The wife stopped loving her husband: why did it happen, what to do, how to return love, advice from a psychologist on getting your spouse back and improving relationships

It is much easier when the loss of feelings affects both partners, in which case it is possible to end the relationship painlessly. But what to do if your wife has fallen out of love, and you still have hope for saving your family? The main thing is not to panic, understand the reasons for what happened, and decide whether to return your spouse.

If you are sure that you need her, follow the simple advice of psychologists on how to restore her feelings, what to do if she leaves. Also, become familiar with situations where divorce is imminent so you don't waste your energy.

Why the wife stopped loving her husband: reasons

To understand the question of how to save a family if your wife has fallen out of love, you must first soberly assess what is happening and understand the reasons that motivate her. Feelings never go away suddenly, which means that some kind of push contributed to this. Most often the reasons are:

financial difficulties, insolvency of a man, inability to support a family;
frequent quarrels that develop into huge scandals, complete misunderstanding of partners;
heavy losses, bitterness, for which spouses may blame each other;
the routine of life, monotony in relationships, lack of passion, flirtation, romance;
lack of attention, care, any manifestation of feelings in her direction;
lack of sexual desire, when sex becomes an obligation rather than a desire;
neglect of it, selfish behavior, preference to mind “your own” affairs;
lack of communication, spending time together, common interests;
abuse of bad habits, for example, alcoholism, drug addiction;
violence from a man, both moral and physical.

Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

To maintain love in family relationships, it is important to spend time together, communicate as much as possible, and have common hobbies. Women need attention, compliments, romantic pleasant actions, and help in difficult situations. A caring, loving man will not have a question about how to return his wife’s love, which means you did something wrong.

What kills love after marriage

Having gotten married, the couple is confident in the infinity of their love. The young family is not disturbed by strangers, the partners enjoy each other. During the first years together, lovers face a number of problems that kill their feelings:

Household routine. Couples who lived separately before marriage and had no experience of running a joint household learn to share responsibilities for the first time after marriage. Conflicts are inevitable at this time. The husband expects that his wife will handle the household chores on her own, leaving him to bring money and relax after a working day. The wife expects an equal division of household labor or all possible help from her partner, because modern women work no less.
Bad habits. Lovers begin to notice each other's flaws in marriage. Seeing their partner every day in everyday life, they notice that he is imperfect. You have to put up with the bad habits of your chosen one - smoking, addiction to alcohol, eating junk food.
Children. The birth of a baby brings not only happiness, but also sleepless nights, financial problems, physical and mental fatigue. If a couple does not have helpers (grandmothers and other relatives, nannies), then they cannot relax. Fatigue and conflicts accumulate. There is no strength left for love and communication.
Lack of intimacy. When lovers enter into a relationship, they have the strength, opportunity and desire to regularly indulge in passion. In marriage, desire fades as the intrigue disappears. Partners do not need to conquer or achieve each other. People relax, intimacy becomes commonplace. A union in which there is no romance turns into a boring chore, the same as raising a child, running a household and going to work.

READ How to ask for forgiveness from your beloved wife, in your own words

Signs of cooled feelings

In order not to part with the woman you love, it is important for you to identify the problem in a timely manner before it goes away. If she does not directly say that she has stopped loving you, the following signs will be alarming:

she regularly refuses intimacy;
communicates with other men, shows interest in their successes;
sharply changes priorities, increasingly spends time outside the home with friends.

Simply put, a woman becomes cold, uninterested in the affairs of her husband, and shows warmth and care less and less. There are a lot of indirect signs that indicate that feelings have subsided:

she no longer hides her shortcomings;
ignores your presence;
shows unreasonable jealousy;
shows irritability over small things;
demonstrates rudeness, selfishness;
pays less and less attention to household chores and cooking;
prefers to make any important decisions independently.

This behavior does not always mean that she has fallen out of love, has fallen in love with another man and is going to leave for him. But in any case, all signs are an indicator that the relationship needs rehabilitation.

Will you try to get your wife back after betrayal?

Not really

How to restore relationships?

After analyzing the reasons for the divorce, you should think about the advisability of renewing your union with her.
Is it worth trying to get your wife back if you're just bored alone? Or if you fundamentally don’t want to be the person who was abandoned? Or if it’s just the way it’s supposed to be by status? The choice is yours, but first ask yourself:

Is your old relationship worth all the effort you'll put into rebuilding it?
Are you sure that an old relationship in a new way will bring you more benefit than not having one?
Are you ready to truly move the needle and take action?

If there is a “no” somewhere, you can relax, go watch an interesting movie, drink half a liter of stout and move on with your life in peace. If “yes” everywhere, then let’s move on!

In order to return your wife to the family, restoring the relationship is the first thing to do. Remember under what circumstances you ran away: after all, as they say, the first and last performances are remembered best.

If this was a total brainwash on your part, you will have to try hard to convince her of your adequacy. You can try to start with an apology and atonement with some nonsense, say, a fur coat and Egypt (in fact, an apology is often enough). Explain to your ex-wife the reason for your behavior, and under no circumstances do this again, otherwise the larvae of new trust on the part of your wife will never turn into an adult, useful fly.

If she herself liked to throw tantrums at you, then clinical psychologists have several questions for you, since you really decided to return such a wife. In this case, try to calmly treat her emotional outbursts and put her in a calming mood. The methods are known to you yourself, because your wife may be an ex, but yours. When you understand that her mental state really corresponds to the situation, you can smoothly develop communication on abstract topics.

No need to get straight to the point! It’s nice for a woman to feel like a person with whom it’s interesting, and not a target of a hunter. Try to see the person in her yourself.

It is much easier if you parted calmly and peacefully, like adequate adults. Then you can consider that you are given an automatic pass on this point, because the relationship as such has been preserved, its format has just changed somewhat. Well done. It's wonderful if it turned out that way. Then in planning how to return your beloved wife, it will be much easier for you - you do not need to deeply adjust your attitude towards yourself.

Contraindicated:

pretend to be an alpha male, justifying your actions with something like “I decided so”;
pester her with messages, calls, your presence;
blackmail;
manipulate children.

Bribery is a controversial point. It often works, but think about it: will you respect yourself, knowing that you got your wife back by bribing her with some nonsense?

Is it worth returning your wife if she has fallen out of love?

Not in all cases, returning the wife is an advisable solution. So before you take any action, ask yourself whether it's worth returning it at all. If not only her feelings, but also yours, have cooled down, then it’s better to get a divorce. Controversial situations may be the following:

you live together, but she wants to leave - first find the reasons for such a desire, make every effort to keep her, and if it doesn’t help, resign yourself;
if you have children together , this is a good reason to try to keep the family together, if at least one of you still has love;
there is acquired property - often spouses are hampered by such a situation when divorce is not so easily allowed by issues of division of property, which means this is your chance to gain time.

How to stop loving a wife who doesn't love you?

The most difficult life situation is the divorce of spouses, especially if there are children in the marriage.
To stop loving your ex-wife, you need to make every effort and clearly understand that this will be better for everyone, including kids. A change of familiar surroundings will help; it is best to go on a short trip, where there will be no reminders of your past family life .

At first, do not meet with your ex-wife, keep conversations to a minimum.

It’s a good idea to try to occupy your thoughts with pressing problems and their solutions. When talking with children, it is better to omit questions related to the breakup. Psychologists recommend speaking out; this can be done by keeping a personal diary.

The main thing is to give up alcoholic beverages; it has long been known that being intoxicated only aggravates the current situation.

The final factor that will help not only stop loving your wife, but also change your own life is to completely change your daily routine, find an exciting hobby. You shouldn’t rush things and think that a new relationship can save the situation.

Most often, a man makes comparisons and associations with a past life. You need to spend time having fun and relaxing.

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How to return the feelings of your beloved wife

Relationship psychology teaches that any problem in a relationship between a man and a woman is always the fault of both. Therefore, if your wife decides to leave you and declares a lack of feelings, find the reasons, and then build on them to find ways to save the family. You can return its location in several ways:

Frank conversation - choose a moment when you are both calm. After this, try to discuss the problem, analyze the relationship, identify the reasons, but so that it does not develop into another scandal.
Apology - if you know what kind of offense offended your wife, led to a cooling of feelings, apologize. You can organize a pleasant surprise. Even if you once decided to cheat on your spouse, the chances of forgiveness are slim, but it’s worth trying to beg for forgiveness.
Make her fall in love with you again - remember for what actions and qualities she once fell in love with you. Try to demonstrate all this again, help her in solving any problems, show interest in her and her life.
Listen to criticism - try to bring your wife into a frank conversation so that she directly expresses all her complaints against you. After listening to all this, you will be able to soberly assess whether it makes sense to maintain the relationship, whether you can change for her sake.
Break up - if she wants to leave, give her freedom. Let her live alone, think through all the pros and cons of loneliness, so that she has something to compare with. And after some time, you can meet and discuss whether it’s worth getting together, or whether you’re both comfortable separately.
Consultation with a family psychologist - specialists save about 60% of married couples. Try to persuade her to go to a psychologist together. If not, visit it yourself to find answers to any questions.
Let go - if she fell in love with someone else, went to him, demonstrates in every possible way how happy she is in a new relationship, give her freedom. You can say that you are ready to take her back, but you shouldn’t interfere with her new life.

In any case, the surest path is to improve yourself, to work on yourself. Whatever decision you both make, do everything to transform yourself for the better, both externally and internally. Eliminate all shortcomings that led to a cooling of feelings.

How to dissuade your spouse from divorce?

First of all, it is necessary to find out why the wife filed for divorce or is just planning to do so. Analyze your behavior, reconsider the reasons for divorce and think about how acceptable they are in your case. If you don’t see a clear reason for divorce, then calmly and as frankly as possible talk with your spouse and try to dissuade her. You can also seek help from a family psychologist. He will analyze the situation and give advice that will help save the family and tell you what to do next.

Become different. If you decide to save your marriage and don't want to let your wife go, then you need to change. Very often, women talk about divorce (if there are no apparent reasons) when they are tired of the daily routine. The wife does not want to feel like a housewife; it is important for her to remain a desired and beloved woman. In this case, you can dissuade from divorce by simply relieving your wife of some household responsibilities, or going on vacation. The spouse will again feel like a desirable woman, and most likely will forget about the divorce.
Become a man. Nobody needs a man who is a doormat. A married woman wants to feel fragile and weak, to hide behind her lover’s back from all adversity. Therefore, no self-respecting woman can stand a weakling or a man-child for long. The main thing here is to find the middle - to be independent, but to listen to the opinion of your wife and take it into account, to be strong, but not callous and rude. Therefore, if your spouse has filed for divorce, pull yourself together and try to peacefully and tactfully find out what exactly does not suit her, and only after that, think about how you can correct the situation and dissuade your spouse from divorce. You can tell her the following words: “I am a man, trust me, I take responsibility for our family, trust me, and I will prove to you that I can fix everything... etc.”
Become more caring and gentle. Women in marriage very often lack tenderness and warmth. This is why many women declare their desire to get a divorce for no apparent reason. Therefore, if you are not ready to lose your spouse, change, become more affectionate and attentive, remember the time when you just started the relationship. A trip to the cinema or a restaurant, small gifts, compliments and words of gratitude will help you dissuade your wife from divorce.
Start earning money.

The wife may not have enough money. And in this case, it is unpleasant for her to watch her husband who does not want to do anything, does not move up the career ladder, but simply lies on the sofa. Do not allow your woman to solve the problem of lack of money, deprive herself of small things, or take on debt. If you decide that your wife filed for divorce due to financial reasons, then try to find a new better-paying job or work overtime.

Video on the topic

Show your spouse her importance in your eyes. If your wife says that she stopped loving you or filed for divorce for another reason, try to show her importance. Try to give your spouse more attention, talk more often about your devotion and love. If you don't have children, tell her that you wish she were pregnant. If your wife has not stopped loving you, then she will definitely stay and refuse the divorce, because with these simple actions and words you will show her how important and valuable she is to you. This is one of the most effective ways to help dissuade your spouse from divorce.
Remind her how it all began. Women live by emotions. Therefore, remember those times when everything was fine for you, when your romance was just beginning. Take your wife to her favorite place, give flowers, light candles, open a bottle of wine, in general, reenact the actions of the past. There is a high probability that in this revived atmosphere, your spouse will understand that she has not stopped loving you, but is simply tired of routine and everyday hassles, and she will most likely abandon the idea of divorce.
Live separately. If your wife does not want to understand you, and you cannot dissuade her from divorce, then offer to live separately. Leave your shared apartment for a while (rent a separate place for yourself), but under no circumstances disappear from your spouse’s life. Allow your wife to cool down and take a break from family responsibilities. But at this time you must do things that will prove your love and desire to save your family. Give small gifts, make surprises, for example, send flowers or a fruit basket. The main thing is not to come to her in person, so that she has time to get bored, relax and think about everything. Your wife will see your romantic mood and her heart will thaw.

These rules should only be used if you really have feelings and your wife means more to you than just a “stove.” These 7 simple tips help solve almost all reasons for divorce.

How to behave if your wife leaves

A cold marriage will sooner or later lead to the spouse leaving. Breaking up can also cause betrayal on her part. What to do if you are determined to renew your marriage? Establishing relationships requires the following measures:

give time to both yourself and your wife, don’t run after her, causing scandals, and especially don’t drag her back home by force;
leave her alone, perhaps she left temporarily to take a break from you, the routine of family life, everyday life, and a change of environment will benefit the relationship;
if she declares that she is not satisfied with the relationship and specific behavior on your part, hear every word she says, realize her misdeeds, work on yourself to prevent this from happening in the future;
if she lives with another man, don’t try to get her back, become a better person, behave with dignity, there is a high probability that very soon she will realize the mistake and come back;
restore normal communication in order to maintain contact with her, provide assistance in every possible way in any matter, take an interest in her life.

A kind, attentive, sympathetic attitude towards her will help to quickly return your spouse home. Try to do everything to show awareness of your mistakes and the ability to change.

The psychological side of dependence on a person

Psychological dependence on a loved one is not always noticeable at first glance; most often its vivid expression appears after separation.

This condition is characterized by the suppression of personal interests for the sake of the well-being of a loved one. The most common type of dependence is one-sided, when the weaker partner puts his goals in the background.

In marriage, lovers literally share interests between two, trying to meet their partner’s expectations.

Most often, this is done unconsciously. After a divorce, the state of dependence manifests itself most clearly. A person does not understand what to do with a large amount of free time, the realization of long-forgotten desires and goals. Awareness of this condition comes after a loved one abruptly decides to get a divorce.

The first step to solving a problem is recognizing it. It is important to position yourself as an individual, expand your range of interests and define your personal space. This will help get rid of the unpleasant feeling of dependence on a person who is not nearby. Otherwise, you need to contact a professional psychologist.

In some cases, the only solution is divorce

When does staying in a relationship when you fall out of love make no sense? It's only a matter of time before divorce is imminent. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:

Wife is cheating . If we are talking about a systematic relationship with another man for whom you have feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and appropriate.
Moral, psychological violence . If one of you is constantly being abused, sacrificing for a fragile peace, and facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
No compromise . Does your wife blame you for everything, but does not see her own guilt, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony; sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
Different visions of the future . If your plans for your future life diverge radically, everyone sees their future in their own way, the relationship is doomed.
Lack of any contact . When there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex in a couple, with a great desire to preserve a fragile peace, this will be impossible.

Well, the main indicator that the solution should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children nor common property will be able to keep you together for long.

Advice from a psychologist on getting your spouse back and building relationships

The main assistant in matters of maintaining relationships is a psychologist. He has all the information about what reasons ruin marriages, what causes feelings to pass, and what ways they can be renewed. Tips for getting your wife back and building relationships will be as follows:

change everything - if before you paid little attention to your wife, now show her the opposite attitude, give her compliments, help, show concern;
give up accusations - any reproaches lead to disputes, scandals, because of which cooled feelings go away even more; on the contrary, praise your wife for any even insignificant act, support any decisions;
revive romance and flirting - arrange dates, pleasant surprises for her, arrange such meetings with which you once won her heart at the stage of courtship;
don’t let the bed get cold - surprise her as much as you can, show how good she can be with you in sex, take the initiative;
establish trusting communication - only in this case you will always be able to express dissatisfaction and complaints without scandals, and also learn from her in a timely manner what you can do to offend or upset your companion.