What makes you want something? Why do men like brunettes, and marshmallows when it comes to food? Is it your choice or not? And what does Freud have to do with it? Let's sort it out in order.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
Attraction is a desire that arises at the level of instincts, forcing you to act in a certain direction in order to satisfy the need that has arisen. The object of attraction always has some kind of emotional subjective coloring, but is not necessarily in the field of consciousness of the subject.
Simply put, you most likely do not know your true desires. There are two outcomes: either you realize the need and make it a goal - you understand that you want to eat and go cook - or you cannot accept it, and it will remain in your subconscious.
In this article:
Theory of Z. FreudTheory of A. AdlerHow to work with attraction?Love and attraction
According to Freud, there are four characteristics of drive:
- Source;
- an object;
- target;
- force of attraction (pressure).
According to Freud, the source of desire is always in the body. Example: How do we feel hungry? A person has a feeling of emptiness; they say it sucks in the pit of his stomach. This tension can increase and at some point a painful sensation occurs. And if you cross this line, a person may suddenly stop wanting to eat. When a person begins to eat, a release occurs; the person has eaten and enjoyed it. Accordingly, the source of attraction occurs in our body. It turns out that our body is a kind of material object, in contrast to the soul, which is something abstract. Nobody knows the answer to the question of where the soul is located in the body. It turns out that our body is also represented in the psyche. What our body looks like, what it is like and what it feels, all this has an idea in the human psyche. That is, every person has an idea, a representation of what his body is like. If such an idea exists in the psyche of every person, then it can be closer to reality, more adequate or less adequate. A very large influence on the perception of this image about one’s body depends on that primary object (mother), on how she perceived our body. It may be that you see a beautiful, pretty girl, but she will talk about how terrible she looks. And you will wonder why she perceives herself as terrible. Or for example, you can see a girl in the exhaustion stage from anorexia, whose ribs and bones will be visible, but she will talk about herself - God, I’m so fat. And you will wonder why she considers herself fat, because she is all skin and bones. It follows that a person’s mental image of his body may differ from what others see. A person may not even know what he is. Such people cannot describe themselves. This may indicate that they have identity . It's as if their body and self-image are poorly represented. Such people have a very unclear, vague idea of themselves. Such people often experience the phenomenon of splitting . For example, a person says: I’ll marry this girl, and I’ll have sex with another, and in the same way it works in the opposite direction, only with girls. As if this person cannot fulfill all his needs with one object.
What is hypolibidemia? Effective treatment of hypolibidemia in Saratov, Russia!
Hypolybidemia is a disease characterized by a decrease in sexual desire, libido in a man or woman, boy or girl. Some people incorrectly call it “hypolybidomia, hypalibidemia, hypalibidemia.” Sarklinik provides comprehensive treatment of hypolibidemia in Saratov , treatment of hypolibidemia in Russia. Sarklinik knows how to treat hypolibidemia in men and women, how to cure hypolibidemia in boys and girls, how to quickly and easily get rid of hypolibidemia.
Freud's first theory of drive.
Instinct (Dictionary by J. Laplanche and J.-B. Pontalis)
An inherited pattern of behavior characteristic of a particular species of animal; it hardly changes from individual to individual, gradually unfolds over time, is resistant to shocks and is, as it were, subordinated to a predetermined goal. Here Freud says that animal reproduction is regulated by instinct. Some animals reproduce once a year, some more often, but one way or another everything is predetermined by instincts. Unlike animals, human sexuality is not regulated by instinct and for this Freud develops the concept of drives. Instincts are inherent in animals , but drives are inherent in humans . A process in which some pressure (energy charge, driving force) pushes the body towards a certain goal. According to Z. Freud, the source of attraction is bodily arousal (a state of tension). This goal is achieved in the object of desire or thanks to this object. Attraction is constant. Attraction operates on the basis of the pleasure principle (an increase in tension means displeasure, a decrease means pleasure).
What is alibidemia? Complex treatment of alibidemia in Saratov, Russia!
Alibidemia is a disease characterized by a complete lack of sexual desire, lack of interest in sexuality, sex, and sexual intercourse. Alibidemia is an extreme manifestation of hypolibidemia. Some people incorrectly call alibidemia “alibidomy, alabidomy, alabidomy.” Sarklinik provides effective treatment of alibidemia in Saratov , treatment of alibidemia in Russia. Sarklinik knows how to easily and quickly cure alibidemia in men and women, boys and girls, how to permanently get rid of alibidemia, lack of sexual desire, and how to revive the sexual fire in a person.
Dualism of drives
The contrast between sexual drives and self-drives (drives for self-preservation). Freud describes this phenomenon using the example of feeding a baby, an example of oral, sexual attraction. When the baby is hungry, he begins to scream, he is given the breast, the baby begins to eat greedily and slowly becomes full, discharge occurs. He satisfies his desire for self-preservation, satisfies his hunger. At the time of feeding, the baby also experiences pleasure from the sucking process. It turns out that the very pleasure of the process is separated from the satisfaction of the drive for self-preservation, from hunger. Thus, the oral sexual desire is distinguished from the drive for self-preservation.
About sexuality
An interesting fact is that some people arouse a strong sexual attraction in others, while others arouse a weak one. Their presence activates the brain centers responsible for arousal in people.
And this applies to both sexes to the fullest. While a person is at his peak, he is energetic, successful, self-confident, and members of the opposite sex are attracted to him. But if he is depressed, he lacks energy, self-confidence, you should not be surprised why the sexual desire in him or for him has disappeared.
Partial (partial) attraction
This term denotes those extreme elements to which the psychoanalysis of sexuality reaches. Each has its own specific source (eg, oral drive, anal drive) and target (eg, voyeurism drive, possession drive). The point is that our drives at the beginning of development are always partial or partial. Because they are autoerotic in nature. Initially, such drives are designed to obtain satisfaction from the organ. For example, oral attraction is receiving pleasure in the oral cavity. The term “partial” does not only mean that these drives act as varieties of a class of sexual drives. From a genetic and structural point of view, this term denotes drives that first exist separately and only then combine into various libidinal structures.
Types of deviations
The urge to spy on naked people and demonstrate one’s own genitals is a common way of obtaining satisfaction. It is considered a deviation only when it becomes the only way of satisfaction.
Of course, there have been no official studies on how many people have it. However, activities that are associated with both voyeurism and exhibitionism are common in society. Even at a young age, a person begins to be interested in how the body of people of the opposite sex works. This is a mutual process for both sexes. And it is not surprising that children often show each other their genitals. In the rarest cases, such behavior turns into the only way for a person to obtain satisfaction.
Autoerotism
In the broadest sense of the word, this is sexual behavior in which the subject achieves satisfaction using only his own body, without an external object. An example would be infant sucking on a pacifier and (masturbation). Autoeroticism is associated with primary narcissism. Sucking a pacifier is an autoerotic act; he receives autoerotic pleasure. Self-love can only develop if there is prior love from the object (mother). In a narrower sense of the word - immature, infantile sexual behavior, in which partial (partial) attraction associated with any one organ or excitation in the erogenous zone finds its satisfaction right there, on the spot, without resorting to an external object and without regard to integral body image (as is the case with narcissism). Metaphor – (lips kissing themselves).
Increased libido, decreased libido
Doctors distinguish 2 types of sexual desire disorders:
hypoactive sexual desires, characterized by insufficiency or absence of sexual fantasies and desires for sexual activity (much more common),
sexual aversion disorders , characterized by aversion or avoidance of genital sexual contact with a sexual partner.
Lack of desire and decreased libido is one of the most common complaints among married couples, and this is more typical for women (50%) than for men (30%).
Representative(s) of drive
- Representation is the mental expression of endosomatic excitations. Endosomatic is an arousal that exists inside the body that creates a representation at the psychic level;
- Affect [quantum of affect] is a qualitative expression of the amount of drive energy and its varieties;
- An emotional-affective state (German psychology) is a pleasant or unpleasant, vague or distinct state, manifested in a general mental tone or in a strong energy discharge.
Male libido, libido in men
Full sexual desire (libido) is regulated by the human endocrine system. a big role in male libido . The testicles produce the required amount of testosterone. The level of concentration is regulated by the principle of direct feedback biological relationship, and also depends on the hypothalamic-pituitary system. Ejaculation and erection in a man are controlled by the central and peripheral nervous system, therefore, with diseases of the nervous system, problems with sexual desire are often observed.
Love
It comes from the ego’s ability to autoerotically satisfy part of its instinctual impulses through the achievement of pleasure received from the organs. It turns out that the ability to love is somehow connected with autoerotic attraction. First of all, love is associated with the filling of primary narcissism, which the mother provides. Initially it is narcissistic, then it passes on to objects that have been attached to the expanded ego, and expresses a motor desire for these objects as sources of pleasure. It turns out that at first love is narcissistic in nature and only then becomes objective. The preliminary stages of love appear in the form of preliminary sexual goals during the period when sexual desires undergo their complex development. The point is that in order to love an object, you must first love yourself.
The subject's love is initially narcissistic. This refers to the libidinal stages. Attachment or absorption is a type of love that is compatible with the cessation of the separate existence of the object, and therefore it can be called ambivalent. The point is that attachment and absorption refers to the oral stage, where the subject does not understand the difference between the Self and the object, where everything is confused, where love and hate are not separated and therefore they are confused with each other. For this reason, such love is ambivalent and tinged with oral sadism. Parting with the object with this type of love leads to the loss of a part of oneself or the complete loss of oneself and the disintegration of the self. At a higher level of anal-sadistic organization, the desire for an object manifests itself in the form of a desire for mastery, which does not care whether the object is damaged or destroyed. This form of the preliminary stage of love... is almost indistinguishable from hatred. That is, at the anal stage, love and hate also mixed together. And there is always a sadistic attitude towards the object. If the subject is fixed at the anal stage, then in such love there is a lot of control and desire to dominate the object. True love arises at the genital stage, where it serves as the opposition to hatred. True love is genital love , which is associated with a holistic relationship with the object. Where there is no desire to absorb or bite him, where there is no desire to sadistically dominate him, but there is an understanding that there is another different from me. Then respect and love for the desires of the object arises. There is an idea here that the object may have desires that are different from my own.
Diagnostics
Treatment for lack of sexual desire is carried out after its diagnosis. There are certain criteria for this. The disease is diagnosed when:
- weakening of sexual fantasies, search for stimulation;
- decreased interest in the sexual side of life;
- lack of pleasant emotions when thinking about intimacy.
If a patient experiences a sharp change in desire from increased to complete loss, then this indicates the presence of a mental illness, and then treatment for bipolar affective disorder is required. The therapy is carried out by a psychiatrist, and relief comes after it.
When libido fluctuates at certain intervals in combination with headaches and other somatic abnormalities, it may be a manifestation of cyclothymia or a latent form of depression. After treatment for these diseases (treatment of cyclothymia or treatment of depression), sexual desire is restored.
To exclude an organic cause for the appearance of sexual desire disorders, additional studies are used: MRI, CT, Doppler sonography with the study of the state of blood flow and determination of the level of hormones in the blood. Sometimes a consultation with an angiosurgeon, endocrinologist, gynecologist for women and a urologist for men is required.
Hatred
As the attitude towards an object, hatred is older than love, it corresponds to the initial rejection of the irritating external world on the part of the narcissistic self . Both Freud and Melanie Klein argued that the object is born in hatred. What does it mean? While the object is present near the infant, it is as if he does not notice her as an object. And in the words of Donald Winnicott , the mother is the environment. But as soon as the mother goes away and abandons her baby, at that moment the baby discovers her as an object. Therefore the object is born in hatred. As an expression of displeasure reactions caused by objects, hatred is constantly in close connection with the ego's drives for self-preservation, and therefore the drives of the ego and the sexual drives can enter into a contradiction that repeats the contradiction between hatred and love. If the drives of the ego dominate the sexual function, as for example at the level of the anal-sadistic organization, then they also impart the properties of hatred to the goal of the drives. Hatred is the opposition of love.
Has the sexual desire of women and men disappeared? How to increase sexual desire?
Sexual desire in women and men is very important for normal sexual function. If you have lost sexual desire , or have recently experienced a lack of sexual desire , this is a reason to immediately consult a specialist. Strong unsatisfied sexual desire (sexually frustrated desire) leads to depression and neurosis. We know how to increase sexual desire in a girl and a guy, how to restore the sexual desire of a wife and husband, how to increase the sexual desire of a woman and a man, including after 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65, 70 years. If you are very concerned about sex, we will tell you how to suppress, reduce, reduce sexual desire.
