships, as well as psychologists, argue that no.
Why, in their opinion, is cheating for cheating unacceptable in a relationship, even if it has already been crippled by such a terrible thing as betrayal? Because this is a dead end path, a road to nowhere. After all, in essence, we are talking about revenge, which is rightly associated with the hole that, first of all, the avenger digs for himself. It is interesting that almost all people after such an act of retaliation did not feel the long-awaited relief and even regretted what they had done.
Evil brings no satisfaction
When you do something evil, you make it clear that you are empty and emotionally dependent.
Vicious revenge may bring short-term satisfaction, but it is definitely not the best solution, since by doing so, you are holding yourself back from moving forward and healing from the resentment.
When you seek revenge, you dig two graves. Confucius.
My wife cheated on me
This happens quite often nowadays. Although previously, cheating was the “prerogative” of men exclusively. Sexual freedom, broken stereotypes and discarded cliches have led to the fact that female infidelity has become as “normal” as male infidelity.
So, an unpleasant thing happens in the family: the husband finds out that his wife is cheating on him or has cheated on him once. It is known that men perceive the fact of such betrayal more acutely, since their pride and male ego are affected. Events develop after this differently for everyone. One packs his things and leaves the house or exposes the traitor from it. Another threatens to file for divorce, a third may forgive (this is also not uncommon). There is another category of deceived husbands - those who decide to take revenge. That is, treason for treason. In their opinion, this is fair and puts both sides of the conflict on an equal footing - no one feels disadvantaged or humiliated.
Who they cheat on their wife with is no longer so important. The main thing is that the wife knows about the act of revenge, to make her suffer and suffer, as it was with him, her husband. Often such husbands choose friends, sisters, or mutual acquaintances with their spouse in order to hurt her even more.
Methods if you have been cheated on
If your significant other cheats, this is a gross violation of obligations. If you want to take revenge on your husband or boyfriend for cheating, here are some ideas on how to do it:
- Place an ad in the newspaper. You can ask strangers to call your ex and ask why he did this to you.
- Leave a smelly gift. If you live together, you can buy a bunch of frozen fish or shrimp and stuff it in a hard-to-reach place. As the fish melts and begins to rot, it will start to smell terrible. So much so that it will become impossible to live there.
- Change the numbers on his phone. A great way to take revenge on a boyfriend or husband who offended you. If you have the opportunity, go into his phone and mix up the numbers in his contacts. This way, when your ex texts the person he's cheating with, he'll text someone else, like his mother or boss, instead!
Punished for treason
This is how the husband explains his action to himself, his friends or his wife, if they are still in a relationship by that time. Although very often after such events it is simply impossible to stay together.
How do men feel? Do they feel satisfied and relieved? Many of them admit that they never got what they went for. On the contrary, after the committed act, their conscience tormented them, there was a feeling of disgust. And the feelings of humiliation and insult from his wife’s betrayal have not gone away... But you have to somehow punish your wife for cheating on you? There can be only one punishment - forgiveness.
How does a wife feel after cheating?
First of all, after betrayal, a woman feels inner devastation, pain and anger. There is a desire to punish the traitor and rival. Women are very emotional, so they can do rash things. If they manage to cope with aggression, then they begin to think about how to annoy the man. Attacks of anger and indignation can be replaced by complete indifference to everything around you.
If a woman fails to overcome her aggression and pain, she can harm herself. Often, deceived ladies throw out their negative emotions on loved ones and others, or begin to feel sorry for themselves, inviting friends home to console them.
Cheating husband
It just so happens in our society that male polygamy is a normal phenomenon and acceptable for all its representatives. It is normal for a married man to cheat; some even approve of adultery. Let’s not talk about cases when a spouse lives a “double” life: has a “parallel” family or permanent mistresses. Here we cannot talk about any love and devotion to the legal spouse, as well as about other human feelings.
It so happened that the wife found out about her husband’s infidelity. This could have happened by accident or he himself admitted it. Much also depends on how the fact of betrayal became known to the spouse. For example, if a husband tried to hide everything and not let his wife find out about his adventures, then he was most likely afraid of upsetting her and angering her. In a word, I didn’t want to hurt her.
It’s another matter if the traitor decided to confess everything himself. This means that he either wants to separate from his wife, or he acts like an honest person and values his relationship with his wife very much. After all, he understands that there can be no secrets or lies between two loving people.
How to take revenge on your husband after divorce
If you do get divorced, but the pain of betrayal does not go away, ruin your ex’s life with troubles. This will not be difficult for you, because over the years of living together you have studied the habits and behavior of a man. Take a photo of your ex's car parked in the wrong place and send it to the State Traffic Inspectorate. Report to the tax office if a man is hiding part of his income.
Place bread crumbs on the hood or roof of your ex-spouse's car to attract birds. Feathered friends will definitely scratch and ruin the varnish coating.
Order delivery of ridiculous items to your ex’s work office in the name of your ex: intimate toys, women’s panties, medications for sexually transmitted infections.
Get the phone number of your ex-spouse's boss. Call and introduce yourself as an employee of a drug treatment center or the curator of Alcoholics Anonymous. State your ex's full name and inform company management that this person must attend the treatment facility regularly, but you have no way to contact him.
If your ex-husband lives with a new passion, take revenge in a proven way. Buy several SIM cards and regularly send SMS messages to your ex’s number containing declarations of love, delight about the night spent together, and offers to meet. A mistress who knows about a man’s previous infidelity will have suspicions, which will certainly lead to discord in the couple’s relationship.
You can take revenge on your husband competently and beautifully, without wasting your time on trifles. Under no circumstances should you show your own sadness and pain from the breakup.
Change, become attractive and interesting: take care of yourself, dress nicely, find a hobby.
On weekends, don’t sit within four walls, visit exhibitions, walk in the park, get together with friends.
Build a new relationship with a man who is superior to your previous partner in everything. Give him your love and tenderness. Review your values and build harmonious relationships. The ex will only have to bite his elbows from frustration that he has lost such a woman.
Olga F.
Should you cheat on your husband or not?
This is also not worth doing, regardless of with whom and why your spouse cheated. An offended woman is capable of a lot due to her emotionality, but this will not be a solution to the problem.
The wife takes revenge for the betrayal by deciding to do the same. For her, this is a justification for the act, because in its significance and content it will be equivalent to what her husband did. What does a woman decide to do? She can offer sex to one of her friends, colleagues, or even a complete stranger, whom she specially meets at a bar the day before. Yes, she will receive her compensation and, perhaps, will feel proud that she avenged the betrayal. But such an act will never bring moral and spiritual satisfaction.
Revenge on your husband with little domestic meanness
Sometimes a woman cannot take serious revenge on a cheater because she is afraid of divorce due to children, lack of her own home, job or money. But she continues to feel discomfort and think about how to punish her husband for cheating. In this case, little domestic meanness will help you get some moral satisfaction.
A slightly frivolous, but proven way to punish a man is to add a safe dose of laxative to his food or drink before work. Surely your spouse will get a stomach ache surrounded by colleagues. Do not forget to immediately get rid of evidence of your involvement in the form of medication packaging. And the answer to the accusations is that the stomach ached due to nervousness due to the awareness of guilt.
You can punish a cheater by losing a necessary thing at a crucial moment. Don't forget to complain about the man's absent-mindedness. Suddenly, glasses, car keys, a flash drive, etc. can get lost.
Just take into account work issues so as not to harm the financial well-being of the family through the husband’s troubles.
You can punish your spouse for infidelity by quietly damaging things or replacing clothes with similar ones, but in a smaller size. Replace the dead batteries in the TV remote control. Replace the belt on your trousers so that it does not fasten. Have your shirt sewn in a tailor shop. Delete your favorite movie on your computer. Don’t forget to subtly tease your spouse about karma for the wrongdoing.
You can cheer yourself up and spoil it for your husband with everyday little things. For example, pour salt into the sugar bowl or “forget” to buy shaving gel. Unnoticed spitting in your husband's coffee or cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush will help relieve internal aggression.
Look for your husband's stash at home. Spend the money you find on your own needs: buy clothes or jewelry, sign up for expensive cosmetic procedures, go alone to a resort or sanatorium. To the complaints made, answer that you wanted to drown out the pain of betrayal. The spouse will remain silent because of guilt.
Why do we want to take revenge?
People who have experienced the shock of betrayal do not know how to behave in such a situation. It’s just that no one ever prepares for this in advance - everyone hopes that this bitter cup will pass them by.
When betrayal strikes and simply ruins a life, very few people imagine what needs to be done. After all, you have to somehow move on with your life, go to work, eat and sleep, and finally, just exist. They turn on a defense mechanism against the processes that began to occur in their reality, which changed dramatically with the advent of betrayal.
Therefore, many deceived people decide that the best way out of this situation for them would be “retaliatory” betrayal. This is not even decided by them, not by their consciousness and mind, which are simply “turned off” during a period of a special emotional state. At the moment, completely different mechanisms of the human psyche are at work.
We can say that at this moment they do not know what they are doing. A person humiliated by betrayal imagines in his head the most disgusting scenes of betrayal of his soulmate with someone else. In order to isolate himself and protect himself from this nightmare, the psyche helpfully offers him the only “correct” way out - to take revenge for betraying his husband or wife.
Remove the barrier
– The reader calls her desire for betrayal revenge. However, in fact, this is not revenge at all, but a kind of facade, behind which hides the desire to feel like your husband, says sexologist Irina Mashnaya . - Besides, cheating is a good way to prove to yourself your attractiveness. This usually happens in cases where wives lack attention from their husbands.
Article on the topic
Blind faith. Why some wives prefer not to notice their husband's infidelity
But betrayal will not solve the reader’s problem. Apparently, she really loves her husband and is ready to forgive him for his one-time sin. She is haunted not by the fact of his betrayal, but by the fact that he freely communicates with strangers, but she cannot communicate with men; she faces a barrier caused by very specific complexes. In principle, she needs to solve her personal problems - to become more sexual.
Betrayal and forgiveness are compatible things
You can forgive an unfaithful spouse if before that there was love, sincere feelings of affection and trust between these people. The fact is that betrayal of betrayal is discord. Someone will say that in the presence of such emotions, betrayal is in principle impossible, but this is not so. Everyone wants to live happily and die on the same day, but we are real people who are weak sometimes.
But it may be that the spouse succumbed to the charms of an obsessive colleague, an acquaintance who has long had her sights on him. In addition, “trips to the left” often occur under the influence of alcohol, on business trips (away from home), and at corporate events. But this will not make the husband love his wife less - it just happened that way, and he will curse himself for it. Of course, in this case, answering for cheating on your husband with infidelity would be a huge mistake, as this could lead to the death of the relationship and family.
The husband sincerely repents of what he “did”; he is sure that this will never happen again and that the adultery was a fatal mistake and an accident. If he still asks for forgiveness for betraying him, then he definitely cannot take revenge. If the wife agrees to this, then the spouses are unlikely to be able to maintain their relationship.
What is the meaning of women's revenge
In the understanding of a betrayed wife, revenge is the best way to hurt her husband. Many people believe that only by retaliating can they annoy their spouse. However, such punishment will not make the woman herself happier. A casual relationship motivated by revenge will only disappoint the insidious avenger; she will become on an equal footing with the traitor.
Some friends advise kicking the unfortunate spouse out of the house and not allowing him to see the children, others advise disgracing the husband in front of friends, and still others advise damaging his car or other property. However, most psychologists on thematic forums assure that this should not be done.
The worst revenge is to show the husband that his wife is much better than other women and that she can be happy without his presence.
Where does revenge lead, or what comes in return?
As mentioned above, sex with another partner, used as revenge for the betrayal of a loved one, brings nothing but devastation, self-loathing and a feeling of emptiness. This is felt especially acutely by women who have decided to take such a step.
Statistics and various studies state the fact that almost all families break up after one of the spouses decides to cheat in order to take revenge for their violated feelings. When one betrayed, then the other and they both still have a chance to fix everything - to figure out who is to blame for what and how everyone should behave further so that this does not happen again.
Otherwise, it will be almost impossible to stop the destruction. Of course, there are couples who, after mutual infidelity, did not break off the relationship and continued to live, but there are very few of them. As a rule, such people do not have a future together. This is the price to pay for treason.
How far can you go?
You have to be incredibly careful if you decide to hurt your ex, as much of what you want to do is illegal and could get you into trouble. Destroying their property or stalking them out of a desire to get revenge on their ex-boyfriend or husband for betrayal or hurt are two options that cross this dangerous line. In almost every case, the implementation of such punishment brings more problems than solutions.
Also, keep in mind that if you do something terrible to someone else, your ex may begin to seek revenge in return, which is a long-term vicious cycle.
There are many ways to annoy an ex-boyfriend or husband who offended you and get revenge. The main thing is to understand what will be most painful for a particular person.
A personal approach will provide the best opportunity to take revenge.
So is it worth taking revenge on your loved one for cheating?
It’s not even worth it because it’s simply not emotionally beneficial. After all, a person who has been betrayed still has a moral right and advantage over the traitor. He, in turn, in order to preserve relationships and family, will do everything to satisfy them. In other words, it will “atone.” These include gifts, flowers for no reason, trips, invitations to a restaurant and, most importantly, a lot of attention and care. A person deprives himself of all this if he decides to take revenge and do the same as his other half. Firstly, he puts himself on the same level with him (that is, it turns out that he is no better than him), and secondly, he deprives himself of the advantages described above. But most importantly, it destroys the chance to save the family: after all, where both cheat, its existence is simply impossible.
Will revenge make a woman feel better?
The accomplished retribution usually brings short-term pleasure, but does not radically correct the situation. Trying to hurt another person does not make people happier. A loud scandal or fight with your husband's mistress can bring relief for a short period. But very soon the resentment and pain will come flooding back. In addition to anger, a woman will be tormented by a feeling of guilt for her actions and phrases spoken against the backdrop of emotions. Her condition will deteriorate significantly.
It can only become easier for a woman when she accepts what happened, understands herself and decides whether she wants to continue to stay with her husband. If she realizes that she is not able to forgive the betrayal, then the best solution will be divorce.
You can forgive betrayal
Many people ask whether it is possible and necessary to forgive deception and treachery? Definitely yes, if there is the will and desire for it. You should never destroy a relationship if there is at least some small chance of saving it. It’s not for nothing that they say that breaking is easy, but building a new one is much more difficult.
The only thing you can do is understand and forgive, no matter how hard it is. Perhaps not even right away, but later, when the acute pain passes or dulls a little. Psychologists advise that there is no need to forgive quickly, even after such words: “Sorry for the betrayal.” The unfaithful (or unfaithful) must suffer in order to realize the value of forgiveness. Otherwise, when he gets it easily, it will depreciate and it is not surprising that he will cheat again and again. Since they forgave so easily and quickly the first time, maybe it will be okay the second time?
Of course, there are families who have experienced such situations in life. Forgiveness and, most importantly, a ban on raising and remembering this topic in the future helped them save their relationship. People agree to forget about everything and move on with their lives. And they live so happily for more than one year. True, as research shows, no one can completely forget this story. It takes quite a lot of mental and emotional strength to see every day the person who betrayed you and at the same time try to rebuild your relationship.
Gain confidence
“I don’t encourage wives to cheat, but any woman should learn to behave more confidently with men,” says psychologist Igor Kalashnikov . – In order not to be frightened by men, you need to behave naturally. For example, don’t be shy, adjust the strap, cross your legs, so that the skirt becomes a little shorter. Practice dancing or gymnastics, and you will feel your body, your movements will become graceful and alluring. Don't be afraid of compliments, joke and laugh more in male company. And don't be afraid to say something stupid - men often like it when a nice lady talks nonsense. And, having felt your feminine power, you will begin to enjoy life, and your husband’s attitude towards you will probably change - after all, he has never seen you so seductive before.
Love forgives everything
It is impossible to take revenge for betrayal of a loved one simply because he is a loved one. The words “betrayal” and “revenge” are things that are incompatible with the feeling of love. It is impossible to hurt someone who is dear and loved. They say that when you love, you can forgive everything. And this is true, because the very awareness of the loss of a dear person is much worse than his betrayal, deceit and treachery.
If you can’t forgive, then it would be better to separate. And without hysterics and scandals, but with his head held high. And there is definitely no need to “run” to someone else’s bed in order to receive compensation for the injury received: this will not bring back your loved one, but you can lose your self-respect forever. Is it worth it? Still, everyone decides for themselves.
What not to do
After cheating it is not recommended:
- change the locks in the apartment;
- keep an eye on your husband and mistress, arrange public showdowns;
- manipulate children and prohibit them from seeing them;
- block credit cards to force them to ask for money;
- cause harm to health.
Psychologists unanimously claim that indifference and absolute ignorance offend men much more than the most sophisticated methods of revenge. It’s better to smile more, enjoy the new day and love yourself than to spoil your nerves for the sake of someone.
If you have a child, you need to act gently and carefully so as not to hurt his psyche. It’s better to tell the truth, but not to turn him against his father. When a child sees that his beloved mother is suffering, he unconsciously wants to harm the offender. This can lead to extremely dangerous and unpredictable actions.
Is it worth taking revenge and punishing the traitor?
How long does the pain of betrayal last? This question cannot be answered; it can only be understood by experiencing this pain.
If you decide to punish your partner, you better stop. For what? Because punishment can slow down the recovery process, thereby increasing the pain you are trying so hard to reduce. That is, when punishing a traitor, a woman punishes, first of all, herself.
Whatever form of revenge you choose, it will ultimately prolong the feelings you are experiencing in the moment. It seems to you that by taking revenge you are hurting your partner, but is that so? Perhaps he doesn't care, and you constantly think about him instead of starting a new life. Most often, the desire for revenge appears immediately after the betrayal. Thus, the injured party creates for itself the appearance of control of the situation, although in reality, it simply feels powerless, unhappy and wounded.
There is no need to take revenge, although for one of the reasons:
- It's ugly and mean. Yesterday you accused your partner of cheating, but today why are you better than him?
- It won't make you feel any better. This is not a way to forget betrayal and ease the soul.
- By focusing on punishing the traitor, you are not thinking about yourself. But you need to do restoration. Is it worth spending time on another person who is no longer close to you, instead of taking care of yourself?
- It is impossible to restore what has already been destroyed, and it is also impossible to influence the guy. If he does not repent of what happened, then you will not reach him. If he sincerely regrets the betrayal, then believe me
Alternatives to Punishment
- Understand that your desire to punish is normal, but it is a consequence of your own pain.
- Understand that intentionally hurting your partner will still not relieve your pain, even if it provides a short-term sense of satisfaction.
- Talk to your partner in detail about your feelings. Expressing your pain gives you a greater chance of being heard and understood. It also allows your partner to understand how you feel about the loss of your trust, the damage to the relationship, the loss of its integrity. Punishment can distract them from dealing with these important issues and emotions.
Before you decide to take revenge, think carefully about why you need it. What do you expect from punishment? Do you want him to understand how much it hurts you? So why not just explain it in words? And if a man doesn’t understand, then do you need such a man? Will you be happier after punishment? As practice shows, after revenge a person in most cases feels spiritual devastation and nothing more. Imagine that you will make peace later. Anything can happen in a relationship: perhaps he will sincerely repent and ask for forgiveness.
Suddenly, out of nowhere - a neighbor
I'm sitting on the nightstand, smoking. I'm in a bad mood. I don’t care about my husband anymore, but I feel sorry for the time spent preparing a stupid romantic evening. Suddenly the door rattles and my neighbor comes in... let's call him Dima. It’s not that I knew him well then; he moved into our house two years before the events described, when he divorced his wife. He’s a nice guy, but I didn’t pay attention to him - he’s clearly younger than me, and I’m married...
- Hello! - says Dima. - Nice dress. Are you having a party? Can I smoke with you too?
“Oh, I have to go, I’m cold...” I wanted to lie, but for some reason I was delayed. And we sat on the nightstand for probably an hour - he turned out to be so witty, so sweet...
“Come to me, my coffee is good,” he suddenly suggested.
“Oh, you know, better come to me,” I answer. “I made such a cool salad... And my husband is on a business trip,” I suddenly blurted out in a very cheeky tone.
Well, then everything was quite predictable. We sat, drank, ate salad. He talked about himself, I laughed heartily. He suggested we dance. And first there was an energetic dance, and then a slow one. And then he kissed me... Dima turned out to be a very gentle, passionate man. We didn't sleep almost the whole night. My husband called, desperately lying about something about a broken car, and that an important client needed help. I happily let him go to “help the client.”
7 reasons why men don't want you
Revenge
An eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth.
Bible - Leviticus
To take revenge or not to take revenge, that is the question. If I understand Shakespeare correctly, then a person who is constantly in a state of choice is a truly free person. But being free, he is responsible for his choice, agreeing to accept the consequences that will follow. Revenge is always a choice between the desire to take revenge and the opportunity to forgive. And I must say that making this choice is not easy. Every decision will have its own consequences - both positive and negative. On the one hand, a feeling of resentment, a feeling of anger, a feeling of hatred, a feeling of injustice - cause a person to have a burning desire to take revenge. On the other hand, revenge is not always necessary, so you can forgive someone who once harmed you, not for his sake, but for your own sake, for the sake of your future. In this article, dear friends, we will talk about what revenge is, in which cases it is needed and in which it is not, and how you can take revenge on your offenders if you decide to do so.
What is revenge?
Revenge is an action that a person is motivated to take in order to harm people who have previously harmed him. The motivating factor is such feelings as strong resentment, anger, hatred, a sense of injustice, and in some cases, common sense motivates people to take revenge. Yes, revenge can be not only justified, but also necessary. Below you will find out why. In general, if you delve deeper into the understanding of revenge, you can learn a lot more interesting and useful things about it. In particular, we can say that revenge lives in a person for a long time in the form of deep resentment and a sense of injustice, and these feelings sit in a person until he takes revenge. This is a purely psychological problem. If necessary, a psychologist can help a person get rid of severe mental wounds, and then this person will not need to take revenge on anyone in order to calm down and feel comfortable. But it happens that people take revenge out of conviction, considering revenge their duty. And sometimes it happens that a person carries a grudge for a long time, but does not plan to take revenge. But at one fine moment in his life, absolutely by chance, a situation arises when he can take revenge on his offenders and he does it - he takes advantage of the opportunity that has arisen and takes revenge. So revenge can be fueled by feelings, it can be guided by reasonable considerations, or it can simply become a pure coincidence. And it’s quite difficult to just take it and say that it is necessary or not necessary to take revenge, that it is right or wrong. In different situations, solutions may be different. Let's now see when it is necessary and possible to take revenge, and when it is better to refuse revenge.
Why do you need to take revenge?
Let's first look at the arguments for taking revenge. The first thing that revenge contributes to is peace of mind and comfort. The evil and harm that other people cause to us traumatizes our psyche, hurts our soul. And these traumas turn into deep spiritual resentment, which remains in a person until he either takes revenge on his offenders or forgives them. There will be no peace in a person’s soul until he deals with his grievances. And if revenge is the only opportunity to find peace, then, in principle, you can take revenge, especially if there is such an opportunity. Revenge can become for a person a kind of triumph of justice, punishment of evil, compensation for damage caused. Every person has a sense of justice, which allows him to resist and fight evil. It pushes a person to revenge as the only opportunity to restore justice and find peace of mind. If we believe that everything in this life comes back as a boomerang, including evil, then why don’t we ourselves launch this boomerang in the opposite direction, so that the one who caused us harm, pain, damage, evil does not receive something in return? the same thing?
In this world of constant struggle, a person can resort to various methods of defense, including revenge, which is a delayed punishment for his enemies. No one is obliged to forgive anyone, it is a matter of personal choice. Those who talk about the need to forgive and not take revenge cannot understand what it means to live with a feeling of anger and resentment or a humiliated sense of self-worth, when a person ceases to see himself as an individual, when he loses faith in himself, when he gets stuck in the past and again and again experiences pain, suffering, humiliation from his offenders, his enemies. This pain eats away at his soul, makes his life meaningless, makes him a hostage to the situation in which he was inflicted moral and/or physical harm, when he suffered some kind of loss that he cannot accept. To tell such a person that he needs to forgive evil means calling on him to exalt this evil and bow before it. Therefore, you should not condemn those who want to take revenge on their offenders and enemies in order to simply start living again, and not be killed by their anger and resentment. If there is no peace in the soul, if pain, resentment, anger interfere with living a normal life, then a person has the right to get even with those who once deprived him of this peace. Some people live only for revenge, because there is nothing else in their life that is worth living for. It may not be right, but that's how it is.
I believe that every person has the right to take revenge on those who have harmed him and all those who are dear to him. It is not because the human soul cannot find peace until evil is punished that we are all commanded from above to forgive those who have caused us harm. Therefore, everyone decides for himself how he will find peace of mind - through revenge or through other methods of cleansing his soul from grievances and healing it from wounds, including forgiveness. This concerns the psychological side of this issue.
However, this issue also has a practical side, which makes revenge a necessary phenomenon for our lives. The fact is that revenge is a punishment that can overtake anyone. This is true - you can take revenge on any person, no matter who he is. We all know very well that some actions of people need to be encouraged so that people strive to do them more often, while others need to be punished so that people do not do them. Usually we encourage conventional good and punish conventional evil, considering this not only fair, but also useful for our lives. In this way we indulge goodness and stop evil. This makes our life more peaceful. But if a person has committed a bad act towards other people and has not been punished for it, then with a high degree of probability he will do it again in the future. Impunity breeds permissiveness and this leads to more evil in our world. The task of revenge is to stop evil with the help of retaliatory aggression. Or rather, with the help of fear. When an aggressor is afraid of punishment, he behaves more restrained. And if he nevertheless decides to commit an evil act, he will suffer adequate punishment as a edification to others. In this case, one evil balances another evil. Revenge here acts as a guarantee that evil will certainly be punished, no matter who it comes from.
There are people who completely lack such feelings as conscience, pity, and compassion. They live by different rules, by different laws, they have their own beliefs, their own understanding of life. And only one thing stops them from harming other people - fear. It helps keep such people in line. Dull, primitive animal fear is the only thing that can hold back the evil that lives in them. And in order to awaken this fear in them, they need to make it clear that if they commit bad deeds, if they cause harm to other people, punishment will definitely overtake them. Thus, revenge is a kind of law of life [the principle of talion], which is designed to punish evil. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth - this is exactly the principle that is designed to equalize the punishment with the damage caused. But this principle is not flawless, since very often people cause harm to each other without thinking at all about the consequences. They, as they say, do not know what they are doing. And therefore, subsequent revenge in such cases is often not so much the deterrence of evil as its unwinding. Here it is appropriate to recall the words of Mahatma Gandhi, who said that the principle of “an eye for an eye” will make the whole world blind. Therefore, the line between necessary revenge and revenge that creates a chain reaction is very thin.
However, in politics, intelligence services, and the criminal world, revenge is very important. She is a manifestation of strength. If you can take revenge, they fear you, they respect you, they take you into account. No aggression, no harm caused by the enemy, no betrayal should go unpunished, otherwise it will be a manifestation of weakness, which, as you know, provokes the aggressor to display even greater aggression. Therefore, from this point of view, revenge is not so much an insult as a completely practical action, the practicality of which lies in the fact that your enemies and ill-wishers see strength in you and therefore reckon with you. But despite the practical side of revenge, it is not always useful and not always necessary. Let's now see in what cases it is better to refuse it.
Why shouldn't you take revenge?
We will now look at the arguments against revenge. Still, in some situations it is possible and necessary to take revenge, but in others, it is better to refuse revenge. The first and main argument against revenge is meaning. You just have to understand what you will gain and what you will lose if you take revenge on someone. The pros must outweigh the cons. In some situations, revenge leads to the fact that the life of the person who took revenge only becomes worse. And it turns out that such revenge harms not only the offender, but also the one who takes revenge. And if the avenger’s harm is quite significant, then such revenge makes no sense. And it’s simply important to always understand what you will get if you take revenge, what benefit your revenge will bring you. If even this doesn’t make your soul feel any better, for one reason or another, then why even waste your life on revenge? There is no need to think about those whom you are taking revenge on - think first of all about yourself. Evil in this world will still not disappear anywhere, it will always be there, but you seem to have only one life, and it is wiser to make efforts to make it better, rather than strive to make the lives of others worse.
The next point is resources. Revenge requires a variety of resources, primarily temporary. The better your revenge and the more difficult it is for you to take revenge on a person because of his status and capabilities, the more resources it will require from you. Of course, you can always take advantage of an opportunity and take revenge on a person easily and quickly, without much effort, taking advantage of his weakness, problems, mistakes. But, of course, one cannot count on such cases. So if you take revenge purposefully, deliberately and effectively, it will require certain resources. Taking this into account, we can say that the game is not always worth the candle. Because you can use the same resources to improve your life and expand your capabilities, and not on meaningless revenge. And having great opportunities, you will gain power over people and, if necessary, will be able to get even with those of them who once caused you harm. So in this sense, the best revenge on your offenders and enemies will be your success in life, which will make you strong and most importantly happy.
But an even more powerful argument against revenge is your understanding that you should not and are not obligated to take revenge. You see, you don’t have to. No one has the right to dissuade you from revenge, and no one has the right to call you to it. You and only you decide whether to take revenge on you or not - this is your personal choice. Do as you want, as you feel comfortable, and don’t think about other people’s opinions on this matter. Others can do what is convenient and what they need, but you do what is convenient for you. And if you want to take revenge on someone, then ask yourself just one question: why would you do this? Not why, but precisely why? That is, don’t look to the past - don’t bring up your grievances and don’t use them as motivation for revenge, you can get rid of them in other ways - look to the future and say what will your revenge give you? If you see benefit for yourself in it, take revenge. If not, you don’t need to force yourself to do it.
How to take revenge?
If you have decided to take revenge on those who once caused you some harm, offended, insulted, humiliated you, then you need to understand how to do it correctly. You can take revenge on offenders in different ways, depending on who exactly caused you harm. It is important to understand the main thing: revenge is a dish that should be served cold, as the Italian proverb says. The cooler your mind is, the more seriously you will approach this matter and the more successful your revenge will be. Therefore, there is no need to rush with revenge. Time is on your side. The longer your offender goes unpunished, the more he will relax and lose his vigilance. Meanwhile, you will develop an impeccable plan for revenge, which you will then implement.
Revenge also requires a person to be flexible. If you act straightforwardly, you risk failure, the consequences of which may be such that you may lose all opportunities for revenge. Therefore, you are looking for different opportunities to take revenge - the more there are, the better. Study your enemy, find his weaknesses, find out what makes him strong - high position in society, reliable sources of income, connections with influential people, etc. All these supports can and will need to be shaken in order to weaken this person. It is especially important to find out what is the most valuable thing in life for your offender, the most precious thing that he is afraid of losing - this is the target, hitting which, you are guaranteed to cause him significant harm, which means you will be able to take revenge. Usually, what is most valuable to a person in life, he carefully hides and protects, since this is his weakness. And you need to find this weakness and strike at it. It’s like Koshchei’s death, which is hidden in an egg - if you find the egg, you will be able to defeat Koshchei, that is, take revenge on your offender.
Your revenge doesn't have to be a mirror image. Take revenge as best you can, and not in the way that conventionally would be right to take revenge. Asymmetrical actions are often much more effective than a symmetrical retaliatory strike, for which you simply may not have enough resources and capabilities. So, for an eye, you can demand not only an eye, but for a tooth, not only a tooth. You can also use the enemies of your abuser for your own purposes. To do this, you will need to identify them and then either enter into an alliance with them, according to the principle: the enemy of my enemy is my friend, or simply help them in various ways to harm your offender, for example, secretly or openly providing them with useful information about him. So you can take revenge with the wrong hands. Keep in mind that the higher a person's position in society, the more enemies he has. And the weakness of these enemies, as a rule, lies in their lack of cohesion. But if you help them combine their efforts, then they will be able to cope with even a very powerful person. In general, I want to note that revenge carried out by the wrong hands is the best revenge. Playing your enemies against each other or setting someone against your offender so that he harms him, instead of harming him with your own hands, means successfully taking revenge and remaining clean at the same time. In general, there can be many options for revenge. Therefore, always look for the option that is most convenient for you. It doesn’t matter what it looks like - revenge doesn’t have to be beautiful and conventionally fair - it has to be carried out so that you forget about it.
Thus, friends, if you still decide to take revenge, then approach this matter creatively. Be sure to calm down your emotions and use your head to do everything right and get the result you want. Use manipulation to make revenge hidden and unexpected, and also to use other people, including enemies of your enemy, in this matter. I don’t presume to judge whether it’s right or wrong; taking revenge on other people is your own choice and you have to make it. But you must understand that the responsibility for this choice lies with you, and therefore it is you who will deal with the consequences of your decision. You can take revenge by doing everything possible for this, but at the same time make your life worse by losing something and losing in some way. Or you can experience deep and absolute satisfaction from your revenge. You need to be mentally prepared for both of these consequences.
Grandma “spoke” to love
But I decided to act out the entire scenario, which my dear friends kindly wrote for me. The first number of the program was a romantic evening for our wedding anniversary. Of course, I had to cook it. Well, at least to serve him a special salad. There were all sorts of products that awakened passion, and also a secret ingredient. Olive oil, charmed by some grandmother “for love.” And so I set a luxurious table, lit the garlands, put on a beautiful dress and beautiful lingerie - even stockings with a belt.
Time passed, my husband was late. It was a day off, but Veniamin left in the morning “to meet with a very important client.” It was assumed that since we made peace, I should trust him. In the morning I pretended to believe, but by evening I felt like a complete idiot. To overcome this bitter feeling, I decided to drink wine. I drank and suddenly wanted to smoke, although I had given up smoking a long time ago. I found my husband’s stash, threw an old raincoat over a bright dress and went out into the entrance to our “dressing room” for three apartments.
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