How to make peace with your girlfriend if you had a big fight

Relationships are like cars that require constant attention, care and maintenance to keep them running smoothly. And every new day, month and year you spend with your partner provides a great opportunity for improvement.

Experts say there are a number of simple strategies that can not only help you get closer to a girl, but also improve your communication. With them, you will learn to deal with conflicts faster and will be able to rekindle the spark that you had in the early stages of dating.

Methods of reconciliation

1. Apologize personally. If you are interested in the question of how to behave if “it’s my own fault,” then, first of all, you need to take care of an apology. It is ideal if you ask for forgiveness in person.
2. The second option is to write a letter or message. This is especially true if a friend refuses personal contact.
3. Presenting a surprise. But you shouldn’t give an expensive gift. You probably know what she likes - it could be chocolates, a small soft toy, a favorite magazine. Send such a present.

You can also read about ways to reconcile with a friend.

Dangerous topics for communication

It's great if you can talk to your friend about everything in the world. However, this is not always the case. Most people try to avoid a number of topics in their communication. This may be due to the extreme importance of this topic in a person’s life, the fact that it is highly likely to provoke a conflict, and the fact that when talking about it, a person feels psychological discomfort. Here are the most dangerous topics in communication:

• Money is a symbol of success, power, opportunity and much more. For many people, money is inextricably linked with self-esteem, so if there are any problems in this area, then raising the topic of finances will immediately cause a flurry of unpleasant emotions.
• Very often, religion is a topic that is too significant for a person, and therefore overly loaded with emotions. It’s good if these are positive emotions, but what if not?
• Disadvantages of family and friends. Even if you tell the truth about the shortcomings of a loved one, your friend will have a primitive instinct - the desire to protect her loved one at any cost. She will be offended by you and will justify it in every possible way. Therefore, it is better not to create an awkward situation and be guided by the principle that only she can scold her family.
• Politics permeates our entire society, the quality of life depends on it, and, you see, all this is very important for you and me. You and your friend may have such diametrical views on this issue that a quarrel cannot be avoided.
• Psychologically difficult situations. Here, probably, everything is clear - you shouldn’t reopen old wounds and talk to a person about what is unpleasant for him.

Is it necessary to reconcile?

Sometimes, especially after a strong quarrel, thoughts creep into your head: “Is this reconciliation necessary at all? Maybe this is the end of the relationship, and we should leave everything as it is? In some situations, such a decision is indeed correct. Let's look at what you should pay attention to when deciding on this issue.

1. You need to leave everything as it is if serious contradictions were discovered during a quarrel. For example, before you understood and supported each other, but now, as you grow older, changes have occurred. Now you are actually speaking “different languages.” You need to understand that such a relationship will not benefit either you or your friend. They will be accompanied by regular quarrels and misunderstandings. The most appropriate thing here is to use conflict as a symbol of the end of friendship. However, this decision must be made with a fresh mind, at a time when you are calm and the situation has been fully analyzed.
2. If you realize that you can still continue to communicate with your friend, then the cause of the conflict can be resolved. Make an effort to restore the relationship.

First reach out your hand

"Focus on how you can be a good friend," says Lydia Denworth, author of Friendship: Evolution, Biology, and the Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Connections. — The ability to make and maintain friendships is an important survival tool. So don’t wait for others to contact you first.”

If you're feeling awkward about reaching out, relationship expert Sarah Louise Ryan suggests: "Admit you're wrong and say, 'I know I've been off-limits, but I've been thinking about you.' I would love to see you. Let's not make a big deal out of it."

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What to say

You may be confused and don't know what to say to your best friend who you've offended. It is necessary to select the right phrases taking into account your specific situation and level of relationship.

Possible options:

• “I’m very sorry that I offended you...”;
• "Please forgive me…";
• “I won’t make this mistake again”;
• “You are very close to me, tell me how we can make peace, I want to regain your trust”;
• “After our quarrel, I really miss your communication”;
• “Sorry for offending you...”
• “Our friendship has been around for years, I don’t want it to end because of stupidity”;
• “I’m very lonely without your communication, I really want to make peace.”

The main thing is to speak calmly, in a friendly voice. You must convince that the friendship is very strong and should not be ruined due to disagreements. It is important to try to find a compromise solution. Both sides must speak out and choose options suitable for resolving the current conflict.

How to break up correctly to remain friends

Whether there will be a chance to remain friends with your ex will depend on 2 important circumstances:

• the way you perceive your ended relationship;

Photo by Ron Lach from Pexels

• how you were able to complete them.

Often friendship becomes impossible because the modern person, who tries to think only positively, rejects all the negative experiences that he encounters.
But even they are an important part of your experience. A 2013 study (When feeling bad can be good: mixed emotions benefit physical health across adulthood), conducted by H. Hershfield, T. L. Sims and others, proved that people who know how to accept their negative emotions have better mental health. health.

They overcome difficulties in life more easily, are more adaptive, and are less susceptible to stress. Therefore, it is important not to repress your experiences, not to try to erase your ex from your life, thereby ignoring grievances and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

You need to look at the situation soberly and accept it. Realize what mistakes were made and why. What good did the relationship give you, how did it enrich your experience.

It is also necessary that the ending of the relationship be correct. You shouldn’t break up emotionally, slamming the door, or without any explanation at all.

You shouldn’t get away with cliche phrases that people say out of politeness: “It’s not about me, it’s about you,” “I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now,” “I realized that now is not the time,” etc. They have no significance, and they leave the partner perplexed.

Having understood why you want to break up, it is important to be honest with your partner about it. There are no “good” breakups, but in order for them not to be perceived as traumatic, it is necessary to adhere to several principles:

• don’t blame others - find the strength within yourself to give up trying to shift responsibility to someone else, admit where you were wrong and what mistakes you made. This will help your partner think about his mistakes;
• show understanding - if you are the initiator of the breakup, convey that: you realize how difficult it is for the man; you regret that you hurt him with your words; you can put yourself in his place;
• provide support - sympathize, tell him that you believe that he will find his destiny, that you are always ready to talk.

How can you remain friends after breaking up?

If a friend doesn't want to talk

You may encounter a situation where your girlfriend does not want to reconcile at all, ignores you, and does not enter into dialogue. If you are faced with a similar state of affairs, follow this algorithm of actions.

1. Leave her alone for a while. Perhaps the girl just needs to calm down, analyze what happened, and cool down.
2. Write a message that she is most likely to read. Although it is possible that the girl will rashly delete the SMS without even reading it. At such a moment, when you decide to send a message, the question arises of what to write. These could be words of apology, an admission of guilt, you can talk about your feelings and the significance of your friendship. You can also indicate your willingness to make compromises. At the same time, you need to understand that your message should not be too long and drawn out, let it be concise, but at the same time meaningful. You should think it over carefully, since it is better to send one message than to overwhelm your friend with dozens of SMSs.
3. Even if your girlfriend doesn’t make contact after the SMS, you need to continue to behave with restraint and under no circumstances discuss her in the presence of mutual friends. Be patient.
4. If the period of silence drags on for a long time, you should still remember your friend's important dates. Don't forget to wish her a happy birthday.
5. If over time your girlfriend still doesn’t respond, doesn’t take steps towards you, you can make one last attempt by inviting her to meet and talk. It is possible that by this time the girl will already realize that she is wrong, but will be afraid to take the first step. Therefore, she will be pleased with your offer.

When to let go

Not all friendships last forever, and quality matters more than quantity. “If the cost of staying friends is greater than the reward, it's time to let go,” says psychologist and friendship expert Dr. Irene S. “Sometimes the rift can be deeper than the attitudes this pandemic has created.”

“While it helps identify people you can really count on, just having one good friend makes a big difference to your health,” says Lydia. And letting go of people who no longer share your values ​​means making room for those who do.

If she's to blame

1. Do not shift the blame onto your shoulders for an action committed by a friend. Otherwise, she will continue to manipulate you, including feelings of guilt that were unfounded.
2. Be friendly. While waiting for an apology from your girlfriend, it is important that the girl sees your willingness to forgive her.
3. Considering that your friend may be ashamed of her action and find it difficult to take the first step, you can push her towards an apology by posting, for example, a photo of you together on a social network. This will be a sign that you value friendship and do not want to lose it.
4. Even if after a quarrel you are extremely angry and literally hate your girlfriend, you should not throw mud at her by revealing secrets to strangers.
5. If, after some time, your girlfriend still does not come to reconcile, and friendship is really dear to you, take the first step. You can call and make an appointment. In personal contact, invite the girl to speak first. After she talks about the painful issue, you can tell her about your feelings, about how her action offended you.

I once had a fight with my best friend. The cause of the conflict was political differences. We didn't communicate for some time. And then she called me herself, apologized and said that this was not a reason for our friendship to collapse. Thanks to the fact that she then agreed to reconcile, our relationship continues to this day. Our friendship is almost 20 years old.

How to end a friendship

What should the situation be like?

There is no universal solution. It is important that the environment is comfortable, be it a home, a coffee shop or a park. When choosing a place, be guided by the fact that you should not be embarrassed to express your feelings there. The conversation can be difficult.

It’s not so important where you do it, what’s more important is how. Many people demonize breaking up over the phone - as if this way you don’t respect the person. But only you can decide what is best. If you know that a friend will still want to discuss a difficult issue in person, schedule an offline meeting. But if you understand that the other person would prefer to hear bad news over the phone, take care of him and discuss everything online.

Listen to yourself at this moment - how would it be better for you to discuss this? You can discuss your desires with a friend to agree on and choose a format.

What to say?

For example: “I want to share an important thought and am ready to listen to your opinion in return. I feel like our friendship isn't working anymore. Lately, I feel that we have grown apart, began to conflict more often, and began to criticize each other. Despite all this, I thought for a long time whether we could fix this. I think not. And I do not want to. I think we should see each other less often and honestly accept what happened to our friendship. Please understand this."

It is important to share your feelings, thoughts, and be honest and open as a sign of respect for the relationship. If a friend gets upset, don't blame yourself. You don't have to put others' feelings before your own. Just repeat that you don't want to be close friends anymore. It's enough. Emotions will run high during a conversation, so it's important to remain as consistent as possible.

Causes and ways to prevent quarrels

1. Touchiness. Perhaps the friend is overly impressionable and withdraws into herself at the slightest disagreement. If this is your case, then you need to control yourself, avoid harsh statements, and do not criticize her, otherwise resentment cannot be avoided.
2. A quarrel may occur due to the second girl’s excessive pride. She may act too arrogantly, creating a wall of misunderstanding. You can prevent conflict only if the girl becomes more down-to-earth and begins to treat you with respect.
3. Different views on life. It is normal for two people to have different points of view. To avoid conflict situations, it is necessary not to talk about topics that are unpleasant to the interlocutor. At the first signs of a developing quarrel, you need to change the topic of conversation and do what both of you like.
4. Envy is not uncommon in female friendships. If one of the friends has achieved more, has a good job, a beloved man, better appearance, then poison begins to accumulate in the second, which sooner or later she spills out. In such a situation, the more successful young lady should not flaunt her merits and merits; she should not brag. And for a girl who knows that she has a negative character trait, it’s time to work on herself, including on her appearance, if something doesn’t suit her.
5. Jealousy is also not uncommon in relationships between two girls. Here we can talk about the appearance of a young man or a new acquaintance of one of the young ladies. In such a situation, it is important that the relationship is maintained between all three. Otherwise, the friendship will end very quickly.

Now you know how to make peace with your best friend. As you can see, no one is immune from conflicts in relationships. In addition, there are many reasons for a quarrel between two girls. Remember, if your friend is very dear to you and you value her company, do not be afraid to take the first step towards reconciliation, do not delay it.

How to improve your relationship with a friend

Some argue that there is no such thing as friendship between women. Others prove the opposite. What is absolutely certain is that all girls need an exchange of feminine energy, shared secrets and conversations.

But what to do if you are distant, how to improve your relationship with your friend?

There are techniques that help bring people closer together. Accept the situation as it is and calm down. There is no need to blame only yourself or the other party for everything. You definitely shouldn’t harbor resentment or break off friendships over a minor omission. After cooling down, have a heart-to-heart talk and figure out the reasons for the cooling.

Even if you are now at a distance, you have a chance to regain your former warmth. We are all connected energetically and read the impulses sent to each other. After all, it has happened more than once - you thought about a person, and he immediately calls you. This is not a cool coincidence, but reading each other.

Techniques for improving relationships

Choose a quiet, secluded place. Sit comfortably, inhale and exhale deeply, feel relaxation in every organ. Remove your consciousness from the outside world.

Direct your attention into your heart while continuing to breathe deeply.

When all the tightness leaves your body, you will feel lighter and more enlightened.

Now imagine that you are enveloped in a glowing ball. It's big, you're in the center of it. You feel light and light, as if you are suspended in weightlessness. This is not difficult to do with the power of consciousness.

Imagine that you have moved to the place where your friend is. Just feel how you will be transported through the distance, the streets. And you meet your friend, imagine her image in the smallest detail.

Now mentally talk to her about what you would like to talk about. Your words should be sincere, kind, and full of love. Tell her how you would like to restore communication again. Let her know how precious she is, how much you value and love her. When you feel that the image of your friend reciprocates your feelings, return your consciousness back.

The most amazing thing is that after this practice, reconciliation in reality quickly occurs. The person will be drawn to you subconsciously and want to return the warm connection. This technique helps improve relationships with relatives, colleagues, and loved ones.

If it’s difficult for you to let go of grievances and remove negativity without outside help, I invite you to free training. There we master the most powerful practices together.

Register for a free master class.
I will teach you life in the Stream. I will help you look at the world differently and find a way out. There is always a choice. Follow the link and register Site editors

Offer (but don't force) friendship

Lifehacker.com

Even if you want to be friends after your relationship ends, your ex-partner may have a different opinion on this matter. Or he may not be ready. Be mindful of how much time it takes for the two of you to feel comfortable seeing each of you move on with your lives. Just let your ex know that you want to be friends and be friendly to show it, but don't force your friendship. Here's what Brittany Wong writes about it in The Huffington Post:

“You may be ready to continue playing PvP together in World of Warcraft a few months after your breakup, but your ex may not feel the same way. Gently bring up the topic of friendship and respect any decision your ex-partner makes. Even if he/she is not yet ready to resume the relationship.

Don't know how to ask that same question? One Reddit user suggested a good idea: "Instead of ending a relationship with 'Let's be friends?', leave the door open with something like 'I still want to be friends.' I'll be there if you want. This is not a commitment, but rather a soft offer.”

When your ex is ready, he will accept your proposal. In the meantime, it’s better not to rush things. Give him the final say and try to ease any pressure your ex may feel about whether to go along with your wishes. Each of you must make an individual decision, and whatever it may be, respecting the choice bodes only well for both the present and the future where this friendship is possible.

If you offended me greatly

To apologize to a girl and melt her heart if you messed up badly, you need to try very hard. The main thing is not to utter pompous words, not to promise to be “good” for the rest of your life. Speak from your heart, in your own words, honestly with your friend and yourself.

The algorithm of actions may be as follows:

1. Admit your guilt. Explain why you made a mistake, that you are fully aware of the inadmissibility of such a thing. Don’t look for the reason for the misconduct in the girl, dig deeper: lack of upbringing, bad example of friends, and so on.
2. Apologize in simple words. Speak sincerely and honestly, briefly.
3. Promise your loved one that you will try not to repeat the mistakes. Surely the girl won’t believe it right away. The guy’s task is to convince her of the sincerity of the words spoken.
4. If the girl insists on breaking up and does not forgive, tell her that you really value your relationship with her. Promise that you will make any sacrifices to save the couple, achieve trust and forgiveness.
5. Use tactile contact. When the girl softens a little, take her hand and put your arm around her shoulders.
6. Don’t push your loved one, don’t demand an answer right away. The girl needs time to cool down and forgive a strong offense.