Midlife crisis in men and women, age-related crises in children

General information

Many people at a certain period experience a so-called midlife crisis, usually associated with a revaluation of life experience.
A similar psychological state can be observed both at 30 and at 60 years of age. This is a kind of transitional period when a person seems to have already missed many opportunities, and at the same time old age is very close. Developmental psychology is such that the onset of such a period is observed at different ages in different people. And for some, such experiences are completely uncharacteristic. Each person experiences moments of crisis in their own way. Some ignore their responsibilities and indulge in entertainment, others fall into a depressed state.

Despite the fact that previously this term was applied only to men, now psychologists are also talking about a midlife crisis in women.

Currently, this concept defines psychological, physical, and social problems that are observed in representatives of both sexes. More often, such manifestations are observed among residents of large cities, as well as among those whose professions are related to creativity.

What age-related crises are typical for people during life, how this condition can be diagnosed, and also what to do if the person himself or his loved ones encounter such manifestations will be discussed in this article.

Trouble for the obedient

Many young people, accustomed to being exemplary children and students, practically do not change after coming of age. They continue to be good boys and carefully fulfill social requirements. It seems to them that if they do everything well and on time, then their life will be easy, calm, and familiar. As a rule, such young men and women succeed in further studies at universities and colleges, but at the same time they are often perceived by their classmates as “nerds” and nerds who are not liked.

But lazy people and partygoers who prefer fun parties to studying feel at ease in society. They hone their communication skills at different parties, make useful connections, which allows them to become more successful in the future. Unfortunately, former excellent students break down faster than poor students when they come face to face with real life. They develop skills that allow them to behave correctly and be liked by society. Very often, such people become victims of office intrigue, because they do not know how to get out of difficult situations and put presumptuous colleagues in their place.

Pathogenesis

Age-related crises in psychology are defined as periods of transition from one age stage to another. A number of such crises occur in a person’s life. Certain age-related crises in women and men are accompanied by the fact that the previous system of relations with the outside world collapses and a new one is built. Consequently, age-related crises in men and women are a difficult period for both a person and his loved ones.

There are different theories regarding the pathogenesis of the midlife crisis. One of them indicates that in middle age a person develops developmental tasks, which can be solved by certain skills and abilities. If the crisis ends well, peace of mind and certain new experiences emerge. The main task is to make a choice between stagnation and generativity (the spread of interests beyond the limits of one’s well-being). If the second option is realized, the person identifies himself with other people and his descendants. Consequently, the problem of the meaning of life is at least partially solved. When choosing stagnation, a person resigns himself to the usual way of existence. As a result, this can lead to depression and disappointment in the future.

Who will help?

Not the most comforting news for women during this period: the main burden of maintaining relationships and families falls on their shoulders. In the practice of counseling couples, it is not uncommon for a man to initiate work with a psychologist, and he is ready to act to save the family. But if a woman does not support the overall process, then the marriage may be doomed.

During this period, the need for external assistance sometimes arises. Of course, it’s good if each of you has wise and ready-to-listen friends. But a good way is to get professional help from a psychologist. It is not always necessary to do this together: if one of the two does not want, that is his right. Working with one of the spouses can also be effective. It allows you to realize your own mistakes and limitations. Accepting personal responsibility and increasing awareness changes relationships in the family as a system.

Classification

Speaking about crisis periods in a person’s life, scientists, first of all, highlight the crises of childhood. They are determined by the characteristics of mental development during periods of age-related crises in children. Different experts classify them differently. But in general, the table of childhood crises looks like this:

Child's 1st year crisis . During this period, the infant period of development ends. A 1-year crisis can last up to six months. Developmental psychology during this period is such that the child gradually becomes more independent - he learns to walk and talk.
Three year old crisis . At this time, the child begins to see his own “I” more clearly. At the age of 3, a child’s desire for independence is typical. During this period, the child may be stubborn, protest, and jealous.
Crisis of 7 years in a child . The crises of children of primary school age are associated with the formation of his social role. A 7-year-old child gradually begins to realize his role in social relations. Accordingly, when a child’s 7-year-old crisis manifests itself, his age-related psychology is such that values are gradually overestimated. Children's spontaneity is lost, the child can be capricious, sometimes he withdraws into himself. Children of primary school age often seem uncontrollable. During this period, they develop their own inner life.
Adolescence crisis . Develops at approximately 11-13 years of age. The crisis of adolescence in psychology is defined as a period of protest against upbringing and lifestyle in general. The teenager experiences manifestations of internal conflict due to the fact that adults do not accept the teenager’s claims to adulthood. The crisis of adolescence can be manifested by appropriate behavior, conflicts with adults, etc.
Middle age crisis . Both the midlife crisis in men and women manifests itself in different people at different periods of life. Speaking about when the midlife crisis begins in men and how long this period lasts, it should be noted that these indicators depend on character, lifestyle and other factors.

Some researchers classify crisis periods of adulthood more broadly. Thus, US expert Gail Sheehy defines the following periods in adult life:

20-22 years (for some, this period begins at 18 years old) - a person moves to early adulthood and “breaks away” from his parents. Gradually, men and women develop individuality and realize their life plans.
30 years - during this period a person moves to middle adulthood. At this time, the highest performance is noted, but the person is worried about the discrepancy between what he wants and what is available.
40 years - during this period, the midlife crisis in women and men is associated with a change in attitude towards what previously seemed very important. A person realizes the loss of youth and worries about it.

At the same time, G. Sheehy speaks about the specificity of life crises in women, since their lives are more connected with their family.

Features of crises

The peculiarities of each crisis lie in the vividness of their experience. Let us consider separately the features of crises for children and adults.

For children

Childhood crises manifest themselves as emotional outbursts, disobedience, and protest behavior. All this is not his personal attitude towards people. This is how the child shows misunderstanding and resistance to the changes taking place; he undergoes a mental restructuring and adaptation to a new social role. As soon as the child acquires the necessary skills and develops the mental neoplasms necessary for his age, the crisis ends.

Causes

The development of a midlife crisis may be due to a number of reasons.

Physiological reasons . During the period when a person shows signs of crisis, the first manifestations of physiological aging are noted. This natural process is accompanied by external changes, the development and exacerbation of chronic diseases, and weakening of vital functions. This leads to uncertainty about the future, nervousness, and depression. A person gradually realizes that those things that he could easily do in his youth are now not given to him without difficulty. At this time, bad habits often appear and become stable: alcohol abuse, smoking. At the same time, the person realizes that he would like to get rid of these habits, and the fight against them leads to a depressive state.
Psychological reasons . In middle age, a person experiences a certain transition between youth and old age. This leads to a reassessment of values and the meaning of life. When you feel that life goals were set incorrectly, dissatisfaction appears. At the same time, physiological characteristics and the realization that at this age not everything can be done do not allow you to change your life. As a result, constant worries about this appear, a depressive state develops,
Social reasons . Social relationships significantly influence a person’s internal state. Family relationships are very important in this context. Those who have them harmoniously are less susceptible to crisis manifestations. But if there are constant problems in the family or loneliness, and friendly and professional relationships do not work out, this can cause depression.

The following factors can influence the development of a crisis state:

Tendency to depression , hypochondria , anxiety , immaturity of personality.
Poor physical health, chronic diseases.
Family problems.
Difficulties in social communication, problems with finances.
Professional burnout.

Where to go for help?

Three specialists treat depression in older adolescents:

clinical psychologist;
psychotherapist;
psychiatrist.

It is better to contact a children's expert who specializes in this age group. If you cannot find a suitable doctor, then you should choose a psychiatrist who specializes in depression in adults.

If the main method in treating depression in children is art therapy, then when working with older teenagers it is conversation. Art therapy can be used as an aid.

Conversations take place in the context of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy . The goal of the work is to identify destructive attitudes and beliefs and replace them with positive attitudes, to work through traumas. In addition, family and group psychotherapy is indicated.

Attention! Depending on the type of depression and the severity of the client's condition, medications may be prescribed. If the doctor determines that the teenager is dangerous to himself and to other people, he will be sent to hospital treatment.

Examples of reasons for this: suicide attempts, self-harm, aggression towards other people.

If you do not yet have the opportunity to seek help from a private specialist or a clinic at your place of residence, then use psychological assistance services (all anonymously, confidentially and free):

8-800-2000-122 – helpline for children, teenagers and their parents . More details on the official website.
“Help is Near” – psychological assistance for children and adolescents. Online chat with a psychologist or correspondence by mail, useful articles and links to other resources.
“Your Territory” – support for teenagers and young people under 23 years of age. Help is provided via online chat or by mail.
"I am a parent" – a site for parents and children where you can consult with a psychologist and specialist in teenage career guidance.
You can also find a psychological center in your city through the website to personally seek help.
And here you will find a lot of useful materials and answers from a psychologist to questions from other parents.

According to WHO, suicide is the third leading cause of death for people aged 15 to 19 years. Don’t let the situation get to this point – seek help.

Important! Until the age of 18, psychotherapist sessions are carried out in the presence of the child’s parent or alone (doctor and teenager), but with the permission of the parent.

Symptoms of a midlife crisis

According to research, symptoms of a midlife crisis do not always appear in men and women. Moreover, it is precisely the belief that at about 40 years of age a certain crisis should be observed that leads to the fact that a person experiences some of the symptoms of this condition.

In general, the crisis state in women and men is manifested by the following signs:

There is a strong desire to improve your appearance and physical fitness.
A person strives to play sports and practices extreme sports.
Symptoms of a midlife crisis in women often manifest themselves as sudden changes in appearance - a woman can change her hairstyle or hair color. Women often undergo cosmetic procedures for the purpose of rejuvenation. Both women and men often buy a lot of new fashionable clothes during this period.
In both men and women, the symptoms of this condition are associated with the desire to eat right, follow a diet, and take dietary supplements.
There is a feeling of dissatisfaction when thinking about your own achievements.
From time to time, a man or woman compares himself with other people who have achieved more.
Previously favorite activities seem boring, and your job and career may not satisfy you.
Irritability and sudden attacks of anger often appear.
Problems with sleep appear - insomnia or, conversely, constant drowsiness and fatigue.
Memory problems and deterioration of cognitive abilities are noted.
The person becomes more emotional and stressed.
An unexpected interest appears in painting, poetry, or styles of music that were not previously of interest.
A person begins to be interested in religion and philosophy.
Thoughts about old age and death often come, and episodes from childhood are also often recalled.

The following manifestations are typical for a midlife crisis:

irritability;
anxiety;
uneven mood;
feeling of loneliness;
pessimism;
conflict;
prostration;
constant thoughts about your life;
a feeling of futility, sometimes hopelessness.

What should parents do: advice from a psychologist

What parents should do:

Offer professional help. If the child refuses to go to a specialist, then give him the contacts of anonymous help services.
Unobtrusively suggest: “If you want to talk to someone, they will help you here.”
Offer your support . Say that you are willing to listen and help in any way you can.
Stay close . Your willingness to help should be felt not only in words, but also in deeds.
Believe the child . No matter what terrible things he says (“I want to die,” “I was raped”), believe it. And then understand the essence of the situation.
Help your teenager find his place in the world. Teach him to realize himself using socially approved methods, help the teenager understand and realize his potential.
For example, a teenager can find himself in sports. This is not only an exciting hobby, but also a tool for maintaining mental and physical health. Sport helps fight stress much better than alcohol.
Read also: Disappointment in people is not a reason to “get involved” with them
Listen to the young man’s opinion, involve him in social life . Find a joint hobby, help meet friends.

What not to do (this does not help, but harms the teenager’s condition):

ridicule the teenager and brush aside his problems (“Well, yes, of course, depression. You are lazy, not depressed,” “What kind of fashion do you have, inventing diagnoses for yourself”);
ignore his requests for help and a visit to a psychologist;
load yourself with work and study so that “you don’t fill your head with nonsense”;
punish for aggression or other unwanted behavior, absent-mindedness.

It is also important not to become infected with the teenager’s condition.
Experts at Northwestern University in Illinois have determined that many parents cannot remain indifferent when they hear about a teenager's experiences or see his anxiety - they live it inside themselves. Some parents even become depressed themselves.

Important! It is unacceptable to engage in self-diagnosis and self-medication! If you suspect depression, consult a psychiatrist immediately!

Treatment with folk remedies

Folk remedies can become auxiliary methods aimed at overcoming anxiety and generally strengthening the body.

It is recommended to regularly drink herbal teas, which may include valerian, mint, chamomile, yarrow, lemon balm, strawberry, etc.
A decoction of rose hips, hawthorn, and cranberry juice is useful.
It is recommended to consume honey before bed, which helps normalize sleep.
Remedy with dried fruits. Mix equal parts of dried apricots, prunes, raisins and walnuts (100 g each), chop everything and add 50 g of honey. Store the product in the refrigerator, use 1 tbsp. l. 2-3 times a day.

General recommendations for parents

Regardless of the period of the age crisis, you must follow the following recommendations in order to help your child survive the crisis:

Set rules and show by example how to follow them.
Allow them to learn from their own mistakes, but do not allow the child’s life to become a threat.
Create a daily routine that you can maintain with him.
Do not raise your voice at the child and try to replace demands with requests.
Do not allow yourself to criticize relatives, nannies and teachers in the presence of your child.
Do not panic and do not condemn the chosen option for raising a child.
Pay more attention, but do not create total control over the child. Help with chores and homework.
Learn to respect the child's opinion and position. If you disagree, provide credible evidence for your position.

Remember that a crisis at every age has its own characteristics that must be taken into account to maintain mutual understanding and mutual respect with the child. Each child has its own signs of an age-related crisis, however, by following the recommendations, you can help your child on the path to forming his personality.

Prevention

Basic tips for preventing a midlife crisis are as follows:

Get rid of bad habits.
Eat as healthily as possible. The diet should be dominated by vegetables and fruits.
Play sports and walk outdoors as much as possible.
Communicate more with people who inspire and give positive emotions.
Learn to think positively and find as many pleasant moments in life as possible.
Try to maintain a friendly and warm atmosphere in the family.

What will help?

Of course, every family's situation is unique. It is necessary to take into account the age of the spouses, personal characteristics, activity, involvement in family life, hobbies, psychosexual type and much more. But if we talk about the possibility of giving general recommendations, then they could be like this.

A crisis is an opportunity.
You can raise topics that you have been silent about for years, talk more openly about your desires and expectations. By engaging in confrontation, you increase the degree of communication, which helps you concentrate on each other, and not on external objects. You should not treat the crisis as the beginning of the end. See it as an opportunity to reach the next level.
Sense of humor.
You will need it more than ever! In the most difficult moments, try to describe them from a humorous point of view, like a feuilleton. Don't forget that laughing together is a wonderful way to accumulate general positive emotions and discharge negative ones. Watch family comedies from the lives of mature couples, recognize yourself in the types and situations and laugh heartily!
Get to know each other again.
Do you both feel like this is a complete stranger in front of you? Well, good: get rid of boredom! It's time to get to know each other again. Play a game of truth or dare where you can ask each other questions that will reveal a new side to your characters. Watch each other. In general - talk, communicate, be interested!
Leisure: together and separately.
It is very important that a woman sometimes spends time with her friends, just as a man spends time in his own circle. Then you return refreshed, with new impressions and are ready to continue the relationship. Remember that giving up your personal hobbies is not valor. But joint leisure is no less important, as it saturates the marriage with new positive impressions. Therefore, going to the theater, going for a walk, or traveling is finally possible together, without children!
Sex - yes!
Sexual life is one of the foundations of marriage. As long as it persists and creates satisfaction, the marriage has a strong foundation. There's no need for exotic things now: the time for sex in an elevator may be over. During this period, people, as a rule, already prefer convenience and comfort. But you again have a lot of time to be together, outside of the every-minute worries about the children.
Appearance is important!
For women, this is a time for pleasant restorative procedures, thoughtful shopping, and honing their image. Be sure to upgrade your wardrobe (especially at home). There is no need for provocative ruffles and feathers - they can scare an unprepared man. But an attractive and well-groomed appearance is required. You may also need to think about what your husband looks like. Can you be sexually attracted to sweatpants with cute holes and a tank top? If not, it's time to create an image for your husband that could make him more attractive in your eyes. Get rid of the idea that if you look good, you will definitely be taken away. After all, the fire in a wife’s eyes is a wonderful aphrodisiac for a husband. And as a “side effect” - the disappearance of thoughts about going to the left.

Diet

Diet for the nervous system

Efficacy: therapeutic effect after 2 months
Timing: constantly
Cost of food: 1700-1800 rubles per week

Nutrition should be as varied and healthy as possible. It is important not only to eat healthy food, but also to try to structure your diet so that the dishes are tasty and enjoyable.

The menu should include the following products and dishes:

Rose hip decoction, citrus fruits, sauerkraut.
Nuts, seeds, sea fish.
Lean meat.
Cereals, cereals.
Green vegetables.
Honey, dried fruits.

It is advisable to drink less coffee and strong tea, and keep alcohol to a minimum.