Love has passed - you shouldn’t cry: symptoms of fading feelings and ways to save them

In the world of human relationships, it often happens that love has passed. The couple continues to live by inertia, people get used to each other, mistaking the external idyll for the result of sincere feelings. It is natural for partners to cool off towards each other when one of them has committed treason; in this case, breaking off the relationship is a completely justified step. On the other hand, if the partners’ communication is not overshadowed by anything, but the feelings have faded away, what is the point of delaying with them, constantly exposing each other to torment? A crisis can come at any moment, it is only important to understand that it has come.

You see more flaws in a person than strengths

Falling in love puts rose-colored glasses on us - we don’t see any flaws in a person. Over time, the euphoria passes, but our sober look, noticing the disadvantages, does not detract from the numerous advantages of our loved one. When feelings fade away, our partner’s shortcomings come to the fore, overshadowing all the positives. We become intolerant even of those little things to which we previously reacted calmly. This is an alarming symptom that indicates a change in your attitude towards your loved one.

Growing irritation

When a girl increasingly looks dissatisfied, this is the first signal of discord. The man you love is not annoying, and his shortcomings are always minor and sweet. But if regular complaints appear, especially on grounds where there were no problems previously, then this indicates the beginning of rejection and rejection: any shortcoming will be noticed and voiced, sometimes in a rude and harsh form.

The pleasant and positive aspects seem to disappear, a dissatisfied woman simply stops noticing all the good things that her beloved does. Raised tone, claims, omissions that bring irritation and cause devaluation of the man and the relationship in general. Sadly, this could be the beginning of the end.

You need to be alone more and more often

Previously, you tried to spend every free minute with your loved one, but now you can seriously choose between an evening with him or alone. This suggests that you are no longer comfortable in society with your chosen one. Communication with him began to weigh on you. There can be a lot of reasons - constant conflicts, divergence of interests, indifference to each other’s lives. Whatever the reason, the regular choice of solitude or the company of other people indicates a gap between you that only continues to grow.

About the features of the fading of feelings

It is impossible to give a definite answer to the question “Does love pass?” Feelings can last throughout life, or they can fade away almost immediately after marriage or the start of a relationship. All people are different and cannot love in the same way. If at a young age love is a passion, with stormy emotions, experiences and jealousy, then in adulthood it is calmer, and every year it acquires depth. It is impossible to say that love passes, it changes. Anyone who is able to understand this will be able to carry it through his entire life, enjoying every new facet.

But alas, life is designed in such a way that it constantly tests a person’s strength. The same goes for his feelings. A loved one can get sick, but not everyone is capable of caring. Test failed. One of the partners cheated, had a lover or mistress, succumbing to passion or circumstances, and the second is not able to accept and forgive - the test is failed. And so on ad infinitum.

If a person stops developing, he becomes uninteresting to his partner, and an unrequited feeling arises. People are designed in such a way that they need constant informational and emotional nourishment. When a person stops receiving this from his soulmate, interest quickly fades, he goes in search of new experiences from the outside.

Feelings gradually fade away as the partners have less and less in common.

Why is this happening

It seems to lovers that their feelings will last forever. When expectations diverge from reality and love disappears without a trace, people feel deceived. In fact, the main reason for the cooling of feelings is precisely self-deception. A person himself does not notice that by lying to himself or his partner, he is driving himself into a psychological trap.

Anyone can get into it, so it’s worth studying each of the possible scenarios and determining where the potential danger comes from:

1. Idealization of a partner - gradual recognition of each other by lovers gives free rein to imagination. All personal actions and words are passed through the prism of similar actions of the object of love. A search for common ground occurs, scenes and possible dialogues are modeled in the head. In the end, the image of the beloved becomes overly idealized and moves further and further away from the real.
2. No criticism - a person’s actions with this model of behavior are guided by the subconscious. Critical thinking is turned off when some goal arises in relation to the object of attachment. It turns on again when the goal is achieved. For example, a woman marries a man she likes, but her only goal is to have a child. When the baby is born, the wife, who previously had not paid any attention to her husband’s personality, suddenly begins to feel contempt and hostility towards him. His shortcomings become obvious, his behavior and manners irritate him, and the marriage begins to come apart at the seams. Most often, critical thinking is turned off for a period of 6-12 months. This time is enough for a person to get what he wants.
3. Search for an ideal - every person has an image of an ideal partner in their head. It is formed according to certain criteria, often based on fictional images of heroes from cinema, literature, and show business. We rarely compare such an image with reality. Even if you manage to meet a person who fully meets all the requirements, your feelings for him also pass. Why? Because the invented lyrical image is limited, even the “ideal” can have his own habits and characteristics, which you think about only when you come face to face. And so they just diverge from expectations.
4. Endure and fall in love - such a statement is typical for supporters of the traditional model of relationships and adherents of family values. Young people are taught that they need to save the family by any means necessary, that hardships and discomfort must be endured, even if they directly relate to communication between spouses. But such behavior is destructive and gradually destroys the relationship between a man and a woman. Respect gradually disappears, and if it is not there, then feelings begin to fade.

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Signs that love has passed

To understand in a timely manner that love is passing, signs of the fading of old feelings and the emergence of new ones, atypical for harmonious communication, will help:

• Irritation - literally everything in a once loved person begins to irritate (behavior, habits, smell, facial expressions). External shortcomings immediately begin to catch your eye.
• Reluctance to spend time together - joint leisure is no longer enjoyable, the pleasure of communication disappears. A person loses the desire to rush home from work, he is increasingly alone or in a friendly company. The greater the distance between partners, the more comfortable each of them is.
• Moving away from a partner - people no longer share their impressions and thoughts, talk less, they are frankly bored and hard around each other.
• Visual and tactile contact ceases. People look at each other less and try to avoid touching.
• Lack of joint plans and desire to build them.
• Sex does not bring pleasure, it is perceived as a duty. Or there is a complete lack of sexual attraction to each other.
• Quarrels no longer cause emotional reactions. Passion gives way to indifference. There is no desire to understand the situation and make peace.
• Lack of thoughts about your partner - if earlier the entire thought process was devoted to him, now even during the whole day you may not remember him even once. The experiences of a former loved one, his worries, his views no longer arouse interest, and there is no desire to show care.

If a person doubts whether he still loves his husband or wife, it is enough to imagine that he is very ill. If there is no desire to care for him, to sacrifice yourself and your time for the sake of care, it means that the feelings have lost their depth or disappeared completely.

If love has grown into a habit, there is no point in trying to maintain such a relationship. Such communication only brings pain. It is quite natural for a person to have a fear of loneliness, so he is in no hurry to leave his once beloved soul mate. But this is a road to nowhere. You need to find the strength to put an end to the old, otherwise the new will never come.

What to do to save the feeling

In any relationship, sooner or later a crisis occurs.

Sometimes feelings fade away irrevocably, but often they can still be returned or revived:

• Get rid of routine, add variety to everyday life. You can’t sit in front of the TV or on the Internet all weekend. It’s better to go to the park together, have a picnic or go on rides. You can’t escape from new emotions and an adrenaline rush; they will dilute the boredom that has recently become habitual and lift your spirits. But the vacation should be thought through carefully, deciding in advance where the couple will spend time.
• Complaining to friends, colleagues or family will only do harm. Often women want to hear advice to save their relationship. But the irony is that everyone has their own problems, what helped one may ruin everything for another. You should not interfere with strangers in your personal life. If you really want to speak out and understand how to act, it is better to consult a psychologist. A specialist is a disinterested person, so his assessment of the situation is more objective.
• Your loved one should have personal time and space. Even one day a week is enough for everyone to completely devote it to themselves. Freedom gives you the opportunity to miss your companion without getting tired of him!
• You need to talk about feelings without hesitation, but you cannot repeat words of love every minute. It is worth reminding your loved one why he is so valuable and talking about your gratitude. The usual “Thank you!”, said to a loved one for a small thing, works wonders and helps to preserve love.
• Attention - you need to remember your loved one regardless of place and time. Small signs of attention (correspondence, a romantic dinner or a small gift) will not only surprise, but also delight your partner. You can do something unusual, something that he doesn’t expect, the main thing is not to bring him into a state of shock by overdoing it in your efforts.
• Similarity of interests ensures strong and long-lasting relationships. If there are none, it is enough to show respect for each other’s hobbies and not criticize them.
• You need to constantly consult with your soul mate. If you try to do everything yourself, without sharing your loved one’s plans, one day this will lead to mistrust, even if your thoughts were the purest. The “deceived” spouse will have the feeling that they don’t want to take his opinion into account, that he is no longer needed and is not important. Therefore, you cannot confront him with a fact; it is always worth discussing everything in advance.

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Such actions are appropriate at any stage of a relationship; there is no need to wait until the partner begins to dislike his former loved one.

It is believed that love begins to fade 17 months after the start of a relationship. But it is wrong to talk about specific dates. Sometimes the crisis may come earlier, sometimes later. But you need to be prepared for the fact that such crises will arise periodically throughout your married life.

Women, and some men as well, can be advised to work on their daily menu and make it more varied. No matter how tasty the borscht and cutlets are, they get boring. Everyone wants variety. It is not at all necessary to study the cuisines of the world and study culinary sites. It is enough not to repeat it for a week.

Don't forget to take care of yourself. Attractive appearance, fit and healthy body are rarely repulsive. You want to be around a well-groomed person all the time.

You don't see a future together

Previously, dreams of a future together came naturally, but now you are increasingly making plans for a life where there is no organic place for your lover. If you don’t see him next to you after a few years, then think about it - maybe subconsciously you have already crossed out this person from your life a long time ago?

Me too, authority2

Love is built on understanding and respect. When there is peace and harmony in the family, this is the natural state of the spouses. For a girl, the importance of her man is important. In her eyes, he is a hero, a warrior and the most knowledgeable of everyone around. Any insignificant act is equated to a feat and is worthy of admiration: a hammered nail, an evenly hung picture, and even the trash taken out without a reminder becomes a significant event that a loving girl will definitely celebrate.

But if men’s actions have become insignificant in a woman’s eyes, and she doesn’t even pay attention to some, then dear men, it’s time to be wary. But if, on top of everything else, the man’s word in the family has become the last and not particularly important, then this is almost a collapse. There is only one conclusion: you cannot admire a person whom you do not respect, and without respect there is no longer love.

You can imagine yourself with another person

If you, thinking about your life and future, can imagine yourself next to another person, then this is a depressing symptom for your current relationship. You are open to new people and live with the feeling that another person may appear in your life - better and more worthy than the previous one. The current chosen one no longer seems to you the best candidate for the role of your companion, and you will always doubt him, waiting for a more suitable person to appear on the horizon. In such a situation, relationships become an unnecessary yoke around the neck, preventing you from starting a new life.

How long after a breakup does a girl start to get bored?

According to statistics, the average time for an ex-girlfriend to start getting bored after a breakup is 45 days.

This fictitious figure, which is the result of surveys of thousands of women who have experienced a breakup, can increase to one year, but before this date the girl is unlikely to show any interest in the guy with whom she was just recently doing well. This is how the female brain works strangely.

That is why, if after just two weeks you decided that your ex has forgotten you, does not miss you, and will never miss you, you are deeply mistaken. Just be patient, remove your emotions, finally do what you love, take your mind off, in general, a sensitive topic, and wait for the first bells of attention to come from the one about which you may have forgotten to even think about. Here you can’t help but wonder what she wants to say with her very ambiguous behavior.

You no longer strive to solve problems

The desire to understand the causes of quarrels is a natural impulse, indicating that you value the person and your relationship. But now another conflict only evokes a desire to escape, rather than discuss the accumulated grievances once again. When you sometimes get into an argument, you blame and reproach your partner for all his mistakes, recalling many episodes from the past. If this situation is familiar to you, it means that you have let the relationship take its course, no longer having the strength and desire to fight for a happy future with this person.

Stages of love development

Some people fall in love at first sight. It happens that a girl receives a marriage proposal on the first day of acquaintance. But in most cases, love is a long process that includes the following stages:

1. Choosing a partner. According to psychologists, this happens on an unconscious level, instinctively. For example, you walk into a room full of people. Undoubtedly, you will single out the person who attracted you sexually. It attracts you on a basic biological level because the body senses that your genes, mixed with its genes, will produce very healthy children.
2. Romance and love. This is the phase that all films and romantic novels talk about. Note that all films end with “they lived happily ever after.” In romantic melodramas, we will not see how newlyweds arrange their everyday life and face their first difficulties. At this stage we do not see reality - love is blind. We see people the way we want them to look. Chemists have found that monoamine hormones create a dizzying rush.
3. The fall of romantic love. Everyone goes through this phase, even the most passionate couples. If you live in a culture that focuses almost exclusively on romantic love, this can be very unsettling. Therefore, when passion goes away, many people think that love goes away too. Also during this period, there is an opportunity to look at your partner with a sober look and evaluate him, only this time seriously. At this moment, many people understand whether they made the right choice or not.
4. Think of this time as a chance to see your partner for who they really are and decide if you made the right choice.
5. Real true love. If at the moment when the passion has died down, you decide that you made the right choice and your partner is the one you need, then you are on the way to true love. This happens gradually and slowly, one to two years after the previous stage. Over the years, your feelings will continue to grow. At this time, chemicals, nonapeptides, work in the human body, which contribute to the creation of a deep spiritual connection between partners.