It happens in both men and women, but the manifestations are slightly different. A crisis occurs from 35 to 55 years. Age depends on many parameters, in particular, on mental characteristics.
We will talk about the symptoms, signs and causes of a midlife crisis in the article.
What is the essence of the phenomenon?
Most often, a crisis is associated with a reassessment of one’s life.
The understanding comes that many opportunities have been missed, half of life has passed. A crisis can be defined as a period of emotional turmoil. At this time, many decide to radically change their lives .
Sometimes non-standard actions are performed, for example, a person begins to pay more attention to entertainment, finds a new hobby, or moves to another country. This period accounts for a large number of divorces and betrayals.
Middle age is a time of reassessment of values and summing up. Health is no longer as strong as in youth, which causes additional concern. Chronic diseases and fatigue appear.
But a person does not want to come to terms with the fact that life turns to old age. Thoughts about death are frightening, so I want to live life to the fullest and enjoy it .
Initially, the term “midlife crisis” was applied to men, because it manifests itself quite clearly in them. But the problem does not bypass the weak half of humanity.
Men pay more attention to problems at work, in the family, and in health. Personal life, beauty, and health are important for women.
Is it all the wife's fault?
At the age of forty, a man's suffering is concentrated on his potency and intimate achievements. Self-identification suffers, because, as you and I already know, the phallus for him is a symbol of success and victory, well-being and masculine strength.
He is absolutely sure that his relationship with his wife has outlived its usefulness, his feelings have evaporated, and only duty remains. A sense of duty is what inspires a man the least in his forties. A sense of duty cannot make him happy, rather the opposite. Therefore, during a crisis, a man claims that his wife tortured him; it is she who does not give him the opportunity to breathe deeply and feel young. The marital bed grows cold. And the wife is “to blame” for this too.
A man feels that no one understands him, he is endlessly lonely, everyone needs something from him, but no one needs him. He can become sentimental, shed tears. The very fact of tears, self-pity and sentimentality become for a man a sign of intolerable unhappiness: “If I cried, then life is truly terrible.”
The following text can be printed out and attached with a magnet to the refrigerator, so as not to bother your spouse with “composing” the reasons for dissatisfaction and disappointment.
- You have become unsexy and uninteresting. Like a man in a skirt.
- There is nothing to talk about with you, you have no interests except household chores and your girlfriends.
- You no longer understand me, I am completely alone in my family.
- You don’t play sports, so you look blurry and flabby.
- You are only busy with your career and rags.
- You are treating me like a consumer.
- I need freedom, and you are constantly spying on me.
- I worked all my life, now I want to live for myself.
- There are a lot of problems at home, this is how you raised your children! I was busy with work, earning money. It’s unclear what you were doing.
- You always talk to me with metal in your voice.
- I'm an idiot for putting up with all this! I have one life!
- Don't pester me with stupid questions! You still won't understand what's wrong with me.
How does it manifest itself at different stages and stages?
A crisis is not just a certain period, it goes through several stages:
- Depression . There is a revision of life attitudes. There is an understanding that not everything that one would like has been realized or that a person has not succeeded in a particular area. The result is self-flagellation, apathy, depression. The consequence is the development of depression.
- Anger . A very important emotion in the process of successfully overcoming a crisis. Helps you mobilize, defend your boundaries, desires, and needs. This stage is unpleasant for loved ones. The personality becomes conflicted, irritated, and, as a rule, close people are chosen as the culprits. A man breaks down for any reason, can start drinking alcohol, show extravagance, and provoke quarrels.
- Reclusion . There is a need for solitude. The person begins to avoid meeting with friends and relatives, withdraws, does not like conversations, gets angry when they demand communication from him, and drinks alcohol alone.
- Terminal . The personality is transformed, the person becomes completely different. It is at this time that a man decides to radically change his life: leave for another job, move away, get a divorce, change his social circle.
- Adoption . The end of a difficult period. A decision has been made on how to move forward. Calm comes. What used to irritate no longer evokes such strong emotions.
The concept of a midlife crisis was introduced by the Canadian scientist Jacques Elliott. At first it was believed that this was a purely male problem. However, crises also happen to women, but they take a slightly different form.
The need for recognition by the head of the family
There are several reasons for this - and they are not comparable to the causes of an identity crisis.
Firstly, this is the age of summing up. If a man considers himself successful by the age of forty, that is, his social ambitions are satisfied, then he is a winner. And the winner requires a reward and a pedestal, and thunderous applause, and admiring glances. The man is a hero! His family is fine, everything is in its place. He fulfills the role of head of the family, in his opinion, perfectly. He has hobbies, his own circle of friends, and the external attributes of success. The world simply must admire his achievements. And who inhabits this world? Did his wife, who went with him all the way through his formation, see both his “broken nose” and despair? She has long stopped praising and admiring her husband, and treats his successes as something completely natural. Sometimes he will say: “You’re great! We also need this…” and will calmly continue the conversation about family needs. These are not the “copper pipes” that male pride craves, oh, not those!
Perhaps the father is admired by his children, who have reached adolescence by his fortieth birthday? I can already see your smile, we won’t even discuss it. Everything is clear here.
So who will appreciate the hero’s feat? Who will look at him with loving eyes, full of admiration and delight? You know this too! Young women captivated by the image of the “alpha male”. And the point here is not that the man was drawn to exchange “his old forty-year-old wife for two young twenty-year-olds.” And not that he is corrupted or corrupted. He needs success like air! And the wife is in no hurry with the laurel wreath - or appears at the wrong time and inappropriately. And there are so many enthusiastic girls around... “If not now, then when?” - the man thinks. He is haunted by the question: “What am I worth in life?” - and a person does not look for an answer from colleagues and friends, this is a passed stage. He needs the admiration of women. Now the main thing for him is the attitude towards his powerful personality.
What are the causes?
Psychologists name several reasons for the emergence of a midlife crisis:
- Due to biological changes, particularly in men, there is a need to recognize the importance of social priorities over intimate ones.
- There is a reorientation from physical activity to mental activity.
- Formation of emotional flexibility. In the second half of life, the usual way of life may be destroyed, friends and relatives may be lost.
- An understanding of the inevitability of death comes, and the person concentrates on this problem.
- Problems in personal life and work are getting worse.
- Loss of health. A person must learn to redirect his attention not to ailments, but to social interests.
- There is a need to develop mental flexibility.
The impetus for the development of a crisis can be:
- children growing up, leaving home,
- job loss,
- the appearance of chronic or severe diseases that are associated with approaching old age.
Communication and relationships with aging parents also play a role. A person notices what transformations are happening to them. The situation is aggravated if the parents are frail, there are problems with intelligence and self-care.
What can cause manifestations and signs to increase or, conversely, decrease?
If a person has not been able to self-actualize, goals have not been achieved, or problems are observed in the financial sphere, then the crisis may manifest itself more clearly. The stability of the nervous system and the ability to cope with stress are also important.
The crisis intensifies if loved ones do not understand what is happening to the person, do not try to support him, and aggravate conflict situations.
Can smooth out the course of the crisis:
- new hobby,
- self-realization,
- understanding where to move next.
Employment, a favorite job, financial stability, the presence of people nearby who can support - these moments make the crisis easier.
Dangers of crisis
By reevaluating their lives, people change. Devastation, a fierce desire to change everything at once can lead to irreversible consequences. But all this is unlikely to bring relief. So, why is the crisis of 40 years dangerous?
- Inappropriate, thoughtless actions.
- Conflict situations in the family.
- Depression.
- Divorce.
- Job loss.
- Alcoholism or development of other addictions.
- Distance from friends and relatives or complete severance of relations with them.
- Psychosomatic disorders.
Why is it important to understand what is happening?
A crisis is a turning point in life. Knowing the reasons allows you to reduce its manifestations and go through a difficult period more effectively. In many cases, professional help is not required.
If a person understands what is happening to him and why, he can adjust his life, avoid mistakes, for example, do not abruptly leave his family.
If unpleasant symptoms appear:
- depression,
- insomnia,
- severe irritability
- loss of meaning in life,
then it is better to consult a psychologist.
Appearance and problems with it caused by aging
Appearance and its fading is one of the most painful issues for a woman at 40 years old. Men pay attention to young girls, it’s stupid to deny this fact.
Here are tips from psychologists on how to rehabilitate your attitude and sense of your own attractiveness:
- Do not compare yourself with your friends and other women; each has its own strengths and weaknesses. Constantly thinking about it is not constructive.
- Not trying to look younger, selflessly injecting drugs into facial tissue, or trying to wear clothes that were made for teenagers - such behavior does not inspire respect from the outside.
- Consult a stylist or read articles about what colors and styles of clothing are in fashion for women over forty.
- Exercise regularly at home or go to the gym. Sports will help not only keep muscle tissue in good shape and not gain excess weight, but also feel cheerful and efficient.
What do you need to know?
Not only the person himself, but his loved ones need to know about the crisis. The support of other people is important, understanding why an individual acts in a certain way . You need to know that these are not just sudden changes in character, social connections, preferences, but a temporary phenomenon that has to be experienced.
The personality undergoes a transformation and changes internally. Often after a crisis there comes an upsurge in personal life and work. A person enters a new phase of life, new interests appear.
If severe depression occurs, then the help of a psychologist and loved ones is needed.
Common psychological problems in women of Balzac age
Most people (not only women, but also men), having crossed a certain age line, begin to take stock of their own lives. They think about how their life would have turned out if they had entered a different department or chosen a different partner. In order to prevent the development of depressive and anxiety disorders, it is better to avoid such thoughts altogether. Advice from psychologists to women aged 40 to 50 can be boiled down to one simple phrase: avoid unconstructive thoughts.
The more a person reflects, while placing blame on himself for events that never happened, the more chances he has to get mired in a world of illusions. Women are especially prone to such self-criticism. Men are usually more relaxed about their own behavior and are not inclined, unlike women over 40 (although this trait is characteristic of the fair sex of any age), to engage in self-criticism and think about how life would have turned out if they had acted differently.
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Health status and associated psychological difficulties
People over forty inevitably develop certain diseases. Even if a woman followed a healthy lifestyle, tried to eat right, and regularly went to the gym, she may be diagnosed with minor pathologies that are not life-threatening, but can cause some discomfort.
You shouldn't be afraid of this. The more often you conduct routine examinations and tests, the greater the likelihood that the disease will be tracked at an early stage. Then it will not be difficult to cure it or take some measures to eliminate unpleasant symptoms.
Once every six months you need to take biochemical and general blood tests. This can be done for a fee in private laboratories or free of charge in any clinic. Few people know that an imbalance in the psychological state, anxiety and sleep problems, skin pigmentation can be caused by abnormalities in the functioning of internal organs.
For example, liver diseases are often accompanied by skin itching and indigestion, and pancreatitis is often accompanied by poor sleep and impaired insulin production (which can lead to mood swings, increased appetite and other “charms”). Normally, women over 40 years old should not have any serious diagnoses that could greatly affect their appearance and well-being. But to be on the safe side, it’s better to get tested once again and make sure that nothing threatens your health and life.
