Any problem can be solved only when the cause of its occurrence is established. This rule also applies to jealousy - the feeling that arises in a person when his partner becomes interested in another. At such moments, a man or woman experiences a whole range of negative emotions - resentment, anger, and fear of losing a loved one.
But what to do when jealousy becomes groundless? How to deal with this feeling? After all, it can negatively affect the relationship between spouses. Expert advice can help with this.
Psychologist's advice
To stop being jealous, you need to clearly decide for yourself that you want to get rid of this feeling. It’s worth noting right away that this process will last more than one day. You can't stop being jealous of your partner with the snap of your fingers. Here you need to work hard on yourself.
The first step is awareness. You must admit that your jealousy is groundless. Without this, you won't be able to move forward.
Second step: you need to think about what causes pathological jealousy. Most often we are jealous when we are afraid of losing a loved one. Low self-esteem may also be to blame. Men and women can be jealous of their significant other for no reason if they have already been “burnt” in a previous relationship. Determining the reason why you are jealous will begin to solve the problem.
Next, try to remember what you feel when you are jealous. It could be resentment, fear, anger, etc. Knowing this, you can learn to control your emotions.
If you feel jealous, you should admit it to your partner. There is no point in keeping your emotions inside. Sooner or later they will still come out, and then a serious scandal can occur even because of some nonsense.
You need to talk to your husband calmly, clearly explaining your experiences and feelings. For example, “I start to worry when you come home late from work” or: “I feel very offended and unpleasant when you start flirting with other girls.”
Only after understanding your problem can you proceed to creating a plan to eliminate it.
The first action you need to take in the fight against jealousy is to work on yourself. It often occurs in people who experience self-doubt. They are afraid that their partner will meet another person who is much better than them. Therefore, first you need to learn to love and respect yourself, accept yourself for who you are.
If you are constantly visited by negative thoughts, then to get rid of them, you need to be distracted. Try to do things that you have been putting off for a long time, find a hobby and devote time to it. In addition to getting rid of your obsession, you will feel pleasure from the results of your actions.
In order not to accumulate all the negativity in yourself, and certainly not to throw it out on your husband or wife, you need to find the right way to get rid of bad thoughts. You can start a personal diary and write down everything that comes to your mind. This allows you to understand yourself. Physical activity helps get rid of negativity. You can go jogging or join a gym. If none of this helps, then you can turn to a good psychologist.
Another important step in the fight against jealousy is working on relationships. You need to learn to trust your loved one. You shouldn’t create scenes of jealousy out of nowhere and invent something that actually doesn’t exist.
Many women are guilty of this. If you constantly behave this way, your partner may eventually get tired of you.
How to learn to trust your husband and not be jealous?
This issue is very important for women. After all, the preservation of the marriage will depend on how well a woman knows how to control her emotions. If jealousy is superficial, then on the contrary, it can bring some interest into the relationship. But when she becomes paranoid, action needs to be taken.
To stop being jealous, you can do the following: First of all, write down on paper all your feelings experienced during jealousy and try to find explanations for them. The question should be answered: “Why exactly am I jealous?”, “Why am I afraid to separate from my husband?” “Because I love him” or “Because I don’t want to destroy the family and traumatize the child,” etc.
After a woman understands her emotions, you can try to begin to correct them. For example, if she is afraid of divorcing her husband because she is financially dependent on him, she can get a job and start supporting herself on her own. In this case, the woman simply will not have enough time to be jealous.
You shouldn’t create scenes of jealousy out of nowhere. Men don't like this very much. If you put pressure on him for a long time, then eventually the husband may not be able to stand it and actually find another woman. And if a loving and caring wife is waiting for him at home after work, then he is unlikely to want to look for adventures on the side.
In some cases, the husband himself behaves incorrectly towards his wife, thereby making her jealous. In this case, you need to start correcting his behavior, which is not always easy. Firstly, no one can impose their point of view on another person, even if we are talking about a husband. You need to talk calmly with your significant other, explain what exactly doesn’t suit you about him and try to find a compromise.
In order not to be jealous of a man, you need to understand one simple truth: if a man does not want to cheat on his soulmate, then he will not do so . And if he takes this step intentionally, then neither jealousy nor anything else will stop him.
Mistake No. 3. Turn on the “saw woman”
Not a single man in the world wants to live next to a woman who constantly makes comments to him and expresses her dissatisfaction with some little things: you speak wrong, eat, behave with colleagues or superiors, etc. Remember once and for all - you cannot raise another person, you are not your husband’s mother or a teacher, you are a wife, which means your task is to support him. If you are dissatisfied with something, there is no need to make a remark; there is another tactic - ask for it to be remade, or do it yourself. For example, if you don’t like the way your husband vacuumed the apartment, ask him to calmly run the vacuum cleaner over the floor again. The key word here is “calm”; there is no need to make any claims.
Also, do not rush to give advice. When a husband shares some information with you, this does not mean at all that he wants to hear from his wife what the right thing to do is. Sometimes a man just needs to be listened to silently, or supported, and not start a song about how soft he is and how wrong he is behaving with his boss.
How not to get attached to a man?
Many women make the mistake of becoming very attached to their man. In such a situation, they are very afraid of losing him, because they simply cannot imagine life without this person.
To avoid such a problem, you need to understand yourself, understand what you want other than marriage. Some husbands themselves drive their wives into such a situation, for example, by forbidding her to work. Thus, the woman begins to abandon her plans and devotes herself entirely to the family. And if her husband decides to leave her after a while, then for her such an event seems like a disaster.
How to deal with your husband's jealousy?
When a husband is very jealous, this can lead to big problems in the family. And if a woman can still somehow suppress this unpleasant feeling, then a man is more emotional in this regard. Attacks of jealousy on his part can have both physical and psychological consequences. A jealous husband can even take out his anger on his children.
But if a man understands that the problem needs to be solved, then he must go through the same stages as a woman. The first is accepting that there is a problem and needs to be dealt with. Next, you need to analyze your emotions and feelings that a man experiences during an attack of jealousy. A man must also learn to control his emotions. In addition, you need to understand when there is really a reason to be jealous of your spouse, and when a conflict arises out of nowhere.
If a man really has concerns that his wife might cheat on him, then he should try to talk to her about it. In general, by nature, a woman is a mother who will not destroy her family without a serious reason. To save a marriage, you need to respect and trust each other.
What happens in the psyche during a breakup?
How does the psyche work? The girl finds out that she was abandoned. She falls into a state of passion, cries, gets angry, tears up photographs, breaks dishes, screams, locks herself in her room, or shows her emotions in some other way.
After the stage of affect ends, the turn of apathy comes. The girl loses her appetite, she is not interested in anything, she does not always have enough desire and strength to even get out of bed. I just want to sleep and cry.
Apathy doesn't last forever. It is being replaced by “recovery”. Appetite appears first. I want to eat something tasty. Then the girl looks at her reflection and is horrified. She immediately begins to put herself in order. What's next? Call your friends and go shopping or go to the cinema. The “induced beauty” should not be lost.
After this, life and, of course, emotions return to their normal state. The girl begins to look at young people with interest and soon meets a new love.
Of course, the duration of each period is individual, but their order is unchanged. However, if a girl has the opportunity to constantly observe events in the life of her ex, then the natural mental process is disrupted. Consciousness gets stuck in the stages of affect and apathy. And, accordingly, the question of how to forget your ex becomes not only relevant, it takes on extraordinary importance. A constant sequence of affect and apathy is dangerous both for the psyche and for human physiology.
How to stop controlling your husband?
Many women make this mistake. This often becomes the cause of conflicts, quarrels and even separation. The only way to cope with the problem is to teach yourself to cope with your emotions and drown out the desire to control your man. In a relationship, trust between spouses is very important and if it is not there, such a marriage may not last long.
If you can’t stop controlling your spouse, then you can do it in disguise. You should not ask him questions like: “Where were you and what were you doing at such and such a time?” You can simply ask: “How was your day?” or “Are you okay?”
You shouldn't keep the person near you all the time. Spending time together is wonderful. But you don't need to be too intrusive. There is nothing wrong with the fact that the husband sometimes wants to spend the evening in the company of close friends.
No man likes to be controlled. Under such conditions, they try to defend their territory. This can manifest itself in setting a password on your mobile phone and on social networks. A woman, of course, may think that this was done in order to hide something important from her. But actually it is not. Both men and women in relationships always need to have personal space. If he wants to leave, he will do it anyway. And excessive control on the part of the wife can only push the husband to such a decision.
Mistake No. 10. Rest separately from each other
If your husband spends his vacation with friends and you spend his vacation with your girlfriends, this can have a bad effect on the marriage. Of course, you can afford such a trip for literally 2-3 days, but when we are talking about a longer period, it is better to spend it next to your other half. Still, vacation gives positive emotions and it’s good when you get them together, it’s good for the relationship.
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