Ask for forgiveness: appropriate times and phrases, tips

October 6, 2018
Psychology of communication
Valentina Buravleva

A large number of awkward situations often occur in our lives. In each of these difficulties, someone is to blame, and you always have to apologize for the wrong action. Some easily pronounce the word “Sorry!”, but do not put any meaning into it, and speak only to calm the other person. For others, it is very difficult to apologize even in cases where they bear a lot of blame. How can you make another person believe in the sincerity of your intentions?

Who's right and who's wrong

Before asking for forgiveness, you need to clearly understand what exactly caused the unpleasant situation to happen. Often, during a dispute or conflict, people can no longer understand who is to blame for the current circumstances.

It is necessary to be able to clearly distinguish between two different concepts - the feeling of guilt and the guilt itself. A person can only be held responsible for informed decisions and actions. But even knowing that her behavior will entail unpleasant consequences, he or she still commits an unseemly act. And there are those who are simply mistaken, but do not know what will follow. And yet they still feel guilty.

If a person feels that he is to blame, it is necessary to ask for forgiveness, as well as change something in himself. We need to figure out exactly why the incident occurred and not repeat such acts again. You cannot apologize and then say something bad about the person again. Such people are usually eliminated from your life forever.

A beautiful apology to a girl

Girls are actually more emotional than men. Therefore, wait a pause - let your beloved come to her senses a little after the quarrel. Then you can send a beautiful apology to the girl - a couple of touching lines in prose that will reflect your best intentions to achieve forgiveness.

The most beautiful, gentle, kind and understanding, I loved you, love you and will always love you! You are my Universe, life without you loses all meaning... I realized how unfair I was to you. I regret everything and apologize!

***

Dear, I am ashamed of my offense, of all the pain I caused you, my princess. I myself don’t understand what came over me. Today, when you go for an evening walk, let a light breeze gently touch your lips, and then whisper my sincere, from the bottom of my heart, “I’m sorry.”

***

Sunny, with every cell of my body I am aware of my guilt and I want you to give me another chance. I’m ready to prove my love for you with my actions - just forgive me, kitty.

***

I don't want to lose you, my love. Can I earn your trust again? Sorry for the rudeness, my joy, and don’t hold a grudge. As a sign of forgiveness, I am ready to fulfill any of your wishes.

Three main rules

There are three main conditions that must be met in order to receive forgiveness:

There is no need to make excuses or try to come up with hundreds of excuses. Instead, you just need to consciously ask for forgiveness. When a person begins to try to justify himself, he thereby transfers the blame to others or external circumstances, and this pushes people away.
There is no need to demand anything. It is always unpleasant and offensive to feel rejected and offended. Another person is waiting for the offender to admit his guilt and begin to take positive actions to make amends. That is why it is necessary to find the optimal approach, otherwise the resentment may linger for a long time.
No need to blame. Asking for forgiveness is never easy. A person is emotional and can say a lot of unnecessary things, which he will later bitterly regret. During a conversation, old grievances may be recalled, and instead of forgiveness, people often begin to make claims against each other. It must be remembered that if you blame another instead of asking for forgiveness, the guilt will not be removed. Everything will go further in a vicious circle.

Words of apology in prose

I want to offer my sincere apologies for everything that I did and said, for everything that upset you so much. I didn’t want everything to happen exactly like this, but what happened cannot be corrected, and only an apology can somehow smooth out the course of those events. Sorry, forgive me, please, that you had to experience all those annoying emotions and feelings that definitely raised a number of doubts about my person. Honestly, I didn’t do it on purpose, everything somehow happened on its own, and it’s stupid to make excuses, but I’ll try anyway. Probably the weather is to blame, or maybe some changes in the atmosphere... In general, I sincerely regret what happened and hope to receive your forgiveness. I understand that it’s stupid to blame the weather, but it’s a little easier than blaming yourself, although I blame myself no less. I hope for your good nature and that you will still be able to forgive me.

Please forgive me. I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did. I don’t want there to be an abyss of misunderstanding, resentment and indifference between us. You are the person I need. It's hard for me without you. I ask your forgiveness. Let's be fine again. Please!

Please forgive me. Honestly, I will never allow a situation like this to happen again. I will never dare to offend you again. I really am sincerely sorry that everything turned out this way. But I love you very much. I know that you love me too. Please forgive me. And may everything be fine with us. I reproach myself for this stupidity. I can not live without you.

Please forgive me. The relationship between two loved ones is built on mutual understanding and trust, respect for each other and care. I love you so much. But sometimes, unfortunately, people around us and external factors can interfere in our lives. I would like to always live with you without quarrels and insults, without difficulties and sorrows. I sincerely apologize and hope that you will forget all the bad things. After all, I value you so much. You are the same person who gives me happiness, who inspires me and believes in my strength. And I believe in us. Everything will be fine, forgive me, don't be angry.

Forgive me, please, I feel bad that this happened and I am sincerely sorry. Please forgive me and do not harbor resentment in your heart. Let's make peace, and everything will be as before. I promise, this won’t happen again, just forgive me, don’t turn away and don’t get angry, give me the warmth of your smile and everything will be fine.

I feel terrible, please forgive me. I promise this won’t happen again, I’m sincerely sorry, believe me. Don’t be angry with me, let’s let go of this incident, and everything will be as before, I beg you.

I want to apologize to you for causing unpleasant emotions and frustration through wrong actions. May we no longer have such moments that make us sad and do not allow us to move forward. Sorry!

I want to apologize. I do not renounce my wrongness and ask for your forgiveness. I didn’t want it to turn out like this, and even more so, I didn’t want to offend you. I needed to take into account your suspiciousness and vulnerability. Apparently, the weather had an impact, or maybe there was some kind of shift in the atmosphere, in general, forgive me. I will try to improve, and I will certainly stop offending you. Your silence is a severe punishment for me, but I believe that it must be canceled. Let's make a childish little peace and promise each other not to quarrel anymore. I love you, and you know it, so stop frowning, and let's make peace, and then the world will regain its colors.

Please forgive me. I'm very sorry that this happened. I promise to correct the situation and make every effort to ensure that this does not happen again. Love forgives everything. And our love is strong and capable of much. I really want everything to be fine with you. Sorry, don't be angry.

Please forgive me. My heart is exhausted, my soul is devastated, I sincerely regret and ask you to leave this in the past, forget it like a stupid dream. I'm sorry, I promise that only good times, happy smiles, joyful moments await us ahead. Just don't be angry, please.

Phrases

The following words work well for an apology:

"I was wrong". He talks about his readiness to take responsibility for his affairs.
“What can I do to improve the situation?” Indicates a desire to compensate for damage.
“I will do everything in my power to prevent this from happening again.” Talks about repentance.
"Please forgive me". An open desire to be forgiven.

What is the right thing to do when apologizing? Options for various techniques

Take responsibility. Avoid excuses like “I didn’t mean that” or “why were you offended, it was a joke.” Research says that when we are honest, we can avoid depression and anxiety. Saying something like, “I'm ashamed that I said that,” or “I'm sad that I hurt you,” can ease some of the person's distress in this situation. Be gentle with people.

Feel the other person's pain. You need to choose the right time to apologize. So as not to make things worse with your words. Start apologizing after the person is ready.

It is also useless to argue about who has the correct version. After all, each of you will remain with your own opinion. You can say this: “The words I said were not pleasant, and I understand why you upset me.” Then you can move directly to the words of apology.

Be sincere during the apology process! Be sure that the justification comes from the heart. Avoid ready-made phrases like “forgive me if it hurts you.” This expression may seem too superficial to be heard. Don't send messages or emails at first. Body and facial language and tone of voice are lost in writing. Always prefer to apologize in person. If this is not possible, then just call.

Forgiveness in a married couple

Conflicts are an integral part of married life. Not a single married couple in the entire history of mankind has been able to avoid their occurrence. Often, one of the spouses can provoke discord in the family through some kind of misconduct. In the heat of the moment, both sides of the confrontation can utter words for which they simply need to apologize later. Of course, there is an option to resolve a quarrel when the partner, after a long period of resentment and silence, simply begins to pretend that nothing happened. But the complete absence of any requests for forgiveness is not the best way to reconcile. During the game of silence, partners experience a lot of negative emotions. It would seem that they can be expressed, but the husband and wife withdraw within themselves. These negative emotions have a cumulative effect. Over time, when the situation repeats, the person simply explodes, throwing out everything that has accumulated.

Such situations lead to disastrous consequences. Naturally, after a major scandal, people need to go their separate ways in order to let off steam and collect their thoughts. You need to formulate all the words you want to say. They must be as tactful as possible so as not to further injure their partner. In this case, defending your point of view without taking into account the feelings of your husband (wife) is the wrong decision.

What should I do if it’s not my fault and I have nothing to apologize for?

If you feel like you shouldn't apologize, there are 2 options. Or you have not yet realized that your actions caused pain to someone (which happens most often). Or you are being manipulated.

There are situations when it is really not your fault. The person who is demonstrably offended by you (usually a friend, spouse or relative) is trying to get something from you. This kind of resentment is called manipulative. It is often resorted to by small children or adults stuck in childhood. Signs of manipulative resentment:

A person is offended by you literally every day.
As a pledge of forgiveness, he tries to beg for an expensive gift, or to ask for a difficult service.
Money/services/favors become a source of solving your conflicts.

Any person from your environment can be a manipulator. We wrote more about this in the article on psychological effects.

Sources

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Both need to be flexible

Of course, the atmosphere in the house largely depends on the woman; it is not for nothing that she is the keeper of the hearth. It is women who are more likely to show flexibility in relationships and are the first to make contact after a quarrel. But a man, if he values relationships, in order to avoid prolonging the conflict, cannot be stubborn; he must ask for forgiveness from his beloved as soon as possible. It’s worth making peace even if you’re right. This is the first manifestation of love and respect for your partner.

When is a business apology needed?

Staying silent in response to complaints is one of the biggest mistakes. Even if the client’s claims are not justified, it is unacceptable to ignore them. Most business leaders consider improving customer service a top priority.

An apology is made if the actions of the organization caused inconvenience to the client or partner or caused harm. That is, when the client has lost money, time, good mood. It is especially important to apologize if the situation threatens to cause serious reputational damage to the company.

Business specialization determines the most common reasons for apologies. Thus, online stores ask for forgiveness for slow delivery or delay of ordered goods (I take this opportunity to say hello to one of these online stores). B2B companies apologize for poor customer service. For mobile operators and banks, the cause of the conflict may be hidden fees and unforeseen expenses of the client. It annoys everyone.

The modern consumer is attentive to the quality of goods and services, so almost all companies operating in the field of trade and services need to be able to write letters of apology for the low quality of the product.

A reason that does not depend on the field of activity is failure to fulfill the terms of the contract and assumed obligations. Even if this happened for reasons beyond the company’s control: a hurricane, an earthquake, a coup d’etat. Explain this and apologize.

That case when it is inappropriate to stand up for what is right

A person’s sense of pride and egoism always blocks the path to reconciliation. Questions arise: “Why should I take the first step?” But you need to appeal to your reason and, relying on such a feeling as humility, take the first step towards reconciliation. You need to choose the right words carefully and pronounce them sincerely. Even if the offense is groundless in your opinion, admit that you may have offended feelings. Heartfelt regret removes the emotional barrier that the offended person has placed between you.

An important part of an apology is acknowledgment of responsibility. You need to convey to the person that you also made a mistake and are trying to correct it. Words of forgiveness must be spoken calmly, without demanding anything in any way. At the same time, it is not necessary to come up with complex speeches to talk to your husband or wife. You can simply ask for forgiveness in your own words. Try to talk about the feelings you feel. Also note that you understand how your ex is feeling. It is not a fact that your spouse will immediately decide to reconcile with you. But in any case, your attempt will have a positive impact on your relationship.

An apology must be backed up by actions.

The moment you apologize to the person, only half the job is done. The second half is reinforcing the apology with your actions so that the person cannot doubt your determination to change the situation.

It's simple: if you apologized to someone for your emotional incontinence and temper, learn to control yourself; apologized for the deception - try not to lie to the person in the future. If your apologies remain only words, but in reality you continue to behave the same way, you are worthless. Next time, don't be surprised if the person doesn't want anything to do with you.

Promises that you won't keep again

How to ask a girl for forgiveness?

Of course, quarrels happen not only in married couples, but also among young people in relationships. And apologizing on time is always important to maintain balance in love. As the French say, if a woman is wrong, ask her for forgiveness. Moreover, a man should apologize if he is wrong. You can do this using the following simple methods:

Present. The most banal, but at the same time one of the most effective methods of asking for forgiveness from a person (and not only from a girl - a gift will help to reconcile with close relatives, for example, with a mother). Depending on what exactly the beloved prefers, it can be a large bouquet of beautiful flowers, a cute soft toy, good perfume (if, of course, finances allow).
An unexpected pleasure. If the first method for some reason did not work, you can try to do it differently: give your beloved an unexpected surprise. For example, take her to a good cafe, give her an old book, ride horses together.
Poems. Don't think that this is a stupid or overly sentimental way. A poem written from the heart will help you better convey your feelings. And in this case, you will have a greater chance of receiving forgiveness from your loved one.
Talk about your feelings. One of the classic ways. To do this, you can write a request on the asphalt under your beloved’s windows, or order a banner. Many representatives of the fair sex will be crazy about such romance. Therefore, you should not be afraid - after all, the love of your chosen one is at stake.
Record a video and ask for forgiveness on behalf of people - mutual acquaintances. Perhaps the most non-standard way. To do this, it is useful to enlist the help of friends. You need to ask each of them to show a sign with the inscription “He needs you!”, and shoot a video. Your beloved’s heart will definitely thaw after this.

How to apologize to a guy

Everything is clear with girls, but how to ask a guy for forgiveness? In principle, you can also use some tips from a man’s arsenal - for example, dedicate a poem or give your lover a nice gift. In the latter case, it is imperative to take into account the guy’s interests - this will make it easier to obtain forgiveness. If, for example, he is a fishing enthusiast or a hockey fan, then he will really like a gift related to his hobby - a fishing rod or a fan scarf.

Using SMS messages or social networks to express your feelings is not recommended. After all, a person is not at all obliged to respond to such messages, and he will have to remain alone with his thoughts for a long time. The best option is to send a regular letter by mail. If you manage to organize a meeting, then you can take a risk and turn it into a romantic date.