Unfortunately, even the closest people are not immune from conflict situations. Often, parents and their growing or already adult children complain about misunderstandings with each other, and if this problem is not resolved in a timely manner, it can lead to serious consequences.
I constantly quarrel with my parents, why does this happen?
Quarrels between parents and children, alas, are not a rare occurrence. Some families manage to smooth out rough edges and avoid arguments, but in many cases misunderstanding is inevitable. There can be many reasons for such a development of the situation, and often the matter comes down simply to a difference in interests, due to a significant difference in age.
Probably, your quarrels with your parents occur because it seems to you that they do not understand you at all and “live in a different time.” Be that as it may, it is important to understand that you should still treat your parents with respect, even if you do not agree with their opinion - this is what well-mannered and worthy young men and women do. Cases when a mother or father wishes harm to their child are practically excluded - no matter what they advise, most likely it comes from good intentions. That is why, first of all, focus on what your parents want for you to feel better, and then think about everything else.
We are often very harsh with our parents, and we realize that we are wrong only many years later. If you don’t want to live with regrets, then learn self-control - this is important not only when communicating with relatives.
If you think that you understand more about something than your parents, then this is an even greater reason to show leniency towards them. Be kind to them, even if right now you don't think they deserve it.
My fault
It happens that you have a very strong fight with your mother, and then you realize that you were fundamentally mistaken and greatly offended your loved one. How to behave in such a situation.
- Say your mistakes out loud. Admit you're wrong.
- Talk to your mom sincerely. Sometimes it won’t hurt to cry in a fit of repentance.
- Use an individual approach on the path to reconciliation. You know better than anyone else what actions and surprises your mother will be very happy about.
- Having a live conversation is important. Even if reconciliation takes more than one hour, you can have a heart-to-heart talk and sort out your feelings.
What to do if you quarrel with your mother
Think about the situation
Think about why the situation turned into a conflict. Also think about whether you could have prevented such a development of events or whether it was completely out of your control. Before getting angry with your mother, assess the situation from several angles. Put yourself in your mother's shoes: how would you feel if you were in your mother's position in this situation?
Don't make excuses
Of course, it may be that you are not at all to blame for this conflict, but do not rush to look for excuses for yourself. In practice, it is very difficult to find a situation where only one participant is to blame for a quarrel. Having carefully thought about what happened, you, of course, will understand that its outcome is also your fault, and perhaps even to a greater extent.
Be more tolerant
Usually, after a conflict, people who love each other begin to reproach themselves and think about how this situation could have been prevented. Surely, it’s not easy for your mother now, and she is worried not only about the cause of the quarrel, but also about its very fact. Invite your mother to calmly discuss the situation. First of all, do not try to impose your opinion, but listen carefully to all her arguments. Even if your mother’s words seem absurd or unfair to you, control yourself. After calmly listening to her position, convey yours just as calmly. If your mother gets angry or interrupts, tell her that you want to talk to her when she is ready to listen to you without unnecessary emotions.
Be more proactive
To soften the situation, you do not need to show your resentment and do not help your mother in any way if you are in a quarrel. Respond to her calls for help, and take the initiative in household chores yourself.
Psychologist's advice
Mom is the only person who accepts and loves you as you are. However, understanding this comes with age. For a long time, life experiences have prevented children and adults from understanding each other. Perhaps now the mother’s attitude seems incomprehensible, wrong, and even evil. But in reality, behind all the accusations and scolding, there is a desire to do what is best for you. Try to see this, and the relationship will move to a new level.
No matter how many mistakes you make, your mother will always forgive and love you. Cherish this and try not to offend her if possible. And if you mess up, admit it honestly. Rest assured, you will not be executed.
Lyudmila, Kaliningrad
How to make peace with your mother
After a strong quarrel, lies or bad deeds
Choose a suitable place for reconciliation. Of course, there should be no third parties present. Since the quarrel occurred between the two of you, you shouldn’t involve other people in solving the problem. An exception may be other close relatives who are also somehow hurt by your behavior.
Decide on the “right” time. Nothing should distract you or your mother from the conversation. Also pay attention to the mother’s mood - she should not be tired, irritated or in a hurry to get somewhere. In general, take care of the ideal conditions for conversation.
Start with an apology, then move on to explaining your actions. Of course, your apology should not look like a favor or condescension. Mom probably wants to hear sincere repentance and regret in your voice - she is unlikely to be satisfied with a formal apology.
If I'm to blame
If you realize your guilt, then this is already half the battle. Now it is important to convey to your mother that you really understand that you were wrong, and at the same time you are very sorry for what happened.
Explain to your mom what exactly prompted you to do this or that way, and what you intend to do if the situation develops in a similar way again.
Show not only in words that you were wrong, but also in deeds. Of course, this is not about trying to “appease” your mother with gifts - this is unlikely to help. Try to be more attentive to her, spend more time with her. Don’t forget to help your mother, to show care at least in small things.
Ask your mother directly how you can correct the situation and make amends to her. Surely, she will tell you what offended her the most, and how you could improve the situation. If you cannot fulfill its conditions, try in a calm atmosphere to find the most advantageous compromise for both of you.
Promise that in the future you will try not to make the same mistake. Of course, it would be ideal if you actually try not to make such an oversight again.
If she's wrong
If it seems to you that your mother is wrong in the current situation, then first you need to make sure whether this opinion is not your subjective one. Put yourself mentally in her place and try to understand why she had the wrong opinion. Perhaps this is partly your fault?
By being aggressive or showing dissatisfaction, you are unlikely to be able to achieve a positive result and improve relationships. Remember that your goal should not be to try to prove that you are right - it is more important to reach agreement. Talk frankly with your mother, offer to calmly discuss the situation and share your opinions about it with each other.
Be proactive and show respect
If you have done something wrong, you must be the first to take the initiative, without waiting for an incentive from your parents. What needs to be done for this?
- Give mom and dad a gift that shows how much you regret what you did.
- Call them for a frank conversation and be the first to take the floor, explaining the reason for your own action.
- Admit your guilt not only in word, but also in deed.
- If relatives do not talk to each other, you should be the first to get in touch, call or write.
Asking for forgiveness is equally difficult for both a girl and a guy. To do this, you need to step over your own pride and admit that you are wrong. However, by showing initiative now, a person will show his maturity and sincerity.
How to properly apologize to your mother
Sincerely ask for forgiveness
The main thing in this matter is sincerity. Mom has lived longer than you, and most likely learned to recognize genuine and fake emotions. If you are largely or partly to blame for the argument, then, of course, your mother expects you to admit your guilt and apologize to her. Some people believe that asking for forgiveness is humiliation. Usually only strong people are able to admit their mistakes.
Write a letter or SMS with an apology
Perhaps it is difficult for you to start a conversation with your mother or the right opportunity has not yet arisen. In this situation, you need to find another way to convey your apology, and do it at least with the help of SMS or a paper letter. If a mother who is offended by you can brush off the conversation, then she will most likely still read your message, even if she does not admit it right away.
Sincere conversation
Of course, a sincere conversation will best help in this situation, but you should choose the right time for it. If you understand that now mom is clearly not in the mood for a conversation, then you should not force it. Prepare a good dinner or buy some goodies for tea and invite your mother to talk over the meal or tea.
Psychologist's advice
When you ask for an apology, it is important that you are sincere at the time. Remember that the interlocutor does not expect you to simply apologize; he often expects you to understand that you were wrong, and not just do him a favor by admitting a mistake.
It is important not to aggravate the conflict, but to resolve it, so if you see that the interlocutor is not at all in the mood for a conversation, then it is better not to impose, but to find another convenient opportunity for conversation.
How to get your parents to forgive you if you've done something stupid
An apology should always be sincere and not forced. Perhaps this is the main rule on which the success of your outpourings depends. If parents feel false, they decide to forgive much less willingly.
It is also important to understand how serious the stupidity that the child committed was. A bad act towards a classmate is one thing, but theft, for example, is completely different. The apology must be commensurate with the offense, and this should not be forgotten either. Below we will try to give some tips that will help you establish contact with loved ones.
How to calm your mother when she swears and cries
Talk to her calmly
If your mother has come to tears, then you probably understand that she is really very upset and it is not easy for her to cope with the situation emotionally. Answering her in a similar tone is unlikely to improve the situation. Answer calmly, but this calmness should be sympathetic, but not indifferent or distant. Perhaps mom needs to speak out - don’t try to interrupt her. However, during pauses, choose the most necessary words that suit the situation.
Hug, kiss
However, more often than not, upset mothers need more than just words, but to improve their relationship with their child. She is unlikely to pull away if you hug or kiss her in a moment of emotional weakness. However, even if this happens, and she brushes aside your expressions of tenderness, do not even doubt that her soul will become much easier, and with your gesture you will only improve the situation.
Say that you appreciate and love him very much
It is important for a mother to hear words of love from her child - such confessions are never superfluous! It often seems to parents that their children do not appreciate all the sacrifices they make for their children, or do not even notice them. Perhaps there is also such a problem in your relationship with your mother? Tell your mom that you see how much she does for you and really appreciate her efforts.
Ways to resume communication
If you have a fight with your mother, you are overwhelmed with negative emotions that prevent you from concentrating on work, doing household chores, or communicating with friends and your partner. Even entertaining activities and pleasant events are not able to completely eliminate the aftertaste and bitterness that arise after a strong quarrel with dad, mom and other close relatives - the only thing left is to quickly make peace with them in order to again feel like a happy person, like in the good old days.
To get ready for reconciliation, psychologists recommend calming down after a conflict, thinking constructively, and acting thoughtfully. If you are not going to completely refuse communication with your mother, and plan to make peace with her in the future, why postpone the moment of resolving differences until later.
The sooner you establish relationships with loved ones, the sooner you can enjoy the joys of life without the aftertaste of sadness and regret. If the resentment toward your relatives is too strong and prevents you from taking the first step and apologizing, follow these steps:
Take a photo of your mother to better focus on her image. Listen to your thoughts and feelings, focusing on those that reflect regret about the quarrel with your mother. Realize that you would like to resolve the conflict, despite your own resentment and misunderstanding of your mother’s position.
It is important to understand that your mother was guided by her love for you, the desire to protect you, to protect you from possible troubles. Even if it seems to you that she is wrong, you need to respect her opinion, because you would like her to recognize your position
Think about situations when strangers thought you were wrong and condemned your actions. However, in your opinion, you could not have done otherwise under the circumstances.
Different interpretations and assessments of the actions of other people are a normal phenomenon, which reflects the meaning of the famous saying: as many people, as many opinions. Even without analyzing the situation, just feeling the need to make peace with mom, dad, grandfather or grandmother after a strong quarrel, stick to constructive solutions, such as the ability to be the first to say “I’m sorry.”
Having pacified your pride and resentment, try to improve your relationship. Most likely, the mother also regrets the quarrel and dreams of restoring peace in the family. The main rule of reconciliation is not to start voicing claims and accusations against your opponent again. Time will put everything in its place - if you think you did the right thing, the future will show how valid your arguments are. What to do if you quarrel with your mother:
Write a letter detailing the reasons for your dissatisfaction with her actions and actions.
Explain why her every word causes a storm of negative emotions, ask her to take into account and support your position. Have a frank conversation. Sincerely tell your mother and father about your concerns and feelings, listen to their opinions, and jointly find a compromise solution that will suit both parties. Don't prove yourself right
Remember that you came to make peace, and not to add fuel to the fire of family discord. Admit mistakes if you really understand that you were wrong. Hug your mom, tell her how important she is to you, how much you love her. A loved one cannot resist such a manifestation of warm feelings.
In order for reconciliation to take place without unpleasant incidents and surprises, it is better to be left alone with the person. You shouldn’t bring the showdown into public view – on the street, in a public place. Psychologists do not recommend involving third parties as arbitrators. Mom will feel uncomfortable due to the presence of witnesses to family disagreements. As a sign of reconciliation, you can go with your mother to a cafe, theater, exercise, or take a walk in the park.
Appease mom or beautiful forgive
Write a poem (your own or one you can find on the Internet)
Of course, most mothers are very sensitive to signs of attention from their children. If you need to apologize to your mother, then you are unlikely to seriously correct the situation with poems - first, it is advisable to talk frankly and admit your mistakes. But a poem for a “fixing effect” can be very effective. If you are a creative person, then perhaps it will not be difficult for you to write your own poem for your mother. Is this mission still too much for you? Then you can choose a suitable verse with an apology on the Internet.
Give a bouquet of flowers
Many women love flowers, and your mother is probably no exception. Surely, even a small bouquet of her favorite flowers will cheer her up. If it is customary in your house to care for perennial plants, then perhaps she will be even more delighted to have a flower in a pot. Most likely, you know your mother's tastes, and you can choose a bouquet to suit her taste.
Invite you to a cozy coffee shop for a conversation
Perhaps you and your mother periodically visit your favorite coffee shop? In this case, this establishment may be a great place for reconciliation! However, if you usually don’t go to a cafe with your mother, then there is a good reason to change this.
Make a collage of your photos together
Of course, your mother will be glad to receive your attention, and a collage with joint or personal photographs may be quite appropriate. Such a step may not be regarded as the main apology, but the collage may well become the “finishing touch”. Choose your mom's favorite photos - it's possible that she forgot about many of them, and she will be pleased to relive the memories.
Have an interesting time together
Many parents believe that grown-up children are very immersed in their own personal lives and practically do not devote time to their family. Admit it, this is often what happens. You can always fix this by spending time with your mother. You can do this in different ways - go to the cinema, watch a good movie at home, cook a delicious dish together and much more!
Get creative
You can come up with so many ways to beautifully apologize to your mother. Stretch your imagination, and something unusual will definitely come to mind.
For example, you can record a staged video in which you turn your whole soul inside out and tell how bad your words are now. Don't forget to tell your mom how dear and loved she is to you. Set it with beautiful background music.
If you have non-conflict neighbors in your yard, then you can use this option: draw your apology on the road in front of the house. It would be nice if the windows looked directly onto this place, and mom could see everything right away. Words should be readable and beautifully designed. If you are good at drawing, you can even try to draw graffiti.
Poets, in moments of sadness and melancholy, take up a piece of paper and sometimes create real masterpieces. Dare you too! Perhaps you do not have the gift of poetry and do not know how to write huge poems, but this is not required - everyone can come up with at least four lines. This is another good way to apologize to your mother. Mommy will definitely be surprised by your creative abilities and will instantly forgive everything.
Is it possible not to quarrel with your mother, but to live in peace and harmony?
If you want to live in peace and harmony with your mother, then you can achieve this, even if she has a grumpy character. However, this circumstance is rarely the main cause of quarrels - more often mothers and daughters quarrel due to simple misunderstandings. Suggest to your mother not to swear, but to try to find a compromise in any controversial situations. At the same time, it is important to move from words to action, and not to “pull the blanket over yourself” in the event of a conflict, but to try to resolve the difficulties that have arisen. Well, and most importantly, you need to be more tolerant and remain calm if you understand that you are being unfairly accused. Most likely, your mother will appreciate your reaction and will listen to you just as calmly. If you realize that you are truly at fault, do not use the rule that the best defense is attack - have the courage to admit your mistakes.
note
How to ask a friend for forgiveness. Unfortunately, it so happened that you quarreled with your best friend. The reasons can be very different, from something completely trivial, but in the process of a quarrel revealing all the sharp corners of your friendship, to something serious, when you don’t want to forgive or ask for forgiveness.
How to ask for forgiveness. In fact, asking for forgiveness is quite difficult. Even, perhaps, more difficult than confessing your love for the object of your admiration. Therefore, you need to begin forgiveness by determining in your soul the degree of your guilt. And only after this you need to approach the search for a way to forgive and choose the right words that are consonant with this very notorious forgive.
If a mistake or misconduct in front of your mother is too offensive, you don’t need to be afraid of loud words or falling to your knees, the main thing is that all this is not empty and feigned.
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It's great to have loved ones in your life. Knowing that there are friends and family who care about you and who can always support you in difficult times, a person has a feeling of security and need. But, as often happens, we offend the people we care about most often than others. Where we can restrain ourselves in front of strangers, in the presence of our relatives this is not always possible. And the question arises: how to ask for forgiveness from loved ones correctly?
Squeezing out “Forgive me” is very difficult. If you do nothing and leave everything as it is, then the tension in the relationship will grow. Thinking that over time everything will work out on its own is wrong, because this is an indicator of immaturity. It is easier to respect and trust a person who admits his mistakes. But how can you ask for forgiveness from your beloved girl, from your dad and mom, from your sister or best friend?
Attitude towards mother - positive and negative emotions
No matter how you deny it, no matter how much you resist these words, giving your examples and arguments, the fact remains unchanged - everything that you are, it all originates in the family.
- your way of thinking and style of thinking in general,
- your culture and education,
- your problem-solving style;
- your relationship strategy with the opposite sex,
- the whole style of your life,
it all starts in the family, and you copy everything you saw in childhood, without realizing it. It turns out that this quarrel might not have happened if you had realized that the root of your problems lies in your copying your parent’s style
What irritates us most in a person, no matter whether he is close to us, or whether you have a casual acquaintance? Psychologists believe that it is precisely those qualities inherent in ourselves that we do not like in others. Don’t rush to prove otherwise, it’s better to look deeper into yourself
Perhaps you carefully hide these very qualities from everyone. It turns out that when you quarrel with your mother, you are fighting with your own reflection. There is only one way out of this vicious circle: you need to realize it, accept it, and build your future life taking into account the conclusions received. Understand that in the person of your mother, life gives you the opportunity to work on yourself and understand something very important. It is not possible to suggest what exactly it is - everyone has their own, and only their own, lesson. One thing is certain, as soon as you understand this, your conflict will come to naught, and the problem of “how to make peace with your mother if I am to blame” will never confront you again.
