Today there are no restrictions in matters of sex. The first date may or may not end in sex. The decision on this is made strictly individually. Because today no one will consider a woman to be “walking” if she agreed to make love on the first date. However, psychologists do not advise rushing into this, since a competent refusal increases the chances of a long-term continuation of the relationship.
No matter what happens in the world, no matter how gender roles change, no matter what heights women achieve in terms of career and education, men by nature remain hunters. They need excitement, they need to pursue a woman. They are interested in someone who does not agree to everything at once, but knows how to interest her and make her like her. Sometimes he brings him closer to himself, sometimes he separates him - in other words, he helps his chosen one realize his hunting instinct. A man, in anticipation of what he dreams of and has not yet received, begins to fantasize and is in anticipation, which means he wants sex with the object of his passion much more than if he had received it almost immediately. Even statistics show that those women who know how to say “no” on the first date and create intrigue have a greater chance of having a serious relationship with a man.
However, in the realities of the modern world, not all women today follow this rule. And this is their absolute right. Sexual issues are strictly individual, and there is no place for any reasoning about what is possible and what is not, when and what is permissible. Therefore, you should always proceed only from your own views on life, and if you think that you are not yet ready for intimacy, then you should not force yourself to have it at the very beginning of dating. But you should refuse in such a way that the man still wants you no less.
Ways to refuse a guy you don't like without offending him
You can't play it safe for all occasions. If a man has low or unstable self-esteem, he will find a reason to be offended.
Not every man is really serious when offering a girl a close relationship. When it comes to intimacy, guys in general are more frivolous. They can say a lot of empty words about feelings, just trying to get into a woman's bed.
If a man is really interested, when he hears a refusal, he will try to demonstrate the best qualities of his character. If he shows weakness and begins to behave like an offended queen, be glad that you have already refused. Now feel free to leave, not paying attention to crocodile tears, attempts to keep your attention and impose feelings of guilt.
Situations when you really need to try not to hurt other people's feelings:
- You really like a man, but you're not sure you want more.
- He is a boss or a colleague. If at the moment you cannot quit at any time and do not feel safe, it is better to soften the pill.
- You like a guy, but have no desire to date. This is fine.
- You are just a good person who cares about other people's feelings. It is commendable. There is enough complexity in the world without being too harsh.
- You are in a dangerous, life-threatening situation. Perhaps the gentleman is “picking up” on a deserted street, visiting unfamiliar people, in an empty room. He is physically stronger and taller. Even if the guy does not look threatening, it is important to provide for various options for further developments.
Preventive measures
You immediately indicate that the evening will not be “languid” (and not when he came out of the shower, wearing only a condom). That is, you inform in advance: “Vova, we have a lot of time ahead, but I immediately want to hint that today we will not be close. Mercury in Saturn, Moon in Venus—I’m not in the right mood.” At the same time, watch your intonation, facial expressions and gestures. A benevolent attitude, like a negative one, can be read instantly. If you grumble dissatisfiedly, a quarrel cannot be avoided. So, smile! And refuse... And smile. As a result, the partner pours the wine into glasses without experiencing unnecessary illusions or unpleasant emotions.
via GIPHY
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How to refuse a married man
Married men often like to “walk on the side.” Unfortunately, they don’t understand why girls consider this a reason for refusal.
Tell the slow-witted man politely:
- “I don’t date married people”;
- “I don’t want to waste time on a man with whom I have no future”;
- "Please think about your wife and children."
You should not stand on ceremony too much with a person who does not know how to keep his sexual drive and dissolute character within the bounds of decency. A man who cheats on his wife will treat your feelings no less dismissively.
If he and his wife have an open relationship, answer:
- “I don’t understand this and I don’t want to participate”;
- "I'm going to be the only woman in a man's life."
Why is it difficult for us to refuse?
Let's figure out why rejections are sometimes so difficult for us. I will list the main reasons and give recommendations on how to deal with them.
- Bad boundaries
Personal boundaries for most people are a vague and uncertain concept. To explain it in simple terms, the boundaries go where a person’s sphere of influence ends. Anything outside of your control is not your territory.
How does this relate to refusals, you ask? I'll explain. You can freely manage your body, your time and attention, so refusing a man you don’t like is entirely within your boundaries. But his reaction to refusal is outside your boundaries - he may be offended, angry and stop communicating with you if you were friends, and you cannot do anything about it.
Many girls are so afraid of being in opposition with someone that they try in every possible way to soften their refusal, which only worsens the situation. The man gets the impression that he is simply being fooled, and he quite naturally begins to get angry.
The good news is that it is through refusals that you can train your boundaries to an ideal state. The next time you have to refuse someone, do it firmly and confidently and allow the person to respond however they want.
- Hyperresponsibility
Hyperresponsibility is one of the main symptoms of neuroticism. It mainly affects infantile, self-centered individuals. This property manifests itself in the fact that a person takes on too much and ascribes to himself opportunities and abilities that he does not have.
If, during a proposal from someone you don't like, you start to feel guilty, you are prone to hyper-responsibility.
At a key moment, thoughts begin to flash in your head that you somehow looked at the man wrong, did something wrong, and gave him false hope. You start fawning over something, making excuses, obscuring things. It looks, to put it mildly, ugly.
What to do about it? Realize that the other person is the same subject as you, who has his own will and is responsible for his actions. His feelings are not the result of any of your actions, and you should not be held responsible for them. At first it can be difficult to give up the idea that you control the universe, but then life becomes much more pleasant and easier.
- Fear of his reaction
Are there any cowards here, admit it? You should not be ashamed of this feeling, it is responsible for safety and is the basis of the instinct of self-preservation. Women, with rare exceptions, are physically weaker than men, so the fear of possible aggression from a rejected admirer is in some cases completely justified. Learn to recognize these cases and you will no longer have to be afraid.
If a man himself is hot and impulsive, you should be careful with him. Do not refuse him in a rude and humiliating manner. Try not to be alone with such a person, especially if you do not intend to enter into any relationship with him. The same recommendations apply to tipsy young people.
Many women are afraid that a man will not survive their refusal - he will drink himself in grief or commit suicide. Such fears are definitely unfounded. If you catch yourself thinking such thoughts, urgently turn on self-irony and stop considering yourself a fairy-tale princess.
How to tactfully refuse a stranger?
If you are pleased with someone else's attention on the street, and you do not want to offend the hapless seducer, it is enough to refuse with a friendly smile or laugh.
There is no need to come up with anything supernatural. You can thank someone else for their interest by saying, “Thanks, but no.” If you overdo it with tact, someone else's interest will only inflame. If a young man really wants to get to know you or is a naive attendee of a pickup course, he will jump at any opportunity to continue the dialogue.
Tell:
- "I'm in a hurry." Leave a fake phone number.
- "I'll call the police." Dial the number. Keep your finger on the call button.
- “I don’t meet people on the street. Goodbye". Don't linger for excuses.
Denial of intimacy
Having understood how to behave, you need to remember that there are two forms of refusal:
- soft;
- hard.
Which one to use is up to you. However, it is better to be guided by the circumstances.
Soft refusal
This form suggests that after hints of intimacy or other relationships, it is necessary to continue communication with this man. In this case, tell him that you don't want to ruin your friendship (or work relationship) with him. A gentle refusal presupposes politeness and delicacy on the part of the woman.
Remember that you cannot refuse in too lenient a form. A man will take this as insecurity and will continue to pursue you with greater persistence. It is better to tactfully indicate your reluctance and ask them not to make such proposals in your direction again.
Firm refusal
Once you are sure that you are not in danger, you can answer in a firm form. Of course, if necessary. However, it is worth remembering that too harsh a refusal will cause aggression on the part of the young man. Therefore, you shouldn’t go too far either.
Tell your boyfriend that you are not interested in a relationship or sex with him. Make a brief argument and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
How to refuse a man, a guy, to tie him down, and he wanted to get married?
There is no universal way to refuse so that any man wants to get married. “Encouraging” behavior works for many guys.
How to behave to get married faster:
- Cover the road with compliments. “I like you, but I don’t.” Every refusal must be accompanied by pleasant words.
- Play on pity. Come up with a life story. Let her stop you from being together. It may involve a tragic past, a difficult present, or a bleak future.
- Be sure to smile. You need to speak kindly, look up, and radiate natural goodwill.
- Look attractive and behave in a prepossessing manner. You cannot take up too much space so as not to suppress the initiative of the chosen one.
- Give hope. It's timid to assume that if a man does certain things, changes, or achieves great things, you might consider him as a spouse or boyfriend. Choose an obstacle that is easy to overcome. Knowing a man's character will help. It’s easier for one to change their behavior or way of thinking, for another it’s easier to start earning more.
Scientific background
Men love logic and when everything is correctly laid out on the shelves. Tell your loved one that sometimes we don’t want sex at all, not because it’s harmful, but because of hormones. Thus, sexologists note that many women are emotionally sensitive to hormonal fluctuations in the menstrual cycle. During the PMS period, three to four days before the start of menstruation, we are irritable and may notice a loss of interest in sex. Tell your partner about this and suggest not to try to deceive nature, but to build a sexual schedule so that intimacy occurs from the 3-4th to the 15-16th day from the beginning of menstruation. Men love numbers and this explanation will completely satisfy him.
via GIPHY
What to do if you refuse a man and he is offended?
If a girl refuses a man, and he is offended, nothing needs to be done. Let him survive this with dignity. Out of respect for the person, try to catch his eye less often until your feelings cool down.
No need:
- have sex with him;
- hug him, touch him;
- explain at length and in detail that he is a great guy.
The above actions give hope. Even if a guy asks for them, it’s better not to humiliate him by indulging in primitive weaknesses. There is no more pathetic and ridiculous sight than a guy who is unable to handle rejection with dignity.
Make your position clear
If you have been put, as they say, in a position (in a figurative sense for now), forcing you to choose between sex and separation, this only means that the time has come to clearly and categorically state your position, without resorting to sugary-tender explanations, which was advised in the first point. Care less about how inflexible or even rude you appear
.
Don't forget: the main thing for you now is your lack of desire for sex tonight (or in the next few evenings as well). Finally, you can cut off all the loose ends by noting that you are not interested in a relationship with a guy who does not respect your opinion.
Cheat a little
If your husband decides to retire with you in the bedroom during daylight hours, and there is absolutely no mood, you should resort to a little trick. Say that guests will come to you soon, and then arrange a visit with someone you know. If you cannot urgently implement such an idea, then tell them to cancel the visit. By this time, the heated spouse should have cooled down noticeably.
However, extreme caution should be exercised in this method. It’s one thing to manipulate people you barely know, and quite another to manipulate your own husband. If your spouse finds out that you deceived him, it could end very badly. This advice should only be used in a particularly urgent case, when a woman really feels bad, but cannot reach her husband.
Have a conversation at the right time
Choose a convenient time. You should not communicate at a tense moment for the boss. You may have an idea of his schedule, but it’s best to check with your assistant about his availability. Depending on the culture and communication practices of the office, ask if the manager has a few minutes to talk.
• Have the conversation in private if your work situation allows it.
• Consider the specifics of a particular day (how busy the boss is, whether he might be irritated).
• When a conversation needs to be held in the first part of the day, it is better to choose a time for this before lunch.
• If you know that the boss comes to work early, try to “catch” him while there are no other employees.
Communication on serious topics
If you avoid frivolous talk during a meeting, you will have a better chance of avoiding an indecent proposal. When it comes to you, let the man understand that such behavior towards a girl is unacceptable. Most representatives of the stronger sex will not offer sex to a lady on the first date, who tries to stick to serious communication and does not give even the slightest hint of flirting. If a man stops writing to you after such a date, then he does not deserve your attention.
