Social phobes worry excessively about what others think of them.
Introverts prefer to be themselves, instead of thinking “what Princess Marya Alekseevna will say.” They are self-sufficient and in most cases are not prone to perfectionism.
For people suffering from social phobia, any appearance in society is an attempt to meet certain standards and look better than they really are.
They say to themselves: “I should not remain silent during a conversation, as if I have nothing to say,” or “When talking with the owner, I should say something entertaining and witty.” Social phobics spend so much time and energy trying to impress and cope with anxiety that they are unable to focus on the conversation itself, gain useful information, or enjoy the interaction.
How can I tell if I’m a social phobe or just don’t know how to communicate?
Social phobia is often confused with introversion and sociopathy, but these three concepts mean fundamentally different states and personality traits. THE GREAT TRIO: INTROVERT, SOCIOPATH, SOCIOPHOBUS
Introversion is a person’s tendency to focus on his inner world and restore strength in solitude. It is believed that an extrovert is energized by communicating with others, while an introvert, on the contrary, spends energy. A psychologically healthy introvert does not often need to communicate, but at the same time does not experience stress from the need to talk to someone.
Sociopathy (dissocial personality disorder) is antisocial behavior. A sociopath is not afraid of other people, has an extremely limited ability to form attachments, and follows social norms only as long as it benefits him.
And finally, social phobia is characterized by an irrational fear of communication and the attention of others.
If we take examples from movies and TV series, Walter White from Breaking Bad is an example of an introvert, Sherlock Holmes played by Cumberbatch is a sociopath, and Eliot Alderson from the TV series Mister Robot is a social phobe.
So, if a person likes to spend time alone, does not experience negative experiences, refusing to attend parties and meet with friends, then he is an introvert. A sociophobe can also be an extrovert, experience a passionate desire to communicate and be in a circle of people, and at the same time feel an irrational fear of communication and evaluation of others.
Are you afraid of public speaking? Do you avoid noisy companies and new acquaintances? This article will help you understand your worries and find solutions.
There is a lot of material on the Internet dedicated to social phobia or, as it is also called, social anxiety disorder. Therefore, if you type into a search engine “I’m afraid to speak,” “I’m scared to go to a party,” or “I can’t meet people,” then you’re more likely to get articles about social anxiety. But this does not mean that you need to attribute this rather serious mental illness to yourself.
Yes, social phobia is indeed a disease. It belongs to the group of neurotic disorders and has been studied by psychiatrists for a long time (the first descriptions of this disorder date back to the mid-19th century). During this period, many studies have accumulated, according to which, 13% of people have experienced symptoms of social phobia at least once, and 2.5% live in this state constantly .
Unfortunately, people who are far from psychiatry sometimes find it difficult to accept the fact that social phobia, like other anxiety spectrum disorders, is indeed a disease. Such rejection and advice to “get the crap out of your head” or “pull yourself together” do not benefit social phobics, and sometimes make the situation even worse.
It is difficult to blame ordinary people for this approach - it is quite easy to believe that a person has hallucinations with schizophrenia or psychosis, although a healthy person has never experienced this himself. But to believe that another cannot ask a stranger the time on the street is already more difficult. Therefore, many people tend to think that social phobia is a convenient excuse for lazy people.
CAUSES OF SOCIOPHOBIA
Social anxiety disorder, like any disease, has its causes, symptoms and treatments.
The causes of social phobia usually go back to childhood, which makes them difficult to find. This could be an incorrect parenting strategy, a strong negative experience, or bullying at school.
Understanding the causes is one of the conditions for healing, therefore the main method of treating social phobia is working with a psychotherapist. A psychiatrist may also prescribe pills to relieve symptoms.
SYMPTOMS OF SOCIAL PHOBIA
Symptoms of social phobia can manifest in different ways. This can also be a very specific manifestation - for example, a person may be embarrassed to eat in the presence of other people, afraid to use a public toilet, speak in public or make phone calls, but cope with other tasks normally.
At the same time, even the thought of possible communication can cause discomfort - on a physiological level, a person is sweating, his cheeks are red, his heart is pounding. These unpleasant physical manifestations force a person to avoid future situations that provoke anxiety.
Trying to reassure a social phobia person with the phrases “look, they all treat you well” does not work.
The disease provokes “selective blindness”: he understands and accepts facts that fit the patient’s distorted vision of the world, but he does not hear, does not understand, and rejects those arguments that could calm him down. Thus, they see anger, hatred, and condemnation from others towards themselves even when they are not there, but they do not notice positive emotions towards themselves.
At the same time, the need for recognition, approval and communication in people suffering from social anxiety disorder does not go away. But in order to make an attempt to join the team, a social phobe needs to overcome obsessive fear and turn off the voice in his head that constantly repeats that others are hostile.
This means that when communicating, social phobes practically do not feel feedback, so they can accidentally violate other people’s boundaries and face a very real negative reaction. What convinces them even more of the need for alienation is a vicious circle.
A social phobe also experiences a decreased sense of empathy towards others. So, from the outside it may seem that the person himself makes the decision to distance himself from people, that he is not interested in everyday everyday conversations about grades, new TV series or prices for iPhones. Moreover, the social phobe himself may quite sincerely think that others are not very interesting to him.
However, scientists have proven that talking about nonsense is more important than it seems. At these moments, the so-called mirror neurons are activated in the brain, which are responsible for the emergence of empathy in humans (mirror neurons were described in the 1990s by a group of Italian scientists as neurons responsible in animals for imitative behavior and learning from the example of elders).
People, discussing everyday little things, thereby communicate to each other about the ability to experience and share feelings. Social phobes stop feeling the need to have such conversations precisely because of their avoidant behavior. The activity of their mirror neurons decreases, as does their level of empathy in general.
Avoidant behavior leads people with social anxiety disorder to engage in specific lifestyle behaviors. They often experience problems with finding work, with addictions, and with leaving home.
Unfortunately, people with such problems rarely seek help and only when, in addition to social phobia, they also have other neurotic disorders. Over time, the symptoms of social anxiety tend to worsen, which leads to even greater isolation and can lead to other serious problems.
If you notice the symptoms described above, it is better to play it safe and seek advice from a specialist, or talk about your experiences to an adult you trust.
Communication problems identified and worked through in the early stages will help you become more confident in communication issues. This means you will be less anxious when communicating with other people, which in turn will reduce the likelihood of developing real social phobia.
Social phobes practice “safe behavior”
People with social anxiety often blame themselves for their lack of social skills. They say: “I don’t know how to carry on a conversation,” “I’m so awkward.” Due to lack of self-confidence, they resort to “safe behavior”: hiding their eyes, speaking too quietly, smiling all the time and speaking in an ingratiating tone.
According to Helen Hendriksen, these people simply underestimate themselves. They are excellent listeners because they try to talk less about themselves.
If social anxiety is keeping you from functioning normally, try making changes.
- Get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to do what you are most afraid of.
- Put an end to “safe behavior”: look the other person in the eyes, speak loudly and clearly enough.
- Shift your attention to external things: instead of worrying about how you look and what they think of you, look at the people around you, listen to the conversation and express your opinion.
Social phobes avoid personal communication, but introverts do not
Social phobes try to minimize any contact. It is much easier for them to communicate through correspondence in instant messengers, social networks or by phone than in person. A person who takes the initiative and wants to get to know a social phobe causes an aggressive or simply negative reaction. A social phobe views this behavior as an invasion of personal space.
Introverts welcome it when others take the initiative and are the first to make contact. Introverts are not against meeting new people.
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Recommended tests
Along with this task, the following tests are taken on the site:
- How susceptible are you to stress ?
- A manipulator or inspirer by nature.
- selfish ?
- Is the person prone to suicide?
- How developed are your ability to listen and hear your interlocutor ?
- Do you know how to set and defend personal boundaries ?
Each of these tests will benefit you in further work on yourself.
Fear of being judged by others
A person with social anxiety avoids criticism and condemnation in every possible way, and is afraid of ridicule (real, and more often imaginary), and humiliation from others. He is afraid of looking stupid, worries about what someone will think about him and how. Extremely dependent on what the impression of him will be. The stronger the social anxiety, the stronger the fear of contact.
But an introvert is not at all afraid of receiving criticism. Anxiety and fear do not interfere with his communication.
Connection with sociopaths
Sociopaths are a real threat to society, because their behavior is immoral and aggressive, dictated by the desire to violate all social foundations and norms of society. Psychiatry classifies sociopathy as a dangerous personality disorder. Social phobes and introverts differ from sociopaths and misanthropes in that they do not want to break the norms of behavior and morality, or cross the ethical boundaries of society.
List of Important Differences
Science says that people are born introverts, but become social phobics. Introversion is an innate personality trait, while social phobia is an acquired disorder. It should be noted that a social phobe can even be an extrovert in character. This combination brings, perhaps, even greater discomfort into the difficult life of a social phobia. Introversion as a character trait fits more “successfully” into the everyday world of a person who is afraid of the people around him.
If for an introvert, solitude is simply necessary for moral relaxation, then for a social phobe, solitude does not always seem like manna from heaven, because many of them are not against human company, but cannot afford to re-feel the awkwardness, regret and subsequent natural disappointment of being in society. Protecting a social phobia from society only reduces the level of his anxiety, but often does not bring any joy.
Causes of misanthropy
Misanthrope, what does it mean? This is not a disease, but simply a character trait that gives a person its own characteristics. Why people become misanthropes will be described below.
Cause:
- High level of intelligence. An intelligent person is looking for someone like him to communicate and discuss complex topics. Many are not ready to listen to discussions about quantum physics or the complex relationships between fathers and children. Because of this, misanthropes are not ready to communicate with less intelligent people, irritated by their stupidity. It is better to avoid contact with them.
- An intelligent person with a fine mental organization becomes a victim of ridicule.
- Destroyed childhood ideals also influence the formation of a special opinion.
- Lack of self-love affects the formation of character. The immoral misanthrope appears as a result of self-dislike. If he doesn’t like what he sees in the mirror, and those around him also talk about his shortcomings, then it’s better to isolate himself from them and start hating everyone.
Having found some signs of a misanthrope in yourself, you should not immediately label it. The fact that you are dissatisfied with yourself and avoid people does not mean that you hate people. Sometimes there is simply a difficult period in life, prolonged depression or general despondency, which passes over time.
Work for misanthropes
The best job for a misanthrope is one that allows you to minimize unwanted contact with people, their weaknesses and mistakes. Of course, many individuals of this type value freelancing and remote employment. Also suitable are options that, in principle, do not require contact with others - such as a forester, a security guard, a truck driver, etc. Such a person can work in a team, provided that each member is strictly engaged in their own tasks, and direct joint activities are kept to a minimum.
What is it and the main symptoms of social phobia
Social phobia is a mental disorder that is characterized by a recurring, intense fear of being in and out of society in various situations, either in an active or passive role. A feeling of threat and suspicion appears.
The word comes from an abbreviation of the phrase "social phobia." Initially, it was a derivative of two words: the Latin “socius” (common, joint) and the Greek “φόβος” (fear). Essentially, it is fear of society.
As with all illnesses, symptoms may vary depending on the individual, the cause, and the level of severity. But in general, social phobia is the following symptoms :
- expecting the worst;
- fear;
- irritability;
- internal tension;
- anxiety;
- severe anxiety;
- feeling of déjà vu;
- feeling of fear;
- decreased concentration.
Manifestations of social phobia at the physical level include:
- tachycardia;
- increased blood pressure;
- shortness of breath;
- nausea;
- headache;
- shiver;
- muscle weakness;
- increased sweating.
